Reason #217 Why I Hate Derek Jeter

In celebration of Sports Illustrated’s 50th Anniversary, the magazine is running a weekly feature on each state in the US called 50 States in 50 Weeks. Every week the magazine features a different state in a special four-part section.
The first article is a feature about some lesser known, but important sporting event in the state. Next are results from a poll taken of sports fans from the state that ask them questions about their favorite and least favorite teams or favorite sports. Another page is about the greatest athletes and moments in the state’s sports history. And the final section is a column written by a famous athlete or writer or other personality from that week’s featured state.
Most of the columns have been great. Wrestler Rulon Gardner wrote about how his summers baling hay in Wyoming made him tough enough to become an Olympic Gold Medalist. Paul Kariya, who attended college in Maine, discussed how the state adopted him as one of their own. Even President Bush wrote a column about his home state of Texas in which he talked about the passion of Texans. Every piece that has been published so far has focused on the people of the state and how the way of life in the area helped develop them into the people they are today.
Sam Huff wrote a particularly poignant piece about his coal-miner father and how Huff vowed to make a better life for himself. Even after becoming an NFL Hall-of-Famer, Huff never forgot his roots. He still lives in West Virginia.
This is the 29th week of SI’s 50 States in 50 Weeks and the featured state is Michigan. On the poll page the 403 Michigan residents who were polled selected Gordie Howe, Magic Johnson and Barry Sanders as the top three athletes who ever lived in their state. Some other famous athletes and coaches from Michigan include Kirk Gibson, Mike Modano and Muhammad Ali, who moved to Michigan in the '80s. Former UM football coach Bo Schembechler is still a highly revered figure in the state, and Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell is practically a god.
So, of course, Sports Illustrated chose Derek Jeter to write the column about the state he grew up in.
At first I didn’t want to read Jeter’s piece because I was eating breakfast and was afraid I’d vomit in my Capn’ Crunch. But then I could stand my curiosity no more. And, to his credit, Derek Jeter did not disappoint me.
While other athletes have written tender tributes to the states they hold dear, Jeter wrote a self-serving and congratulatory editorial that speaks more to the shortstop’s accomplishments than it does about the state of Michigan.
Some excerpts:

The first thing to know about playing baseball in Michigan is, Michigan's really cold.

Thanks for the weather update Willard Scott. If I wanted to read about Michigan’s frigid winters I would have bought a farmers almanac.

I played basketball in high school, and I was a decent guard -- my big moment came in my sophomore year, when I hit a three-pointer at the buzzer to beat Portage Central.

Congratulations Derek. I swam in high school. Let’s be friends.

My parents have moved out of Kalamazoo, but I still get back there every year to do fund-raisers and baseball clinics with my charity, the Turn 2 Foundation. And I do have the key to the city -- I was presented with it after the Yankees won the World Series in 1996, in a ceremony on Derek Jeter Day at my high school.

“In addition to the millions of dollars I have and models I speciously date, I have a charity. And I want you to know about it. I’ve named it the ‘Turn 2’ foundation because it whimsically addresses both baseball and my lifestyle choice. By egoistically mentioning my charity in an article about the home state I have since abandoned, I think it will make you like me more. And you liking me more means more money in my pocket."

My sister, Sharlee, gave a speech that really moved me, about how proud she was of me and what I'd achieved, and how I'd always supported her in everything she did even though I was away while she was in school. I still keep a framed copy at my off-season home in Tampa.

After vaguely telling us how great he is to his family, Jeter induces further nausea by telling us about his “off-season home”. Tool.

I never got my degree from Michigan because my baseball career took off, but I'd like to return some day, like Rodney Dangerfield did in Back to School. I'm not sure if I could see myself sitting in classes when I'm 40 years old, though.

Let’s recap this statement, shall we? Jeter leaves school to play baseball, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, considering how highly touted he was. Now, in his article, he says he would like to return someday. Then, IN THE NEXT SENTENCE he essentially says “yeah, but I never will. I just said I want to get my degree because women who read this will love me more and buy Nike stuff.”

And then to cap it all off:

I'm a New Yorker now, and believe me, there's no comparison between the Big Apple and Kalamazoo, no similarity at all. New York City's hectic, always in fast-forward, and Kalamazoo's more laid-back, smaller, slower. And did I mention, colder?

Taking a look at the last part first, yes, you overrated schmuck, you mentioned that it was cold in Michigan in the first line of this stupid column. Maybe you should have stayed in school.
Second of all, “DJ” you aren’t a New Yorker. You’re from Michigan. I hate transplanted people who claim to be from a place that they’ve lived for six years. Just because you’re mailing address is in New York, doesn’t make you a New Yorker. 20 years is the minimum time you can live someplace and claim to be “from” there. And who brags about being a New Yorker anyway?
Then, he essentially dumps on Kalamazoo because it's not New York. Notice Jeter doesn't say that "laid-back, smaller and slower" are better. He just mentions that the two cities are different.
So, in the article that is supposed to be celebrating the state of Michigan, Jeter mentions that he no longer lives there (and he lives in Tampa of all places. What millionaire chooses to live in Tampa when Miami is a few hundred miles away?? It's like choosing to drive a Hyundai even though you can afford a Bentley), how cold it is there and basically treats his home state as if it were a used tennis shoe.
If I lived in Kalamazoo, I'd want that key back.