Super Bowl Prediction

I don't know if you've been keeping up with Bill Simmons' blog from Houston, but it has been quite entertaining. His latest entry discusses how a lot of people in the media are picking the Panthers to win the game, which makes Simmons (a rabid Pats fan) a bit upset. It also exposes him as an irrational fan who doesn't realize that his team might possibly lose on Sunday.
An example:

Just look at the two teams. To get here, the Panthers drew a mediocre Cowboys team, a comically coached Rams team, then a banged-up Eagles team that lost its best player in the second quarter. Just two months ago, they lost three consecutive games. Now they're a juggernaut because they emerged from a terrible conference?
- Bill Simmons, 1/29/2004

The Sports Guy loves the Pats like I love the Redskins. I understand that. But how can he be surprised that people are picking the Panthers? I mean... shoot. I like Eddie Murphy, but I wasn't surprised when all the critics dissed Showtime.
Didn't Bill watch Super Bowl XXXVI? Isn't he aware that in order to get to that Super Bowl the Patriots were beneficiaries of a ludicrous rule and then exploited a miserable Titans defense in the Championship Game. Yet the Pats eventually made it to the Super Bowl. There, they were the biggest underdogs in the game's history. But didn't they end up winning the game?
And if you recall, nobody, and I mean nobody, was picking the Pats in that game. The line didn't dip at all that week, meaning a whole lot of gamblers thought the Rams were going to win by 16. Instead, the Patriots played a tough defensive game, shut down Kurt Warner and won by three.
So why can't that happen on Sunday? Tom Brady is no Kurt Warner and Antowain Smith is no Marshall Faulk. Of course, Jake Delhomme is no Tom Brady either. But this game is far from a lock. Bill Simmons, of all people, should know that in one game between two teams with exceptional defenses, anything can happen.
The Panthers might not be an exciting football team with an explosive offense, but they do the most important thing in football: they win games. They win ugly, they win cheap and they win lucky; but they still win. Their defense is stacked, with a front-four that is the best in the NFL. They stop the run, get to the passer and make key plays on defense.
Their offense is servicable. Jake Delhomme isn't going to make the huge mistake and Stephen Davis and Deshaun Foster are a better version of the Giants ill-fated "Thunder and Lightning". (Until, of course, Stephen Davis has his obligatory late-game fumble).
The Panthers are a solid football team. I'm sure they would love it if the Patriots were underestimating them like Bill Simmons is.
He criticizes who the Panthers beat to get to the Super Bowl when it doesn't matter one bit. The only thing that matters now is how Carolina matches up against New England. (How quickly Pats fans forget that without the absurd tuck-rule they would have never even been in Super Bowl XXXVI.)
When John Elway won his first Super Bowl, the Broncos beat teams led by Elvis Grbac and Kordell Stewart en route to the Lombardi trophy. The next year the Broncos rumbled past an old and decrepit Dan Marino (in his last game) and Bill Parcells' overachieving New York Jets to get to the big game. The Broncos road to both Super Bowls was easier than Trishelle after Happy Hour. But they still won.
The only game that matters now for New England is the one in three days. Simmons and the Patriots can revel in their 14 straight wins, but said wins aren't going to mean anything after kickoff.
If Simmons had his way, the Super Bowl wouldn't be played and the Patriots would be named Super Bowl champions because of their superior season. He thinks New England should win the game on the merit of its players and coaching staff alone.
For example, another one of his ramblings claims that the two-week break between the Championship Game and the Super Bowl benefits the Patriots because it gives Bill Belichick more time to come up with a game plan. In theory, says Simmons, Belichick will be able to add new wrinkles to the Patriots defense that will flummox the Panthers.
This is absurd. Do you think that by giving Belichick an extra three days, on top of the six he had already, he is going to find a new weakness in the Panthers offense? What is he going to see, bleary-eyed, that he hasn't seen already? The Pats defense is good. Giving them more time to game-plan isn't going to make them any better. The Patriots coaches aren't going to see anything in the tapes that they didn't see the first or second time they watched them.
The two-week break is overrated. Both teams would have been prepared in one week and both will be prepared in two weeks.
Patriots supporters will tell you that their teams 14-game winning streak has been dominant. I beg to differ. Here are some scores in some select games since their last loss:

19-13 at Miami (OT)
9-3 at Cleveland
23-20 at Houston (OT)
21-16 at NY Jets

None of those teams made the playoffs. Yet the Patriots only beat them by a combined 20 points. They had to rely on a late penalty and missed field-goal to beat the HOUSTON TEXANS. I know the Patriots are a good team, but don't tell me they're ready to be the next dynasty. Dynasties don't have to beat the Texans in OT. (By the way, Tony Banks played quarterback that game for the Texans. That's like getting excited about beating the Stanislav Medvedenko-led Los Angeles Lakers.)
I don't mean to hate on the Patriots. I am just trying to point out that they better watch out in this game. If they get too overconfident (a la the Rams two years ago), they will be in for a long afternoon.

My Prediction:
I've been having trouble trying to figure out who to pick. Obviously, the Patriots are the safe bet, but the Panthers have been playing great football over the past six weeks. The Patriots are not a great team. And they won't be a dynasty, even if they win on Sunday. Dynasties don't win the championship two out of three years, but miss the playoffs in between. Everybody should cut off that dynasty-talk right now. But, the Patriots are a solid team, and more importantly, they are a smart team.
Tom Brady makes sharp throws to places where only his receivers can get them and the Patriots defense is effective at stopping the run and controlling downfield passes.
I think that the Patriots will stuff the Panthers at the line of scrimmage on their runs, thus forcing Jake Delhomme to throw downfield, which is not his forte. And it will be his downfall if he tosses hurried passes in the direction of the Patriots secondary.
The Patriots have a very controlled offense and should be able to move the ball against the Panthers on a few drives. Adam Vinatieri is automatic in big games and that will help the Patriots on Sunday. The Pats red-zone offense was miserable against the Titans (a fact that nobody seems to be mentioning these days), but I think Vinatieri's foot will be enough for the Pats to win.
The oddsmakers in Vegas have put a beautiful sucker line on this game, with the Pats favored by 7. The line moved to 6 ½ for a day, but then quickly moved back to 7. I think the Panthers will cover. But, if Stephen Davis can break a big run or two and create time for Delhomme to throw, I think the Panthers could give the Pats defense fits and maybe steal the upset. If I had to guess though, I'd say the Patriots will take home their second Lombardi trophy in two years. And then if the pattern holds, they'll miss the playoffs next year.
They aren't that good. But more importantly, neither are the Panthers.
Patriots 19 - Panthers 16

Thursday Thoughts and Observations

- The new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm is good. But it’s not CURB good. So far, it kind of reminds me of the fourth season of The Sopranos. I keep thinking that the next episode will be great, then it isn’t, so I think the next episode after that is going to finally get the show back on track.
(I call this the Michael Westbrook theory. In the mid-90’s, every season for Redskins receiver Michael Westbrook was supposed to be his breakout season. After a mediocre year with an injury, or a Stephen Davis beat down (and incidentally, why, on Super Bowl media day, did nobody ask Davis about getting beat down by Westbrook? That would have made for some great awkward silence. But nooooooo… there’s 40 questions about spelling Massachusetts and whether players will be distracted by Beyonce’s posterior before the game, but nobody had the cojones to ask Davis about this. Come on media-types. You know he can’t fight! He got beat down by MICHAEL WESTBROOK!)
But I digress.
And yes, I realize that I never completed the sentence that led to my parenthetical-within-a-parenthetical. Get over it.
Back to the Westbrook theory. So, every year was supposed to Westbrook’s big season, but he always got injured or threw his helmet during in the last two minutes or got injured again. But that didn’t dissuade Redskin fans from really believing that NEXT season Westbrook would shine. Go to the MCI Center to see living proof of the Westbrook theory with Kwame Brown.)
Anyway, somewhere up there I was talking about Curb and Sopranos. Last season’s Sopranos kept building to a climax that never came and the penultimate season ended up being a disappointment. I don’t think Curb will follow in those footsteps, but then again, I never thought The Sopranos would leave them in the first place.

- Ivan Rodriguez is apparently close to signing a 4-year, $40 million deal with the Detroit Tigers. A lot of people have been quick to criticize Pudge for signing a deal that is obviously all about the money. (He had offers worth half as much from other teams like the Mets and Cubs.) But I won’t be one of those people. It is totally his own prerogative to put money ahead of winning. If he’d rather collect a bigger paycheck then play on a competitive baseball team, I think that’s great. But, the instant Pudge starts complaining about how the Tigers front-office isn’t doing enough to win, I would be the first in line to tell him to cry all the way to the bank.

- People in the United States like to forgive and forget. Everybody forgave Sammy Sosa after the bat-corking incident, Robert Downey Jr. has been in rehab more times than he's been on a movie set recently, yet still has adoring fans, and the people of Washington DC elected Marion Barry mayor after he got out of jail on crack charges.
In general, I don’t have a problem with second chances. If people are repentant and make a concerted effort to change their ways, then they deserve another shot. (At this point I should go erase the Marion Barry line from above, then come up with somebody else because the good mayor doesn’t really fit into my argument. But, Marion Barry is comedy gold. He stays.)
I do have a point.
I’ve gotten away from where I was trying to go with this. But I’ll try to swing this back around to make some sort of sense.
Tonight, hockey player Dany Heatley returned to the ice for the first time since the car accident that killed his friend and teammate Dan Snyder. Heatley received a standing ovation upon his return, which was well deserved. It just kind of bothered me that Snyder didn’t receive more attention tonight. We have a way of honoring the dead when they go, but then forget about them afterwards. (Think about Derrick Thomas. He was one of the best linebackers of his time, then died in a car accident, at the height of his football career. Now he is totally forgotten. NOBODY mentions Derrick Thomas’s name when talking about the best linebackers of all time. He was 9th on the all-time sack list when he died, at age 33. The man once had seven sacks in one game!
I think, nay, I know I have used my exclamation point quota in today’s entry. I don’t think I’ve used one since I started this page, then BAM, four in one day. It’s like I set out to break the four-minute mile and then ended up breaking three.)
Heatley deserved all the applause and support he got tonight. I just wish the fans and media had shown a little more love for his forgotten friend.

- If you were forced to watch a game in the NBDL or WNBA, which would you choose? I think I’d pick whichever league Juwanna Mann is in.

- Tonight is my least favorite sporting night of the year (besides the inevitable Redskins collapse in prime-time).
For you see, tonight, Maryland plays Wake Forest.
It’s like watching your two friends get in an argument that nearly comes to blows, except with the basketball game, I’m not standing on the side egging on both participants. Instead, I’m slumped in a chair with my mood hovering between ambivalence and apprehension.
Here is a special insight into my thoughts during a Maryland-Wake game.

Example 1

The Play:
1) Maryland’s Travis Garrison takes a 14-foot, off-balanced jumper that clangs off the rim.
2) Wake’s Trent Strickland has position for the rebound, but jumps in the air two seconds too early and sees the ball carom off his fingertips.
3) John Gilchrist gets a long rebound,
4) He dishes to Nik Caner-Medley.
5) Caner-Medley drains a 3.

My Inner-Monologue:
1) Dammit Travis, why are you in the game? It surely can’t be for your shot selection, and the last time I looked your defense consisted of mistiming all your rebounds.
2) Dammit Trent, why are you in the game? It surely can’t be your timing on your rebounds, and the last time I looked, your shot selection wasn’t too good.
3a) Get a rebound Wake.
3b) Nice rebound Terps.
4a) Don’t leave Caner-Medley open... He’s dangerous from beyond the arc.
4b) Don’t take that shot Nik. You’re not dangerous from beyond the arc.
5a) Nice defense, morons. Are you going to leave him open all day?
5b) Nice shot, Nik. They’ll leave you open all day.

Example 2

The Play:
a) Mike Jones passes to DJ Strawberry
b) The pass is intercepted by Chris Paul
c) Paul has numbers (I hate that term so much. Has numbers? What is he, the Count from Sesame Street?).
d) Paul makes a solid pass through traffic to Eric Williams.
e) Eric Williams dunks the ball and is fouled by Jamar Smith.

My Inner-Monologue:
a) Pass it… pass it… pass it… pass it… pass it… pass it…
b1) Stupid pass! What the hell are you doing. Put a little mustard on it Mike. Jeez, I haven’t seen that bad a pass since I had my kidney stone in ’99.
b2) Great steal Chris. Run it, run it.
c) Why is Mike Patrick saying that Paul "has numbers". What is he, the Count from Sesame Street. Ooh, that’s a good one. I need to remember to use that at some point.
d1) Go strong, go strong… don’t pass, don’t pass….
d2) No fouls, no fouls, no fouls….
e1) YEEEEEAAGGGH (Howard Dean style). Nice break boys.
e2) YEEEEEAAGGGH (Howard Dean style). Why do you foul??? WHY? How do you live? Well, at least it’s not Jamar going to the line. Now what was the Cookie Monster joke I was supposed to remember?

It’s a schitzo’s dream.
I’m not going to have a good time tonight. One of my teams is going to win and hopefully begin to salvage their ACC season, while the other falls to 2-4 and needs to win 6 of 10 to make the tournament. At least the game’s at 7 so I can start drinking early.
I’m certainly not going to make a prediction for tonight. I just hope it’s a well played contest on both sides and that nobody makes any stupid mistakes that costs either school the game.
I said I wasn’t going to make a prediction, and I won’t. But, if you’re betting tonight, I’d suggest putting your money on Maryland.
No… better make that Wake.
Crap; here we go again.

Tomorrow: Super Bowl Prediction
For the Weekend: Reader Mailbag
Don't forget to send me your most hated people in sports... chrisachase@comcast.net

Top 10 Most Hated People in Sports: Part 3

And now the semi-exciting conclusion to my incoherent ranting:

#2 Jason “But Call Me Jay Despite Being Called Jason for 22 Years” Williams
Today it was announced that overpaid Yankees third-baseman Aaron Boone tore his ACL playing basketball and would be out for the 2004 season. I listened to a bit of Dan Patrick on the radio and watched PTI today, and on both shows everybody was ripping Boone and saying that the Yankees should void his contract because there was a stipulation saying that he couldn’t play basketball.
Rewind to a few months ago. Jason Williams gets into a horrific motorcycle accident, despite having a clause in his contract that forbids him from riding one. Keep in mind that Williams didn’t know how to drive the bike and also wasn’t wearing a helmet (apparently, common sense isn’t a requirement for graduation at Duke). But after the Williams accident, everybody was saying what a classy move it was for the Chicago Bulls not to void his contract, even though they were well within their right to do so.
Forget about it being a classy move. The Bulls didn’t release Williams because they still think he’ll be able to play next year (although, with the track record of Duke point guards, history would suggest that he wouldn’t be able to play well, accident or not.)
But the media still gave Williams a pass on his stupidity. Why? Because he’s from Duke. I guarantee you, if Darius Miles or Moochie Norris had the same thing happen to them, the press would have ripped them for being irresponsible.
But that’s not why I hate Jason Williams; it just stokes the fire. Here are some other things that fan the flame.
1) He released a statement through his agent saying he wanted to be known as “Jay” before the 2002 NBA Draft, then denied ever saying it. Instead, he suggested that a New York Times reporter started the rumor. First of all, who changes their name to Jay? It might have been cool if he changed it to just “J”, but not Jay. What was second on the list… Gene?
(Interesting fact of the day: Kris Kristofferson’s name is actually Kris Kristofferson. How awesome were his parents? And while we’re on the subject, I think the two worst name changes of all time get overlooked because the guys did it for religious reasons. You can’t really complain about somebody changing their name because of that, but think about this: how much cooler were Muhammad Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar when their names were Cassius Clay and Lew Alcindor?)
And second of all, who lies about it afterwards? Everyone knew that Williams didn't want to be confused with Jason "White Chocolate" Williams of the Grizzlies or Jayson "Now Lets Go Into the Bedroom Show I Can Show You My Loaded Gun Collection" Williams. But he chose to hedge on it and looked like a wimp doing so.
2) Williams gets credit for bringing Duke back in that infamous game at Maryland when the Terps blew a 10-point lead with 54 seconds left in the game. Granted, he does deserve a lot of credit. But people forget that Williams had a terrible first 39 minutes of that game and only was able to bring the Devils back because Steve Blake fouled out on a BS call. Blake had stopped Williams the entire game. The second Blake came out of the game is the second Williams started to hit his shots. It wasn’t a coincidence.
3) Jason is a free-throw missing fool. How can somebody shoot jump shots so well and then get to the free throw line and look like a blindfolded Chris Dudley? The second sweetest moment of the 2002 college basketball season was Williams missing that would-be game-tying free throw against Indiana.
(I had a little debate the other day about whether it was sweeter to see Duke lose to Indiana in the Sweet 16, or whether it would have been better for Maryland to beat them in the Championship game. My chum, Ben, and I had differing opinions, but eventually both agreed that Williams missing the free throw made the outcome absolutely worth it and was the happiest opposing team failure-related moment of our sports-viewing careers. That’s when you know you hate someone; when you are so happy to see them fail. It’s why I keep tabs on Ashton Kutcher’s career. You just know he’s one false move away from Demi Moore kicking him out, starting up a mean drug habit, going into rehab and then having to be a judge on Star Search to make ends meet. And frankly, I don’t want to miss that.)
4) And finally, Williams always has a look on his face that suggests someone in his vicinity recently farted.

#1 - Derek Jeter
Did you really think it was going to be anybody else? I’m not nearly a good enough writer to accurately describe the hatred I have for Derek Jeter. Frankly, I don’t think Faulkner could tackle the subject. But I'll take a crack at it...
You know that Simpsons episode where the psychiatrist shows Homer the ink-blots and he sees Bart in all of them, sending him into a blind rage? Well, every time I see Jeter’s ugly mug I do the same thing, minus a bit of the rage, plus a lot of questions about the shortstop’s sexual preferences.
(Doesn’t it seem a little too convenient that he dated Mariah Carey. I mean, she’s crazy, so it was probably good PR for her to date somebody like Jeter. And for him, well, let’s just say that a relationship with a woman keeps the advertisers happy.)
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. I’m an equal-opportunity hater of Derek Jeter.
I don’t even know where to go next with my Jeter loathing. You know what I really can’t stand? That stupid play in the 2001 ALCS where Jeter flips the ball to Jorge Posada who then tags out Jason Giambi. It’s a pretty awesome play, even I’ll say that. Jeter showed the nimbleness of Nureyev, the flair of Liberace and the gusto of Elton John on that play. But, “the flip” would have been totally forgotten if Giambi had just SLID INTO HOME. Maybe he was thinking about how much money Steinbrenner was going to give him in the off-season, but Giambi just plain forgot baseball fundamentals.
Don’t even get me started on how overrated Jeter is. He does have some rings, I’ll give him that, but that doesn’t make him the next Mickey Mantle. When compared to contemporaries A. Rod and Nomar, it’s clear Jeter is just another beneficiary of New York-hype, much like The Strokes.


162 Game Avg. AVG HR RBI OPS RF
Derek Jeter .317 17 82 .851 4.00
Alex Rodriguez .308 44 126 .963 4.43
Nomar Garciaparra .323 30 117 .925 4.41

RF = Range Factor is a stat that takes into account putouts, assists and innings played.
I also have no clue what I'm doing with this HTML nonsense, so that's why the "chart" looks all strange.

Jeter has a solid batting average and on-base percentage. But his power numbers have declined recently and he hits surprisingly poorly with men in scoring position. Funny, you think Jeter would be good with men in scoring position.
Anyway, Jeter is a fine hitter. But it takes more than skills at the plate (skills, mind you, that are inferior to A. Rod and Nomar) to be considered a great player.
Let me help dispel two myths about Derek Jeter:
1) He is clutch in the postseason.
If by “clutch” you mean “nearly identical to his production in the regular season”, then yes… Jeter is clutch. His postseason numbers are virtually the same as his regular season ones.
2) Jeter is a good fielder.
Most rational Derek Jeter fans will concede the fact that he is not a spectacular fielder. Some might even say he is merely average. They're wrong... he is below average. Jeter has no range and a weak arm. His double-play combo with Alfonso Soriano is reminiscent of the brilliant tandem of Billy Crystal and Gheorge Mhuresan in My Giant.
Fielding stats are always a bit suspect, but Range Factor does a pretty good job of exposing players with little range. The .4 difference between Jeter and the other two shortstops is actually quite large. Jeter gets less assists because he gets to less balls. And it’s not because of Yankee pitching. When Jeter went out with an injury last year, his backup, Erick Almonte, got to more balls per game than Jeter had. Oh man, there’s a joke dying to be written after that last line. But I will show strength and not make the cheap observation.
The point is, in the same situations as Jeter, Almonte showed an ability to make more outs. And Almonte is no Ozzie Smith. It just shows Derek Jeter’s lack of mobility in the field.

There you have it, my Top 10 Most Hated People in Sports. The rundown for you, once again:

10) Scott Boras
9) Tracy McGrady
8) Dick Vitale
7) Jeffrey Maier
6) Duke White Guys
5) Michael Irvin
4) Donovan McNabb
3) Mike Krzyzewski
2) Jason Williams
1) Derek Jeter

As I was going over the list, I realized I forgot to include my original #3. If it wasn't 2 a.m. I would go back and add him at #2 1/2, but that will have to be for another day.
Tomorrow I might address that topic, but probably will instead ramble about stuff that happened this week that I haven't had a chance to address sarcastically.
And again, let me know your Most Hated Athlete so I can include it in The Weekend Mailbag.

Top Ten Most Hated People in Sports: Part 2

#5 - Michael Irvin
Where else besides America could a former crackhead ex-con, who has a known affinity for hookers, get a job with a Disney-run network and then proceed to criticize people’s morals during live broadcasts?
Maybe in Canada, but definitely nowhere else.
Michael Irvin has been arrested four times on drug possession charges, including one time when he was found snorting cocaine off a naked stripper in an Irving, TX hotel room. Each time, he has either had the charges dropped or pleaded no contest and received probation.
Now Irvin works on ESPN’s NFL Sunday Countdown, where he dresses like an extra from a Snoop Dogg video and makes the same four comments throughout the two hour show. An example:

Chris Berman – The Panthers receivers aren’t the most hyped guys in the league, but they seem to come through in the clutch, don't they Michael.
Michael Irvin – I really like doze guys, Chrizz. They are great, u kno what i’m sayin. They deserve all the goodness they gettin.

Steve Young – Bill Belicheck’s defenses have always been among the toughest in the league. Michael, you played against those D’s while in Dallas. What did you think about them?
Irvin – Well, Steve.. It’s true, I, Michael Irvin, played wif tha Cowboys a few years ago (laughs) and Bill Belicheck’s deefense wuz very formidable-like, u kno what I’m sayin. He is a great coach and deserves all of this.

Tom Jackson – How do you think the Patriots will be able to score in Houston?
Irvin – Whenever I wuz in Houston, I wood go to tha back door of Jo-Jo’s barbershop, knock six times and ask for Skeets. He always had what I wuz lookin fo’.
Jackson – Uhhhhh, I meant in the football game.
Irvin – I played football Tom, u kno what I'm sayin.

Irvin was always bad when he played with the Cowboys, but now that he somehow managed to parlay his career of trash-talking, drug abuse and legal troubles into a cushy TV gig, I hate him all the much more.

#4 - Donovan McNabb
Rush Limbaugh was right. Donovan McNabb is overrated. I don’t care if its because of his team or his skin, or whatever. I’m sure different people have different reasons for attaching themselves to his coattails. It doesn’t matter. The fact is, McNabb is not as good a quarterback as those in the media portray him to be.
His career numbers are mediocre (his 57% completion rate is especially vexing because of his running skills. Theoretically, his ability to run should open up the field more and he should be able to hit more open receivers.) His won-loss record is the only thing that could make him considered a good quarterback, but I’d then remind you that in the past ten years Trent Dilfer, Chris Chandler, Kerry Collins, Kordell Stewart and Stan Humphries have all taken teams to the Super Bowl. Donovan has not.
The media always overhypes people. Derek Jeter is the King of this and today Howard Dean might find out about that the hard way. Most of sports overrated guys are good players, but for some reason the media has a fascination with them, and that leads writers to file fawning stories, without really paying attention to the game.
If you don’t respect my opinion, (Falkowski, I’m looking in your direction), read what some real pundits have to say on the matter:

After 78 NFL games, this is what he is: a good, occasionally great, quarterback ... a very good leader who plays hurt whenever possible ... but simply not accurate enough, in my opinion, for this offense. He's a 57.0 percent quarterback in the regular season, 58.7 percent in the postseason. Seventeen starters this season had a better completion percentage than McNabb's 57.5. He's hardly the best guy to run Reid's modified West Coast offense.
- Peter King, 1/19/2004, Monday Morning Quarterback

Let's look at a quarterback with similar numbers who also plays for a team with a great defense. I don't know anyone who would call Brad Johnson one of the best quarterbacks in pro football—which is how McNabb is often referred to. In fact, I don't know anyone who would call Brad Johnson, on the evidence of his 10-year NFL career, much more than mediocre. Yet, Johnson's NFL career passer rating, as of last Sunday, is 7.3 points higher than McNabb's (84.8 to 77.5), he has completed his passes at a higher rate (61.8 percent to 56.4 percent), and has averaged significantly more yards per pass (6.84 to 5.91). McNabb excels in just one area, running, where he has gained 2,040 yards and scored 14 touchdowns to Johnson's 467 and seven. But McNabb has also been sacked more frequently than Johnson—more than once, on average, per game, which negates much of the rushing advantage.
In other words, in just about every way, Brad Johnson has been a more effective quarterback than McNabb and over a longer period.
- Allen Barra, 10/2/2003, Slate

Of course you could easily find 20 articles talking about how good Donovan is, but one could also find good reviews of The Butterfly Effect.
The fact is, Donovan is a good quarterback and nothing more. He is on a team that wins a good amount of games, but can never win the big one. He is one of the better quarterbacks in the league, but is worth far less than the $113 million contract extension he recently received.
What elevates Donovan into the my coveted Hatred Top 5 is that the media continually refers to him as classy. Where do they get this from? Is their entire perception of McNabb molded from his performance in the Chunky Soup commercials?
A classy person doesn’t salute the West Point cadets after scoring a go-ahead touchdown while playing for Syracuse; they don’t do a disturbing imitation of Roy Rogers mounting his horse after scoring a touchdown and they don’t wiggle their fingers Harry Houdini-style after running for a few yards. When Jerry Rice scores a touchdown, he hands the ball to the official. When Tim Duncan dunks the ball over Dikembe Mutombo, he trots back slowly down the court. And when David Hasselhoff is approached by German fans, he happily signs autographs and says "Gruten Spragan!". Those people, my friends, are classy. McNabb, on the other hand, is not.
Donovan is kind of like that Campbell’s Chunky Soup. They’re both pretty good, but nobody should ever confuse them with Joe Montana or lobster bisque at The Palm.

#3 - Mike Krzyzewski
My favorite author is John Feinstein, and my favorite book is A March to Madness. I’ve read the book three times and after each read, I sit back and think... hey, maybe Coach K isn’t that bad of a guy.
And truth be told, he’s not. Krzyzewski is a real good guy; but that fool who cut me off on the Beltway earlier today might have been a good guy also, but it doesn’t mean that he wasn’t the recipient of a 30-second profanity-laced tirade in which I insulted his family, beliefs and gender preference in regards to companionship.
In the book, Feinstein (a Duke alum) discusses Coach K’s family and his love of basketball and how he forges meaningful relationships with people. (An especially moving excerpt has Coach K visiting Jim Valvano on his death bed. It made me get that damn “End of Field of Dreams discomfort that causes some moistness in my eyes.)
Sometimes I think, maybe I shouldn’t hate Coach K. He’s a West Pointer after all, he seems to do the right thing off the court and he is a dedicated family man. Yes, says I after reading Feinstein's book, I’m turning over a new leaf in regards to Mike Krzyzewski.
And then Duke plays Maryland for the first time of the year.
It is then I see the whining, petulant and uppity Coach K that riles me up so much they had to re-configure my defibrillator as a result. The man’s team could have 0 fouls compared to his opponents 7, but the second the ref calls one of his players for a hook, Coach K is in the officials ear like he’s Suge Knight. And the officials listen! Watch the next Duke game. The possession after there is a questionable call on a Duke player, the refs will call a foul in favor of the Devils. And then they'll apologize to Coach K for ever doubting him. And then they'll kiss his hand and call him Godfather.
When he was a young coach at Duke, Krzyzewski complained that there were two sets of rules in the ACC; one for Dean Smith and one for everybody else. Today there are still two sets of rules in the ACC; one for Duke and one for every other school. Yet Coach K is still pleading his case to the refs, looking for that extra, unneeded edge.
Jeez, you would think for a West Point graduate, Coach K wouldn’t be such a whiny bitch.

It’s late and I’m tired… my Top 2 will be revealed Wednesday.
Let me know your Most Hated Athlete. Write me at chrisachase@comcast.net.

Top Ten Most Hated People in Sports: Part 1

This afternoon I was on ESPN’s Page 2 and read some articles on the most hated athletes in sports. Figuring that a under-punctuated rant about Wake Forest’s inability to run a half-court offense would bore people, today I steal Page 2’s idea and list my least favorite people in sports.
Anybody who is involved with sports is eligible for my loathing. That includes the animals at Jack Kent Cooke Stadium that charge $4.50 for 13 tortilla chips and thimble full of cold cheese, and then having the audacity to call them “Nachos”. It also includes owners, umpires, announcers and idiots that make signs that say “Sportscenter is Next.” Thanks for the tip morons. If I wanted ESPN scheduling info I’d look in the TV Guide. Plus, it’d be more clever if they wrote: “Next on Sportscenter: Stuart Scott’s shtick becomes even more passé. ”
Anyway, today I’ll start the countdown and finish up on Tuesday.
On to the list:

#10 - Scott Boras
Hating lawyers is nothing new, but super-agent Scott Boras takes it to a whole other level. He is perhaps most famous for getting Rangers owner Tom Hicks to outbid everybody by about $100 million for Alex Rodriguez, but has many other clients including Barry Bonds, Greg Maddux and Ivan Rodriguez. And while the A.Rod deal might have been Boras’s greatest achievement, it is certainly not his most preposterous. See, at least A. Rod is one of the best players in the game.
Chan Ho Park, on the other hand, is not. Nor is he a great player or even a good one. Before he signed with Texas, Park was a regular old right-handed pitcher with an inflated ERA and a tendency to give up homeruns. The fact that he played in Dodger Stadium, a notoriously friendly pitcher’s park, makes his mediocre stats even more frightening. But Boras, bless his heart, convinced Tom Hicks (come to think of it, maybe Tom Hicks should be on this list) to sign Park for a 5-year, $65 million deal. That’s like paying Pauley Shore $15 million to star in Bio-Dome 2.
And the bad contracts don’t end with Park. Darren Dreifort (4 years, $55 million), J.D. Drew and countless other second-rate players all owe their financial happiness to Boras.
All these facts mean one thing: Boras is the best agent in sports. Darren Dreifort and his career 47-56 5 record would agree. So why do I hate him?
I hate Boras because he thinks these players are actually worth the money they’re getting. I hate him because he advised A. Rod not to take a pay cut to go play for the Red Sox even though doing so would have made everybody happy (except Boras and his 5% cut – and me because I dislike A. Rod (but not enough to put him on this list)). I hate him because he would rather his client make $5 million on a bad team then make $4 million on a contender. And I hate him because his players listen to him. Wanna bet A. Rod wishes he had taken a little less money to go play somewhere else? When Rodriguez retires, it doesn’t matter whether he has $200 or $250 million in the bank. He’s not going to miss the extra couple million. But I guarantee he’s gonna miss having a World Series ring. Thank you Scott Boras.
I know it’s not his fault that owners like Tom Hicks are stupid enough to devote a substantial portion of their payrolls to crappy players, but he’s part of the process.
When Ivan Rodriguez was having a wonderful playoffs last fall for the Marlins, Boras wasn’t thinking about how great it was for the Marlins and for baseball, he was thinking about how many more dollars that would bring I. Rod in free agency. That is dirty to me. I know sports are all about the money, but a part of me still hopes that these guys actually care about what they do on the field. With Boras, you know he only cares about the next contract. He is supposed to do what’s best for his clients, but it seems he only does what is best for them financially.

#9 - Tracy McGrady
I’ve never liked T. Mac. And until last year, I never had a reason why. He was just one of those people who rubs you the wrong way and makes you feel a little uncomfortable. Kind of like Kiefer Sutherland.
But finally, last year, McGrady did two things that justified my suspicious dislike of him.
1) One of the kids wounded in the sniper attacks in DC last year was a big Tracy McGrady fan. So, in a very classy move, McGrady sent the 13-year old boy some Magic merchandise and a personal video telling him to get well while he was in the hospital. Then, when the boy got out of the hospital, McGrady invited him down to Orlando and let him attend a shoot around and gave him courtside seats to a game. It was undoubtedly a great experience for the child and for that, McGrady and the Magic should be commended.
2) Michael Jordan was named to his final All-Star team and there was a fuss over whether he would start the game, even though the fans did not vote him into a starting role. McGrady announced that he would gladly take a seat to give Jordan his spot in the starting lineup.
On the surface, both moves make it seem like McGrady is a great guy. But underneath, they stink like Kwame Brown’s box scores. Here’s why:
Every good thing that McGrady did with the shooting victim was chronicled in the media. The Magic released a statement that talked about what T. Mac sent to the hospital, and when the kid went to Orlando there were cameras following his every move. If McGrady really was classy, the package he sent to the hospital wouldn’t have had a press release attached to it and when the kid got to Orlando, he wouldn’t have had to share his idol’s time with the media.
It was more of the same with the All-Star situation. McGrady announced his good deed during a live press conference. Jordan, who had already made it clear he wouldn’t accept a spot, eventually declined. Only later did it come out that Allen Iverson had offered his starting spot to Jordan before McGrady did. Only, AI called Jordan privately to tell him. And when Jordan declined, Iverson said nothing to the media.
I’m not saying Tracy McGrady is a bad guy. A bad guy wouldn’t have been that accommodating to a 13-year old (you think if the kid had been a Barry Bonds fan he would have gotten the same treatment?). But his actions seem inspired by self-promotion, which adds a feeling of insincerity to any goodness that they caused. He used both situations for his own benefit, but played it off like he was caring about the greater good.
And don’t even get me started on that commercial where T. Mac says he’s going to take all the new kids in the NBA to "school" every night, despite going from high school to the NBA himself. Or on the fact that McGrady blamed a poor game on his inability to read a zone defense. He gets paid millions of dollars a year to play basketball and he can’t read a zone. Jeez, kids in Indiana know how to read a zone before they can read Dr. Seuss.
Karma's coming back to him hard this year though; the Magic have the worst record in the NBA.


#8 - Dick Vitale
For his column this week on ESPN.com, Dickie V decided to write about undefeated St. Joseph’s. He wrote seven short paragraphs about Phil Martelli’s talented team. In those paragraphs, Vitale managed to mention Duke not once, but twice. Keep in mind THIS WAS NOT AN ARTICLE ABOUT DUKE. That is almost as absurd as the fact that tonight, A&E’s Biography is of John Stamos. I’m not kidding. And Wednesday’s episode is on Tom Selleck. Again, I’m not making this up.

#7 - Jeffrey Maier
Late in Game 1 of the 1996 ALCS, the Baltimore Orioles were leading the New York Yankees 4-3 when Derek Jeter came to the plate with the bases empty. The effeminate shortstop lofted a lazy, fly ball to deep right where Tony Tarasco was waiting for it. As Tarasco stretched his glove to make a catch at the wall, a hand darted out over the wall and pulled the ball into the stands. Umpire Rich Garcia, who was only halfway down the line, called it a home run. The Orioles protested, claiming that the fan had interfered with a live ball and the play should result in an out. Replays confirmed the Orioles complaint; the fan had indeed reached into the playing field and pulled the ball over the wall with his glove. After a few minutes of deliberation, the umpires let the play stand and the Yankees and O’s were suddenly tied. The Yanks went on to win the game in 11 innings, subsequently won their first World Series in 15 years and thus set into a motion an era of free-spending, pennant-buying excess that continues today. And it is all because of one little brat; Jeffrey Maier.
Steve Bartman (the infamous Cubs fan who unjustly is being blamed for the Cubs collapse in this years NLCS) didn’t interfere with a live ball, yet is just behind Mrs. O’Leary’s cow in the running for greatest villain in Chicago history. Maier did interfere, yet after his episode of cheating, he was interviewed live on NBC, did all the morning shows the next day, and was given free tickets behind the dugout to Game 2 by the New York Daily News. He was a conquering hero in New York. And for what? For being a cheater. (This is the same city that fell in love with John Gotti, so it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise). Maier should have been ejected from the stadium that night, but instead was welcomed back with open arms the next day. That's New York for you...
There is a moral to story of Jeffery Maier that should be taught to young children throughout the world: Cheaters never prosper, unless they root for the Yankees… and then they only prosper at the expense of their soul.

#6 - All white guys that have ever played Duke basketball
What is it about the white guys on Duke that makes them so easily loathsome. Maybe it’s the pompous attitude. Maybe it’s all the hair gel. Or maybe it’s the fact that you know they are a product of Coach K’s system and aren’t all that good. If Steve Wojciechowski were on Purdue, he’d just be that annoying little guy on Purdue.
But because he’s on Duke, we have to hear Vitale yell about him like he’s the second coming of Pistol Pete and watch videos that proclaim his freaky tenacity as adorable.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just the white guys on Duke that I hate (one non-Caucasian, motorcycle driving Dukie might just appear near the top of this list). But for some reason, my dislike of guys like Chris Duhon and Reggie Love never boiled over into seismic rage.
There is just something odious about the sight of seeing Matt Christensen waving a towel on the bench or Greg Newton sulk through another game or Chris Collins whine to the refs about the one call that actually went against his team. I can’t explain it.
Think about Nick Horvath. Why should a scrub infuriate me so much? It’s because he thinks that by virtue of the four letters on his jersey he is a basketball god. And then when he tries to take a charge, fails, then gets rewarded with the call, his belief system is upheld. ACC refs should be on this list. Yeah, I should have made a longer list.
The Duke white guy can be defined by one name: Mike Dunleavy. With a face that looked like a cheese pizza that slid around in the delivery guy’s Geo until it was a greasy, uneven mess, Dunleavy had that special something that made all opposing fans curse his family’s name. No, it wasn’t talent, though he did have a little bit of that. It was that same Horvath-entitlement thing, but with a little game to go with it.

Well, I was planning on writing about ESPN’s Silver-Anniversary All-Conference College Basketball teams (who else has a feeling that from now until September 7, which is the network's actual anniversary, ESPN is going to release more lists than David Letterman on a 72-hour speed bender). But, since I can’t seem to find a list of the teams, I’m going to write about the ACC (which I remember) and then maybe focus on the real important news of the day, like Bennifer's breakup. I'm shocked I say... SHOCKED!

Here is the ACC team as voted on by some ESPN announcers and a few sports writers for newspapers that all seemed to be situated on Tobacco Road.

C – Ralph Sampson, Virginia
F – Len Bias, Maryland
F – Christian Laettner, Duke
G – Mark Price, Georgia Tech
G – Michael Jordan, North Carolina

First of all, I’m glad that they voted on five players for each of the five positions instead of selecting three forwards or guards. I hate when the All-American teams are composed of four guards and a 6’7 small forward. Many teams play with different lineups, but the standard is two guards, two forwards and a big man. So kudos to the selecting committee. They did a great job with the picks, and while I’ll argue for a few different players, picking only five from 25 years of ACC basketball is like picking the funniest moment of Howard Dean’s Iowa concession speech. There are just way too many to choose from. (For the record, my favorite part is where Dean looks like he’s going to stop yelling the names of states and the two old guys behind him look like they just found out their cancer is in remission, and then all of a sudden Dean gets this look back in his eye and screams “AND WE’RE GOING TO SOUTH DAKOTA…..!!!!” and the old men start rolling their eyes again... Fantastic stuff.)
The only slam-dunk on the list is Laettner. He won two National Championships, which were based in large part to two classic buzzer beaters (Laettner’s perfect game against Kentucky in the 1992 East Regional Finals is the best performance during the ESPN-era, hands down… maybe ever. I don’t know. I didn’t see Bill Bradley drop 58 against Wichita State or Austin Carr average 53 in three games in 1970 or Bill Walton’s 21-22 night against Memphis in the Final Four. All I do know is that Laettner didn’t miss a shot all night and hit the most memorable buzzer beater in tournament history, one that sent his team to the Final Four.)
Dammit, I just wrote about 100 words about how good Christian Laettner was in college. That’s alright, I could write 1,000 about how much he sucks in the pros. Laettner won two Championships and is the only player ever to start in four Final Fours. Like I said, a slam-dunk.
OK, maybe I spoke to soon. Ralph Sampson is also a shoo-in for the list. He was a three-time National player of the year, and was first-team All-American (and All-ACC) in each of his four years in school. (Odd stat of the day: Sampson is below Bryant Stith and Jeff Lamp on UVA’s all-time scoring list). Ralph also took UVA to three Final Fours. It’s tough to leave Tim Duncan off this list, but he never took Wake beyond the Elite Eight.
While Sampson and Laettner are locks, the other three could be interchanged with a few other players without much debate.
At first glance Mark Price jumps out as the player that doesn’t belong on the list, but there have been surprisingly few great point guards in the last 25 years. Who are you going to put ahead of Price (a three-time first-team All-ACC selection)?
Bobby Hurley would a logical choice. Chris Corchiani would probably garner support in Raleigh. And Randolph Childress is a left-field pick but he had probably the best ACC-tournament ever in 1995 and was a catalyst for bringing Wake Forest back to national prominence.
Still, Price is the pick at the point. (If ESPN had been around four years earlier, there is no doubt Phil Ford would run the point on this team.) Of course, Dick Vitale voted for Duke’s Jason Williams (maybe Dickie V and Tim McCarver can get a discount on the lips-on-ass operation. Vitale for Williams and McCarver for Derek Jeter.) But, Williams missed key free throws in each of Duke’s two tournament losses during his point reign in Durham, so I leave him off. Plus, I hate him.
So, we’re left with Michael Jordan and Len Bias. Two players who were picked #2 and #3 in their respective drafts. One is the greatest basketball player who ever lived and the other one might have been.
Let’s start with Bias. Around these parts, its practically sacrilegious to say anything bad about Len. Countless people who saw him play say he was the best player in ACC history (Coach K included). Whether that’s revisionist history because of the tragedy that became of Bias’s life, I don’t know.
I’ve watched a few games on ESPN Classic that he played in, and I got goose bumps watching him drive to the hoop and simply dominate the glass. He was cool. Like Don Johnson and Phillip Michael Thomas in Miami Vice. Like Tony Montana in Scarface, only a little too much like him. He was unstoppable. Nobody can doubt his two ACC Player of the Year awards, first-team All-American selection in his senior season and school record for points (since broken by Juan Dixon). Certainly his stats and accolades should place him on the team… but why am I having trouble putting him on my fake-ballot?
Is it because I know Grant Hill is out there (sitting here defending Duke guys is awful; now I know how Michael Jackson’s lawyers feel)? Hill was a three-time All American, and won two NCAA titles. But he only has one ACC POY to Bias’s two.
Or am I not sold on Bias because Sam Perkins was a force in Chapel Hill around the same time that Bias was ruling College Park. Perkins and Bias had almost identical point totals for their career (2,149 for Bias, 2,145 for Perkins), but Perkins grabbed more rebounds (almost 400 more) and blocks (245-87). Sam also was a first-team All-American for three years and his teams won three ACC regular season titles, two tournament crowns and the 1982 National Championship.
Do I reward Perkins for having a better supporting cast or Bias for his excellence on teams that proved to be merely above average. Perkins was playing with the Silver Anniversary’s starting two guard, after all.
His name would be Michael Jordan. Maybe you heard of him due to his role in Space Jam. Jordan was an All-American twice and ACC Player of the Year once. He also hit the game-winning shot to give Dean Smith his first NCAA Championship (a shot that is remembered perhaps only because Georgetown’s Fred Brown passed the ball to James Worthy instead of to teammate Sleepy Floyd after Jordan’s jumper.)
On the negative side for Jordan, he only played three years at UNC and his NBA career was so dominant that most people assumed he was that way in college. Jordan was a great player, but the Rockets drafted Olajuwon first and the Blazers took Sam Bowie second in the 1984 draft. This is not meant to suggest that NBA Draft position is indicative of college success, it just shows that Jordan wasn’t entering the NBA with the same hype as LeBron James.
But if not Jordan, who?
Dennis Scott was a great player for Bobby Cremins’ teams in the late 80’s and Juan Dixon led Maryland to a National Championship in his Senior season, and even bested Len Bias’ all-time Terp scoring record. But, even though Jordan can’t be considered one of the best college basketball players of all-time, it is hard to debate his inclusion on the ACC Silver-Anniversary Team.

My final lineup:

C – Ralph Sampson, Virginia
F – Sam Perkins, North Carolina
F – Christian Laettner, Duke
G – Mark Price, Georgia Tech
G – Michael Jordan, North Carolina


I differed from the ESPN vote with one pick. I remember the day when I was four years old and Len Bias overdosed from cocaine. It is one of my first sports memories of my life. (In fact, that is one of my first memories ever. I remember the Challenger explosion from January 1986 and also the Redskins losing to the Giants in the NFC Championship Game 17-0 in January of 1987. I remember family things, like going to Disney World and Christmas mornings and birthday parties, but I think besides the Super Bowl Shuffle, Len Bias’ untimely death is my first sports memory of all time.)
My pick is Perkins, but my heart goes with Bias. Maybe I'm just sad. It’s one of the great sports tragedies of the past 25 years. A young man who was primed to join Bird, McHale and Parrish and win a handful of Championships for Beantown, instead died in a dorm room full of so-called friends and expensive cocaine.
It’s a shame. Len Bias would probably be just ending his NBA career right now or would have recently retired. He’d be a multi-millionaire, wearing a ring or two on his fingers and would be regarded as one of the greatest basketball players of all-time.
Instead he is a ghost… a memory. He is a 22-year old man with his whole life ahead of him. He is a 22-year old kid, one who never came close to fulfilling his unlimited potential.

Random Thoughts:

- At one point during the 2nd-half of the Duke-Maryland game the team fouls were 8-1. Take a wild guess who had the one.
- Maryland deserved to lose tonight. For the first 30 minutes of the game they made horrible shot selections, they were lackadaisical on the boards and with their passes all night, and they left J.J. Reddick open at key moments. Neither team played all that well, but I think Duke proved tonight it is the #1 team in the country.
- The aforementioned Backne Reddick has moved into my exclusive Pantheon of Hate. He is now closely behind Jay "Don't Call Me Jason or Teach Me Motorcycle Safety" Williams, Derek Jeter and any person who has ever appeared in a Hardee's commercial.
- This year’s Maryland team is reminiscent of the Uconn team from 2000-2001. Both schools won the NCAA Tournament two years earlier, and had a nice run in the tourney the year after that. Each team was young (Uconn was led by a freshman named Caron Butler) and had good wins early (Maryland beat Florida and UNC, Uconn bested Arizona and Louisville that year). Uconn had a losing streak in January of 2001 that spanned five games, and Maryland is currently 1-3 in the ACC. Maryland is probably better than that Uconn team, which bodes well, because the Huskies missed the NCAA’s that year. I think Maryland will still make it into the tourney (probably as a 6 seed), solely because Gary Williams won’t let them fail. But the Terps making their 11th straight NCAA appearance is far from a lock. By the way, Uconn returned to national prominence the next year and continues to field one of the top team’s in the country. Maryland will follow in their footsteps. One up-and-down year is a small price to pay after winning a National Championship with a core of upperclassman.
- At one point tonight ESPN showed a stat that showed Maryland and Duke were shooting 38% and 39%, respectively. Moments earlier Dick Vitale had blamed Duke’s shooting woes on “a funk”. When the stat was displayed he said the cause of Maryland’s low-shooting percentage was Duke’s “stifling” defense. Hiring Dick Vitale to call a Duke-Maryland game and expecting him to be impartial is like hiring Barbara Streisand to mediate a Presidential debate and expecting the same.
- I hate that Sam Adams commercial where the guy walks into the bar with 1,000 beers and orders a Sam Adams. I have two reasons. 1) The guy is so smug when he orders. Dude, you’re ordering a Sam Adams, not a 1996 Château Valandraud Saint-Emilion (a little oaky for my taste, but I digress). Nobody should be that happy with themselves for ordering a beer. And 2), what kind of unoriginal bastard goes into a bar with 1,000 beers and gets a Sam Adams. It’s a fine beer, I have been known to have a few myself, but when there’s a 1,000 beers on the menu, dip your toes into the pool my friend.
- On TV shows brand-names are usually blurred out of products. For instance, if John Stamos’ character, Uncle Jesse, was drinking a soda on Full House it would either have a black mark through the “Coke” label or he would be drinking generic pop. (Yeah, like we’re supposed to believe the lead singer of Jesse and the Rippers is drinking Safeway-brand Cola. He’s a rebel my friends, not a conformist. I feel the leather jacket illustrates this point quite well). Anyway, the producers do this so they won’t upset any competing advertisers. It makes sense. Frankly, if I were the head of Pepsi I wouldn’t mind Uncle Jesse drinking Coke, but that is tactical debate for another time. Where was I going with this… ahh yes. So if they do this with products on TV shows, then why do news and sports programs so willingly flaunt the name of stadium-sponsors. If I were AT&T and had ad-time on a local DC television station, I’d be pissed every time they mentioned MCI Center during their broadcast. MCI’s not paying the news station for the mention. And why do fans put up with it? The Carolina Panthers just changed the name of their stadium after eight years. Ericsson backed out and Bank of America came in with a higher bid. People in Charlotte will probably still call it Ericsson, but not for that long. If I were more organized I would try to organize a boycott of calling stadiums by the sponsor name, unless the money went into cutting ticket prices. As it is, I am just going to complain about it. I still call the Wizards the “Bullets” and CVS “Peoples” and Courtney Cox-Arquette simply Courtney Cox, so who am I to lead a revolution. I fear change.
- From the NBA transaction wire: Cavaliers trade Darius Miles-G to Trail Blazers for Jeff McInnis-G and Ruben Boumtje-Boumjte-F. This brings up three important questions.
1) Will Maurice Cheeks finally be able to help D. Mile unlock his great potential and work him into the Blazers offense?
2) Will Jeff McInnis’ point play free up LeBron to play more at the 2 and 3?
and…
3) Ruben Boumtje-Boumjte is still in the NBA NBA?
- Dustin Hoffman has signed on to play Ben Stiller’s dad in the movie Meet the Fockers, the sequel to the hit Meet the Parents. I think they missed the casting boat on this one. Hoffman is a good actor, don’t get me wrong. But think of some of the other possibilities. Jerry Stiller would have been amazing, but I'm gonna have to assume they didn't even consider casting him. Michael Douglas would have been great if they made him all creepy like he was in Falling Down and A Perfect Murder and The Game (oh hell, he’s creepy in all his movies). Bill Murray would also have been an inspired choice. But the crown jewel would have been Christopher Walken. Oh man, can you imagine the exchanges between DeNiro and Walken as they argue over who pays for the flowers? As for Gaylord Focker’s mother, Stiller says he would ideally have Barbara Streisand play the role. (That’s two Streisand references in one day. Thank goodness I decided to delay my analysis of The Owl and the Pussycat until tomorrow or I would have hit the trifecta). Streisand actually could work out pretty well, but I think comedy seems beneath her these days. If they wanted to stay on the singer route they could go with Bette Middler who would be funny. But I have a bad feeling that this casting has Sally Field or Susan Sarandon written all over it.

There are two kinds of rivalries: traditional and current. Traditional ones make would-be dud games interesting by injecting the memories of players and games from the past. When the Lakers and Celtics play these days, it is no different in the current NBA than, say, a Spurs-76ers match-up. But whenever those teams face one another fans see a bridge to Russell and Wilt, Cousy and West and Larry and Magic. No matter how each team is doing, that matchup, or other historical ones like Redskins-Cowboys, Red Sox-Yankees or Army-Navy, will be one circled on the calendar from the moment the schedule comes out.
The other kind of rivalry is the current one. These are between teams that are current powers, have played memorable games in seasons past (usually in a playoff situation) and have had animosity between players, fans and/or coaches. I hate using the Lakers as another example, but their recent battles with the Kings has made their rivalry the best current one in the NBA. The Bucs and Packers had a good rivalry going a few years ago, but that fizzled when the NFL re-aligned and football has been left without a marquee rivalry since. And in baseball, where tradition reigns, Red Sox-Yankees is still the king, although in order for this rivalry to be truly rekindled, the Sox need to actually win a few. For the best current rivalry in sports you have to look beneath the professional ranks and into college basketball. For the past four years, Duke-Maryland has been the greatest current rivalry in sports.
The teams have won two of the last three National Championships, have split their season series in memorable fashion the last three years and have played fantastic games in the ACC and NCAA Tournament. The fans in Durham and College Park get up for these games more than any other (yes, Dukies care more about the Maryland game these days than they do UNC) and Dick Vitale needs to take three valium when he thinks about calling the games.
It's getting late in the afternoon, so I'll wrap up for the day and promise to get back on a normal posting schedule tonight. But here's my prediction for tonight's game:
Duke is coming off a strong win against a struggling Wake Forest team. They shot well from the three-point range, but showed weakness getting the ball inside. Look for Caner-Medley and Jamar Smith to close off the middle for Duke and control the boards. The key for the Terps is preventing JJ "Backne" Reddick from getting open looks. If he's free and shooting well, the game could get ugly. But if the Terps can shut down Shelden Williams and whatever body Coach K throws in the middle, that shouldn't happen.
Maryland is coming off a tough loss to Georgia Tech (Tech was hyped in the beginning of the season, slipped for a bit later on and now is back in full force with wins against MD and Wake... they're the John Kerry of the ACC), and Gary Williams always has teams that play tough after road losses. The crowd will play a factor at Comcast and Maryland should pull out a close win. And, no, this is not me making a pick with my heart. I actually think Maryland will win (I picked against Wake on Saturday, lest you forget).
Maryland 90 - Duke 82

Thoughts
- I paid the $8 toll to cross the Verrazano Bridge today (yes, $8... for that kind of money you think New York City could afford to put some air fresheners in their subways to keep them from smelling like stale urine and week-old mutton) and the toll-booth worker thanked me when I gave her the money. I didn't appreciate it. Don't thank me for something you are forcing me to do. It's not like I'm willingly parting with my money, I'm just paying you to avoid the larger fine that would come with speeding through. A simple "Have a good day" or "Take care" would have sufficed. Instead of raising the price to $9 in a few months, New York is going to require drivers to pay $8 and then get punched in the face by a clown.
- I listened to AM radio on my way up to NY on Monday and have one thing to say: if Rocky had to listen to Philadelphia sports radio after he lost to Apollo for the first time, he would have quit boxing and become Grazzo's muscle-man full-time. Man, what a bunch of whiny bitches that call in to those shows.

Sorry for the late entry this morning; I'm in New York after seeing Letterman last night.

ESPN recently released its choice for the Top 25 athletes of the past 25 years. They made their own list of 35 and are asking people to vote for what undoubtedly will end up as some special on the network that is hyped on the Bottom Line incessantly for months in advance.
Anyway, here is the list that ESPN provides:

Lance Armstrong
Larry Bird
Barry Bonds
Roger Clemens
Tim Duncan
Dale Earnhardt
John Elway
Wayne Gretzky
Florence Griffith-Joyner
Mia Hamm
Eric Heiden
Ricky Henderson
Magic Johnson
Marion Jones
Michael Jordan
Jackie Joyner-Kersee
Mario Lemieux
Sugar Ray Leonard
Carl Lewis
Dan Marino
John McEnroe
Joe Montana
Martina Navratilova
Shaquille O'Neal
Jerry Rice
Cal Ripken
Alex Rodriguez
Patrick Roy
Pete Sampras
Barry Sanders
Emmitt Smith
Lawrence Taylor
Mike Tyson
Serena Williams
Tiger Woods

ESPN asks users to rank based on the Top 25 athletes. Whether this means Top 25 sustained athletes, or the Top 25 in their prime is up to interpretation.
My rankings are based on excellence over a career. So, Mike Tyson will not be on the list, despite five of the most dominating years in boxing history. The rest of his career was a disappointment (Tyson hasn't won a significant fight since beating Michael Spinks). Gone are also Tim Duncan, Alex Rodriguez and Serena Williams, since their best days, perhaps, are still ahead of them.
I also added a few athletes I think ESPN missed.
One more thing; these lists are ridiculous. How is one supposed to compare Carl Lewis running and jumping in the Olympics with Joe Montana throwing footballs every Sunday. You can't, but that's why this list should be looked at as nothing but a good way to start an argument.
Here's my list (* denotes not on ESPN's 35)

25) Ricky Henderson
Ricky thinks Ricky is more deserving of a higher place, but sometimes Ricky's opinion of Ricky is a little overinflated. Regardless, Ricky will retire with all-time records in walks, steals, runs and a slew of others. Ricky says Ricky is the King.
24) Matt Biondi*
Tied with Mark Spitz with 11 medals in Olympic swimming competition, including 5 in the 1988 Seoul Olympics. Kind of forgotten in the annals of Sports history, but did you really think I wouldn't put a swimmer on this list? (Biondi might be out of the Top 25 if Michael Phelps does his thing in Athens this summer.)
23) Emmitt Smith
Yeah, he had more rushing yards than somebody who appears above him on this list, but he also had one of the best offensive lines in history blocking for him. But, his 195-yard day against the Giants with a separated shoulder would have been enough to get him on this list alone. The three Super Bowl rings don't hurt either.
22) Cal Ripken, Jr.
2632, 10 straight seasons with 20 or more homeruns (before the offensive explosion that now allows Ray Durham to routinely crack 25 or more a year) and revolutionized the position of shortstop. Without Cal, A-Rod wouldn't have the opportunity to knock his idol off this list in a few seasons.
21) Edwin Moses*
ESPN was not too keen on track stars for their 35. But in the early 80's Moses won 107 straight finals in the 400 meter hurdles and won two gold medals in that stretch. He would have won more, but Jimmy Carter decided to boycott the Moscow Olympics in 1980.
20) Brett Favre*
Elway and Marino are on the ESPN list, but answer this question honestly: if you had to choose any of the three to start one game, who would you choose? If Terrell Davis isn't running the ball for Elway, there's no doubt that Favre would be your choice.
19) Jackie Joyner-Kersee
Five Olympic medals in the long jump and heptathlon. It's a shame there is no male decathlete on this list. For my money, they are the best athletes in the world, but nobody had sustained dominance in the last 25 years. If Dan O'Brien hadn't pulled a Ray Finkle in the 1992 Olympic Trials, he might occupy this spot.
18) Lawrence Taylor
18th in this list, but trails only Marion Barry on the list of Top 25 Greatest Crack Smokers.
17) Shaquille O'Neal
His appearance in Kazaam notwithstanding, Shaq is the most dominant player since Wilt.
16) Barry Sanders
Yeah, his career was shorter than Emmitt Smith and he has less yards, but the Beatles put out less albums than the Rolling Stones and that doesn't change too many peoples opinions about the bands.
15) Chris Evert*
Wait, Dale Earnhardt makes ESPN's list and Chris Evert doesn't? She has the same number of Grand Slams as Martina and won at least one Slam between 1974-1986. True, she stared her career a bit early to be on this list, but she was playing well into the ESPN era.
14) Mario Lemieux
I figured a hockey player needed to be on this list somewhere, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be Jaromir Jagr.
13) Roger Clemens
Maddux has been more consistent, but the Rocket still will drill you in the ass if you crowd the plate. (I think the Clemens-bat-throwing-at-Piazza incident was on the most absurd things in sports history and deserves it's own entry one day.)
12) Joe Montana
Tried to put him lower on this list, but I got down to Barry Sanders and knew there was no way Montana and his 4 Super Bowls could go behind a Detroit Lion.
11) Martina Navratilova
18 Grand Slams, including 9 Wimbledon's, and inspired little girls everywhere to wear big glasses and a mullet. Also beat Evert in many of her Grand Slam wins and 43-37 overall.
10) Larry Bird and Magic Johnson
Have two opponents ever been linked as much in sports as these two? I don't think so. Anyway, you try to put one of them ahead of the other. It's like deciding who your favorite member of 98 Degreez is. You just can't do it. You just can't.
9) Jerry Rice
The hardest member of this list to place. Is he the product of a great system in San Francisco and the beneficiary of balls thrown by Joe Montana and Steve Young? Yes, but he also holds every single important receiving record and sported a flat-top a solid three years after they went out of style. And that's gotta count for something.
8) Barry Bonds
Forget about the 'roids. He is the greatest baseball player of his generation. But don't even try to compare him to Ruth, Williams and Mays. That's absurd. Babe Ruth once had more home runs than every other TEAM in baseball. And where's the ring Barry?
7) Pete Sampras
Agassi had the hype, Pete had the game. A record 14 Grand Slams and the most weeks ranked at #1 in history. And he's married to Ms. Veronica Vaughn from Billy Madison. Agassi is married to Steffi Graf. Both attractive ladies, but it looks like Pete bested Andre yet again.
6) Carl Lewis
He'd be on this list just for describing a zebra as having to focus in order to win the race on FOX's "Man vs. Beast", but his 9 Olympic Golds in sprints and long jump made him the greatest Olympic track star since Jesse Owens.
5) Wayne Gretzky
The Great One has more assists than anybody has goals + assists in NHL history. That's what we call a "DAMMMMMMN" statistic.
4) Lance Armstrong
5 straight Tour-de-France victories after beating cancer. He's going for six this summer.
3) Michael Johnson*
He wasn't on ESPN's list. I don't know how he slipped through the cracks. In 1980 Pietro Mennea set the world record in the 200-meter dash with a time of 19.72. The record stood until 1996, without any real threat to it. Frankie Fredricks of Nambia finally broke through and beat the 16-year old world record in the finals of the 1996 Olympic 200-meter dash. He ran a time of 19.68. Yet, he only got a Silver because he lost by .36 seconds to Michael Johnson. The other MJ ran a 19.32, in what is still the most spectacular sporting performance I have ever seen. Think about it like this... the record hasn't been touched in 16 years and then Johnson goes out and beats it by FOUR-TENTHS of a second. That's like McGwire beating Maris's 61 and then going 9 past it. It is just ridiculous. I don't know why Johnson and Track don't get more love in the US. If marketed correctly, I think track and field could be big. By the way, Johnson also won the 400 in that Olympics, a double that had never been accomplished.
2) Tiger Woods
Might be #1 in a few years, but even at an early age, he has dominated his sport like no golfer before him. And he's getting married to a Swedish nanny.
1) Michael Jordan
Solidified his spot at the top with a dazzling two years with the Wizards.

There's the list, I'm sure some people will take issue with some of the rankings. Write me and let me know what you think; I'll use your thoughts for my Friday post.
I should resume a normal posting schedule later this week when I get back from NY.

The legend of Donovan McNabb has always been nothing but a myth. Despite the kind words of an adoring press, McNabb has put up mediocre quarterback numbers his entire career. He has won games on the strength of his team's defense, and in turn, become the only superstar on his team. Tonight though, the fraud was finally exposed.
McNabb’s Philadelphia Eagles once again played miserably in the national spotlight and were stopped short in their quest for a Super Bowl berth by the overachieving Carolina Panthers. And know this; despite the excuses the media will make for McNabb tonight, there is no doubt where the blame should lie for the Eagles losing their third straight NFC Championship game. It’s all on number five.

The Carolina Panthers did exactly what they needed to do to stop the Eagles. They applied a moderate pass rush, spied McNabb with different players and waited for him to make a mistake. He obliged, throwing three interceptions and making perhaps the most selfish sports decision in recent memory.
Even the most ardent McNabb supporters will agree that he played awful. Most will be inclined to blame the injury. But keep in mind two important facts.
1) McNabb wasn’t doing anything special before he limped off the field. To listen to Troy Aikman and Cris Collinsworth, one would assume that McNabb had been running circles around the Panthers front-four all game until the injury. But he hadn’t. Before the injury the Eagles managed two punts in two possessions, with McNabb playing his typical game. He was under throwing receivers, missing open men and misreading the defensive formations. He looked like Jamie Foxx coming off the bench in Any Given Sunday. Then, when McNabb did get hurt, he took himself out of the game for one play, came back in, and had his best throw of the night that resulted in the only Eagles points. After that, well... can you honestly say you were surprised?
At that point it was 7-3, Panthers, with 2:56 left in the 1st half. FOX showed video of McNabb getting hit before the field goal and speculated as to what injury he might have suffered. When he came back on the field he didn’t look hurt; he saved his wincing for after plays, a la Kobe Bryant. Maybe McNabb really was hurt, maybe he wasn’t. It doesn’t matter though, he stayed in the game. That leads us to the second important point.
2) If the injury is what caused McNabb to continue to playing horribly, then he should have taken himself out of the game. If Andy Reid and the Eagles put their trust in McNabb to win them football games, they equally trust him not to lose football games. If he really was hurt, McNabb should never have put himself back on the field. The injury can’t be blamed for a poor performance. Only Donovan can be blamed for putting his team in a situation that allowed the injury to hurt the chances of his football team. Either he played crappy and they lost, or he shouldn’t have played, still played crappy and they lost. There is no middle ground.
Regardless of injury, here is what happened each time McNabb dropped back to pass after he put himself back in the game.

Completion to Mitchell, 10 yards
Sacked, 7 yard loss
Completion to Staley, 10 yards
Intercepted
Sacked, 7 yard loss
Halftime
Completion to Staley, 19 yards
Incomplete
Intercepted
Incomplete
Intercepted
Complete to Buckhalter, 3 yards
Incomplete
Incomplete
Incomplete

So, after he came out of the game, McNabb went 4-12, 42 yards, 3 INT. Those look like MVP numbers to me, Wilbon. (McNabb’s numbers for the game weren’t any better, 10-22, 100 yards, 3 INT).
The funny part is, Donovan is going to get a pass in the press for his performance against the Panthers. Some will blame the injuries, some will blame dropped balls, but nobody will place the blame on the shoulders of the man who deserves it.
The media obsession with McNabb is baffling. He has done nothing to deserve all the adulation, yet is still seen as the second coming of Joe Montana. The way he’s playing, McNabb is not even the second coming of Kordell Stewart. At least Slash made a Super Bowl.

Playing in three straight NFC Championship Games is a great achievement for the Philadelphia Eagles. Losing in three straight NFC Championship Games, including two at home, is one of the all-time biggest chokes in NFL history.
Donovan McNabb is overrated. It shouldn’t be a taboo subject and it has nothing to do with his race. He is overrated because he doesn’t possess good quarterbacking fundamentals, panics in big games and routinely makes poor decisions that negatively affect his team. He is a supposed big-game quarterback, yet doesn’t show up to big games.
Make no mistake about it, the Philadelphia Eagles will watch the Super Bowl on TV because of the bad play and selfish-behavior of Donovan McNabb. And with Bill Parcells and Joe Gibbs back in the NFC East, it will be a long time before McNabb gets that close again.

Other Weekend Thoughts
- The opening line for the Super Bowl is, Patriots - 7. At first glance, this seems like an easy call. Take the Panthers, plus the points. A game pitting those two defenses will more than likely be a low-scoring affair. Expect this spread to drop in the next two weeks.
- Predictions Record for the Weekend: 4-2 (including both NFL wins).
For the Year: 6-4
- Maryland's free-throw shooting is miserable. I haven't seen anything that bad since I watched Just Married on HBO-Latin.
- Watch Letterman tonight, I will be in attendance. The Newlyweds and Al Green are guests. The only reason I'm going to Letterman is because I got put on the waiting-list for tickets to Last Call with Carson Daly.
- Real World/Road Rules Challenge finale is also on tonight. Looks like Alton should have brought Theo back instead of Coral. She seems to be injured and will probably cost her team the $150,000 grand-prize. Well, I guess it could have be worse; Alton could have picked Donovan McNabb.

Weekend Thoughts and Mailbag

If Michael Jackson actually goes to jail; would the prisoners want him as their bitch, or rather him sing "Human Nature". It's a toss-up I think.

Reader Mail

I somehow knew the Gibbs return would be a life-altering event for you.
- Justin Ward - New York, NY

Now if I could only get my Cliff Notes for Cliff Notes idea rolling, I’d be set for life.

I like the articles, although very Peter King-esque and I hate that bastard, though I always read MMQB.
- Nick Streit - San Diego, CA

I don’t know whether to be flattered, or to wonder whether Nick thinks I’m a bastard.

Yes, my name is Peter Wallace, I'm a new reader of your web page and although what I have read has been informative, funny, true, and down right enjoyable, I feel that possibly this guy, "Chris Chase" whoever he may be, might be able to expand on his topics. Maybe a movie review section or a section about porn, maybe a section that provides information about church events, I don't know... I just think there is room for expansion. Please know that I appreciate what you are doing for the community and hope that you continue to do so in the future, thank you for your time. God Bless You.
- Peter Wallace – Silver Spring, MD

You have touched on a main reason why I started this blog, the community. But mainly, for the children. It’s all for the children.

"Ow, OW, how do I get out of here", from Philadelphia, PA agrees with most of my thoughts on the Eagles-Rams game, but thinks Donovan McNabb deserves credit for the 4th and 26 play. Greg, all I’ll say is this. You passed out at 10:30 p.m. homecoming night.

I like the blog, man. The only problem is I can't talk s--- back to you. Is there a way to put a link in so I can email you and tell you what a genius (or idiot) you are?
If not, there will be no way for me to let you know you are wrong about what Dallas is most famous for. Dallas is MOST famous for the Cowboys, the greatest franchise in all of sports, not for some hooker and a book depository.
- Tim O’Brien – New York, NY

Hey, watch the language St. Patrick... didn't you read that this is for the kids? But you’re right about Dallas. I did forget some of the other things they city was famous for. Did you know Dallas was named for George Mifflin Dallas, a Pennsylvanian who supported annexation and was the 11th Vice-President of the United States? Wow, what an inspiring person to name a city after. I guess its only a matter of time before Oregon names a city after Spiro Agnew. Did you also know that Dallas had the most shopping centers per capita in the United States? And it was the birthplace of Meat Loaf? Perhaps the most famous Dallas fact is that it is home to the football team that was good during your formative years. Thusly, you attached your bandwagon to them, despite living in upstate New York. What self-respecting person can claim to like the Red Sox and the Cowboys and Syracuse? A red-headed Irishman who curses on a webpage devoted to the children; that’s who.

Hey Chris,

What’s shaking? I like the sports blog… it’s a nice diversion from work, which is what I am looking for most of the time. Since I can no longer watch Sports Center at 10, 10.30, 11 or all of the other times that it is on in the morning, I am now utilizing your blog as my sports source…
On request… could you make it more official looking – not to say that it’s not an elegant piece of web design, I just need something that looks more like a spreadsheet – so they won’t know that I am not paying attention to costs, expenditures, etc…
- Matt Roper – Potomac, MD

Matt, it took me 45 minutes to figure out how to write in bold, so at that rate, I’ll be able to have this thing looking like a spreadsheet around the same time Al Sharpton is taking the Oath of Office.

I agreed with your Yankees post mostly. I think it was pretty low what Steinbrenner did with Pettite. Also, Clemens is going to be close to home. However, saying that he should go in with a Red Sox jersey is spurious.
- J. Nicholls Redemer – San Francisco, CA

Spurious? I don’t recall mentioning the former Redskins coach in my Yankees rant. Sorry, I’m just a history major. I don’t know good – language…?

Chaz,

I'd like to humbly contribute the following editorial to your blog. Hopefully you'll continue and soon land a job and then everyone will migrate away from Potomac, returning only occasionally to visit the cognac bartender at Tower Oaks when we have little money and need free drinks. Good luck maintaining the site!

I say it every single year: life for a Redskins fan begins again in the off-season.
But this time I mean it.
The idea of Joe Gibbs is soothing, almost essential, like a pillow in bed, because when you see him, a photomontage of streaking burgundy and gold whirls behind that beautiful cursive ‘R’ hat. Unlike other men, Gibbs’ face does not require hope; it sees the tapestry of the world and deciphers it a second before the other guy into X’s and O’s, W’s and L’s. Gibbs is not just a man—he’s a rare synthesis of brilliance and aplomb more keenly attuned to the weave of the world than other men; he’s a walking vision of what could have been, a pulsing shiver of what just might be…
This is what I see in a future with Joe Gibbs…
17-0 regular season. League owners will vote unanimously to award us a victory on our bye week.
NFC teams will purchase our airfare and hotel room and cheer loudly as we fustigate the Ravens in the Super Bowl. The city of Baltimore will collapse entirely and Peter Angelos will be crushed under a stampede of Albert Belle’s bastard children. President Bush will issue a National emergency and rename the Orioles the Washington Senator.
Ray Lewis will demand a trade to Washington, and Jeremiah Trotter will become the most effective special teams player since David Terrell.
Hydraulics will be injected into the entire lower bowl of FedEx Field.
Any person attempting to sit in the club section will be thoroughly cavity searched, asked to recite the fight song backwards, forced to chug a beer.
He’ll announce the new defensive backs coach: Darrell Green.
DC will elect a new mayor: Darrell Green.
We will beat the Cowboys, often twice in one year.
Snyder will be placed in a dark room, his eyes forced open in front of a projector flashing images of Warren Sapp and Terrell Owens; he will receive a noticeable shock every time he reaches for his wallet.
Vinny Cerrato will find his office mysteriously replaced with a Pizza Hut. As he walks away perplexed his left foot will drop into the hollow comfort of a cold oubliette. Taylor Jacobs and Dockery will be there.
Trotter will miraculously leave the Pizza Hut and hit the weights.
The parking lot will be redistributed behind a vast facade of Southeast. Kingpins, panders, and various other ‘Samaritans’ will engage immediately in a struggle for territory. Winners will emerge. Parking will now be $15 bucks for whoever gets there first.
Tailgating will be encouraged.
Anyone attempting to search a ticketed fan entering the building will be immediately arrested for molestation.
The current stadium announcer will be fed to LaVar as Joe Bugel shouts “First Down, Redskins fans!” into a megaphone attached to another megaphone. “Quiet, Offense at Work” T-shirts will be distributed for the purposes of a public burning.
They’ll return to me my fountain of youth—the mezzanine section. People will henceforth say ‘mezzanine’ with impunity; vernacular will be established and “Holla at the Mezz” will be the next Jay-Z hit.
Tupac will come out of hiding and sing every National Anthem.
Age defying technology will emerge; any season ticket holder from 1994 to 2003 will be allowed to enter and remove anywhere from one to ten years of his life. A chain-gang of Michael Westbrook, Albert Connell, Brett Conway, Norv Turner will be waiting on the other side; you can punch, kick, or bite them in an area of your choice.
Because Joe Gibbs’ return is really about much more than football. He’s the hope that we can do the things we’ve meant to do, revel in the elation that’s eluded us all these years, experience the real intensity we pretended had always been there. We have a rare opportunity to combine the wisdom of age with the energy of youth.
And we’ll march on, braves along the warpath, whooping and hollering into the future. Get ready—life begins again in the fall.

- Eric Jaffe - Washington DC

Man, this Jaffe character seems to be excited about Joe Gibbs. Jeez, like anybody could get THAT excited about a football coach…

Weekend Predictions

Saturday:

#3 Wake Forest at #2 Duke
You know how sometimes American forces play loud and crappy music to force enemies out of their compounds or to torture them? This came in handy when US troops needed to force Manuel Noriega out of his Panamanian hideout back in the late 80’s. The army blasted Van Halen’s 1984 at unbelievably loud decibels and sure enough, Noriega came out with his hands up screaming “kick David Lee Roth out of the band” in whatever language it is they speak in Panama. So, if the US really wants to find Bin Laden they should get the biggest speakers they can find and play the audio to Saturday’s Wake Forest/Duke game. After 15 minutes of listening to Dick Vitale scream about how great the Cameron Crazies are and how J.J. Reddick is a PTP’er, Osama will throw his crazy hands up and surrender like Saddam.
Man, do I hate Dick Vitale.
It should be an interesting game in Durham. Duke probably won’t be able to handle Eric Williams and Jamal Levy inside (come on Coach K… you couldn’t recruit anybody better than Sheldon Williams? He’s Rick Fox minus the looks, acting ability and hint of talent.)
But, Wake's Williams is a fouling-machine, the likes of which have not been seen since the early Darius Songalia days. (His 3rd and 4th fouls against Texas were questionable calls. But for his 5th, Williams; who had been back in the game all of 45 seconds, was about to get schooled by Brandon Mouton and decided to jump in the air and throw in a hip as Mouton drove past him. When the ref blew the whistle Williams actually looked surprised. I like him, but, come on Eric.) Without Williams on the court, Wake’s guards have trouble getting good looks, and they’ll need them against a stout Duke defense.
Chris Paul and Justin Gray form a great backcourt for the Deacs, but JJ “Backne” Reddick and Chris Duhon aren’t bad themselves. Whichever team has their big men get in foul trouble early (guess who that team is going to be) is going to be in for a long afternoon. Both squads like to shoot from outside, and a hot or cold day for either will go a long way in determining who takes an early lead in the ACC race.
Sadly, this game has the looks of a rough one for the Deacs. These are the results of the last five games the two schools have played in Durham.

1998 47-78
1999 71-102
2000 62-85
2001 80-103
2002 55-74

Keep in mind that Wake was pretty good all five of those years (except maybe for 1999). Duke just blew them out. In the 2001 game Wake actually held the lead at the under 16 timeout in the 2nd half. When the game resumed, Duke came out and played Ike to Wake’s Tina. In 2002 WFU stayed in it until halftime, but was again blown out in the second half.
This game probably won’t be any different, especially if Vytas Danelius doesn’t play.
Duke 88 – Wake Forest 74

#1 Connecticut at #11 North Carolina
Do you think Roy Williams has had enough of the ACC? His young team has played great basketball in their two ACC losses so far. The triple-overtime loss at home to Wake Forest was a bad start, but then Roy’s boys blew a lead last night in College Park. Now, UNC is sitting at 1-2 in the ACC with the #1 team in the country coming to Chapel Hill. A bad loss to Uconn will cause some grumbling on Tobacco Road, but an easy stretch (by ACC standards) follows with road games at Florida State and Clemson sandwiching Virginia and NC State in Chapel Hill, so the Heels won't be in bad shape with a loss to the Huskies. I bet Roy wishes he had Baylor and Kansas State on his schedule this year. Going from the Big 12 to the ACC is like switching beers from Coors to Steel Reserve. Yeah, they’re the same things in theory, but Marge, in theory, communism works.
Connecticut 83 – North Carolina 71

Maryland at #14 Georgia Tech
This game is probably the most interesting ACC battle of the year as of yet. Maryland is coming off a come-from-behind win against Carolina (don’t call it an upset; they don’t exist in the ACC), but that was on the heels of an ugly loss in Tallahassee. Georgia Tech is the team equivalent of Kwame Brown. Just when you think they might actually be kind of good, they go and lose to Georgia (or in Kwame’s case shoot 1-9 against Memphis). Nobody, especially coaches Gary Williams and Paul Hewitt, knows how which team will show itself Saturday night. It'll be a tough test for both teams, but Maryland will grab their first ACC road win.
That is, unless teams start to implement the plan I developed last night when watching the MD-UNC game. I call it “Hack-a-Jamar”. It is based on the infamous “Hack-a-Shaq” plan, but without the fun rhyming scheme. Jamar shoots free throws worse than Keanu Reeves plays Hamlet. Mark it down, the Terps free-throw woes are going to come back to haunt them this season.
Maryland 78 – Georgia Tech 70

Wisconsin-Green Bay at Wisconsin-Milwaukee
This rivalry is kind of like the Hatfields and McCoys, Zimmer and Pedro or Minelli and Gest, one would have to assume. Right? I’m guessing those working class Green Bay kids hate the pretentious, rich-kids on the Milwaukee campus and they battle Wisconsin style (snapping their fingers and chanting “Got Milk?” while wearing parkas and circling a huge cheddar wheel).
Wisconsin-Milwaukee 57 – Wisconsin-Green Bay 55

Anzto at a bar
After 8 beers and 6 Tanqueray and Tonics, Antzo tends to make inane comments like, "I've seen about....... 80 pit bulls in my life," or "Camden Yards is definitely one of the best stadiums in the NFL." So on this night, why would anything be different.
At around 1 a.m. Alex Antzoulatos will point to a girl’s eyebrows and nod knowingly.

Sunday:

Indianapolis Colts at New England Patriots
One of my pet peeves while watching NFL games is hearing announcers talk about the offensive and defensive coordinators after every great play and saying “Wow! Look at that! What a great playcall by (blank).” If scoring a touchdown was as easy as calling a good play, then teams would score a whole lot more. Coordinators might call the plays, but players make them. You can write a great script, but if you get Ashton Kutcher to star, well then you’ve got “straight-to-the-dollar-theater” written all over it.
Bill Belicheck’s schemes are different though. The players still have to make the plays, of course, but Belicheck is a master at confusing offenses with different blitzes or coverage schemes. The defensive formations that Manning sees won’t be anything like he saw when picking apart the Broncos and Colts.
But the second I think that the Pats defense will carry the day, I’m reminded of the Pats offense, which consists mainly of screens and runs stuffed at the line of scrimmage. It's like Steve Spurrier is the O-Coordinator up there. The Colts defense did show last week that they are vulnerable to the run, but that hardly matters against the Patriots anemic running game.
This is a toss-up. I want to pick the Colts, but how can you bet against New England at home, especially when the weather is going to be frigid once again.
New England 27 – Indianapolis 20

Carolina Panthers at Philadelphia Eagles
This is another game that could hinge on one or two plays. So when in doubt about a pick, look to Vegas.
The Eagles opened up the week at 5 ½ point favorites against the Panthers. That line dipped to 3 ½ at midweek but is now back up to 4. That means that gamblers aren’t confident in the Eagles. And if you can’t trust a gambler, who can you trust?
The Panthers are the pick in this game, whether Stephen Davis plays or not. Obviously, Carolina would be in better shape with him, but DeShaun Foster and Nick Goings will handle the running game nicely in his absence.
And the Jake Delhomme to Steve Smith connection is having as good a stretch as any duo since DeNiro and Scorcese filmed Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, and Casino in a 20 year stretch. In comparison Al Pacino had a great run with The Godfather, Serpico and Scarface, then just stopped being in good movies. When was the last time you saw Pacino in a movie and said “Bravo Al!”. He’s turned into a caricature of himself. The man was in Gigli, for crap’s sake.
Anyway, don’t underestimate the Delhomme-Smith combo.
This game boils down to a game plan I wrote about Monday that I hoped the Patriots would employ. There is no reason the Panthers probably won't do the same thing, since they have a mean defense in their own right.
Seeing as how Donovan is the only threat on the Eagles offense, the Panthers will probably use somebody to spy him (Mike Minter perhaps?) and try to use a balanced pass rush to control Donovan. Don’t expect the Eagles to run with any success against the Panthers D-Line, so Donovan will be their only ground weapon.
As for his passes, single coverage against James Thrash and Todd Pinkston isn’t going to worry the Panthers’ cornerbacks, so maybe the Panthers will blitz, a la the Packers last week. If there is a spy on McNabb, he should be controlled.
Home field in this game means next to nothing, as the Eagles showed last year in the NFC Championship Game. The Panthers are great in close games, and this one has the makings of a nail biter.
Panthers 23 – Eagles 19

Last weeks record: 2-2

Coming up for the weekend... reader mail, Jaffe's Gibbs piece and why Gangs of New York is an underrated movie.

John Elway and Barry Sanders are locks to be elected into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this year. Their induction ceremony promises to be a huge event with the two former superstars standing center stage; which is why it is a perfect year for Art Monk to finally be voted into Canton.
All of his career Art Monk always played second fiddle. Whether it was to Riggo, Doug or Gary Clark on the Redskins or to Steve Largent or Jerry Rice in the NFL, Monk was never looked at as a superstar. And Art Monk would be the first to agree.
And if he went in to the Hall this year, Monk would gladly stand in the background as Elway and Sanders garnered most of the attention. But if that doesn't happen, and Monk is left out for yet another yeart, it won’t eat at him. See, Art Monk is not Pete Rose. He doesn’t need to be in the Hall of Fame. But it sure would be nice.

Monk never was a superstar. Superstars need to have either gaudy numbers with lots of scores or a good endzone dance, and Monk had neither. He was happy to let Gary Clark and Ricky Sanders catch more touchdowns, or to see Gerald Riggs rumble into the endzone for a score. Monk cared about winning and he did whatever he could to ensure that the Redskins did. He ran precise routes, even when he wasn’t the primary receiver. He blocked as well as a finesse receiver can and he always made the key 1st down catch when the ball came his way. Art Monk was a winner; his three Super Bowl rings are proof of that.
While Monk didn’t have any spectacular statistical seasons (except for his record-breaking 106 catch 1984, a mark that stood for nine years until Herman Moore bested it), he had 13 solid ones. He only led the Redskins in receptions for 6 of his 14 seasons and never reached the endzone more than eight times. Only five times did he gain more than 1,000 receiving yards. And he only made the Pro Bowl three times. But, at the time of his retirement, Art Monk was the all-time leader in receptions, with 940 and was third in receiving yards. He also had the record for most consecutive games with a catch. Monk had over 12,000 receiving yards and 68 touchdowns. Most of which (save for his ill-fated years with the Jets and Eagles in the mid-90’s) were accumulated with two other excellent receivers, All-Pro Gary Clark and Ricky Sanders, lined up next to him. And during his Redskins career Monk caught passes from Joe Thiesmann, Mike Kruczek, Jay Schroeder, Doug Williams, Mark Rypien, Stan Humphries, Jeff Rutledge, Rich Gannon and Cary Conklin. Compare that to Jerry Rice who had Joe Montana, Steve Young and a new and improved Rich Gannon slinging balls his way during his career.
Currently, Monk is 5th in career receptions and 9th in receiving yards (amazing, considering he was used as the possession receiver in Joe Gibbs offense).
Maybe those numbers aren’t Hall-of-Fame worthy, especially in the era of pass-happy offenses (Monk’s 106 single-season receptions has been bested 22 separate times, a list that includes Brett Perriman and Terrence Mathis). But, when compared to other Hall-of-Fame receivers, it is clear Monk deserves to have his bust in Canton.

Charlie Joiner 750 catches 12146 yards 65 TD’s
John Stallworth 537 catches 8723 yards 62 TD’s
Lynn Swann 336 catches 5598 yards 43 TD’s
Art Monk 940 catches 12721 yards 68 TD’s

Comparing stats in the NFL is misleading, because the game has undergone so many transformations since its inception. Listed above are three of Monk’s contemporaries who are in the Hall of Fame, which should provide a decent frame of reference. As you can see, Monk has higher totals than all of these players. Swann and Stallworth’s numbers could be interpreted as being a bit low because they played on the same team for many of their years. But, their total catches combined don’t equal Art Monk’s. Both Stallworth and Swann played on Super Bowl champions and made memorable catches during the games. Perhaps the only reason Stallworth was elected into the Hall was because of his circus catch against the Rams in Super Bowl XIV. This is not to suggest that Swann and Stallworth are undeserving of the honor that they earned, but if they are in, why not Art?
Sports Illustrated’s Dr. Z says that a Hall of Fame wideout needs to be able to stretch the field, and Monk didn’t do that, so he doesn’t belong. With all due respect to Dr. Z, saying a wideout needs to stretch the field to gain induction is like saying a quarterback needs to be mobile. Both are only one skill of the position. Monk opened the field up for his teammates by unselfishly running the 8-yard hooks that Dr. Z decries. Hey Doc, you don’t need to be a deep threat to be a dangerous receiver.
I don’t know why Art Monk hasn’t been elected into the Hall of Fame yet. I guess each voter, like the good Doctor, has their reasons. Maybe it’s because Monk wasn’t all that memorable. He was never one to seek the spotlight and was never a go-to guy in the locker room for quotes. He didn’t do commercials or throw temper tantrums on the sidlines. He didn’t show up his coach by questioning the play calls or take a shot at his quarterback for not throwing him the ball. Maybe nobody votes for Art Monk because they don’t remember Art Monk.
He deserves to be with Stallworth and Swann and Largent and Gifford and the other great receivers in the Hall of Fame. Hopefully one day, voters will realize that Art Monk was one of the greatest wideouts to ever play in the NFL and will vote him into the place he deserves to be.
It’s a shame; if he hadn’t been so classy, if he’d celebrated his touchdowns and wore fur coats to the stadium, if he went on TV every week and talked about how great he was, maybe Art Monk wouldn’t be so easily forgotten.

I hate three things. They will be listed in no particular order.

1) Bad drivers
2) When people are in a long line waiting to buy something and finally get to the cashier and then are told that the item cost X amount of dollars and then, and only then, do they slowly reach for their wallet and fumble through it looking for cash or a credit card. People, you had five minutes to do this while standing in line. What, did you think you weren’t gonna have to pay?
3) Yankees fans

About that order thing… I lied. I hate Yankees fans the most.
Don’t get me wrong, I hate many other people. Cowboys fans, Duke fans, neo-Carolina Panther fans, UNC fans and Jim Rome are all high on my list. But Yankees fans have a special place of loathing in my heart.
You see, Cowboys fans aren’t that bad because none of them are really fans. They come out like cockroaches when the ‘Boys do well, then scatter back into the walls during the Chad Hutchinson years. (True story: Hospitals around the country saw a 300% increase in broken arms and legs two Saturday’s ago. The reason; apparently so-called “fans” were desperately jumping off the Cowboys bandwagon.) Duke fans are bad; but deep down, each has a small sense of self-loathing for actually rooting for such an evil team, so that makes them almost tolerable and sometimes a little amusing to be around.
But oh, Yankees fans, living in their Yankeecentric world, how I hate thee. And today was one of those days that only reinforced that feeling.

What an Asstro!
Traitor Roger unretires, joins the Astros
- Front page headline from The New York Post, January 13, 2004

Roger the Rat
“He told the world he was retiring and we had no choice but to believe him” George Steinbrenner
- Back page headline from The New York Post, January 13, 2004

Traitor!
Roger Clemens unretires to sign with Houston – Yanks fans tell him what they think
- Front page headline from The New York Daily News, January 13, 2004

Texas Two-Face
Turncoat Clemens becomes Pride of the Astros
- Back page headline from The New York Daily News, January 13, 2004

In case you couldn’t tell, Yankees fans feel betrayed that Roger Clemens signed with the Houston Astros. To hear a poor, spurned New Yorker tell it, Clemens’ defection to Houston was unfair and maybe even a little dishonest because of Andy Pettite’s move to the same team. I feel for New Yorkers right now, I really do. It feels like a slap in the face when a team swoops in and takes a beloved player away by offering him more money and a chance to win. But, I guess this is different because Clemens wasn’t a free agent, wasn’t offered more money by the Astros and isn’t even a real Yankee.
And that slap in the face might feel a little new to Yanks fans who are accustomed to the Big George opening his checkbook to buy anybody and everybody available in free agency, but to fans of other teams, the slap wouldn’t cause any pain because our faces have been numbed by the Yankees doing the same thing to our teams for years.
Do the names Steve Sax, Danny Tartabull, Wade Boggs, Paul O’Neill, Cecil Fielder, Chuck Knoblauch, David Cone, David Justice, Mike Mussina and Jason Giambi mean anything to Yankees fans? Probably, but to them they are names on a roster, not hometown boys who came up through the Yankees system and became famous playing in pinstripes. They are hired hands; mercenaries, albeit expensive ones. They each were beloved in the city they played (OK, maybe not Knoblauch) and then The Boss lured them to the Bronx with promises of riches and rings (only one of which is possessed by Mussina and Giambi, by the way). And that’s fine. I don’t blame Mike Mussina for going to play in New York. The Orioles made him a weak offer and he went to get the money. That’s the way it works when there is no salary cap and one team can spend $60 million more on its roster. But Yankees fans, don’t cry about the system that has been feeding your team for the past two decades.
Clemens wasn’t going to play in New York this year anyway. If the US Baseball Qualifying Team hadn’t blown it in the qualifying tournament, Clemens would have been playing in Athens this summer. Instead, he figured that driving carpool and making bologna sandwiches wasn’t going to suit him, so he signed a contract to play close to home and be with a good friend, whom George let walk away.
Plus, Clemens isn’t really a Yankee anyway. If the people in Cooperstown have any cojones, they’ll put Clemens in wearing a Red Sox hat.

Roger Clemens Career Stats with Sox and Yanks

Red Sox 196-111, 3 Cy Young Awards, 1 MVP, 4 ERA titles, 2 20 win seasons
Yankees 77-36, 1 Cy Young Award, 1 ERA title, 1 20 win season (all same season)

But, Clemens will probably petulantly threaten to boycott the induction ceremony if he doesn’t go in a Yankee, so Cooperstown will cave. Unless, of course, all this bitching by Yankees fans sours the relationship between them and the Rocket.
Either way, today was one of many days that reaffirms the fact that the Yankees and their followers are derived from pure evil.
And one more thing, Nomar is so much better than Jeter.

Tuesday Thoughts

- Christian Laettner was suspended for 5 games for the NBA for violating the league’s drug policy. You see? That’s a little bit of that Dukie self-loathing at work.
- Well, at least Bullets fans know that Laettner actually does have the ability to score.
- Has anybody had a worse opening three-episode stretch then Frankie on the new Real World? First she divulges her cystic fibrosis while sucking down Marlboro Reds, then she gets all up on Brad and tells him she wants to make out, after which she vomits on herself. Then tonight she freaks out when she sees a cruise ship sailing by her house. Now, if she has a thing with big boats, that’s cool with me, just don't put yourself in a position around big sailing vessels. I mean, I hate elevators, but you don’t see me filling out a job application to go work at Otis. What did she think was gonna see in San Diego, cornfields? Nick Streit sleeping on a park bench? She probably did see that one, I suppose.
- Speaking of Streit, that's two mentions in two days. Here's a third... Nick brought up an interesting point about Brett Favre. Now first understand, that Streit is to Favre as Chase is to Jeter, but the point is still valid.

I enjoyed the Brett Favre theory. Of course you fogot the fact that he hasn't talked to the media the last two years after the playoff losses, so not only does he suck, but he's also an enormous bitch.
- Nick Streit

Touche Mr. Streit, touche...
- My intense dislike of Kobe Bryant has mellowed in recent months because of his whole legal situation. Maybe he did it, maybe he didn’t… I don’t know. I’m inclined to think he’s innocent of the charges, guilty of bad judgment in that situation and doubly guilty of being a self-righteous a--hole all other times. So I've calmed my Kobe-hating, until last night that is. After hurting his shoulder, Kobe continued to throw up shots LEFT-HANDED. Obviously, he thinks his teammates can’t win without him. Well, he’s right. They can’t win without him now because Shaq’s not playing. But once the Big Aristotle (why hasn’t that nickname caught on, its fantabulous) comes back, the Lakers will have no problem winning without Kobe.
- Yao Ming and Shaq are battling in the fan vote for the starting role on the Western Conference All-Star team. Yao is only in the race because the NBA allows China to vote on the internet, which is a little like letting middle school girls vote for the Grammy’s. The Chinese will vote for Yao, the same way all teenage girls would vote for R. Kelly.
- Kevin Garnett clapping the baby powder off his hands into the face of the guys sitting courtside is one of those things that was amusing the first time I saw it, a little less funny the second time and now so irritating that it, and all images of it, must be stopped. Sort of like The Osbournes.
- Not a bad loss for Wake Forest last night. Non-conference road games against good teams are never easy, particularly when your big men get into early foul trouble and the home team is on fire from 3-point range. Granted, it would have been nice to see a game in which the referees hadn’t let Texas’s center get away with mugging Wake’s guys under the basket, but all in all, it wasn't a bad time to get a first loss for the Deacs. Duke awaits on Saturday. Christian Laettner might be in attendance… word is he’s got some free time.

The start of the PGA season was overshadowed this weekend by the NFL Divisional Playoffs; and with good reason.
The PGA, which does a wonderful job promoting its tournaments and players, fails to actively promote its season, instead allowing most casual fans to guess when the tournaments begin counting for real. There is a simple solution that would remedy the situation quickly.
The PGA tries to advertise its leading money winner as the “champion” of the season. It does a good job of that; the best golfers usually win the most money and the most important tournaments give a higher payout then the smaller ones. But, the money winner has failed to capture the attention of the public; unless it involved Tiger Woods (which it usually does – he has finished in the top two in each of the last seven years.).
The problem with the money list is that Tiger and the other top golfers tend to play fewer tournaments, which allows players like Charles Howell III (a solid competitor, despite his fashion faux pas’ that make him look like he’s waiting tables at an Applebee's ) to sneak into the Top 20 due in large part to the fact he played at least 10 more tournaments then Tiger, Ernie Els, Mike Weir and Retief Goosen.
So, the PGA should develop a system (sadly, one that will probably end up being similar to Nascar) that places a point value on finishing places in specific tournaments. For example, finishing 10th in the US Open would be worth more than finishing 5th at the Greensboro Open. I have no more examples, but you get the idea… if you are looking for a formula hit up somebody who didn’t get a D+ in statistics.
Changing gears, but only slightly; another story lost in the shuffle of sports stories this week –

Tangent Time

The Orioles signed Rafael Palmeiro. They let Vladimir Guerrero get away, but might counter with an offer to Ivan Rodriguez. Damn, with the BJ Surhoff signing, all the Orioles need to do is bring back Albert Belle and the O’s will DEFINITELY win the AL East in 1998.
Seriously, who’s running things up at Camden Yards? It seems like Brian Billick is trying to extend his deft personnel touch to the Orioles (Kyle Boller anyone?). Now I read that they might make a $21 million offer to Sidney Ponson.
Lets look at Sidney Ponson’s ERA+ for his entire career. (ERA+ is an adjusted stat that takes into account home ballpark and other factors; then compares that ERA to the rest of the league. An ERA+ of 100 means that is average, and a higher one means above average.)

1998 86
1999 102
2000 98
2001 95
2002 107
2003 115 (split between Baltimore and San Francisco)
Avg. 99

Simply put, Sidney Ponson has been a spectacularly average pitcher during his whole career. He is, in essence, Jeff Daniels. Not good enough to make you take notice of anything he has done in his career and not bad enough to make you wonder out loud, “man, does (blank) suck”. (Quick, name two Jeff Daniels movies… and not Speed or Dumb and Dumber......... see?) Ponson has improved the past 2 years, but his numbers hardly warrant the 3-year, $21 million deal he is about to sign.
The Orioles need to take a page from the Redskins and bring an old legend back to inject some life into the franchise… of course I’m talking about Phil Regan.

Tangent Over

Where was I. Oh yeah; I was about to talk about Michelle Wie and how she is playing in the Sony Open this weekend. That’s a PGA Tour event. Somehow this story has managed to escape the front pages, which is especially bewildering considering that Anika Sorenstam’s foray onto the PGA Tour made headlines for weeks and doubly surprising considering Wie is a female Freddy Adu; a sports prodigy. And if the media loves one thing besides Michael Jackson talking about the normalcy of sharing a bed with a child; its sports prodigies.
It’s a possibility that this story is being ignored by media outlets because nobody expects Wie to do well. She has only won one major tournament (the US Women’s Amateur Public Links Championship; which is akin to Jon Cryer winning a People’s Choice Award for his work on Two and a Half Men) and is only 14. It’s not a knock on Michelle Wie, but how can anybody realistically expect her to compete with professionals who are more than twice her age (and in some cases thrice her age).
Wie shouldn’t be playing this weekend. She should be practicing her golf game so she can earn her LPGA tour-card and in a few years, if her development continues at its current pace, try to play on the men’s tour. And if that doesn’t work, I hear the Orioles will sign just about anybody.

The Carolina Panthers and Philadelphia Eagles will play for the NFC Championship next Sunday, but if not for an outbreak of stupidity on the sidelines of the St. Louis Rams and Green Bay Packers, those two teams would be battling it out for the right to go to the Super Bowl.
The Rams and Packers both made decisions late in regulation of their respective games that showed an amazing lack of faith in their offenses.
First, the Rams decided to sit on the ball for the last 45 seconds and kick a game-tying field goal to send the game to overtime.
Mike Martz has been called a coaching genius, which is a little like calling Fred Durst a musical virtuoso. Martz’s offensive schemes helped create the “Greatest Show on Turf”, and since he became head coach the team has stayed true to that moniker. But, Martz’s decision making as a head coach has had a Spurrier-like quality. First he didn’t use Marshall Faulk effectively in the Super Bowl, allowing Bill Belicheck’s defense to smother Kurt Warner’s pass-attack, thus leading to one of the biggest upsets in the game’s history.
(A lot of people forget that the Rams were favored by 17 in the Super Bowl that year. The Pats, after lucking out in the snow against the Raiders, were lightly regarded and nobody expected it to be much of a game, let alone for New England to win).
Then Martz played musical-chairs with his quarterbacks last season, and had about as much success with the experiment as Steve Spurrier did in Washington.
(Think about this. Last year the Redskins started their season with Shane Matthews and Danny Wuerffel at the top of their depth chart; which at the time was the weakest duo since Nelson. Do you think the defensive players knew they weren’t going to win and that’s why they were so bad the whole year? I mean, seriously… When you see Danny Wuerffel sitting on the sidelines, what possible motivation can you have for making a stop on 3rd and 7. You’re better off giving them the 1st down and trying to get a TD off a turnover. But I digress.)
On Saturday, Mike Martz decided that playing for a tie was acceptable, knowing full well that if you lose the toss in overtime, you might never see the ball. That almost happened, if the Panthers hadn’t had that inexplicable delay of game penalty. Then Martz REALLY would have been catching hell for not going for the win. As it was, the Rams blew plenty of opportunities in overtime to win the game (good call not running Marshall Faulk on 1st down from the 30, by the way) and Martz’s gaffe doesn’t become Grady Little-esque in stature. You have to play to win the game, as Herman Edwards says. If you don’t, and let teams creep back into the game, you don’t deserve to advance in the playoffs. Martz didn’t have faith in his quarterback (who had never lost in St. Louis) or his All-Pro receivers or running back. He played it safe, which also meant playing it stupid.

Which brings us to Mike Sherman. Like his Midwest counterpart, Sherman did everything possible to keep his team from winning except for starting Mike McKenzie’s hair at linebacker.
The decision not to go for the 4th and 1 in the 4th quarter will earn a lot of criticism, particularly with the way the Packers had been running the ball all day.

Tangent Time

I don’t like criticizing Brett Favre all that much because I think he is one of the best QB’s in NFL history, but today I realized that the harsh Nick Streit “Favrian Theory” (Favre thinks he is entitled to win because of his hype, ergo, he will try to force throws where they have no business being thrown, which means that Brett Favre sucks and I hate him and Bears rule) is closer to truth then I imagined. Favre had no business making that throw in overtime. Not with the way Ahman was running the ball. He threw it because he believed in the hype about his magic. Incidentally, that “magical” game he had against Oakland on that Monday night was the result of a) the worst secondary in football and b) his receivers making great adjustments on under thrown balls. Two of those TD’s in that game should have been intercepted, but the Packers receivers wanted the balls more. That being said, I still think Favre is great.

Tangent Over

Back to Sherman. I can live with the decision to punt. I think it shows a lack of confidence in your offensive line and running back, but if the Packers defense had made a stop on 4th down, then the decision looks brilliant.
Nor was the choice to go for 4th and goal from the 1 late in the 2nd quarter. That call has been getting the most flack, but it was a good idea. The Eagles were on their heels, the notoriously fickle Philadelphia fans were one touchdown away from booing their “beloved” team into the locker room and Sherman had Ahman Green at his disposal, who had been gaining six yards per run. No, it wasn’t a bad idea to go for the 7 instead of the 3.
What WAS a bad idea was running off-tackle. Even if Ahman hadn’t tripped on his own player, he still might not have gotten in. 4th and goal from the 2-foot line is the time for either an a) qb sneak or b) RB jump up the middle.
I won’t even discuss the Packers coverage on the 4th and 26. The only thing I’ll say is, don’t credit Donovan McNabb with that play. The Packers gave it to him and Freddie Mitchell on a silver-platter. Donovan played well on Sunday, when the Packers weren’t blitzing him, that is.
Seriously, when will defensive coordinators learn that there is a proven way to beat Donovan McNabb. Blitz him and spy him. Don’t worry about the secondary, because the way Donovan throws it won’t matter. He is not a good passer, he is a good creator. But if there is pressure on him and a man in between him and the 1st down marker, Donovan panics and tries to Favre the ball into his man (with a lot less velocity and accuracy).
If the Eagles win on Sunday (a lot to ask considering they have choked the past two years in the Championship game) and the Pats handle the Colts, it is guaranteed that Bill Belicheck will pressure McNabb and make him beat the Pats with his arm. Last time they played Donovan was 18-46 with 186 yards and 2 INT’s.
The Eagles and Panthers deserved to win their games this weekend and earned the right to play in the NFC Championship. They were also aided by two foolish coaches who, instead of playing to win, played not to lose.

Random Weekend Thoughts
- I read the excerpts from Pete Rose's book in this weeks Sports Illustrated. I then read an editorial by John Dowd in Sunday's Washington Post that detailed what actually happened when Rose was banished from baseball. I think any rational person who would read either article would agree that Pete Rose has no business being anywhere near Major League Baseball and that he shouldn't even be allowed within three counties of Cooperstown.
- Ben Affleck's career has gone down the crapper so fast I'm beginning to wonder how long it's gonna be before he's matching wits with Corbin Bersen on Celebrity Mole.
- My Top 5 if I voted in the AP College Basketball Poll (keep in mind, a poll shouldn't be based on potential, it should be on merit).
5) Lousville
4) Duke
3) Connecticut
2) Wake Forest
1) Stanford
- On ESPN.com this afternoon there was a headline on the left-hand side of the page that read "Duke routs North Carolina". I had thought Duke was playing UVA later that night, but I figured I was mistaken. Still, thought I, how did a Duke-UNC matchup miss my attention? I then clicked on the link and found out that the Duke women's basketball team beat UNC's women's basketball team. And this, evidently, was newsworthy enough to put on ESPN.com's front page. It was like clicking on a link that says "See the hottest Friend naked" and finding a picture of David Schwimmer playing shuffleboard in the buff.
- Today's New York Times reports that a growing trend among radio station formats is "early 90's rock". Just what the world needs; another place to hear the brilliance of Blind Melon.
- Each 30-minute sitcom runs about 22 minutes. A promo for a show is about 15 seconds long. Therefore, only 1/88th of the show needs to be good in order to have a decent teaser to show during, say, the NFL playoffs. These facts make this weeks promo of CBS's "Yes, Dear" all the more frightening.

Random Musings
I was going to write about Pete Rose today, then decided against it because my entire argument can be summed up in one sentence: You bet on baseball, you get banned for life. Get over it Pete. You lied for years and a phony, self-serving apology won't be enough to get you back in the good graces of baseball.
By the way, has any "goodwill" tour gone worse than Rose's? He set out to right the ship he has mis-steered for 14 years and instead sent it careening off a cliff. His admission was defiant, his apology was insincere and the fact that he only did this to get money and into the Hall of Fame makes the whole spectacle even cheaper. The only thing worse then a liar is an unrepentant liar, as Rose has shown this week. Seriously, the only way he would have come off looking worse the past few days was if he ripped up a picture of the Pope while kicking puppies and chillin with bin Laden.
That's more than I wanted to say about Pete Rose.

Some thoughts for the weekend:
- Jim Mora Jr? Really? Are you telling me that in four days the Falcons owner went from thinking he might have a shot to hire Joe Gibbs to hiring Jim Mora Jr? That's like a casting director trying to get Al Pacino to star in a movie, getting turned down, and quickly settling for Ralph Macchio.
The Niners defense has been pretty mediocre under Mora's watch (Mike Rumph is to the Niners secondary as Stanley Richard was to the Redskins) and he gets rewarded with a head coaching job? I bet Michael Vick is real happy about that hire. Who's going to get the Raiders job, George Edwards? (Hopefully Mora takes after his dad in press conference etiquette. Do you think the reporters who were at Mora's famous "diddly-poo", "we sucked" and "PLAYYYOFFFSSS????!" rants laughed out loud? I mean, how does one maintain their composure when an old man repeatedly says the word "diddly-poo"?)

- Have you seen this list that was leaked out of the AP with every important figure in the sports world's phone number on it? Here's my Top 5 of who I would want to call, but won't... and why.
5) Peter Angelos - But first I'd have to learn some new Greek curse words.
4) Rich Gedman - To ask him how his name got on a list that also includes Magic Johnson, Ted Williams and George Steinbrenner.
3) Tim McCarver - To see if he has finally had the operation to get his lips permanantly attached to Derek Jeter's ass.
2) Jimmy Sexton - His entry is subtitled "Reggie White, Heath Shuler's agent". So obviously I'd ask him if Heath needs an agent in his current job, insurance salesman. (Man, what a bust that pick was. At least Ryan Leaf gave the world hilarious profanity-laced tirades. All Heath Shuler gave the world was Gus Frerotte.)
1) Ickey Woods - Just because.

- Playoff picks:
St. Louis over Carolina
New England over Tennessee
Green Bay over Philadelphia
Indianapolis over Kansas City

- Showing how irrelevant hockey is in the United States; the goalie for Phoenix (when the hell did Phoenix get a hockey team anyway. It reminds me of the time I saw a Columbus hockey score on the bottom line and kept trying to figure out what hockey team was nicknamed "Columbus". No wonder the NHL is going broke. Expanding a product that is not in high-demand into a market that's not demanding it is a great way to do business. It's like building a gas station next to an Amish settlement.) But back to this goalie-fellow...
He is about to set a record for the most consecutive shutouts and the most consecutive shutout minutes by a goalie in modern history. This is a pretty big hockey record (comparable to Orel Hershiser's 59 2/3 scoreless innings pitched in baseball), yet nobody cares. It's a pretty amazing feat and most people probably haven't heard about it. If somebody were going to make a run at Hershiser or Dimaggio's hit streak, it would be national news. But hockey is so far off the radar, that Brian Boucher (what, he couldn't play linebacker like his cousin Bobby?) won't get any attention for his impressive record.

- Kwame Brown is averaging 8.5 points per game. That puts him just ahead of Jiri Welsch and a few spots below Brian Cardinal. You think the NBA will let the Bullets take a mulligan? I mean, damn. They passed up on DeSagana Diop AND Kirk Haston that year.
Looking at the 2001 draft, I've gotta believe that it could be one of the worst in history. Granted, its only year three and guys like Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry might have Jermaine O'Neal-like development ahead of them, but look at the lottery picks.

1) Kwame Brown - Washington
2) Tyson Chandler - Chicago
3) Pau Gasol - Atlanta
4) Eddy Curry - Chicago
5) Jason Richardson - Golden State
6) Shane Battier - Memphis
7) Eddie Griffin - New Jersey
8) DeSagana Diop - Cleveland
9) Rodney White - Detroit
10) Joe Johnson - Boston
11) Kedrick Brown - Boston
12) Vladimir Radmonovic - Seattle
13) Richard Jefferson - Houston

The best pick on the board was by the Hawks, who then traded away Gasol. Battier will be a solid NBA bench player, but was hardly worth the 6th pick. Richard Jefferson is solid and Jason Richardson is a good scorer, but other than that... ouch. The Celtics picked Joe Johnson and Kedrick Brown back-to-back. It might take a little research, but I'd be willing to bet that those are the 2 worst back-to-back 1st round picks for a team in sports history. The sad part is, I bet people in Boston had the "we'll be excited about any draft pick our team makes" snydrome.
"Yeah... Joe Johnson was GREAT at Arkansas that year he was there. A couple of years here and he'll be an all-star."
We've all done it. I remember being convinced that Calbert Cheney was going to become the next Isiah Thomas. And he did....
The rest of the draft is equally uninspiring. Kirk Haston, Joe Forte, Jeryl Sasser, Raul Lopez (Raul Lopez? I don't know much about how to run a basketball team, but I can tell you that guys named Raul Lopez are probably not a good place to start a foundation), Samuel Delhambert and others round out the list.
The good picks aren't even that good. Zach Randolph, Tony Parker, and Gilbert Arenas (2nd Round) are seriously the only guys in the rest of the draft who have performed at the next level.
It's still too early to tell, but 2001 might rival the infamous 1986 draft (Len Bias, Roy Tarpley, Chris Washburn) as the worst ever.
At least nobody took Heath Shuler.

Have a good weekend.

Return of the King: Part II
There was a moment during Joe Gibbs' triumphant return to Redskins Park this afternoon that signaled a seismic change in the future of the Washington Redskins. Gibbs called the team's owner "Daniel".
Norv Turner was 45 when Dan Snyder bought the team. Marty Schottenheimer was 58 when he came to coach and Steve Spurrier was the same age when he abruptly quit two weeks ago. All three men (besides losing in DC) had something in common. They all called their much-younger owner, "Mr. Snyder".
It always seemed strange to see Marty Schottenheimer, who was playing college football when El Danno was still in diapers, call him "Mr. Snyder". Same with Spurrier. It just always felt a little uncomfortable, like when you're watching a movie sex scene with your parents in the room. Nobody wants to say anything about it, but everybody is aware of the awkwardness.
Joe Gibbs is having none of that. It's not that Gibbs is informal about names. He always (and still) calls Jack Kent Cooke "Mr. Cooke", even at today's press conference. Gibbs will call Dan Snyder "Daniel" until he earns the right to be called Mr. Snyder. And by keeping his nose out of Gibbs' locker room and personnel moves, Snyder might do that sooner rather than later. Joe Gibbs showed who was in charge today. Snyder might have the money and the title, but in his subtle way, today Joe Gibbs showed who was boss.

"Is it possible that the game has passed by Joe Gibbs?
The reasonable answer is that, if it has, he'll catch it and pass it pretty quickly."
- Michael Wilbon, The Washington Post, January 8, 2004

Wilbon said it all right there. Some critics, notably ESPN.com's Len Pasquerelli will have you believe that Gibbs won't be able to play today's style of football, won't be able to relate to the players, won't be able to be a force in free agency. Maybe so. But there is nothing that Joe Gibbs has done in his career that would suggest any of those things might come true.
The current form of free agency came into effect the year after Gibbs left the Redskins. Same with the salary cap. So, the assertion is, that Gibbs won't be able to have success with the revolving door that is today's NFL. But the Redskins teams of the 1980's WERE revolving doors. Gibbs won his three Super Bowl's with three different quarterback (two of whom were mediocre the rest of their NFL careers). He plugged in Timmy Smith during his 1987 playoff run and Smith ran for a Super Bowl record 204 yards in the 42-10 romp over Denver. That record still stands, by the way. Talk about your one-hit wonders. Timmy Smith should be wedged in between Dexy's Midnight Runners and Right Said Fred in VH1's Top 100. But I digress.
The point is, Joe Gibbs runs a system. If you can play within the system, you will play on the team. If you can't, you'll be slicing meat at a deli counter. It doesn't matter if you're Vernon Dean, George Rogers, Ed Simmons, Barry Wilburn, Todd Bowles, Brian Davis, RC Thielmann or Kurt Gouveia. All those guy were middle-of-the-road NFL players, at best, yet thrived in Gibbs system. Hell, the replacement players went 3-0 under Gibbs (including a 255-yard receiving day by Anthony Allen against St. Louis that is still the Redskins record. Shouldn't that have an asterisk by it? I mean, didn't Milli Vanilli have to give their Grammy back?). This is not to say that you could stick any player on the Redskins and Joe Gibbs would have them winning, but I bet that if Joe Gibbs had coached the Arizona Cardinals this year, they would have been better than 4-12.


"The past doesn't pay us much, except in relationships. We've got to prove ourselves all over again."
- Joe Gibbs, January 8, 2004

What a change this press conference was from two years ago when Steve Spurrier cruised into town and had everybody thinking that he'd snap his fingers and the Skins would return to glory.
Joe Gibbs isn't lulling anybody into a false sense of security. Today he acknowledged how much work had to be done and how much effort everybody (players, coaches, front-office) needed to give in order for the Redskins to become the success that everybody wants them to be. Just because Joe Gibbs is in town, he says, doesn't mean you can start mapping out a parade route through downtown DC.
Everyone in Washington DC expects a Super Bowl Championship in the first year. More than likely, that's a fantasy. The NFL loves its parity, but with established teams like Philly and St. Louis in the NFC, a playoff appearence is a reasonable goal for the Skins.
Today, Joe Gibbs said there is no timetable or plan for his team. He knows the Redskins need lots of work and isn't afraid to say so. He knows that the team isn't going to go 10-6 just by wanting to. It will take hard work, good scouting and a level of preparation not seen in Ashburn since Gibbs left, to get back to being a contender.

Joe Gibbs didn't wear his Super Bowl Rings today. They are in the past. He knows his success will be measured in how his team performs the next few years.
But even if they falter, Joe will still have coached the Redskins to the pinnacle of success in the 1980's, and not even a few losing seasons can take that away from the man who is more popular in this city than any coach or politician before him.
Today was a magical day in Washington DC. The King is back. Long live Joe Gibbs.

Return of the King: Part I
What a glorious day in the Nation's Capital; the King has returned.

With the shocking hire of Joe Gibbs as Head Coach and President of Football Operations, the Washington Redskins solidified their future in one bold and decisive stroke, as well as whipping Washington into a frenzy that will surely carry through the season-opening kickoff after Labor Day Weekend. Forget Michael Jordan, forget Jaromir Jagr, forget about Britney getting married, DC was abuzz today in a way it hasn't been since Gibbs retired on that equally surprising day in February of 1993. And walking down New Hampshire Avenue this morning, it was easy to see that Gibbs is the only man that can bring together this entire city, bi-partisan bickering be damned. In five minutes I had a Latin construction worker yell "Hail to the Redskins" at me and then gave a thumbs-up to an old, white guy with a Redskins hat walking into the Watergate.

It is hard to comprehend how much better off the Redskins are now then they were 24 hours ago. Yesterday they were a team with no direction, no motivation and a bunch of players that haven't had structure in their entire careers. Their owner couldn't have scored a table at TGI Fridays, let alone Cafe Milano, and he seemed close to hiring a coach who recently had his team quit on him for the last month of the season or a recluse who'd rather sit in a booth and coordinate his defense then have the responsibility of a head coach. And most importantly, the fans, as evidenced by the empty seats for the final two home games, were growing increasingly impatient with Dan Snyder and a poor start under an uninspiring coach could have turned the faithful DC legions against El Danno for good.
Enter Joe Jackson Gibbs. Would anybody be surprised if he rode into tomorrow's 5 p.m. press conference on a white horse, with Joe Bugel leading the way? The Redskins now have the leader they have lacked since Gibbs himself left. They now have the tradition that was forgotten in the Norv Turner-era. The burgundy and gold will once again become feared. The NFC East will once again become the premiere conference in the NFL. Is this putting too much pressure on one man? Didn't the same sort of talk happen when Steve Spurrier galloped into town? Yes and yes... but this time it's different, and if you have to ask why, then you just don't get it.

Let's forget all the talk about how the new generation of players won't respond to Gibbs' old-school style. He is not there to be a friend to the players. He is there to be their coach. And if the players don't respect him and his methods, then they'll be out. Do you think Bill Parcells is anybodies buddy in Dallas? No, but they respect and fear him. Gibbs won't instill fear in his players Parcells-style, rather he will be in the neo-Vermeil mode. Joe will earn the respect of his players, but they will not fear his wrath, they will fear his disappointment. Joe Gibbs does not have to connect with his players on a personal level to get the most out of their abilities, he needs to coach-em-up (to borrow a phrase from the Ex-Dukie, Ex-Gator, Ex-Redskin head coach).
He needs to teach them the basics, something that players like Jeremiah Trotter and Fred Smoot seem to have forgotten. Gibbs will not light a fire under his players butts to inspire them, his simple presence should do the job nicely. This is especially necessary because Gibbs is an X's-and-O's coach, not a fire-and-brimstone guy, a la Parcells or Bill Cowher... but that's why he has Joe Bugel.

Other's say that Gibbs has been out of the game for 10 years and the game has passed him by. It hasn't. Football is football. The players have changed and the money in the game has increased. Critics say Gibbs won't be able to relate to eccentric new players, but let's not forget that Gibbs once coached Dexter Manley and John Riggins.
In his second coming, Gibbs will have success running the counter-trey and running behind offensive lineman who block with skill rather than girth. Remember, the Hogs were grossly undersized, even in the 1980's. It's technique, not size that gets it done in the trenches. (Sorry for unintentionally sounding like a Cosmo article). He has hired a highly respected defensive coordinator, Gregg Williams, who has been in the league while Gibbs has been out. He has demanded control of the team from Danny and Vinny. He has brought in Joe Bugel. So far everything Joe Gibbs has done has been right on the money. Was there any doubt?

Tangent time

Jay Glazer, the Sportsline.com reporter who initially broke the Gibbs story has done a wonderful job the past 24 hours breaking the news... all except for his lead sentence.
Glazer began:

For the second consecutive year, something unthinkable happens in the coaching ranks.

He, of course, is referring to last year when Bill Parcells was hired by the Dallas Cowboys.
Bill Parcells is a mercenary. He is a great coach, without a doubt. But his coming out of a three-year retirement after hopping from New York to New England and then back to New York, then snubbing the Glazer brothers in Tampa Bay only to be wooed back 11 months later by Jerry "I'm trying to compete with Michael Jackson in the most plastic surgeries department" Jones to coach in the city that is most famous for getting done by Debbie and killing Kennedy.
Anyway, I digress, the point is, Parcells coming out "retirement" is hardly the same thing as Joe Gibbs coming back to coach the Redskins. The football writers didn't even put Parcells in the Hall of Fame because they knew he was coming back. Nobody, and I mean nobody knew Gibbs was coming back. This was the best kept secret since Bush dipped out to Iraq for Thanksgiving dinner.
On the contrary, everybody knew Parcells was. This is not meant to take anything away from Bill Parcells, whom for now I will change my grudging respect into passionate hate normally reserved for Derek Jeter or a Duke point guard. (Speaking of hating Dallas; even though Steve Spurrier said he would try to rekindle the Dallas-Washington rivalry, every game had the feel of a Globetrotters-Generals game. Is there any doubt that Gibbs will make Dallas week will become a "check-the-calendar-and-flip-out-because-its-only-Tuesday" event again? Do you think Joe is gonna let Parcells beat him with Quincy Carter and Dat Nguyen instead of Phil Simms and LT? Neither do I.)
Parcells coming back to Dallas was a big story and he proved he was worth the hype this year. But Joe Gibbs coming out of retirement is without parallel in sporting history. Earl Weaver left the Orioles in the 80's, but came back a few years later. Billy Martin was fired by George Steinbrenner seemingly every time a new moon came out, but he was brought back soon after. Other great coaches have returned, but they were all either a) expected or b) with another team and in most cases, both. (Phil Jackson, Pat Riley, Bill Walsh (at Stanford), and I'm sure somebody in hockey did, but who really cares).
A Hall-of-Fame coach returning to the scene of his glory days after a decade out has never happened. Joe Gibbs returning to the Redskins is like Winston Churchill rising from the dead, grabbing a liter of whiskey and going back to Britain to try giving Prime Ministering another whirl. This is like Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David deciding, "What the hell, let's bring back Seinfeld. Where's Wayne Knight's number?" This is huge. This is bigger than huge. Imagine watching the MTV Video Music Awards next September and hearing the intro to "2 of Americaz Most Wanted" and then seeing 2pac walk onstage with Snoop and then start doing their thing like nothing's changed. It's like that.
Seriously, when looking through the eyes of the NFL, wasn't Joe Gibbs good-as-dead? When coaching jobs opened in the 1990's, Gibbs' name was never mentioned, because everybody assumed he was happy watching drivers turn left and running what became the most successful racing team in NASCAR. He was a ghost. A memory. And then like that, he comes back to the biggest stage to lead his beloved team back to glory. I'm still in shock. It's surreal. He's back.

Tangent over

Gibbs has been a success in every aspect of his life. He led the Redskins to three Super Bowl victories in 11 years, took a fledgling NASCAR team and won two championships, plus one Daytona 500, he is happily married and has a close-knit family. He will be a success in Washington, probably in the first year. His presence make the Redskins a playoff team right now. The Redskins have more talent on their current roster then the Cowboys did last year and the 'Boys overachieved to 10-6. If Gibbs and El Danno's Yes Man Vinny Cerrato can get a decent RB (who knows, Ladell Betts might even work), trade down from the 5th pick to get some guys to fill in holes on the D-Line and get a Tight End in the mold of Don Warren or Terry Orr, who is to say the Skins can't compete next year. The schedule is favorable, the fans are jacked up and the players will be the best prepared in the NFL. There won't be any cell phones ringing during meetings or players going over the coaches head to bitch to the owner. This team will underachieve no more.

The Washington Redskins lost their way after Joe Gibbs left in 1993. But now he's back and so are they. Today the Washington Redskins began the journey back to the glory days. It starts tomorrow at 5 p.m., continues through training camp and through a playoff appearence next season. It finishes when Lavar Arrington and Chris Samuels carry a Gatorade-drenched Joe Gibbs off the field of Pro Player Stadium on the first Sunday in February of 2007. Hail to the Redskins. They're back...

(Tomorrow: Part 2 - How Joe Will Make It Work)