Some thoughts I've had throughout the years:

- Why do baseball managers still wear uniforms in the dugout? Don't you think their Union should work this out?

- If those babies in that Baby Geniuses movie were such geniuses, then why did they have to wear diapers? Surely a baby with an above-average IQ would know not to soil themselves. Baby geniuses? More like baby non-geniuses.

- I've never seen football referee's warn teams that there is two minutes left at the 2-minute warning. It's very misleading.

- My proposal for leap year 2004: Instead of adding a worthless day at the end of February, the government should secretly pick a day during the year, perhaps in the late Summer of early Fall. For arguments sake, lets just say it's a Tuesday in August.
On that Tuesday the government would issue a proclamation saying "tomorrow will not be Wednesday, it will be "24 hour fun day". Nobody would go to work on "24 hour fun day," the day would just be spent having fun and barbequing and drinking and such. The day would cease to exist, it would just be a 24 hour period of pure, unadulterated fun.... Then, the next day would be Wednesday, and we would resume our normal daily activity, with the "24 hour fun day" being just a memory, never really existing. I think that would be a lot better than the novelty of February 29th.

- On the next season of The Apprentice the contestants should all be coaches in the NBA's Eastern Conference. They're all going to get fired anyway, so it should at least be interesting.

- You know how in Liar, Liar that guy can't tell a lie for 24 hours because his son made a wish at his birthday party? Well, it was funny and all, but I doubt that could really happen.

- Back to Donald Trump. Do you think that when he wakes up in the morning and combs his hair/toupee/whatever that is on his head, he looks in the mirror and thinks "Yeah, I look hot today?"

- Today I ate some "Pasta-roni", a close relative of “Rice-a-roni". That being the case, don't you think it should be called "Pasta-a-roni"? I know… some will say that the "A" at the end of pasta represents the -a- in Rice-a-roni, but I disagree.. If that were true, it would be past-a-roni, and if you've ever passed a roni in your lifetime, you will sure as hell know it isn't the San Francisco treat.

- If somebody made a time machine and sold it to the highest bidder, I net that bidder would be Roy Williams.

- You know on Gilligan's Island how the Skipper was the essential leader of the group and was well-liked and respected by everybody, even the ornery Mr. Howell? Well, don't you think everybody would have been pissed off at him for getting lost at sea?
And what's with the story told in the theme song.... "the weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless crew the Minnow would be lost, the Minnow would be lost".
They make a point to accentuate the fact that the Minnow would have been lost, if not for the Skipper and Gilligan, so much so that they repeat the line. But, hey, singer people, THE MINOW WAS LOST. THATS THE PREMISE OF THE ENTIRE SHOW.

- I bet FDR would have been all pissed off if he found out he was on the dime. Damn, he helped win us WWII and we give him the smallest coin. At least give him the nickel or something. What did Jefferson do, besides found UVA??? And its not like they wouldn't have found that anyway.

- I wish Vegas offered lines on people getting arrested, because I would love to get Maurice Clarett at 8-1.

- If I were a tattoo artist and some moron came into my parlor and asked for one of those Chinese character tattoos that means "courage" or "love" or "peace", I would say OK, and instead draw one that means "gigantic homo", because its not like they'd ever find out.

- Why don't Americans have British accents? The pilgrims and dudes who came over in the 1600 and 1700's were British and surely had British accents, so why don't we? I bet it has something to do with John Quincy Adams. Lord, do I hate John Quincy Adams.

- I wonder what Chris Carrawell is doing at this exact moment? Do you think he's still crying?

- Remember in Full House when Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky moved into the attic with Nicky and Alex? It was a nice sized attic. But remember back in the first season when Joey wanted his privacy and moved out, so to get him back Uncle Jesse, Danny and the girls moved all their important stuff out of the garage so Uncle Joey could move in there?? Remember? So now my questions are two....
1) Why didn't Joey just move into the spacious attic instead of them having to clean and Uncle Jesse having to move his motorcycle
and
2) Do you think I'd have a shot with one of the Olsen twins?

- You know that part in Mary Poppins where Mary Poppins and Jane and Michael jump into the sidewalk drawing and its all animated and they get in a horse race with their merry-go-round horses and some animated horses and you think that the animated horses are gonna win but Mary Poppins comes from nowhere and wins it by a nose and then tells the children of the wonder that is the word "supercalifragilisticexpilialidocious" and then they all do a spastic jig that Dick van Dyke teaches them? Remember that part? Yeah, I didn't like it that much either.

- My next reality show hit: Celebrity American Idol. But, the kicker is, the celebrities would compete against normal people. Maybe after losing to Chad from Idaho, Pink wouldn't think she's all that.

- Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to live in the 1600's. But then I think to myself, "Bro, taco's probably hadn't been invented yet" and I’m glad I live in the now.

- OK... Crispix cereal. The word Crispix is a plural describing the contents of the box. So when you eat a bowl of Crispix you are eating crispix. Not crispixes. Because you aren't eating 'Apple Jack' you are eating 'Apple Jacks'... Cheerios, Lucky Charms, you see what I’m talking about. But with Crispix, what is the singular. When I take one of tasty corn/rice double-helixed piece out of the ocean blue box, what do I call it. A crispii? A crispiece? And please don't give me the Raisin Bran argument. Raisin Bran is a descriptive name and when you have a piece of bran its bran and when you have a raisin it’s a raisin. But where oh where do you fit in Crispix? What is your place on the cereal hierarchy.

- So I'm watching Ducktales last night and a thought comes to me. Why do all of the ducks have Scottish last names? Scrooge McDuck. Launchpad McQuack. Scrooge's rival Glongold. Well, I don't know if Glongold is Scottish but dude's gotta kilt and one of those old-time Scottish golf-caps and speaks with an Scottish accent, so I feel I'm free to assume his Scottishness.
Then you have the wacky inventor Gyro. what's he supposed to be, Greek? So here are my questions:
a) Why did all the Scottish ducks seemingly migrate to Duckberg, California?
2) Did Huey, Dewey, and Louie go to school, ever? Oh sure, a few token episodes have them getting into mischief at school, but on the whole they seem to accompany Uncle Scrooge on his wacky adventures to beat out Glongold for extra riches and publicity.
c) Why does Glongold wear a kilt when nobody else even wears pants?

- If Socrates were so smart how come it was the Hostess Corporation and not he who invented Ho-ho's?