The Passion of the Damon

An article in yesterday's Boston Globe about Johnny "Chief Stealing Bases" Damon hinted that the Sox centerfielder might have some competition for the leadoff spot this year in Pokey Reese.
Neither player can be looked at as an exceptional leadoff man, their on-base percentages are much too low for that distinction, but each player has their advantages.
Pokey Reese, who has been injured much of the last two seasons, is a poor hitter. His .251 lifetime batting average and microscopic .310 on-base percentages don't belie this fact. The Sox signed Pokey for his glove though.
Todd Walker, the Sox 2nd baseman last year, is a much better hitter than Reese, but his glovework was reminiscint of me in 2nd grade Little League. Theo Epstein decided to go with a glove instead of a bat at second, and this was a good move.
The Red Sox had no problem scoring last year. And even though most fans remember Walker's heroics in the playoffs, he had kind of an off-year at the plate. (The second-bagger, now with the Chicago Cubs, had his lowest OPS (on base + slugging average) since 1999 last year).
So Walker wasn't that much of a threat in the Sox offense. With Nomar, Manny, David Ortiz, Bill Mueller and Kevin Millar hitting behind him, Walker didn't need to be a huge run producer. And he wasn't. That is part of why he was expendable.
His defensive play was the main reason. Walker simply had an anemic glove. Many a double play was lost last year because of Walker's weak pivot, and his range at second would have made him a perfect double play partner with Derek Jeter.
Reese has won two gold-gloves and with the Sox needing to shore up their infield, they decided to acquire him. The knock on Pokey is that he has no bat, but statistics can be deceiving.
Let's compare:

                  AVG       OBP     SLG     OPS      WS/3

Todd Walker     .290     .346     .434     .780     16

Pokey Reese     .251     .310     .357     .667     15

Johnny Damon    .284     .347     .425     .772     19

WS/3 = Win Shares over the last three years, as compiled by The Bill James Baseball Handbook

Walker, the supposed best hitter of the group, only has slightly higher averages than Damon, yet his fielding woes are evident in his lower win shares. Reese, whose batting averages are much lower than Walker, actually has a similar win shares because of his better fielding and he gains point when park factor is taken into account.
In short, the upgrade the Sox are making with Pokey Reese in the field, far outweighs the downgrade at the plate.
But the question still remains, who should bat leadoff?
You can make an argument for Reese or Damon, but I think one thing is clear: The two shouldn't bat 1st and 2nd in the order. Having two below-average hitters with mediocre on-base percantages at the top of the order would handcuff Nomar and company in driving in runs.
Instead, I'd leave Damon at leadoff, and drop Reese to 7th or 8th in the order (essentially, flip-flopping him with Bill Mueller.) Jason Varitek batting 9th worked great last year and he should do it again. I'll talk more about the Sox lineup during my baseball preview in a few weeks.
While Damon doesn't get on base as much as your prototypical leadoff man, he does take a lot of pitches, which is a huge boost to the Sox offense. Last year only Jason Giambi saw more pitches in the American League (2916 to 2850), which is amazing considering nobody ever pitches around Johnny Damon.
By looking at so many pitches, Damon wears the pitcher down and helps guys in the batting order get a feel for said pitcher's ryhthm.
Reese also sees a large amount of pitches, but not as much as Damon.
For that reason, Johnny Damon should bat leadoff for the Boston Red Sox in 2004.
If not, he can always try out for a role in Mel Gibson's next movie.

Mailbag

How do you call Cowboys fans "fair weather" and even compare them to (gasp) Yankee fans? You have known me for a while, and, although you may despise me for my
love of the 'Boys, you know I'm not a fair weather fan. I remember going 1-15 in 1989. It was really hard to get Dad to turn on the games after we were about 0-6. See, Dad loved Tom Landry like Homer Simpson loved Tom Landry's hat. When Jones took over and fired the only coach we ever had, it really hurt Dad - of course, 3 Super Bowls within 7 years would help heal the wound. Week one when we got shut out by the Saints and I remember thinking "Isn't this the team where the fans put the bags on their heads so no one will know they are at the game?" I remember beating the Skins in
the lone bright spot. But the thing I remember most is that I didn't give up on them, even at 1-14, and I never will.

Speaking of never giving up - look out - the Tampa Bay Lightning, a team I have rooted for during its entire (mainly miserable) existence, may be hoisting the
Stanley Cup above their heads this year if they can get hot in the playoffs. They are as explosive as anybody in the NHL.

Sometimes I think you write all this stuff about the Cowboys just to make sure I am still reading your column (which by the way is coming along very nicely).

Hope you are doing well and all that good stuff. I'll be sure to check out the Terps when they are up here in the NIT final four :)

- Tim O'Brien, Astoria, NY

Tim, first,you violated the cardinal rule of Chris's Sports Blog.
Never, in any circumstance, mention NHL hockery, unless is preceded by the word 'irrelevant', 'neandrathal' or mentions that episode of Full House where Danny gets upset at Joey for checking him too hard during a charity event.
The second rule, a little bit lesser known, is that standard gratuituy for waitresses here is 20%, but I digress.
Congraultions that you rooted for 'America's Team' during their low years. Did you also root for Darth Vadar when something bad happened to him at the end of Return of the Jedi?
(If my Star Wars trivia is wrong, don't bother pointing it out to me. You would then be assuming that I care, which I of course, do not. Man those movies were so overrated. But that's a topic for another time.)
Anyway, I'm proud that you didn't abandon your adopted team when they disgraced themselves by firing a football legend and not even having the courtesy to call him to say so. Instead, the late great Tom Landry had to find out on TV that was canned. Well, as they say (or maybe its just me) you can't spell 'class' or 'dallas' without 'ass'.

Q: Why did Michael Irvin retire from professional football?
A: He couldn't go into the huddle since it was a parole violation to associate with known felons.

It's an old joke, yes. But just likes jokes about Marion Barry, they all age like a fine wine. Or in Barry's case, a 40 of O.E.

As for the Terps? They'll beat Wake on Saturday and back into the NCAA Tournament, where they were promptly lose to a team like Kent State.

Dear "Mr." Chase,

Last Friday you made a tactical move that forced me to second-guess my normally unconditional respect for His Blogness. How in the name of Rick James could you place a letter from Russell Rubin, Boston, MA, in front of one from the esteemed and mysterious Joseph Sinatra--he who sparkles in the shadows, he who conceals a first-rate heart behind a second- or third-rate wardrobe? Mr. Sinatra ventures out but rarely nowadays, so there is little doubt in my mind that he should get top billing whenever he does. Could you image J.D. Salinger emerging from his hermitage and being published below, say, Rick Reilly? This is the vice that squeezed my heart when I saw Russell Rubin, driver of the Volvo, lover of the Bilchick, smoker of the nothing, placed ahead of Old Blue Eyes.

I would punish you for this move by refusing to read the blog for a week--ah, but I would only be punishing myself! So, instead, I will simply urge you to reconsider your decision, to weep openly into a pillow during your next sleepless night, and to solicit yet another, even more meaningless letter from Mr. Sinatra, for whom I have but three heart-felt words:

Make Joe Pay.

My highest sorrow,

- Eric Jaffe, Former Mail Bag Advocate, Washington DC

How does one respond to a perfect e-mail? One doesn't. One just promises to change.


I was out of the country most of last year? Who do you think should win Oscars on Sunday night

-Stephanie Chase - Ft. Leonard Wood, MO

Two words: Johnny Depp. I haven't seen Mystic River, but I can imagine what the actors in the movie are like. Serious Stanislavskyian method acting, a little brooding and some fake tears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've seen that one before. Forget giving Sean Penn props for his two movies this year; the dude was robbed when he didn't get nominated for his role of Jeff Spicolli.
Entertain me people. And nobody entertained better this year than Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Carribean. Anybody can play a retarded character (just think of hoy many people you know that can do great impersonations of Forrest Gump and Rain Man), but it truly takes an actor to make you laugh. Depp did that. He deserves the award.
Sorry for the late entry today, it's been a busy week.

Champ Bailey isn’t that good.
I repeat; Champ Bailey isn’t that good.
I only say this because in the past few days, everybody in the media is making it seem like Champ Bailey is the second coming of Night Train Lane.
I love Champ, he’s a great player. And in the five years he’s been with the Redskins, Champ has never given up on a down, even in meaningless late-season games. A lot of other players who wore the burgundy and gold can’t say the same thing.
But all of this doesn’t change the fact that Champ isn’t the best corner in the NFL. Sportswriters and ESPN analysts can say what they want, but he isn’t.
Think about it this way: When Darrell Green was in his prime, no quarterbacks threw to receivers that he was covering.
Champ Bailey is 25 years old, and should theoretically be at the top of his game. But all season long, NFL quarterbacks were testing Champ in key situations. Many times the QB’s paid the price and Champ showed why he is one of the best corners in the game. Other times Champ was hopelessly out of position and got beat for big gains. If Matt Bowen hadn’t bailed out Champ a few times this year, there would have been a lot more TD’s scored against the Pro Bowl corner.
The point is, the quarterbacks tested him. If Champ was that good, the guys he was covering would never get thrown to.
The media has made it seem like the Broncos are fleecing the Redskins with the Clinton Portis trade. The word is that the Redskins are giving up a great player at a position where great players are hard to find, and instead are getting a running back who thrived because of his offensive line. Apparently, the Broncos won’t miss Clinton Portis because Quentin Griffin can run for 1,500 yards in his sleep.
I have a few problems with these thoughts.
One, Fred Smoot (a player I have never been a huge fan of) played better than Champ last year, so the Redskins have already solved the problem of filling Champ’s hole.
Two, Clinton Portis averaged 5.5 yards per carry last year. That’s Barry Sanders territory. Terrell Davis averaged 4.7, 4.5, 4.6 and 5.1 in his four 1,000 yard seasons in Denver. And the aforementioned Quentin Griffin gained only 3.7 per carry this season behind the same offensive line. Portis has shown that he is the real deal.
So, the Broncos are giving up one of the game’s premier runners to get one of the game’s premiere corners. And this is supposed to be a sure thing? When’s the last time you ever heard of a corner taking a team to the Super Bowl?
Listen, Champ Bailey is a fantastic NFL player. The Redskins made a solid offer to him (9 years, $55 million), but he turned it down. Now they should try to get whatever they can for him.

Random Facts from a 1994 Sports Almanac

I think the title is pretty self-explanatory.

- In 1935 Chicago HB Jay Berwanger won the first Heisman trophy. Finishing third that year was a Notre Dame halfback. His name was Bill Shakespeare.

OK. So lets say your parents have decided to name you William Shakespeare. Why would they do this? I don’t know. Maybe they were riled up from the years of McKinleynomics or simply really, really, really liked Troilus and Cressida. But, either way, you’re stuck with the name. Don’t you think you’d eventually accept it and want to be called William? Why go with Bill. You’re not fooling anybody. I mean, maybe it was kind of cool to go to a bar and say “Hi, I’m William Shakespeare, but my friends call me Bill,” but I bet on the whole he got a lot of jazz babies giving him the high heat at the gin joint for being all wet.

- Out of the 14 years that the NCAA has held Rifle competitions, West Virginia University has won nine times.

This joke practically writes itself.

- From 1980-82 DePaul entered the NCAA Basketball Tournament ranked #1, #1 and #2, respectively. In each year they lost in the 1st round.

DePaul: 1980 College Basketball
as
a) Washington Capitals: NHL Hockey
b) Arizona 1986-1996: College Basketball
c) Latrell Sprewell: Red-headed coaches
d) Chris Webber: End of any game
e) All of the Above

- In a three year stretch from 1990-92, the first players selected in the NFL draft were Jeff George, Russell Maryland and Steve Emtman.

And to think, in 1990 the Colts selected the talented, but troubled George and passed on the great Blair Thomas. It’s a shame, really.

- In the 1993 MLB draft, the Minnesota Twins selected All-Stars Torii Hunter and Jason Varitek with back-to-back picks.

In a list of the best drafts of 1993, the Twins would have to rank a close second to the Redskins who selected Tom Carter and Reggie Brooks with their first two picks.

- In 1902 Michigan won the first Rose Bowl by beating Stanford 49-0. In the fourth Rose Bowl, Mare Island beat Camp Lewis 19-7.

I tried to put a dime down on Camp Lewis to take the Rose Bowl this year, but was told the team hasn’t been the same since Ernest went there.

- In the 1993 season Cincinnati Reds relief-pitcher turned baseball analyst went 1-4 with 19 saves while having a nearly 1:1 strikeout to walk ratio and a bloated 6.48 ERA.

And this is the man who ESPN has decided will provide commentary and analysis throughout the baseball season. Well, I guess when Todd Pinkston retires, he’ll have a job waiting for him in Bristol.

- Among the dogs that have won the Westminster Kennel Club Best in Show award: Haymarket Faultless, Briergate Bright Beauty, Midkiff Seductive, Pendley Calling of Blarney, Flornell Spicy Bit of Halleston and my personal favorite, Zeloy Mooremaides Magic.

I haven’t seen anything this pretentious since I watched the hour-long tribute to Sex and the City on HBO. Watching that crap before the final episode, one might have gotten the idea that Sarah Jessica Parker was next in line for the Nobel Peace Prize.

- In 1974 the name of the money-leading racehorse was Chris Evert.

Seattle Slew, however, lost in the quarterfinals of Wimbledon.

- In 1982 and 1985 the NCAA Men’s Soccer Championship went into eight overtimes before a winner was decided.

I don’t know what would be worse. Playing in a soccer game that took eight overtimes to finish or sitting in the stands watching said game.

- Ike and Tina Turner were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1991.

OK, after watching What's Love Got to Do With It, I'm going to highly doubt that both Ike and Tina showed up at the induction ceremony. So how do you think they decided who would go? I mean, I doubt Tina is taking Ike’s calls. Do you think that one of them took the chance that the other wouldn't go, or do you think they both thought they other would stay and ended up there at the same time, only they didn't realize they were both there, and when they were called up to stage they both got up and walked to the podium and didn't see one another until they both put their hands on the award. It's like an episode of Three's Company only without the gay jokes.

- There are 165 members of the United States Soccer Hall of Fame.

In a related fact, there are 213 members of the South Korean Ski Jumping Hall of Fame.

- Doug Flutie and Warren Moon have been recipients of the CFL Most Outstanding Player trophy. So have Dieter Brock and Merv Fernandez.

"Hi, nice to meet you. My name is Merv Fernandez. I’d like you to meet my friend Bill Shakespeare."

My Top 25

To paraphrase the great thinker Biff Tannen, college basketball polls make about as much sense as a screen-door on a battleship.
Every Monday the Associated Press and ESPN release their polls (voted on by the media and the coaches, respectively) and every Monday the polls have glaring omissions, mind-boggling inclusions and Oklahoma.
The problem starts with the pre-season poll. These used to be released the week before the season, but now come out in mid-October. At this rate, AP will soon be releasing their 2004-05 pre-season poll during halftime of the late Final Four game.
These early polls are utterly ridiculous. How can a sportswriter or a coach know which teams are going to be good three weeks before the season starts? They can’t. That’s how Michigan State, Missouri, Florida were all ranked in the Top 10 in October, yet are unranked now. And it’s not the voters fault. Everybody thought Missouri was going to be good, but instead Quinn Snyder’s team has lost to Belmont on their way to a 13-10 record. Well, at least they won’t be in suspense on Selection Sunday.
(That’s what you get when you hire a Dukie to be your head coach. Notre Dame, coached by Mike Brey, another Coach K disciple, was also ranked in the pre-season Top 25. They are also likely looking at an NIT bid. Hmmmmm… makes you think.)
The voters take a liking to teams ranked highly in the pre-season, and vote them into polls later in the year that they don’t deserve to be in.
For instance, at one point this year, Michigan State was ranked #25, despite a 3-4 record. If the same exact Michigan State team had played the same exact schedule and had the same exact results, yet started the season unranked, they would not have received a single vote for that poll. But because the Spartans started the year at #3, voters still thought they were among the Top 25 teams in the country.
And maybe they were. Even when Michigan State had a losing record in January, they easily might have had one of the 25 best teams in the country. But therein lies the problem with the polls.
Too often voters rank teams based on potential, hype and most importantly, previous ranking, rather than a team’s recent results.
This was displayed earlier this year when Duke, with one loss, was ranked ahead of undefeated Stanford. The only reason this happened is because when Duke lost their game, they fell to #7 in the country, while Stanford was stuck at #17.
I probably would have voted Duke ahead of Stanford in that poll also. But when Stanford kept beating teams and winning important games, they should have leapfrogged over Duke for the #1 spot.
But voters don’t want to do that. For some reason, they can’t justify moving another team ahead of a team that didn’t lose.
The college basketball polls (and college football’s too, for that matter) shouldn’t come out until a few weeks into the season. The first polls should come out in the beginning of January, at the start of the conference season.
This wouldn’t solve all the problems with the polls (I’m not going to even get started on what a sham the coaches poll is), but it’s a start.
Anyway, I thought that instead of ranting today, I would instead make my own Top 25. But, seeing as how I’m probably 500 words deep into my tirade, I guess I’m going to do both.
So below is my hypothetical ballot if I were an Associated Press voter.

These rankings aren’t based on who I think the best 25 college basketball teams right now. If that were the case, teams like East Tennessee State wouldn’t be on it. Nor do I rank based on who I think would win in a head-to-head match up. In that case, Mississippi State would be hovering near the bottom of the list, instead of in the Top 10.
Instead, this is a ranking based on which 25 teams have a) played the best basketball this season and b) are playing the best basketball right now.
There will be discrepancies. Some teams will be ranked higher than teams they lost to. Some teams will be ranked below teams that have fewer losses. It’s not a perfect system.
Anyway, without further adieu:

Chris’s Sports Blog Top 25 Men’s Basketball Teams
Record and current AP rank in parenthesis

#25 – Texas Tech (18-7, #22)
#24 - East Tennessee State (23-4, NR)
#23 – Wisconsin (17-6, #12)
#22 – Kansas (17-6, #21)
#21 – Kent State (20-3, NR)

These five teams are the reason that these polls should only rank 20 teams. None of these squads have been particularly great this year, and none really deserve to have any number affixed to their name. But, since the polls go 25 deep, so will my ballot.
Sure, I could have put Syracuse or Oklahoma or Michigan State in my rankings, but Syracuse needed a late 3-pointer to beat Georgetown, Oklahoma is awful and Michigan State has nine losses. In a straight up game, I’d probably take ‘Cuse and MSU against East Tennessee State, but that’s not what the polls are about. They’re about which teams are playing the best at the moment, and ETSU is 14-0 in the Southern Conference. And in Division I college bsaketball, any undefeated record in any conference is impressive.
Kent State has been playing superb basketball in the Mid-American Conference, while Texas Tech, Kansas and Wisconsin make this list only because of the lack of any other deserving teams.
Bill Self’s Jayhawks are easily the most disappointing team in college basketball.
Louisville (#11 in the AP, but on their way down after two losses this week) doesn’t make my Top 25. The Cardinals were #3 in the AP a mere two weeks ago, but have lost five of six including a 25-point loss to TCU. Sorry, but anytime you lose by 25 to a team with a nickname that includes the word “horned”, you don’t get ranked in my poll.

#20 – Utah State (22-2, NR)
#19 – Illinois (18-5, NR)
#18 – Providence (18-5, #17)
#17 – Georgia Tech (19-7, #18)
#16 – North Carolina State (17-6, #13)


Maybe Providence should be ranked ahead of Tech and State, but both those teams get bonuses for playing in the ridiculously tough ACC and for not losing to Virginia Tech.
NC State and Georgia Tech are the first of five ranked ACC teams, easily the most for any conference.


#15 - Southern Illinois (22-2, #20)
#14 – Arizona (16-7, #14)
#13 – North Carolina (16-7, #16)
#12 – Memphis (19-4, #23)
#11 – Connecticut (21-5, #8)

Uconn is still riding high in the polls due to its #1 pre-season ranking. They didn’t lose this week, and thus will remain in the Top 10 of the AP and ESPN polls, but I have a sneaking suspicion that if the “Uconn” script on their jerseys was replaced with “Rutgers”, the Huskies would find themselves out of the Top 10. They lost two games last week, but still were ranked ahead of more deserving teams like Texas and Kentucky because of their name. They’re kind of like Eddie Murphy in the Distinguished Gentleman. UNC beat Uconn a few weeks back at home, but that’s not enough to rank them ahead.
Southern Illinois is one of those mid-majors that will deserve a high seed in the tourney, but will probably receive a #6 or a #7. But, wherever they are, big conference teams will not feel comfortable seeing the Salukis on their side of the bracket.
Memphis has quietly surged to the top of the Conference USA standings, and looking at the resume of John Calapari’s team, they could nab a #3 seed in the NCAA Tournament if they win out.

#10 – Wake Forest (17-6, #20)
#9 – Texas (19-4, #11)
#8 – Mississippi State (21-2, #4)
#7 – Kentucky (19-4, #9)
#6 – Pittsburgh (23-2 #4)

I know what you’re thinking. How can Mississippi State be ranked behind Kentucky, who has two more losses. Well, Kentucky held serve this week while Mississippi State came off a bye and lost to 13-10 Alabama… at home. As I said a few weeks ago, I think Miss. St. is overrated. But, regardless of what I think, losing at home to the Crimson Tide merits a big drop.
Wake Forest, after a rough stretch in late January, is playing some of the best basketball in the country and has moved into sole position of 3rd place in the ACC after defeating Duke and Georgia Tech this week. NC State is still ahead of the Demon Deacons in the ACC race, but Wake didn’t lose to Clemson and that’s why they are ahead of State.
Pittsburgh keeps winning, thus continually proving me wrong, and with some help, the Panthers could score a #1 seed.

#5 – Duke (21-3, #3)
#4 – Gonzaga (23-2, #6)
#3 – Oklahoma State (21-2, #7)
#2 – St. Joseph’s (24-0, #2)
#1 – Stanford (23-0, #1)

I realize that there is a bit of hypocrisy in my rankings. In my opening rant, I complained that team’s are often ranked on their promise and based on their reputation. I mentioned Duke by name. Then, I have them ranked ahead of Pittsburgh, despite the fact that Duke has lost two of its past three games while Pitt hasn’t lost in two weeks.
Still, the ACC is a much better conference than the Big East, and Duke lost two road games against the second and third best teams in the conference. Plain and simple, I don’t think that Pitt deserves to be ahead of them.
Gonzaga has been playing solid basketball all season, and hopefully this year they will be rewarded with a respectable seed.
Oklahoma State is the most underrated team in the country, and with the potent backcourt of Tony Allen and John Lucas, the Cowboys could send Eddie Sutton back to the Final Four for the first time since Big Country was in Stillwater.
The easiest spots to fill-in were the top two. Stanford deserves to be #1 based on a stronger schedule than St. Joe’s. I’ll save my thoughts about the Hawks for another day. To make a long story short, with the right match-up, St. Joe’s could be the first #1 seed to lose in the 1st round of the NCAA Tournament since the field expanded to 64. Don’t laugh, it’s going to happen one day.

Once again to recap:

#1 – Stanford
#2 – St. Joseph’s
#3 – Oklahoma State
#4 – Gonzaga
#5 – Duke
#6 – Pittsburgh
#7 – Kentucky
#8 – Mississippi State
#9 – Texas
#10 – Wake Forest
#11 – Connecticut
#12 – Memphis
#13 – North Carolina
#14 – Arizona
#15 – Southern Illinois
#16 – North Carolina State
#17 – Georgia Tech
#18 – Providence
#19 – Illinois
#20 – Utah State
#21 – Kent State
#22 – Kansas
#23 – Wisconsin
#24 – East Tennessee State
#25 – Texas Tech

Friday Thoughts and Mailbag

- The Redskins and Mark Brunell have agreed to a 7-year, $43 million deal with an $8.6 million signing bonus. I don’t know what to think, other than that is an awfully long deal for a 33-year old quarterback. But obviously Joe Gibbs saw something in Patrick Ramsey’s play that made him uncomfortable with thrusting the third-year quarterback in the starting role.
Prediction: The Redskins will make the playoffs this year with Brunell at the helm, then he’ll get hurt in 2005 and Patrick Ramsey will take his starting job and lead the Redskins to the Super Bowl.
- I’m having a hard time being upset about Maryland’s loss to Georgia Tech tonight. When a team misses 48 field-goal attempts, goes 3-20 from beyond the arc, and only hits 60% of its free-throws, how can you be mad? A team that shoots that bad doesn’t deserve to win.
If Selection Sunday was today, Maryland wouldn’t make the NCAA Tournament. At 13-9 overall and 4-7 in the ACC, the Terps probably need to win three of their last five regular season games (unless they make a run in the ACC tournament, which Gary Williams’ teams never do) to go dancing. Maryland has home games against Clemson and Virginia, which should be easy wins. Then they need to win one of these three games: at Duke, home against Wake or at N.C. State. With the way they’re playing, Maryland might not come close in any of those games.
Georgia Tech played awful tonight, yet Maryland was barely in the game. The Terps should be embarrassed with their performance. They played like a team that thought they were entitled to a berth in the NCAA Tournament. They didn’t hustle, couldn’t make open shots and played horrendous defense. If they miss the Tourney, they have nobody to blame but themselves.
- Showing how fickle New York Yankees fans are: the team has sold 104,000 tickets since the announcement that A. Rod would don pinstripes this year. Fantastic job Yankee fans.
But I have a question. Why does a team that plays in a market with 8 million people and has a great baseball team with an astronomical payroll still have 104,000 tickets available? Boston has 1/10 of the population of New York and is nearly sold out this season. It took the Yankees adding another Hall-of-Famer to their already bloated roster for New Yorkers to snatch up tickets. That’s pathetic. From 1989 to 1993, the Yankees (who were among the worst teams in baseball at that point) ranked 8th, 9th, 11th and 11th in attendance over four years. The team averaged under 2 million fans over those four years while playing in a 58,000 seat stadium. Over the same stretch the Boston Red Sox (who made one playoff series in those four years) averaged 2.4 million fans in a 33,000 seat stadium. This shows that Yankees fans, much like their fickle NFL counterparts in Dallas, abandon their team when they are playing poorly, but jump on the bandwagon when they're good. But don’t take into account the statistics. Instead, listen to any Yankee fan who will tell you that they are the best fans in baseball. What a load of crap.
- Maurice Clarett has decided to skip the Indianapolis combine and instead will focus on a workout for pro scouts six weeks from now. Now, I’ve never been a big fan of the combines. I don’t understand why one weekend of shuttle runs, vertical jumps and 40-yard dashes plays a more important role in draft position than two or three dozen college football games. Shouldn’t on-field performance outweigh how you catch a ball while wearing mesh shorts?
A few years ago Akili Smith was projected as a low second-rounder based on his play at the University of Oregon. After the Indianapolis combine, pro scouts were enamored with Smith’s arm and the QB scored a 37 on the Wonderlic test, which is a written exam that the NFL administers to each prospect. To put this in perspective, Steve Young, generally thought to be on the of the smartest quarterback’s ever, scored a 33.
Well, that’s great. If an NFL team ever needed a player to build a carburetor and name the capital of North Dakota while throwing the ball against no defensive pressure, then Smith was your man.
But, teams needed a quarterback that could play well in game situations, which Smith proved he could only do a middling job of.
I got off the Maurice Clarett topic, but that’s OK. I really hate the scouting combines. Anyway, Clarett is an idiot for skipping the combines, probably won’t do all that well on the Wonderlic test but will still probably be drafted in the first round by some desperate team looking for a quick fix. Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that the names Maurice Clarett and Lawrence Phillips will soon go hand-in-hand.

Mailbag

Chris,

How could you choose Vermont as the lone America East representative in the NCAA tournament? Vermont has two players who actually contribute, while Boston University goes 10 deep. Plus, they lost to the Terriers in a battle for first in the America East on their home floor this past Sunday. Which brings up another question.

At the end of the season in the America East, home court for the conference championship game is given to the remaining team with the best record. But if there is a tie for best conference record, they jump immediately to a coin flip to determine home court. Do you think a coin flip should be responsible for choosing anything but a kickoff?

- Russell Rubin, Boston, MA

At the time I made my list, BU was second to Vermont in the America East standings. Currently, BU is in first with a 14-1 conference record, while Vermont is second at 13-1.
Normally, I’d say it doesn’t matter which team wins since either of them will get blown out in the first round. But this year, I can’t say that. I really think that St. Joe’s could be headed towards a 1st round exit this year.
Listen how: St. Joe’s is a pure jump shooting team. If they aren’t hitting their shots, then they have nothing. St. Joe’s has one of the worst rebounding margins in the country and rely strictly on their perimeter attack to win games. If the Hawks are cold from outside, they are vulnerable. I’m not saying that they will lose in the 1st round, but if I were rooting for a small school like BU or Vermont, I wouldn’t mind drawing St. Joe’s in the 1st round.
As for your second question, I’ll say this. I don’t even think the coin toss should be used for a kickoff. They should just pick one player from each team and give them the Wonderlic test.
Coin tosses should only determine who drives home from the bar or who gets to flirt with the hotter twin. That is all.

Dear Mr. Chase,
As an avid/rabid follower of your usual fair and complete coverage I was completely taken aback by your lack of covering this weekend's defining sports moment. It was surely not "The Yanks get Richer," because that is the same old tired story...NO! It was Shaq-Diesel himself winning MVP in the NBA All-Star game. The Big Aristotle is not just one of round balls great intellects, but he is truly one that cares about justice and his fellow man. Not only did he buy the Maddog a new Mercedes that would make MA$E jealous, but considering his recent comments about his future career aspirations, I am hoping that he will move to Potomac and play sheriff.
With all that aside, Kazaam has been the most dominant player in the most dominant position to ever play in the NBA. Do we overlook him because he is just so fat? Do we overlook him because he is so good? Do we overlook him because he played a magical genie? It's time to give him his due. I think we should open our eyes, enjoy ourselves and reflect a little bit on the question of "Who is the best center?"

My highest regards,

Joseph Sinatra – Phoenix, AZ

Did Shaq really buy Madsen a Mercedes? I hope he didn’t ruin it like I did to mine. As for Shaq’s playing ability, I think he is underrated. Shaq is the most dominant force in the NBA since George Mikan played. (Yes, he’s better than Wilt. The Big Dipper (a great nickname, by the way) couldn’t handle Bill Russell. Nobody has their way with Shaq-daddy.) I think Shaq is overlooked because he is so big and strong that it almost doesn’t seem fair that he sometimes plays on the same court as Etan Thomas. But, Shaq’s injuries are a problem and so is his attitude. He only plays when he wants to. Which, granted, in the NBA is alright. Shaq plays hard when he needs to. And as for who the best center is, I think it’s Shaq, but because of his nagging injuries, if I had to choose one player in the NBA to build a team around, I’d go with Tim Duncan. Well, either him or Loy Vaught.

What do you think of the news that Sherman Helmsley will be the new voice of Mr. Ed?
- George Wallace, Silver Spring, MD

I guess this all but ends my hopes of there ever being a Jefferson’s On Ice.

An Evening with Dickie V

A few weeks ago, in my Top 10 Most Hated People in Sports list, I put Dick Vitale at #8. Tonight, with my Wake Forest Demon Deacons hosting the Duke Blue Devils, I figured it would be a perfect chance to take notes on Vitale’s commentary and to see just how much of a Dukie Vitale truly is.
Unfortunately (well, fortunately) Wake outplayed the Pukies en route to a six-point win. Of course I was thrilled with the Deacons victory, but because it wasn't a typical Duke game (J.J. Reddick only scored two points, the referees weren’t blatantly handing the game to the Blue Devils and Duke wasn’t draining 3’s) Vitale wasn’t as much of a suck-up and annoying as his usually is. Keep in mind, however, that Vitale’s usual suck-up/annoyingness quotient eclipses his nearest competitor (Ahmad Rashad interviewing Michael Jordan) by a factor of 30, so he still gave us some stuff to work with.
On to the running commentary!

9:08 PM Tip-off. Dick Vitale has just finished a 45-second rant about how good Chris Duhon is, despite scoring, steal and shooting percentages less than that of Chris Paul. Next, Vitale extolled the virtues of Dennis Kucinich’s presidential campaign..

9:11 PM Vitale has completely ignored the fact that Wake Forest center Eric Williams was not in the starting lineup tonight because he was discussing how underrated Daniel Ewing is. This is the same Daniel Ewing that was named the MVP of last year’s ACC tournament and was an All-Freshman selection two years ago. Cherry Coke is underrated Mr. Vitale, Daniel Ewing is not.

9:16 PM J.J. Reddick just slapped Chris Paul in the face. Seriously, he slapped him in the face. A personal foul was called. Coach K. complained about it, screaming at the refs with several visible “f-words”. The next trip down the floor, the refs call a BS foul on Jamaal Levy and then called a tech on Skip Prosser for complaining about it in a manner less severe than his coaching counterpart did. This proves that Coach K wields more influence on ACC basketball than Simon Cowell does on the American Idol voting. After the dust-up, Vitale ignores the Reddick slap, doesn’t say a word about the ridiculous foul called on Levy, but mentions that perhaps Prosser got his tech because he was out of the coaching box.

9:24 PM Nick Horvath pushes Trent Strickland and gets T’d up. Vitale, again, fails to criticize Duke or Horvath. Vitale calls Duke games like he’s living in Mao’s China. I think he’s afraid Coach K will watch the tape, see Vitale criticizing his team and then put a hit out on him through the Polish Mafia.

9:26 PM You know, Vitale probably gave credit to Coach K for Saddam’s capture.

9:27 PM Dickie V says that he thinks Chris Paul deserves ACC Freshman of the year over Luol Deng, which is correct. (Paul should probably be the front-runner for National honors as well.) But, I’ll wear a Duke shirt for an entire month if anybody but Luol Deng appears on Vitale’s ballot.

9:41 PM I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. For somebody who went to West Point, Coach K sure is a whiny bitch.

9:49 PM Mike Patrick begins a 45-second "I love Dick Vitale" speech during which he congratulated Mr. V on being a finalist for the College Basketball Hall of Fame, credited him with popularizing the sport and thanked him for discovering the cure for polio.

9:49.45 PM Vitale kisses Mike Patrick. I might have trouble sleeping tonight.

9:50 PM Chris Paul gets called for a charge against Chris Duhon. Vitale says the following.

“Ohhhh, Missstaahh Patttricckkk, Chriss Duuuuuhon is a PTP’er, he’s showin that freshman what four years in college will do. Ohhhh! Paul is a Diaper Dannndy, but Duuuhon’s experience is showing. Look at howw he takes this charge! Ohhhhh!"

The replays proceed to show Duhon getting to the spot late and shifting his feet before Paul runs into him. The replay is clear on this. It wasn’t a charge. The refs could have called a block, but probably should have kept the whistle on their necks. But the replay doesn’t deter Vitale, who continues to praise Duhon’s defense even as the viewers see that he didn’t get there in time. Overwhelming evidence is meaningless to Vitale's opinions. He's sort of like an OJ juror in that way.

9:55 PM During the under four timeout I switch to Wizards-Hornets game. Going from watching the tenacity of play in the Duke-Wake game to watching the malaise of the pitiful NBA contest is like switching from a NASCAR race to a speed-walking competition. Wait, bad example. Both of those are boring.

10:01 PM J.J. Reddick is caught digging into his nostril as Vitale talks about how great he is. At this point in the game, Reddick has more picks than points.

10:04 PM Halftime, Duke up by 5. Vitale runs into the Duke locker room to massage Mike Kryzewski.

10:14 PM I turn on Seinfeld. Jerry learns that he has Kramer’s blood inside him. His reaction is probably similar to what mine would be if I found out that I was somehow related to Nick Horvath.

10:30 PM In the past few games, Eric Williams looks like a kid with ADD who just snorted a pack of Pixie Stix when he shoots a lay-up.

10:43 PM After shooting a lay-up while getting hacked, then grabbing an offensive board while getting slapped, then shooting another lay-up while getting beaten down by the NYPD, then chasing a loose ball out of bounds, Jamaal Levy lightly brushes the arm of Shelden Williams. Coach K and Johnny Dawkins yell that Levy didn’t get called for a foul. Vitale says, “I don’t blame the Duke coaching staff for being angry.” Mike Patrick concurs. I wonder if Patrick realizes how ridiculous Vitale is. I mean, this is the guy that has to share a football booth with Joe Thiesmann and Paul McGuire. McGuire is kind of like Vitale on valium. They both form opinions about the game before it starts, then even when things are going totally different than how they thought they would, both of them still act as if their original analysis is valid and try to sell it throughout the game. They'd both be great politicians.

10:46 PM Wake takes their first lead since the score was 2-0. A slight whimper can be heard from Vitale.

10:49 PM Vitale mentions Shelden Williams’ 16 point, 14 rebound performance against Wake one month ago for the 6th time. He has yet to mention that Chris Paul scored 30 points against Cincinnati three days ago and was named ACC Rookie of the Week.

10:50 PM Reddick misses his 5th straight field goal. Vitale is running out of excuses for him and now is instead blaming the crescent moon on Reddick's shooting woes.

10:51 PM The ESPN ticker says that Hawaii women’s basketball coach Vince Goo will resign at the end of the year. This is the most inconsequential news the ESPN ticker has ever shown.

10:52 PM The ESPN ticker shows the following: Utah 77 Orlando 90. I take back my Vince Goo statement.

10:58 PM Underrated Daniel Ewing bricks a 3… hard. Luol Deng grabs one of those long rebounds that requires blind luck and more blind luck to get. Dick Vitale calls it “a wonderful offense rebound” and says that “this really shows what Deng can do”. He fails to mention that Stephen Hawking could have pulled down the rebound if he had been in the game.

10:59 p.m.
Vitale - Listen to this Mike Patrickk! Duke has won five straight ACC tournaments, they’ve finished no worse than 2nd in the ACC since 1997, they’ve won 20 games for eight straight years, three national titles, 13 Final Fours, eight National Player of the Year Awards. What’s not to like about Duke????

Mike Patrick – Absolutely nothing.

Absolutely nothing? Who are you, Edwin Starr? What’s not to like about Duke? I can think of a few reasons:
- Coach K always whined about how Dean Smith got favorable calls from officials and now he has turned into what he bitched about for years.
- The Cameron Crazies are not at all crazy. Loud and clever, yes. But not crazy. You can’t be crazy if you pre-plan your cheers and send them out on a listserv before the game. You can’t be crazy if you let a Wake Forest student cheer for his team loudly while sitting in the student section. Nor can you be crazy when after the game you go back to study for a chem test.
- Their team name honors Satan.
- Most of the players that Duke sends to the NBA have had careers that even LaRue Martin wouldn’t envy.
- Coach K whines about the Maryland fans being mean and vulgar, when he coaches at a school that once held up a sign that said “J.R. Can’t Reid, in reference to UNC star J.R. Reid’s academic trouble. Frankly, that sign is infinitely funnier than Maryland fans chanting “F--- you, J.J”, but Coach K should worry about other things than opposing fans. (I can’t diss Maryland and praise Duke, so I’ll tell you my favorite all time heckle: The “Unemployed” chant the fans at Cole Field House serenaded Mike Dunleavy Sr. with after he was fired from his NBA coaching job.
- Steve Wojciechowski.
- The picture in Sports Illustrated a few weeks ago that showed the Cameron Crazies taunting a player on the Tennessee women’s basketball team.
- By beating undefeated UNLV in the 1991 Final Four, they ruined any chance we had at seeing a special hour-long Sportscentury about that team. Can you imagine how great that episode would have been? You’d get a story about Tark biting on his towel, one of those interviews that takes place during a long walk on a back road with present-day Stacey Augmon discussing the hot tub picture, an interview with Moses Scurry where there’d be subtitles because you can't understand a word he says (this is the same Moses Scurry who was once asked if he would be academically eligible to play basketball and responded "Is Reagen president?". Of course, it was 1990 and George Bush was president) and an analysis of how George Ackles managed to not talk-trash while playing with his jaw wired shut in the 1990 Final Four. If the ’91 Runnin’ Rebels finished undefeated, we would have seen a SportsCentury on them for sure. Maybe even a movie. The guy who plays Uncle Junior on Sopranos could have been Tark, Larry Johnson could play himself, and the guy from Kid n’ Play could be Anderson Hunt. But noooooo, the Dukies had to ruin it all.
- If you rearrange the letters of Duke Blue Devils you get Subdued Evil Elk. And that’s just plain scary.

11:01 PM Mike Patrick mentions that if Coach K’s 24 years of coaching, he has won National Coach of the Year eight times, or an average of one every three years. Vitale responds, “he should have had more.” I’m just going to leave this one alone.

11:05 PM Vitale says that the Wake fans are doing a great job of inspiring their team, just like the Cameron Crazies do at Duke. Even when praising Wake, Vitale manages to sneak in some Duke love. I wonder if when Dickie V tells his wife that he loves her, he adds on, “just like I love Chris Duhon’s transition game.”

11:09 PM Chris Paul drains a 3 to put Wake up by five. He quietly has 17 points in the 2nd half. Vitale, though, is still talking about Shelden Williams’ game a month ago.

11:11 PM J.J. Reddick bricks a long jump shot. He has two points in the game. Vitale compliments Reddick’s ball-fake and work ethic. Reddick had a horrible game, was completely shut down by Justin Gray, yet Vitale still can't say anything bad about him. I wonder if Vitale is the same way when it comes to other things. I'm sure he's a big John Travolta fan since they are both Italian, so do you think when he came out of Battlefield Earth Vitale said something like, "John was very believable as the seven-foot tall, dreadlocked, evil Scientologist alien."

11:15 PM Wake is putting the finishing touches on their victory. Vitale commends the Deacs effort, but mentions that Duke has it tough because “every team guns for them because of the jersey they wear.” This is sort of like what happens when teams play UNC and gun for them because of their socks.

11:19 PM Wake wins 90-84.

11:19.01 PM Vitale points out that Duke is still first in the ACC.

11:19.02 PM I turn the TV off to relish Wake's victory and relax in a Vitale-free environment. It won't last too long though, Duke plays Maryland on Sunday.

There was something different about Tuesday’s Washington Post Sports page.
It was… missing something. Sure, they covered the A. Rod trade. And they had the obligatory post-All-Star break “Can the Bullets make the playoffs story”. And it also was the Tuesday after the NBA All-Star break, which probably is one of the lightest sports days of the year (second only to the day before the baseball All-Star game. I mean, think about it. If the Yankees talent-poaching hadn’t been big news yesterday, there might have been no choice but to put DC United’s first pre-season game below-the-fold. Or even (shudder) a hockey story.)
But there was something else missing. For the first time in a long time, there was not one mention of the Washington Redskins in the D section of the Washington Post.
This was kind of strange because there are two major stories brewing at Redskin Park, and both of them seem to be picking up momentum. Yet, one reading Tuesday’s Post wouldn’t know anything about them.
Maybe the Post didn’t run anything because they have been out-scooped this off-season by other newspapers and internet sites and thusly had nothing new to report. I don’t know much about the relationship between the Redskins and the Post, but allegedly, the relationship between the two has soured since Dan Snyder took over the team. Snyder doesn’t like the critical articles penned by Post writers, and the paper, in turn, doesn’t like being told what to write.
Either way, the Post was late on Spurrier’s resignation, got beat on Joe Gibbs’ return and also was behind in reporting the Mark Brunell and Champ Bailey trade talks.
I didn’t mean to turn this into a Post roast, I just think that the Washington Post getting out-scooped on big Redskins stories by Sportsline.com is like the National Enquirer getting beat by The Wall Street Journal on Whitney Houston’s latest trip to rehab.
Anyway, both the Post and Sportsline are now reporting that the Redskins are close to acquiring Mark Brunell from the Jacksonville Jaguars.
And I have one thing to say about that: good.
I don’t know any specifics about the contract (although if the reports that Brunell will sign a seven-year deal are correct, then Vinny Cerrato might have some ‘splaining to do), but getting Brunell, especially in exchange for a third-round pick, is a no-brainer.
Forget about Patrick Ramsey and his whiny agent Jimmy Sexton. Ramsey’s attitude over the past two weeks is indicative of everything that has been wrong with the Redskins during Snyder’s reign.
Redskins players think they are entitled to starting positions because they have been starters in the past. The starters don’t fear being replaced, because they know that the owner has always been the one making the decisions. And if a star was benched and replaced by a guy making the league minimum, Danny Boy would have something to say about it.
Look at Jeremiah Trotter. He has played the past two seasons with the range and emotion of a tackling dummy and knew that because his contract was so big that he would start no matter what. After all, Danny wants to see his money on the field, not on the bench.
I’m not saying Trotter dogs it during the game, but I don’t see any intensity in his play. And if there is no intensity from him during the game, one can only guess what his attitude is like at practice and in the weight room.
Let’s put it like this. Do you think that Trotter would have played the same way if Bill Parcells has been his coach instead of Steve Spurrier? No way.
The same goes with the laughing and clowning around that happened in the Redskin’s locker room after losses. If players don’t mind losing, then they certainly don’t care about winning.
Winning teams have a distinct attitude. When the New England Patriots were introduced in Super Bowl XXXVI, they decided to forego individual player introductions and instead came onto the field as a team. The Redskins didn’t have that attitude under Norv Turner, Marty Schottenheimer or Steve Spurrier. The players played for themselves and for their next contract. Kind of like the cast of Sex and the City. (I don't know why, but it gives me great pleasure to hear that those women don't like each other. Maybe the rest of the cast is just jealous of Sarah Jessica Parker's mole.)
Players on those teams weren’t excited to be Redskins. They were excited to be getting big paychecks. Under Joe Gibbs, they’ll still be getting those paychecks. But the excitement will come back. And so will the discipline and the effort. Gibbs won't be afraid to tell Daniel Snyder that Kevin Mitchell is starting over Jeremiah Trotter because Trotter isn't any good. Nor will Gibbs have a problem with slotting Rod Gardner as his fourth wide-receiver because Gardner's route-running is about as precise as Shaq's free-throws. Gibbs will instill in his team fear, discipline and pride. His players will be proud to wear the burgundy and gold.
And this leads us back to Patrick Ramsey.
Ramsey is old-school. And by old-school, I mean Spurrier-school. He thinks that he deserves to start because of the wonderful job he did in leading his team to a 5-11 record last year.
I don’t want to bash Ramsey’s play. (Come to think of it, I didn’t want to bash the ‘Skins either. But it really needed to be done. Lost in the frenzy over Spurrier’s resignation and Gibbs’ hiring, everybody seemed to forget that the Redskins simply quit during the last two games of the year. They stopped playing with effort, but I’m sure they deposited those paychecks with gusto.)
But Ramsey isn’t entitled to anything. Nobody on this team is. Everybody has to earn their spot. And if Brunell comes in, Ramsey should relish the challenge of a quarterback controversy. He is nearly 10 years younger than Brunell and has a cannon for an arm. Ramsey, though, thinks that by decree of Steve Spurrier, of all people, that he is the sole heir to the Redskins quarterback throne.
Sorry Patty, but it looks like a coup is a-brewin.
Now stop your whining and start getting ready for the season. And no, Patrick, I haven’t forgotten about your three-week hold-out to start your career. I thought it was your agent’s doing. Now I’m not so sure.
The other major Redskins story concerns Champ Bailey. ESPN.com’s Len Pasquerelli called the Redskins decision to allow Bailey to pursue trade offers “shocking”. It is anything but. (Len, you will remember, is the same gentleman who thinks Joe Gibbs isn’t going to be a success this time around.)
Many teams are interested in Champ, and there’s talk that the Detroit Lions might be willing to part with the 6th pick in this years draft and a second round pick. (Wait, hold on a second. The Lions have a lower draft pick than the Redskins? Man, Spurrier was worse than I thought.) Other teams, like the Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans Saints, Atlanta Falcons and Denver Broncos have been mentioned as possible suitors.
Champ, you might remember, turned down a nine-year, $55 million deal, with a $15 million signing bonus late last year. So, the Redskins are most likely trying to determine what the market is for one of the premiere corners in the league. That's why this whole thing isn't "shocking". It's good business.
Now the Redskins know they can possibly get a high first-round pick and a high-second round pick for Champ. And if any team offers that,then the Redskins should make that deal as quick as possible.
Because, you see, Champ Bailey is overrated. Oh, he’s good. He’s real good. He is a great cover corner, but he isn’t the best in the league. Champ is too inconsistent to be considered the best. He’ll make a great play one minute, and the next will get burnt by Amani Toomer. He also misses too many tackles.
The Redskins wouldn't be better off without Champ, but they wouldn't be ruined without him either. Fred Smoot has been steadily improving, and with a solid crop of corners hitting the market in March, the Redskins could still have a formidable secondary without Champ.
Bailey is expendable... for the right price. And that right price might be two high draft picks.
Look for the Redskins to eventually name Champ their franchise player and continue to listen to trade offers. If one tickles their fancy, they will unload Champ. If not, they’ll pay him the $6 million or so he’d be awarded by being named the franchise player, and the team will probably then try to get him re-signed to a long-term deal before the season.
If not, I’m sure Dan Snyder still has Deion’s number laying around somewhere.

Just Another Brick in the Wall

I’ve never liked Alex Rodriguez. Sure he’s a great baseball player, but I’ve never liked him as a person. I just want to make that clear because in the next few months a lot of people are going to be jumping on the anti-A. Rod bandwagon, and I just want to make sure I have a reserved seat.
This is kind of like when you find a TV show that you really like that nobody else has ever heard of, then it becomes real popular and you have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, you’re happy that other people recognize how good the show is, but on the other, you’re a bit disappointed because it’s no longer “your show”. I had a similar experience with 50 Cent a few years back. My buddy Ank (ok, I’ve been deluged with requests for Antzo stories, so here’s one of the few that I can write about. It’s not laugh-out-loud funny when you read it, but picture the situation, and you’ll be amused:
About a year ago, Ank was visiting me in Winston-Salem, NC, where I went to college. A couple of other guys were over and we were watching the NFL Draft and drinking some beers. At one point we got to talking about pit-bulls and a discussion followed about whether the dogs were deserving of their reputation as mean animals. Most people offered their opinions based on encounters with the dogs. Then Ank decides it’s time for him to chime in.
He said, “I’ve seen about (at this point he makes a weighing motion with his hands and looks up at the ceiling)…uhhhh….. 80 pit-bulls in my life, and most of them have been pretty cool.” Everybody sits there for a minute and thinks about what he just said. I break the silence and proceed to expound on two important points about Antzo’s seemingly genuine statement.
1) 80 pit-bulls is a whole lot of pit-bulls. Think about it. If he saw his first pit-bull at age 9, then over the next 13 years of his life, Antzo would have had to have seen six of the dogs per year, which means one every two months. Keep in mind that Antzo has never owned a pit-bull, nor could he name anybody who did. He essentially said that he had seen one pit-bull every two months for 13 years. I don’t think anybody who doesn’t work with animals in some way has seen that many pit-bulls. It wasn’t that Antzo was lying, per se, about the 80 pit-bulls. He just thinks differently than most. Here was his thought process, as I imagine it:

OK, I saw that pit-bull in the park that one day, that’s one… Then there was that other one that might have been a pit-bull when I was walking to class that day, so that’s two. So there’s two, and I saw a few others, so that’ll be around three, four, five… 80! Alright brain, we’re gonna go with 80.

Essentially, Antzo bypassed the numbers three through ten and rounded up to 80. This is like trying to guess how many inches of snow are on the ground, and you know its probably between three and five, but you decide to say 80 instead. Which brings me to my second point.
2) WHO ROUNDS UP TO 80? Forget about the fact that seeing 80 pit-bulls is absurd. But wouldn’t 50 or 75 or 100 been a more obvious rounding number? No, he chose 80. And that is why he is Antzo.)
Anyway, Antzo and I had a similar experience with 50 Cent over the past few years. We had followed his early mix tape career, then when he blew up last winter, we felt like our boy had finally hit it big.
Now I will feel the same way when all of America begins to see why Alex Rodriguez is so hatable. Soon, under the microscope of the New York media, the world will discover that A. Rod is just a big phony who knows how to say all the right things in public, but probably is totally different away from the press. (There have been numerous reports that A. Rod was not well liked in the Rangers clubhouse, which would mean we’d have a score of Chris 1, A. Rod Lovers 0.)
My dislike of A. Rod began when he first signed with the Rangers. I didn’t really like him all that much when he played on the Mariners, but never had anything against him. But when he was a free agent in 2001, all he talked about was how he wanted to play for a winner. He also said he wanted to stay in Seattle (a team that had made the playoffs in three of A. Rod’s first six seasons). But he soon decided to test the waters of free agency (rightly so), but declared that he would only play for a winner. So, of course, Rodriguez went to play for the Texas Rangers, a team that was 71-91 the year before he got there. And the contract was for a record quarter-billion dollars. But it wasn’t about the money, A. Rod insisted. He thought the Rangers would have a chance to win.
A. Rod had offers from the Mets (who were coming off two 90-win seasons, and a World Series appearance) and the Mariners, but ended up instead signing with the Rangers, who offered him the most money. But, like he said, it was never about the dough.
Rodriguez is a smart guy. He is quite media savvy and knows how to create good PR for himself. So he had to have known that his huge contract was going to hamstring the Rangers from signing the players they needed to get back into contention. And of course, that is exactly what happened.
True, the owner and GM of the team made some poor signings (Chan-Ho Park, anyone?), but A. Rod’s huge contract took up a large amount of their payroll, then when the team floundered, fans stopped coming and the money dried up. So, in order to pay A. Rod, the Rangers had to cut payroll, and ended up devoting one-third of their salary allocation to Rodriguez.
So after paying $75 million to A. Rod for three years of service, the Rangers were struggling, but Rodriguez said he wanted to weather the storm and win a pennant in Texas. Of course, at this point he was having his agent quietly determine which good teams would be willing to make a deal for him.
Then, when the Red Sox deal fell through because the Players Union wouldn’t allow Rodriguez to cut his salary, A. Rod went back to Texas with his tail between his legs, accepted the role of Captain for the team and said he couldn’t wait to play for the Rangers.
During this round of lies, Yanks 3rd baseman Aaron Boone went down with a torn ACL in a pickup basketball game, and A. Rod’s agent Scott Boras was soon talking to the Yankees.
(Speaking of Boone, he now sits square at #2 on the all-time “Screwed the Red Sox” list, right behind Harry Frazee, who sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees. In a span of four months, Boone has hit an extra-inning, pennant-winning home run against Boston and also got hurt, which gave the Yankees a reason to get Alex Rodriguez. What’s Boone going to do next to Hub fans? Paint the Green Monster purple?)
A. Rod was never content in Texas. He was always looking for a back-room deal to get him out of Arlington, and he misled Rangers fans with his deception. What nobody in Texas realized was that A. Rod was never a Ranger. He was simply a mercenary. And that is what he will always be.
Now he moves to New York, where he will be just another cog in the Yankees machinery. He’ll be another name on a list that includes Ruth, Gehrig, Dimaggio, Berra, Mantle and Jeter.
Ahhh, Jeter. What will happen with him? What will happen when the two highest paid players in baseball have to share a clubhouse and an infield.
Sure, in today’s news conference, A. Rod and Jeter will make nice and act like it will be no problem for them to coexist in between 2nd and 3rd base.
But what happens when the Yankees lose four straight and Jeter makes a few errors? Or when Jeter is slumping at the plate while A. Rod goes on a tear? It’s not like the man upstairs or the New York media are prone to overreaction.
When the first sign of trouble rears itself (this could be in the first week of the season, mind you) Georgie Boy will publicly whisper in Torre’s ear that a change needs to be made and the back pages of the Post and Daily News will run clever headlines like “Jeter: Short STOP!” or “Woe is Jee-ter” (man those are hard to do. There’s a reason why the headline writers at those tabloids are among the highest paid employees in the newsroom.) How will Jeter react to that? He has never had to deal with criticism before. Even when Georgie Boy called him out for partying last spring training, Jeter still had the support of the media and the fans. What will happen when he has to go it alone? Did you see Duke last night lose to NC State? They didn’t know how to react late in the game when they were down.
Athletes that are used to winning big usually don’t handle adversity well. When undefeated boxers have an opponent knock them down for the first time, they panic and change their fighting styles, or just are so stunned they stay down entirely. The former happened to Mike Tyson, the latter to Lennox Lewis against Oliver McCall. I’m not saying Jeter will fold, but how he reacts is anybody’s guess.
And don’t underestimate the Jeter-Rodriguez personal feud. The media hasn’t hyped this up the past few days, because both players usually talk about each other with reverence through the media, but their relationship is a bit different than they let on.
Here’s what A. Rod said to Esquire magazine about Derek Jeter a few years ago:

He has never had to lead. He can just go and play and have fun. He hits second — that's totally different than third or fourth in the lineup. You go into New York, you wanna stop Bernie (Williams) and Paul (O'Neill). You never say, 'Don't let Derek beat us.' He's never your concern.
- Alex Rodriguez, Esquire, April 2001

The two used to be friends, according to Newsday, but their relationship soured after this interview and a few others in which Rodriguez questions Jeter’s defensive skills.
The same Newsday report terms the pair’s relationship as “icy” and says the two have not spoken since the trade talks began. Ouch. This is Kobe and Shaq territory.
One more thing about A. Rod. I didn’t like his much-publicized stunt a few years ago when he pushed Cal Ripken over to shortstop during his last All-Star game. Much like Tracy McGrady, Rodriguez involved the media in this gesture, even having himself miked by FOX during the exchange.
It was a nice thing to do, for Rodriguez to let Cal play shortstop (his original, and beloved position) during the first inning of that All-Star game. But it was done in such a public way, that I had to question the sincerity involved in the action.
Now Rodriguez will be in Cal’s position. He’ll be on 3rd base for Opening Day, but will be longing to be 40 feet to his left; at short. Don’t expect Derek Jeter to be nearly as eager to give up his spot.

The Yanks get Richer

The Evil Empire just got a lot more evil.
Alex Rodriguez; who sold his soul to the highest bidder three years ago, is on his way to the New York Yankees, in a blockbuster trade that ranks among the biggest in baseball history.
After off-season flirtations with the Boston Red Sox, followed by a meaningless promotion to Rangers captain, Rodriguez jumped off the sinking ship he helped destroy and landed a spot in the highest paid lineup in Major League history.
The Yankees and Rangers yesterday agreed in principle to a trade that would send Rodriguez, the reigning AL MVP, to New York, in exchange for Alfonso Soriano and a player to be named later. The Rangers have agreed to eat some of A. Rod’s contract, and Rodriguez has said he will make a move to third base.
It shows how much A. Rod wanted out of Texas that he would agree to move to third, despite the fact that he is about 10 times better than Derek Jeter is at short.
(It should be interesting to see if “Saint Jeter” will put the good of the team ahead of himself and move to 2nd or 3rd base this season. It will be doubly interesting to see how New York’s love affair with Jeter holds up with a more talented player in town. Jeter probably will see his popularity plummet quicker than Howard Dean. And after a few errors at short early in the season, look for the notoriously fickle New York media to be calling for the switch. (The New York Daily News has already jumped off the Jeter bandwagon, it seems. Today's front page headline is "Move Over Derek: A. Rod could steal center stage from Jeter. )
After the trade, the Yanks will have a $190 million payroll this season (luxury tax be damned) and Texas will cut theirs to $60 million, in hopes of getting much-needed pitching help that wasn’t available with Rodriguez’s contract on the books. The Rangers, it should be noted, will pay the Yankees $67 million to take A. Rod. You read that right. The Rangers are paying the Yankees to take the best player in baseball. It’s no wonder the Rangers haven’t played a meaningful game since 1998.
The deal happened because Rodriguez, who signed a 10-year, $252 million contract in 2000, was sick of playing on last-place teams in Texas. This, despite the fact that he was solely responsible for the Rangers inability to land marquee arms on the free agent market because of his enormous salary.
Now, the Yankees once again become the prohibitive favorite to win the World Series, and the Red Sox are left to ponder how they let A. Rod slip through their fingers.
In reality though, the Sox made a reasonable play to get Rodriguez, that in the end, was hampered by the fact that John Henry’s pockets aren’t nearly as deep as George Steinbrenner’s.
The Sox saw no way that they could take on all of Rodriguez’s salary, plus pay a small portion of Manny Ramirez’s salary. The Yankees, with their own TV network and massive merchandising machine, can, and that’s why today they have Alex Rodriguez.
But in the end, the Red Sox have nobody to blame for this but themselves. They started the A. Rod talks, and they could have had him if they wanted to pony up a few more dollars. But they didn’t, so now they better suck-up to Nomar and give him a huge contract extension, and do the same with Derek Lowe, Jason Veritek, and of course, Pedro.
But don’t start planning parade routes in Manhattan yet. Don’t get me wrong, the A. Rod trade is huge, and the Yankees will have a potent lineup this season. But, the question mark with the Yanks was never at the plate, it is on the mound. And A. Rod’s signing doesn’t give the Yankees solid fourth and fifth starters or better middle relievers.
The AL race is still wide open. There are 162 games to be played, at the end of which, the Yankees and the Red Sox will probably be at the top. The A. Rod signing makes the Yankees chances of winning a little better, but it also makes the prospects of the Red Sox beating them a whole lot sweeter.

Some thoughts I've had throughout the years:

- Why do baseball managers still wear uniforms in the dugout? Don't you think their Union should work this out?

- If those babies in that Baby Geniuses movie were such geniuses, then why did they have to wear diapers? Surely a baby with an above-average IQ would know not to soil themselves. Baby geniuses? More like baby non-geniuses.

- I've never seen football referee's warn teams that there is two minutes left at the 2-minute warning. It's very misleading.

- My proposal for leap year 2004: Instead of adding a worthless day at the end of February, the government should secretly pick a day during the year, perhaps in the late Summer of early Fall. For arguments sake, lets just say it's a Tuesday in August.
On that Tuesday the government would issue a proclamation saying "tomorrow will not be Wednesday, it will be "24 hour fun day". Nobody would go to work on "24 hour fun day," the day would just be spent having fun and barbequing and drinking and such. The day would cease to exist, it would just be a 24 hour period of pure, unadulterated fun.... Then, the next day would be Wednesday, and we would resume our normal daily activity, with the "24 hour fun day" being just a memory, never really existing. I think that would be a lot better than the novelty of February 29th.

- On the next season of The Apprentice the contestants should all be coaches in the NBA's Eastern Conference. They're all going to get fired anyway, so it should at least be interesting.

- You know how in Liar, Liar that guy can't tell a lie for 24 hours because his son made a wish at his birthday party? Well, it was funny and all, but I doubt that could really happen.

- Back to Donald Trump. Do you think that when he wakes up in the morning and combs his hair/toupee/whatever that is on his head, he looks in the mirror and thinks "Yeah, I look hot today?"

- Today I ate some "Pasta-roni", a close relative of “Rice-a-roni". That being the case, don't you think it should be called "Pasta-a-roni"? I know… some will say that the "A" at the end of pasta represents the -a- in Rice-a-roni, but I disagree.. If that were true, it would be past-a-roni, and if you've ever passed a roni in your lifetime, you will sure as hell know it isn't the San Francisco treat.

- If somebody made a time machine and sold it to the highest bidder, I net that bidder would be Roy Williams.

- You know on Gilligan's Island how the Skipper was the essential leader of the group and was well-liked and respected by everybody, even the ornery Mr. Howell? Well, don't you think everybody would have been pissed off at him for getting lost at sea?
And what's with the story told in the theme song.... "the weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless crew the Minnow would be lost, the Minnow would be lost".
They make a point to accentuate the fact that the Minnow would have been lost, if not for the Skipper and Gilligan, so much so that they repeat the line. But, hey, singer people, THE MINOW WAS LOST. THATS THE PREMISE OF THE ENTIRE SHOW.

- I bet FDR would have been all pissed off if he found out he was on the dime. Damn, he helped win us WWII and we give him the smallest coin. At least give him the nickel or something. What did Jefferson do, besides found UVA??? And its not like they wouldn't have found that anyway.

- I wish Vegas offered lines on people getting arrested, because I would love to get Maurice Clarett at 8-1.

- If I were a tattoo artist and some moron came into my parlor and asked for one of those Chinese character tattoos that means "courage" or "love" or "peace", I would say OK, and instead draw one that means "gigantic homo", because its not like they'd ever find out.

- Why don't Americans have British accents? The pilgrims and dudes who came over in the 1600 and 1700's were British and surely had British accents, so why don't we? I bet it has something to do with John Quincy Adams. Lord, do I hate John Quincy Adams.

- I wonder what Chris Carrawell is doing at this exact moment? Do you think he's still crying?

- Remember in Full House when Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky moved into the attic with Nicky and Alex? It was a nice sized attic. But remember back in the first season when Joey wanted his privacy and moved out, so to get him back Uncle Jesse, Danny and the girls moved all their important stuff out of the garage so Uncle Joey could move in there?? Remember? So now my questions are two....
1) Why didn't Joey just move into the spacious attic instead of them having to clean and Uncle Jesse having to move his motorcycle
and
2) Do you think I'd have a shot with one of the Olsen twins?

- You know that part in Mary Poppins where Mary Poppins and Jane and Michael jump into the sidewalk drawing and its all animated and they get in a horse race with their merry-go-round horses and some animated horses and you think that the animated horses are gonna win but Mary Poppins comes from nowhere and wins it by a nose and then tells the children of the wonder that is the word "supercalifragilisticexpilialidocious" and then they all do a spastic jig that Dick van Dyke teaches them? Remember that part? Yeah, I didn't like it that much either.

- My next reality show hit: Celebrity American Idol. But, the kicker is, the celebrities would compete against normal people. Maybe after losing to Chad from Idaho, Pink wouldn't think she's all that.

- Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to live in the 1600's. But then I think to myself, "Bro, taco's probably hadn't been invented yet" and I’m glad I live in the now.

- OK... Crispix cereal. The word Crispix is a plural describing the contents of the box. So when you eat a bowl of Crispix you are eating crispix. Not crispixes. Because you aren't eating 'Apple Jack' you are eating 'Apple Jacks'... Cheerios, Lucky Charms, you see what I’m talking about. But with Crispix, what is the singular. When I take one of tasty corn/rice double-helixed piece out of the ocean blue box, what do I call it. A crispii? A crispiece? And please don't give me the Raisin Bran argument. Raisin Bran is a descriptive name and when you have a piece of bran its bran and when you have a raisin it’s a raisin. But where oh where do you fit in Crispix? What is your place on the cereal hierarchy.

- So I'm watching Ducktales last night and a thought comes to me. Why do all of the ducks have Scottish last names? Scrooge McDuck. Launchpad McQuack. Scrooge's rival Glongold. Well, I don't know if Glongold is Scottish but dude's gotta kilt and one of those old-time Scottish golf-caps and speaks with an Scottish accent, so I feel I'm free to assume his Scottishness.
Then you have the wacky inventor Gyro. what's he supposed to be, Greek? So here are my questions:
a) Why did all the Scottish ducks seemingly migrate to Duckberg, California?
2) Did Huey, Dewey, and Louie go to school, ever? Oh sure, a few token episodes have them getting into mischief at school, but on the whole they seem to accompany Uncle Scrooge on his wacky adventures to beat out Glongold for extra riches and publicity.
c) Why does Glongold wear a kilt when nobody else even wears pants?

- If Socrates were so smart how come it was the Hostess Corporation and not he who invented Ho-ho's?

Seeing as how I stole ideas from Peter King on Monday and every internet columnist yesterday with my mailbag, I figured I’d go for the trifecta and blatantly rip off The Onion today.

Area Man Still Can’t Believe He Bought Hawks Season Tickets

Dunwoody, GA – As the Atlanta Hawks trudge towards the All-Star break with a 14-33 record, Dunwoody resident Mike Vogel still can’t believe he actually bought season tickets to see the woeful NBA franchise.
Vogel, 34, purchased a 41-game package in July, at a cost of $4,510.
“I don’t know what possessed me to buy [the tickets],” Vogel said. “I don’t even like basketball all that much.”
Vogel purchased two seats in the lower level “purple” section of Philips Arena, which has been filled to about 30% capacity this season. Among those consistently not in attendance is Vogel.
Other fans, like Vogel, have been turned off by the Hawks pitiful season. The team is next-to-last in the Central Division and coach Terry Stotts has been rumored to be on the hot-seat. The team is also in the midst of an ownership change.
Vogel, a married Atlanta-based lawyer with two children, says that he received a call at his office one day last July from a Hawks ticket representative. He has since figured out that the franchise got his name because he rented out a corporate box for him and his clients for the Rolling Stones concert the previous February.

	Above: Vogel reluctantly displays his Hawks season tickets.

“Dammit, I wish I had just taken them out to [Atlanta restaurant hotspot] Woodfire Grill instead,” said Vogel.
The initial sales pitch, by a young woman only identified as Cindy, was for a 10-game package that included matchups versus the Los Angeles Lakers and Sacramento Kings.
“I was trying to be polite and listen to her pitch before cutting her off,” Vogel said, “but at some point during the call Cindy mentioned that the full-season package was a better deal than the 10-game one and as she said that my mind shifted to a similar sign at 7-11 that declares that massive 96-ounce Super Super Big Gulp as the best deal.”
Moments later, Vogel says, he had unknowingly agreed to buy the tickets.
“I just kind of blacked out,” he says. “I couldn’t stop thinking about the 7-11. Really, who needs 96-ounces of Mountain Dew?”
According to Vogel, when he finally figured out how many 12-ounce cans would fit into the 96-ounce cup, he was giving out his credit card number.
“I don't even remember getting it out," Vogel said of his credit card. “All of a sudden I was telling Cindy I would like the team bag as my free gift. Even that was a mistake. I clearly should have gone with the sweatshirt.”
Vogel, who has since paid the $4,510 in four installments laments the purchase as the worst one he’s made since he bought a laserdisc player in the early '90s.
Frank McDonald, chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, says that such spontaneous purchases are common for men in their 30’s.
“Mike probably is coping with the stress of starting a family and providing for them,” McDonald says. “This purchase has all the hallmarks of Mike’s first mini mid-life crisis.”
While he disagrees, Vogel can only speculate as to the true meaning of the purchase.
“[My son] Brandon just turned six,” Vogel says, “so maybe I thought the tickets would be a good way for us to bond. But I coach his tee-ball team, so that can’t be it.”
Other reasons for buying the tickets that Vogel has considered include his love of the Philips Arena nachos, wanting to build up frequent flyer miles on his US Air MasterCard and the fact that he had seen a documentary on hawks on the National Geographic Channel a few days before he bought the tickets.
Since the season started in October, Vogel estimates he has attended only half of the Hawks 27 home-games. His son, Brandon, has only attended one.
“I thought he would enjoy the games,” Vogel said, “but he got all fidgety and feeding him at the concession stand cost me a fortune. He was bored. But, then again, so was I. Shoot, I had never even been to a game before.”
In Brandon’s stead, Vogel has asked friends and colleagues to attend games with him.
“I went to one game against Toronto,” said Vogel’s best friend Nick McGuire, “and I was so bored I started counting the empty seats. I got to 2,403 before Mike woke up and said it was time to go.”
Vogel’s colleagues have also been subjected to Hawks games attendance. Fellow lawyer Justin Obaza went to see a Hawks-Rockets game and when he arrived home told his wife he would never go to a basketball game again.
“The other day Mike called me up to see if I wanted to go to a game the next night,” Obaza said, “and I lied and told him I had to help out at my son’s Cub Scout meeting.”
“My son isn’t even in Cub Scouts,” Obaza added.
Vogel, though, is still trying to get through the year.
“I bought these tickets,” Vogel said, “and I’m going to make the best of it. I even hope to take Brandon again. I just bought him a Shareef Abdur-Raheem jersey.”
When told that Abdur-Raheem was just traded to the Portland Trail Blazers for Rasheed Wallace, Vogel simply bit his lip and shook his head.
“S--t,” Vogel said as he looked off into the distance, “that’s another waste of my money. And it’s not like I can buy him a Wallace jersey. Isn’t he the guy that smokes all that pot?”
When asked if he planned on renewing his tickets for the 2004-2005 season, Vogel stared straight ahead for two minutes.

Mailbag

I have been reading articles on all this stuff and picking up Brunell seems to go against what you would want Joe Gibbs to do. Can you critique his move of going after Brunell and making Ramsey seem unwanted or can Joe Gibbs still do no wrong at this point? I don’t know how it looks from your perspective, but if the Jags decide to hold on to him and trade him later, his value could go up. The deal seems to have a 50-50 chance of going through. If they don’t get Brunell and a QB controversy is started from this, would you say that Gibbs made a mistake or that he still knows what he is doing? I am no coach, so I can’t tell, but I would probably let him mess around in a 2 year grace period, and if he doesn’t turn it around after that I would start to maybe criticize some of the moves, but I don’t know how you feel after having Spurrier for two years. Alright, back to work.
- Greg Falkowski - Philadelphia, PA

First of all, I highly doubt that after you wrote this e-mail you went back to work.
But, in reference to your question, all I can say is, only in Washington could there be a quarterback controversy in February, especially when one of the quarterbacks in said controversy is still under contract with another team.
At this point, my gut says that the Redskins won’t get Mark Brunell. I think they have managed to price themselves out of the market by trying to jump the gun on trading for him. But, if they do make a trade for him, I would not be worried about his quarterbacking abilities. People seem to have quickly forgotten that Brunell is a three-time Pro Bowler and was the backbone to solid Jacksonville teams in the late ‘90s. His last few years with the Jags were sub-par. Those poor seasons were due to Brunell battling injuries and playing behind an offensive-line that gave up 41 sacks in 2002, his last full season.
(As comparison, the sorry Redskins offensive-line allowed Patrick Ramsey and Tim Hasselbeck to get sacked 39 times this year.
Interesting, but not at all surprising stat of the day: Rob Johnson attempted seven passes with the Redskins this year. He was sacked three times.)
So if the ‘Skins get Brunell, they will have acquired a good veteran quarterback who will fit into a Joe Gibbs system nicely. Brunell is a smart QB who can recognize defenses. He is a player who won’t make the flashiest play, but won’t make critical errors either. Maybe Gibbs thinks that Patrick Ramsey is too raw to play in the offense. I don't know.
Two things worry me about Brunell though. One is his contract. The Redskins have a lot of big salaries on their team, and adding Brunell won’t be cheap. This is one of the main reasons that I think, in the end, the Redskins won’t get him; they can’t afford him. With Champ Bailey available for unrestricted free-agency and other contracts that are becoming Stephen Davis-esque in their unwieldyness, the Redskins can’t be free-spenders.
In the old days, Gibbs would have told Jack Kent Cooke that he wanted Brunell, Ramsey would have developed a mysterious leg injury and been put on injured reserve for a year, Brunell would lead the team to the playoffs and Ramsey would eventually take over after being groomed for a few years.
But in the era of the salary cap, this isn’t possible. People have been knocking Joe Gibbs the past few days saying that he is living in the past and can’t make this Brunell thing work. Joe Gibbs is a lot smarter than these people are giving him credit for. If he gets Brunell, he will make it work. He's not naive enough to think that he can get Brunell and not have to sacrifice in other areas. But if Gibbs thinks he needs Brunell, then I think they need Brunell.
The second thing that worries me is that the ‘Skins might trade Patrick Ramsey. He looked solid last year, albeit a little green. His footwork is horrendous, and a Gibbs QB can’t be a sitting-duck in the pocket. Mark Rypien was no Carl Lewis, but he had a deft touch at avoiding a pass-rush. Ramsey likes to sit in the pocket and wait for his receivers to get open, and that leads to a lot of sacks. Maybe that’s why Gibbs is looking elsewhere.
But, in the right system, I think Ramsey will thrive. I assumed it was going to be in Washington. Maybe it won’t be.
As for your last two comments, no, I will not criticize Joe Gibbs moves. He has brought three Lombardi trophies to Washington and he can do no wrong here. If the Redskins go 0-16 this year, he will still be a hero here. Hell, Gibbs could be videotaped in an FBI sting-operation smoking crack in a shady hotel room with Rasheeda Moore, and he would still be the King of DC. "That young lady set me up. Dagnabit, she set me up good."
And second, Washington and Gibbs love a good quarterback controversy. Don’t forget, Joe Gibbs is the man that stuck with Doug Williams in the 1987 playoffs, despite the fact that Jay Schroeder had played well most of the year.
And as for all this nonsense about Ramsey getting discouraged by Brunell being in town; suck it up Pat. If the old-man outplays you, he outplays you. Instead of pouting, channel your frustration into becoming a better quarterback.
I'm not knocking Ramsey, but his recent comments to The Washington Post seem like they belong on a playground.
But like I said, I think Brunell won’t be wearing the Burgundy and Gold next season. Look for him to stay in Florida, but to head south. Way south.

I think you should do a column on the similarly dull yet consistent style of play of the two teams in the Super Bowl, and what it says about the current state of the NFL that the past 3 winners (4 including whoever wins this year) have been offensive versions of pong with great defenses. Also you should say how well that bodes for one Joe Gibbs.

- Eric Jaffe – Washington, DC

How’s this:
The similarly dull, yet consistent style of play of the two teams in the Super Bowl (the past four Super Bowl champions have been offensive versions of pong with great defenses) bodes well for one Joe Gibbs.
?

Chris,
Let me preface this by saying that in my 21 years I have never garnered any interest toward sports-related literature (save for a few scattered articles about swimming or soccer), but I have read every one of your postings. With that said, your writing brings one particular question to mind: what was the impetus for your victory lap around my house in 1992?
stay fresh,
Will
- Will Djinis – Durham, NC

Thank you for the kind words, my friend, but I must apologize, for I cannot answer your question. First, what does impetus mean? I was a history major. But more importantly, it is the policy of Chris’s Sports Blog not to respond to letters originating from anybody attending the same school as Nick Horvath.

A few weeks ago, I discussed my most hated people in sports. Here are some of yours:

i wanted to tell you my most hated person in sports. i just ahd a whole bunch of reasons written out...but i erased them b/c they were stupid. but, the person is venus williams. it all stems from when she was 9 and already had an article in sports illustrated...
- Stephanie Chase – Vilsek, Germany

A) I will be the judge what is and what is not stupid.
B) Good call on Venus. I must say though, I do like Serena. You know who I also like? Eve. She looked real good in Barbershop 2.
C) Do Germans not believe in capitalization?

All time? Emmit Smith, who I only hope sent Barry Sanders a fruit basket after breaking Walter Payton's rushing record. I mean, the guy runs behind one of the greatest lines in football history, plays for too long, becomes all-time rushing leader. But he's not even the best of his generation. Sanders has him beat by a long shot. Yet his corruption is rampant. Two years ago, Tom Jackson had Barry as #9 rb's all time, Emmitt as #3. Are you kidding, what a crock of s—t.
p.s. Kobe's just a bitch, who was lucky to wind up on a team with Shaq coming out of high school. Otherwise he'd be Tracy McGrady, minus the street cred. That interview with him and his wife was the most contrived thing I've ever seen. His home life must be like living in Antarctica. I really hope Shaq assaults him. It would be pretty funny.

- J. Nicholls Redemer – San Francisco, CA

Reading your e-mail I’m reminded of the Scott Mackenzie tune, San Francisco.

If you're goin' to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
If you're goin' to San Francisco
You're gonna meet some gentle people there

For those who come to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
If you come to San Francisco
Summertime will be a love-in there

You capture the true essence of the city, Justin. Mr. Mackenzie would be proud. Bravo.

Without a doubt Tony Sarigusa.

My hatred for Tony started the year the Ravens won the Super Bowl. He was just one of those guys that talked way too much for his own good. I go to the University of Pittsburgh and am embarrassed that he went there too. For some reason he thinks he's made for television. I guess the Sopranos made being a fat greasy Italian cool again. Well Tony retired for a few years, and kind of stayed out of my sight. Because of that I would say I hated him but since I didn't really see him anymore, I wouldn't get fired up or anything.

Now I'm a big Steelers fan, so I rarely watch football on Fox cause the NFC just doesn't do it for me. I imagine you feel somewhat similiar about the AFC. But anyways, a few weeks ago I tuned into the Rams-Panthers playoff game. My hatred for the fat man reached a high that I never thought possible. Throughout the game Troy Aikman would say "Let's go down on the field to talk to Tony Sarigusa." Now sometimes he'd actually be on the screen talking, spouting off his dumb bulls--t, and yeah I suppose that made me mad. But what really really got me was the fact that when he was talking and the cameras were showing the game, in the lower left corner of the TV a little picture would appear. It was a picture of Tony, giving some stupid smile. To give you an idea of what he looked like, imagine the smile he would give after saying "Whoops! I ate all the cookies in cookie jar!." Above the picture it says "You're listening to:" and overlapping the picture was "Tony Sarigusa" written in pompous cursive writing (it was his signature I think actually) like he's above everyone else in all of football. It's as if him signing his name to that gives it a stamp of quality that you just can't find anywhere else. Why would Fox let him do that? Not one sideline commentator for any sport on any channel does that. It doesn't even surprise me that he did that. It was probably his idea that arrogant son of a bitch.

-Brandon Freeberg – Pittsburgh, PA

I agree with you 100% on the Sarigusa tip. Since when did he become famous enough to warrant FOX to suggest that we care about him? He was a mediocre football player turned sideline reporter. Eric Dickerson was horrible at the same job, but at least he was a good player. When will the sideline-reporter love end? What's next? Armen Katayian releasing his own line of hair-care products?
A few years ago, before the Ravens played in the Super Bowl, Sports Illustrated ran an article about Siragusa. The whole article was about how great he is because he didn’t work out, ate all day long and didn’t really care too much about his profession. If you substituted the Goose’s name in that article with Marlon Brando, the same exact story could have been in Entertainment Weekly.
You also say that you think the cursive writing on the picture was actually Sarigusa’s own signature. I beg to differ. I’m assuming that Sarigusa can’t write.
Also, can’t you see Warren Sapp doing the same thing in a few years? Man, is that guy’s shtick getting old. Yeah, we get it, you’re off-the-wall. So was Dennis Rodman. And when’s the last time you heard anybody talking about Ren and Stimpy.


I listed my ESPN silver-anniversary All-ACC team a few weeks back. I originally had Sam Perkins over Len Bias at power forward. But I changed my mind thanks to an e-mail from somebody who knows more about the subject than myself:

My Silver ACC team was actually Sampson, Laettner, Bias, Jordan, and Childress. I agree that the team has to be "a team" - a point guard, a shooting guard, a small forward, a power forward and a center...

...Bias over Perkins - stick with your heart, Bias was the man. Perkins was great (I did not realize his stats were so good) but could not "take over" a game like Bias. Bias would have been the next Jordan and did things in college that I'm not sure Jordan could do at the same stage. Plus, I always thought of Perkins as more of a power forward than small forward (in fact, his freshman year, he played center and Worthy was power forward).

- Spiro Fotopoulos – Great Falls, VA

I’m convinced. Bias gets the nod I was reluctant to give.

And finally, proof that at least one Yankees fan knows how to read. Spelling, on the other hand...

IF YOU HATE JETER SO BAD -WHY DO U TAKE THE TIME TO READ ABOUT HIM.I AM REAL SURE THAT JETER WILL NOT LOOSE ANY SLEEP TONIGHT BECAUSE YOU HATE HIM.

GO YANKS!!

- Linda, Last Name and City Withheld

You're right Linda. If Jeter “looses” any sleep tonight, it won’t be because I hate him. No, it will be because his “friend” Raoul is a snorer.

NCAA Tournament Projections

Selection Sunday is only 33 days away. And with about eight games left for most college basketball teams, each contest becomes important for seeding and/or receiving a bid to the NCAA Tournament
At this point projecting which teams will make the 65-team field is merely a crapshoot. It’s like guessing which member of No Limit will be the next to be booked on murder charges. (I’d take Silkk the Shocker, and parlay that with an aggrevated assault charge for Lil’ Romeo.) Teams that look solid today can run off a losing streak and find themselves on the bubble come March. Conversely, teams that are on the edge can score some big wins and become locks. But, if the season ended today, here are the 65 teams that would dance in March.
(Note: Winners of conference tournaments receive automatic bids to the NCAA Tournament. In multiple-bid leagues the teams listed could all make it as at-large teams. In single bid leagues, the current division leader is listed. What happens in the conference tournament, of course, is anybody’s guess.)

Multiple Bid Leagues

ACC – 7
Duke, NC State, Wake Forest, Florida State, North Carolina, Georgia Tech, Maryland
Normally an 8-8 conference record in the ACC gets teams into the tournament. Since the ACC expanded to nine teams in 1992, only two teams that have finished 8-8 didn’t make the tournament. Those teams, Georgia Tech in 1995 and Virginia in 1992, didn’t have any marquee wins on their schedules and finished the year with long losing streaks.
Since five of the seven teams are bunched in the middle of the conference at 4-5, those teams will have to have a decent finish in order to finish 8-8. And by beating up on each other, the marquee wins will come in these next few games. This year, though, 7-9 might be enough to make it from the ACC. The conference is rated as the toughest in the country, and second place (the SEC) is far behind.
Besides Duke, every other team could easily play their way out of the tourney, but still, this is looking like the year where the ACC gets a record seven teams. Getting seven of nine teams into the NCAA Tournament would be the greatest conference achievement since the Big East had three teams in the 1985 Final Four.

Big East – 6
Connecticut, Syracuse, Pittsburgh, Providence, Seton Hall, Boston College
Originally I thought that the Big East would only get four teams, but then when I looked I realized that Seton Hall and BC probably are going to make it too (both have Top 25 RPI’s). Rutgers could sneak in too with some big wins in the 2nd half of the season, but today, they would probably be on the outside looking in.

SEC – 6
Kentucky, Mississippi State, Florida, South Carolina, LSU, Vanderbilt
Probably the easiest group to pick. All are virtual locks at this point in the season (which speaks more to the lack of quality teams in the country than it does to the power of Vanderbilt). Alabama and Tennesse maybe could sneak in with a few big wins in Februray (particularly on the road; both these teams are miserable away from home), but don’t expect too much from them.
Nor should you expect much from Mississippi State. Don’t let the #6 ranking and probable #2 seed in the tournament fool you into thinking that this team is that good. Every year about this time I pick my “big tournament upset victim” (which usually ends up coming from the SEC or Big 10). Mississippi State is this year’s early favorite. This might change come tournament time if MSU gets an easy draw in the first round, but I still don’t like this team to do much in March.

Conference USA – 5
Louisville, Cincinnati, Alabama-Birmingham, Memphis, Charlotte
The team I like most out of this conference is Memphis. They started the year out slow, but have picked it up recently and should be peaking in mid-March.
Marquette, after last year’s Final Four berth is finding out that Travis Diener is no Dwayne Wade, and will need a Conference USA Tournament Championship to make the field.

Big 12 – 5
Texas, Kansas, Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, Oklahoma
Oh, it pains me to put Oklahoma on this list. As I wrote about yesterday, they are clearly the most overrated team in the country. But, somehow they’ll make it in. The Big 12 is too strong a conference to only get four teams in.

Big 10 – 5
Wisconsin, Purdue, Illinois, Michigan State, Michigan
Another poor showing from a so-called “power conference”. Michigan State is currently 11-8, but the fact that they played most of the Top 25 earlier in the year will pay dividends with the selection committee. I think Michigan will get in, buoyed by their membership in the Big 10 and relatively high RPI. Indiana managed to play their way out of a position to receive help from the committee.

Pac 10 – 2
Stanford, Arizona
That’s not a typo. At this point in the season, the Pac-10 only deserves two bids to the NCAA Tournament. People on the west-coast will complain about an east-coast bias, and in most years they might be right. This year they are not. The third-best Pac-10 team, Oregon, is ranked #61 in the RPI and has the worst strength-of-schedule of any bubble teams.

Atlantic 10 – 2
St. Joseph’s, Dayton
It’s kind of interesting that the only two undefeated teams in the country play for conferences that will probably only get two bids to the tournament. It means that a lot of those 20 wins for Stanford and St. Joe’s have come against inferior competition.
Normally a solid conference that receives three or four bids, the A-10 is down this year and won’t get a third team unless St. Joe’s or Dayton stumbles in the conference tournament.

Missouri Valley – 2
Southern Illinois, Creighton

Mid American – 2
Western Michigan, Kent State

It hasn't been a down year for only the big-time conferences. The mid-majors are having an off-year too. For the past few years, these two conferences would have thrived with the mediocrity in big-time college basketball and sent a few schools to the tournament. But the mid-majors have not had a marquee win over a big school all year. Southern Illinois, Creighton and Western Michigan should all get at-large bids, but Kent State might need to win the MAC tournament. At this point though, they’re in.

Mountain West – 2
Utah, Air Force
Utah will be in, but Air Force might be a little trickier. The service-academy has been a doormat in the Mountain West over the past three decades, but has enjoyed a resurgance this year thank to coach Joe Scott. The team has an RPI of #60 (the team with the lowest RPI that received an at-large berth was New Mexico with a #74 in 1999) and might need to win the MWC tournament.

Western Athletic – 2
Hawaii, UTEP
Do you really care?

Single Bid Conferences

(Note: Only Gonzaga, and perhaps Wisconsin-Milwaukee or Utah State could lose their conference tournament and receive an at-large berth. Also, the Ivy League has no conference tourney, thus the regular season champion earns the NCAA bid.)

America East – Vermont
Atlantic Sun - Troy State
Big Sky – Eastern Washington
Big South – Birmingham Southern
Big West – Utah State
Colonial – Virginia Commonwealth
Horizon – Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Ivy – Princeton
Metro Atlantic – Manhattan
Mid-Continent – IUPUI
MEAC – South Carolina State
Northeast – St. Francis (N.Y.)
Ohio Valley – Austin Peay
Patriot – Lafayette
Southern – East Tennessee State
Southland – Stephen F. Austin
Sun Belt – Louisiana-Lafayette
SWAC – Mississippi Valley State
West Coast – Gonzaga

10 Things I Know

This weekend, ESPN.com reported that the Redskins were in “serious talks” with the Jacksonville Jaguars about working out a trade for QB Mark Brunell. What does this mean for the Redskins? Will Patrick Ramsey be a backup? If not, are the Skins going to pay Brunell starter money to sit on the bench? How un-cap-friendly will he be? And do the Redskins even need Mark Brunell?
I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. I guess we’ll find out more if this trade is ever finalized. Since I don’t know anything about that topic, I will instead regale you with 10 things that I do know, a la Sports Illustrated’s interesting, but grating, Peter King.

1) You should go see Miracle. Kurt Russell is great as Herb Brooks (the entire movie I was thinking to myself, “is this really the same Kurt Russell that was in Tango & Cash?). And the writers and director did a good job of hyping up the game against the Soviets as an important moment in sports history, but managed to not make it cheesy. If some moron like Michael Bay had directed the movie there would have been scenes of families watching the game and celebrating (which would have been impossible because the game was shown on tape-delay in the U.S.) or the Russian players would have been portrayed as callous jerks who underestimated the power of the American team.
Instead, the movie focused on the hockey (the game sequences are among the best sports scenes in any movie I’ve seen). And it works.

2) The four-hour Pro Bowl is probably the most boring thing on television, save for whenever Bravo shows The English Patient. (What, Sack Lunch can’t get no love?)
I watched the last 5 minutes of the game and it was pretty entertaining, but only in a "end of an NBA Game" way. Seriously, did anybody make plans tonight to watch the game? I thought not.

2a) And should you really be called a “Pro Bowler” if the only reason you made the team was because four real Pro Bowlers got hurt, two didn’t want to come and Simeon Rice was sent home for disciplinary reasons? I’m looking at you, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila. (You would think his mom would have gotten rid of the Gbaja and went with Biamila.)

2b) Eric Gagne didn’t blow a single save during the entire 2003 with the Dodgers. Mike Vanderjagt didn’t miss a kick in his entire 2003-04 season with the Colts. But Gagne blew a save in the baseball All-Star game and Vanderjagt missed a game-tying kick in tonight’s Pro Bowl. This is the freakiest sports stat since I saw that when every single baseball player of all-time is put in an alphabetical list, Hank Aaron is at the top.

3) Tonight’s Curb Your Enthusiasm might have surpassed "Krazee-Eyez Killa" as the best episode ever.

4) I stumbled upon an article today that was about a presidential candidate in Russia who has been reported missing. And then I saw this passage in the AP Wire story: (Rybkin is the guy that’s missing)

In the last 18 months, two of the members of Mr. Rybkin's party in the Parliament, Sergei N. Yushenkov, and Vladimir I. Golovlyov, have been shot to death on the streets of Moscow in murky circumstances.
Shortly before he was killed, Mr. Yushenkov split with Mr. Berezovksy and another party leader, Mikhail N. Kodanev, has since been charged with the murder. Party officials say he has been falsely accused.

Since when did Russia turn into an episode of Oz? Can you imagine if John Kerry went missing a few months after two of his fellow senators were shot in the street by Tom Daschale? Is somebody writing a script about this yet?

5) Jennifer Love Hewitt is one Hollywood Squares appearance away from hitting the "Posing for Playboy" portion of her career.

6) The college basketball polls are the second most worthless thing ever. For your consideration:
Oklahoma started the season 10-0, with victories at Michigan State (which looked good at the time) and against Purdue. Both teams were ranked when Oklahoma beat them, but neither is now. Since then, Oklahoma has lost by 27 to Uconn, 21 to Oklahoma State, 4 to a sub-.500 Mizzou team, 20 to Texas Tech and today lost by 29 to Texas, while only scoring 37 points. During that stretch Oklahoma beat four lower-tiered Big 12 schools. Yet, going into this week Oklahoma was still ranked #22 in the country. A team can’t lost by 20 to three (now four) schools and still be considered one of the Top 25 team in the country. If Baylor had played the same exact schedule as Oklahoma, they wouldn’t even be receiving votes for the Top 25.
By the way, the most worthless thing ever: Norway.

7) Third on that list is the Grammy’s. Some thoughts:

7a) Didn’t the song Lose Yourself come out in September 2002? How did it win two Grammy’s this year? What won for Best R&B song… Motownphilly?

7b) Among the winners tonight: Weird Al Yankovic, James Taylor, Bill Clinton (I’m serious, he won for Best Spoken Word Album. He now joins his wife Hillary who won in a similar category a few years ago), The Neptunes, Etta James, The Monks of Sherab Ling Monastery, George Harrison (who died around the same time that Lose Yourself came out), Yo-Yo Ma, The Potter’s House Mass Choir, Murphy Lee and presumably The Fun Bunch, sans Marky Mark. I think the most awards shows are pretty stupid, but at least you know that David Arquette isn’t winning an Oscar. Murphy Lee? For real???

7c) The Jennifer Love Hewitt reference above was made because I caught a glimpse of her and her dress on some pre-show and it jogged my memory that she still exists. If you haven’t seen it, I suggest you scan through People or US Weekly the next time you’re in a grocery store or scour the internet looking for a picture. Trust me on this one.
(Note: After writing this, I went and found the picture:)



It looks like she stole a matador's cape.

8) My reality show idea: Get 10 guys. Get Mike Tyson. Have each guy fight Mike Tyson at separate times. Whichever guy can stand up/maintain conciousness in a bout with Iron Mike gets $1 million. Mike Tyson’s hard-up for cash and plenty of guys would want to do this. And everybody would watch. Why do you think there’s always back-ups at car wrecks?
You could spread the show out over 10 weeks, and maybe have a finale where the Top 2 guys fight him again.
I’m telling you. This would be huge

9) The NBA is awful. Case in point: The Golden State Warriors were beating the Toronto Raptors 73-57 at the end of the 3rd quarter tonight. At the end of the 4th quarter the score was 75-75. Go back and read that again. The Warriors scored 2 points in the 4th quarter. 2. I have more points on my drivers license than that.

10) Bill Clinton has a better chance of winning a Grammy Award than St. Joe’s and Stanford do of finishing their seasons undefeated.
Ummmmm… didn’t you just write that the former president won a Grammy tonight?
Ahh, good call. Let me change that to Murphy Lee then.
Ummmmm, Chris.. didn’t you –
Dammit, I’m going to bed.

Reason #217 Why I Hate Derek Jeter

In celebration of Sports Illustrated’s 50th Anniversary, the magazine is running a weekly feature on each state in the US called 50 States in 50 Weeks. Every week the magazine features a different state in a special four-part section.
The first article is a feature about some lesser known, but important sporting event in the state. Next are results from a poll taken of sports fans from the state that ask them questions about their favorite and least favorite teams or favorite sports. Another page is about the greatest athletes and moments in the state’s sports history. And the final section is a column written by a famous athlete or writer or other personality from that week’s featured state.
Most of the columns have been great. Wrestler Rulon Gardner wrote about how his summers baling hay in Wyoming made him tough enough to become an Olympic Gold Medalist. Paul Kariya, who attended college in Maine, discussed how the state adopted him as one of their own. Even President Bush wrote a column about his home state of Texas in which he talked about the passion of Texans. Every piece that has been published so far has focused on the people of the state and how the way of life in the area helped develop them into the people they are today.
Sam Huff wrote a particularly poignant piece about his coal-miner father and how Huff vowed to make a better life for himself. Even after becoming an NFL Hall-of-Famer, Huff never forgot his roots. He still lives in West Virginia.
This is the 29th week of SI’s 50 States in 50 Weeks and the featured state is Michigan. On the poll page the 403 Michigan residents who were polled selected Gordie Howe, Magic Johnson and Barry Sanders as the top three athletes who ever lived in their state. Some other famous athletes and coaches from Michigan include Kirk Gibson, Mike Modano and Muhammad Ali, who moved to Michigan in the '80s. Former UM football coach Bo Schembechler is still a highly revered figure in the state, and Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell is practically a god.
So, of course, Sports Illustrated chose Derek Jeter to write the column about the state he grew up in.
At first I didn’t want to read Jeter’s piece because I was eating breakfast and was afraid I’d vomit in my Capn’ Crunch. But then I could stand my curiosity no more. And, to his credit, Derek Jeter did not disappoint me.
While other athletes have written tender tributes to the states they hold dear, Jeter wrote a self-serving and congratulatory editorial that speaks more to the shortstop’s accomplishments than it does about the state of Michigan.
Some excerpts:

The first thing to know about playing baseball in Michigan is, Michigan's really cold.

Thanks for the weather update Willard Scott. If I wanted to read about Michigan’s frigid winters I would have bought a farmers almanac.

I played basketball in high school, and I was a decent guard -- my big moment came in my sophomore year, when I hit a three-pointer at the buzzer to beat Portage Central.

Congratulations Derek. I swam in high school. Let’s be friends.

My parents have moved out of Kalamazoo, but I still get back there every year to do fund-raisers and baseball clinics with my charity, the Turn 2 Foundation. And I do have the key to the city -- I was presented with it after the Yankees won the World Series in 1996, in a ceremony on Derek Jeter Day at my high school.

“In addition to the millions of dollars I have and models I speciously date, I have a charity. And I want you to know about it. I’ve named it the ‘Turn 2’ foundation because it whimsically addresses both baseball and my lifestyle choice. By egoistically mentioning my charity in an article about the home state I have since abandoned, I think it will make you like me more. And you liking me more means more money in my pocket."

My sister, Sharlee, gave a speech that really moved me, about how proud she was of me and what I'd achieved, and how I'd always supported her in everything she did even though I was away while she was in school. I still keep a framed copy at my off-season home in Tampa.

After vaguely telling us how great he is to his family, Jeter induces further nausea by telling us about his “off-season home”. Tool.

I never got my degree from Michigan because my baseball career took off, but I'd like to return some day, like Rodney Dangerfield did in Back to School. I'm not sure if I could see myself sitting in classes when I'm 40 years old, though.

Let’s recap this statement, shall we? Jeter leaves school to play baseball, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, considering how highly touted he was. Now, in his article, he says he would like to return someday. Then, IN THE NEXT SENTENCE he essentially says “yeah, but I never will. I just said I want to get my degree because women who read this will love me more and buy Nike stuff.”

And then to cap it all off:

I'm a New Yorker now, and believe me, there's no comparison between the Big Apple and Kalamazoo, no similarity at all. New York City's hectic, always in fast-forward, and Kalamazoo's more laid-back, smaller, slower. And did I mention, colder?

Taking a look at the last part first, yes, you overrated schmuck, you mentioned that it was cold in Michigan in the first line of this stupid column. Maybe you should have stayed in school.
Second of all, “DJ” you aren’t a New Yorker. You’re from Michigan. I hate transplanted people who claim to be from a place that they’ve lived for six years. Just because you’re mailing address is in New York, doesn’t make you a New Yorker. 20 years is the minimum time you can live someplace and claim to be “from” there. And who brags about being a New Yorker anyway?
Then, he essentially dumps on Kalamazoo because it's not New York. Notice Jeter doesn't say that "laid-back, smaller and slower" are better. He just mentions that the two cities are different.
So, in the article that is supposed to be celebrating the state of Michigan, Jeter mentions that he no longer lives there (and he lives in Tampa of all places. What millionaire chooses to live in Tampa when Miami is a few hundred miles away?? It's like choosing to drive a Hyundai even though you can afford a Bentley), how cold it is there and basically treats his home state as if it were a used tennis shoe.
If I lived in Kalamazoo, I'd want that key back.

Thursday Thoughts

- If anybody has been delusional for the past seven years and needed more proof that The Simpsons is a shell of its former self, they need look no further than that miserable Super Bowl commercial for Mastercard. Seriously, I’d rather watch an episode of George Lopez than suffer through 22 minutes of lame jokes and stupid sight gags on the Simpsons. There hasn’t been that steep a fall off since Macaulay Culkin followed up Home Alone with My Girl.

- A New York judge recently ruled that Maurice Clarett should be eligible for the NFL draft. Shira Scheindlin ordered that the NFL rule stating a player cannot enter the draft until three years after his high school class graduates violates anti-trust laws.
I imagine that this will probably be overturned because the NFL Players Association signed a collective bargaining agreement that specifically prohibited players of that age. CBA’s are exempt from anti-trust laws. And also because the NFL is the most powerful organization since the Gambinos.
But, if this ruling is upheld, two things will happen:
1) Maurice Clarett will be a bust in the NFL. Actually, this will happen regardless because Clarett will be in the league at some point in the future. The key point is, Clarett wasn’t all that good in college. Sure, he ran for nearly 1,200 yards behind a stacked Ohio State offensive line, but he was chronically hurt his freshman year and Ohio State still ran effectively without him this year. Big Ten football schools are like the Denver Broncos. You could plug Newman in to run behind the o-line and he’d run for at least a grand. Look at the splashes Curtis Enis, Ron Dayne and others have made in the NFL.
There is no doubt that Clarett is talented. But so was Lawrence Phillips. Clarett has made repeated mistakes, associated with gamblers and constantly whines about entitlement. He doesn’t have an NFL body; Clarett couldn’t hold up through a 12-game college season. There is no way he’ll make it through 16 pro games.
2) The NFL will suffer if younger kids are entering the draft. The NBA has gone downhill since Kevin Garnett opened the floodgates of high-school kids jumping to the league. But players like Garnett and LeBron and Kobe had NBA bodies when they joined the league. They had to develop the NBA games, but physically, they were ready to go.
18 and 19-year old kids are not even close to being physically ready to join the NFL. If they entered the NFL, they would take up roster spots, languish on the sidelines, maybe see some practice time and never develop. The NFL isn’t in the business of developing players. NFL players are molded, not created.
Expect this ruling to be overturned. It benefits both the league and the young players.

- If John Gilchrist plays the way he did last night against UVA, Maryland will make the NCAA Tournament and can make some noise this year. But next year, when Jamar Smith’s butterfingers and proclivity for taking off-balanced 14-foot fadeaways in traffic are dazzling the NBDL, and Gilchrist and company a bit wiser, the Terps will be back at the top of the ACC.

- Wake Forest’s basketball team is kind of like an evil James Bond villain. They’ll have the opponent finished and then decide to toy with them. For instance, Wake will be up 18 in the 2nd half and if they keep playing their up-tempo game, they’ll easily win the game. But, much like Dr. No or Goldfinger always has Bond captured and could easily kill him, they instead decide to have an elaborate device designed to destroy him and James always ends up getting away. In short, both examples get away from their original game plan upon nearly completing their goal and it ends up backfiring. The Deacs start playing a slow half-court offense when they get a big lead, go on a long scoring drought and slowly, but surely, let their opponents back into the game. This happened last night against NC State. Now, instead of 5-3 and in second place in the ACC, the Deacs are 4-4 and in the traffic jam that is third place. Good work Octopussy.

- The NBA has always been the best professional sports league in terms of marketing. Sure, they had it easy with MJ, Magic and Bird, but during the David Stern-era, the NBA has grown into a global league that markets players perfectly and is very fan-friendly.
That being said, the NBA screwed up by not putting LeBron James and Carmelo on the All-Star teams. It seems like coaches in the Eastern Conference, where job security is only slightly better than it is at McDonalds, were trying to send a message by not putting LeBron on the team. Sort of one of those, "we're more powerful than you LeBron and here's how we'll prove it to you." This is the same phenomenon that occurs when Jennifer Lopez tips hotel maids a quarter.
Nothing against Jamaal Magloire, who is having a spectacular season, but nobody is going to tune into the All-Star game to see him. LeBron is the future of the NBA. He’ll be in All-Star games for the better part of the next two decades. Without him there this year, the NBA All-Star game is not a must-see event.
(He and Carmelo will be in the Rookie Challenge, but that game is on Friday night where its bound to get slayed in the ratings by JAG.)

- The NFL has barred N'Sync'er JC Chasez from performing at the Pro Bowl half-time. I suppose this is in response to Justin Timberlake's role in boobie-baring. Let me just say, "hahahhaaha". That's like a movie theater usher not allowing Ben Stiller's sister into a movie because Along Came Polly sucked.

- Stacey Pressman writes an occasional column for ESPN’s Page 2. On April 8 of last year, she wrote an article about women’s basketball. This was the lead:

After Syracuse's big victory last night, the women's NCAA tourney concludes tonight with the University of Connecticut taking on the University of Tennessee. In an effort to make this match-up seem like less of an afterthought, the defenders of women's basketball will be out in force.
"Women's basketball is the best pure form of basketball out there," they'll tell us. "They play the sport the way it's meant to be played, below the rim and with more team play as opposed to one-on-one."
I have to disagree: Women's basketball sucks.
- Stacey Pressman, 4/8/2003

She’s right. It’s an awful sport. They aren’t fundamentally sound, they can’t shoot and the talent-level in college is so diverse that there are only probably 20 good teams in the entire country. It should be no surprise that Uconn and Tennessee are always in the Final Four. All the other teams are awful because there aren’t enough good women players.
Pressman says that only 6 of the 329 Division 1-A women’s teams earned money last year. And despite massive hype by ESPN, the first-round games of last year’s Women’s Tournament earned a miniscule.34 rating. The WNBA Championship Game managed to garner a 1.0. George Foreman infomercials get about a 1.5.
The media tries to make women’s’ basketball like soccer. They force it down our throats, as Pressman says, and try to make us like it. But there’s a reason that these two sports haven’t caught on in the United States. Because NOBODY CARES.
My original point was much simpler than this: ESPN needs to take women’s basketball scores off of it’s ticker. I can’t tell you how many times I see Florida State 72 – Duke 65 and am confused because I thought Florida State just beat Georgia Tech. Then I see the NCAAW designation to the left of the score.
Let’s just say this: nobody from Florida State or Duke cares about that game, so why would anybody else? Well, maybe people from Duke do. They’re lame like that.

The 2002 Dallas Cowboys were a team that had a talented, but poorly coached defense, an anemic offense without any go-to guys, and a coaching staff in over their head. They finished with a 5-11 record.
In 2003 Bill Parcells came to Dallas and the defense became one of the best in the NFL, the offense, without making an upgrade, improved and the coaching staff, of course, is the reason why. The team finished 10-6 and went to the playoffs.
The 2003 Washington Redskins had a roster with a lot more talent than the Cowboys did in the pre-Parcells era. If coached well, they should be able to make a bigger improvement than that team too.
The Skins defense features three of the top linebackers in the game, an All-Pro corner and improving safeties. The offense has a quarterback in Patrick Ramsey with limitless potential, a solid offensive line and a receiving core that, in the right circumstances, should compliment each other quite well.
The problem with the Redskins this year was their lack of discipline and game preparation. Steve Spurrier and his coaching staff were in over their heads and underestimated the work that goes in to making a successful NFL team.
But now the Redskins have Joe Gibbs. The talented roster is still in tact and it is up to Gibbs and his coaches to GEt them to play to their capabilities. And there is every indication that they will.
But, going into free-agency and the draft, the Redskins still have some glaring holes that they need to address. Without filling these gaps, the Redskins could still easily make a big jump like the Cowboys did. But if they can get a solid roster, Joe Gibbs could lead the Redskins back to the promised land quicker than anyone thinks.
The first personnel issue the Redskins need to address is the status of Champ Bailey. Champ has been a Pro-Bowler throughout his career and last year barely got thrown on because teams were afraid of him.
This year, however, Champ had an off year and was beaten a number of times on big touchdown receptions. He also seemed to be an advocate of the "Fred Smoot 5-Yard Cushion Program".
Champ is an unrestricted free agent. But, the Redskins will probably make him their Franchise Player. If they do that, teams would have to reward the Redskins with high draft picks if they want to sign Bailey.
I think the Redskins should make Champ their Franchise Player, but if a team wants to give them two 1st round draft choices, or even a 1st and a 2nd, I could live with that.
I love Champ, don't get me wrong. I think he is one of the premiere corners in the NFL. But in the era of the salary cap, teams can't keep around every player they want. If a team is willing to part with some high picks for Champ, the Redskins should at least listen. If not, sign him to a long-term, backended deal that will become unwiedly in four years. I love how everybody makes a big deal out of these huge contracts, when every party involved knows that there is zero chance that the contract will be honored in the specified terms. Teams are always cutting players before their cap number takes up too much space or restructuring.
Donovan McNabb signed a contract worth close to $90 million a few years ago, but will maybe see 2/3rds of that if he's lucky. These contracts please the agents and make for good copy in newspapers, but really are as thin as the paper they're written on.
There are two big holes in the Redskins starting 22. One is at Running Back and the other is on the entire defensive line. Bruce Smith has retired, Renaldo Wynn might as well be retired, and the defensive tackles could be replaced with traffic cones without much difference in performance. Sure, the Redskins could use a nickel-corner and some a new tight-end, but those can wait. Without a RB Joe Gibbs won't be able to play the ball control offense that he loves. And with no D-Line... well, lets just say that Troy Hambrick's incentive clauses would love that.
The Redskins can address both of these needs in Free Agency. We'll get to the draft later.
Some of the big defensive names that will be available include Grant Wistrom, Cornelius Griffin, Darren Howard, Warren Sapp, Sean Gilbert (just kidding), Keith McKenzie, Ted Washington, Robaire Smith and Jevon Kearse. The Redskins should seriously take a look at everybody on this list except for Sapp and Kearse. Sapp gives up on most plays and hasn't really been an effective player since 2001. He will be looking for a huge contract but will be disappointed when he sees his offers. Much like Ben Affleck will be quite upset when Kevin Smith pitches him Dogma 2 and offers Affleck less money than Alanis Morrisette.
Kearse is great, but the Redskins can't afford him.
There is another list of players that Dan Snyder will be reluctant to look at because the names on it don't have good marquee value, but they are solid defensive lineman. Included in this list are Chidi Ahanotu, Fred Robbins and Adewale Ogunleye.
With guys like Howard, McKenzie, Ahanotu and Ogunleye, the Redskins should be able to fill in at least two of the holes on their D-Line through Free Agency.
Guys like Regan Upshaw and Bernard Holsey will still be on the Skins roster, but with the exception of Upshaw, these players can and should be easily upgraded.
At running back the Redskins need to blow up their entire operation. Trung Canidate and Chad Morton should be cut. Ladell Betts will probably be given a shot to be the starting back, but look for the Redskins to find somebody to compete with him in Free Agency.
Kevan Barlow, Duce Staley, He Hate Me, Thomas Jones, Rudi Johnson and Dominic Rhodes are all available in some form of free agency. Most observers think that the Bengels will re-sign Johnson and then try to unload Corey Dillon. His name, just like every big-name on the market, has been talked about by the Redskins.
Corey Dillon comes with baggage. He has a reputation as a selfish player and is prone to injuries. If the Redskins could get him without giving up too much, it would be a good signing. But if the Bengels hold out for a king's ransom, the Skins would be wise to stay away.
Instead, the Redskins will probably look at another injury prone, selfish running back in Duce Staley. I hope the Skins don't sign Duce just so we can call avoid hearing that stupid "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE" chant every friggin time he runs. Seriously, is there a more stupid chant in sports than just yelling a players name (except of course when heckling a player. When Maryland goes to play at Duke, except the "DARRRRRRRYLLLLLL" chant to be in full force every time DJ Strawberry gets the ball). Everyone does it too. When Bruce Smith makes a tackle there is the "BRUUUUUUUCE" chant. I don't get it. When Adewale Ogunleye makes a tackle nobody chants "ADDDDDDEEEEWAAALLLLLLLLLLE". And they do it EVERY TIME HE TOUCHES THE BALL. Duce could run for a two-yard loss (and believe me, he does this quite often) and the fans still would do that stupid chant.
It's getting to be lunchtime, so I'm going to save my thoughts about the draft until another day. In short, don't expect Kellen Winslow II (don't even get me started on that II) to be wearing the burgundy and gold.

Off-Seasons of Glory

The Washington Redskins haven’t won a Super Bowl since 1992. They haven’t won a playoff game since 1999. But in the past five years, they have been, without a doubt, the champions of each and every football off-season. If what a team did between February and July was where championships are won, the Redskins would be in the midst of a dynasty not seen since the days of the Mings. Not Yao.
Consider each of the past four off seasons:

2000 – Dan Snyder spends more money than P. Diddy at a Cristal convention on players who are only slightly older than each of the Golden Girls. Bruce Smith, Mark Carrier, Deion Sanders and sadly, the list goes on. Does the name Jeff George ring a bell? In all, the Redskins had the highest single-year payroll in NFL history.
It could have been a great move, except that Snyder decided that signing a kicker didn’t fit in with his shopping list. This is kind of like going to Giant and spending $200 on food for a big meal and forgetting to buy salt. The lack of kicker cost them games and the Redskins ended up firing Norv Turner while the team was still in the hunt for a playoff spot. All the excitement that had been built up in the off-season quickly deflated because of Brett Conway’s foot.
That season felt like when you were little and couldn’t wait for Christmas morning because you wanted a Nintendo and then when you opened your presents all you got was Pictionary.

2001 – It’s all going to change this year. Out were the free-spending ways of the previous millennia (remember, Newmanium might have been on New Year’s Eve 1999, but it really should have been on NYE 2000). In was a no-nonsense coach who was going to change things in DC. Dan Synder finally had his man. Marty Schottenheimer, after publicly ripping the Redskins owner a mere four months before, took the job and promised to bring Gibbs-era discipline back to the Nation’s Capitol. Instead, he alienated Darrell Green (and thus alienated the entire Washington DC Metropolitan area), started Jeff George, misused Stephen Davis and hired his brother to coordinate a defense that actually included David Terrell as a starter. David Terrell starting in an NFL secondary is comparable to that Asian guy from the American Idol commercials joining the Commodores. This all led to an 0-5 start that would have been 0-6 if George Seifert had simply tried to kill the clock. (George Seifert is to coaching as Jason Sehorn is to everything). Instead, he threw the ball, LaVar Arrington ran it back for a touchdown and the Skins then rolled off five straight victories, made the cover of Sports Illustrated and then imploded again. They finished a respectable 8-8, but in the Dan Snyder-era, mediocrity might reign, but it certainly isn’t tolerated. Schottenheimer was good as gone. But who was going to replace him?
(One day I need to discuss the dreaded Game/Season Comeback Principle. That year everybody had written off the Skins at 0-5. Sure, you still root for them and watch the games, but you don’t expect anything good to come to fruition. It’s the same thing in a college basketball game where your team is down 15 and then they start to hit a few 3’s and cut it to six. You know they probably aren’t going to win, but you start to think that maybe they COULD pull it out. And then right when you convince yourself that the game isn’t over and your squad is still in it, the other team drains a 3 and that’s it. My question is, is it better for the team to get back in the game, or simply easier if they stay down by 12?)

2002 – After a public flirtation that was about as subtle as John Madden, Dan Snyder hired Steve Spurrier (after firing Marty Schottenheimer). This time, Snyder had his man. Really. Washington had now moved into the Pantheon of the all-time great off-season teams. This time, it was all going to change. Spurrier was going to have the Redskins playing both fun and gun and with his quick wit, southern charm and offensive mind, the Redskins were going to win an unprecedented three Super Bowls in a single season. The Skins also got some big-time free agents like Jeremiah Trotter to shore up the defense.
And this time, the off-season greatness extended into the preseason. The Redskins went to Osaka, Japan to play the 49ers and Spurrier’s offense lit up San Fran like the 4th of July. At that point the engraver started to put the Redskins name on the Lombardi Trophy. Then, the regular season started. Keep in mind that through all the hype that surrounded the Redskins before this season, the top two quarterbacks were Shane Matthews and Danny Wuerffel. If the 2002 Redskins were a boat, they’d be one of those crazy $40 million yachts with every amenity known to man. But Gavin McCloud and Gilligan would have been the captains.
Not surprisingly, the Redskins didn’t play too well behind Spurrier’s pets from Florida and the Skins fizzled out to a 7-9 record. Sure, they could have been better, but they were lacking something. It turned out they were lacking a coach… but that didn’t become the clear until:

2003 – Finally! This was going to be the year everything changed. Steve Spurrier had one year in the NFL under his belt, so he could fine tune his offense to NFL standards. Patrick Ramsey had an off-season to listen his quarterback genius coach and was going to emerge as a star. And the Redskins decided not to overspend in the off-season and instead made some wise decisions that were based more on football talent than on hype. (Come on, who signs Mark Carrier?) Snyder raided the Jets, picking up Laverneus Coles and Randy Thomas, as well as finally getting a kicker in John Hall. Of course, Snyder and yes-man Vinny Cerrato seemed to forget about getting guys to play on the defensive line (no, Brandon Noble does not count), but with Spurrier’s offense, it wouldn’t matter. Unfortunately, when you hire George Edwards to be a defensive coordinator, it does matter.
The Redskins were flat, had no discipline, committed idiotic penalties and were even worse than their 5-11 record indicated. Steve Spurrier looked like he would rather be getting a root canal than standing on the sidelines and the team seemed to quit in the last few games. The final game of the season against the Eagles might have been the worst played Redskin game since the pre-Jurgensen days. The horse that Steve Spurrier rode in on was now waiting in line at the glue factory.

2004 - Spurrier quit and the Redskins were looking at an uninspiring crop of candidates to fill his position. These future broadcasters included Jim Fassel, Ray Rhodes and probably Rich Kotite.
Then Snyder pulled off the biggest surprise in DC since Marion Barry got “set-up”. He convinced Joe Gibbs to return to the scene of his past glory. Snyder, after two previous tries, finally has his man. Third time's a charm, right?
Gibbs so far has cleaned up the coaching staff, incorporating a solid mix of NFL-lifers and new blood. He has already changed the attitude of the team and the city. And he has given Redskins fans another off-season full of excitement and promise.
But this time it’s going to work. For real.

Tomorrow: What the Redskins need to do in Free Agency and the Draft.

Don't let anyone tell you that last nights Super Bowl was one of the greatest of all-time. Because, in reality, it was, without a doubt, THE greatest of all time.
The game had everything. Defense, offense, blocked kicks, big kicks, heros, goats and partial nudity. (And by the way, how can everybody claim that Janet's boob unveiling was unintentional. She had the flower thing covering it! I mean, I know she's a Jackson, thus making her a tad eccentric but I'm going to assume that a glitter flower is not part of Janet's normal wardrobe. You flashed the entire world. It was a great move and the only way to top the Britney-Madonna kiss on the water-cooler scale. But don't do this great thing and then cop out saying it was unintentional. Come on now. I hate phony apologies. There's nothing worse than seeing somebody say they're sorry when they cleary aren't.)
I'm not going to talk too much about the X's and O's of the game because I didn't watch much of the first half and the second half is kind of a blur. But, I will rant about some other Super Bowl related things:
- Don't blame John Kasay on the loss. Yeah, it was a horrible kick, but the Panthers D didn't put up much of a fight on the last drive.
- Do you think that AOL executives watched the game last night and were pleased with their commercials? Not only did they pay around $5 million to show two of them, but they actually paid an advertising company to make it. Jeez, for a floundering company you think they would have come up with something better than some lame ad with the guys from an equally lame TV show. And to think, had they put a freeze frame of Janet Jackson's boob superimposed over the AOL logo, they could have had the hit of the night.
- Watching the Super Bowl is quite the effort these days. Between the game, the commercials and the half-time show there's no down time. I need some relaxation when watching a game. I need some time to channel surf and to get more food and to go to the bathroom. Surely there is some way to remedy this.
- Rumor has it that next year the national anthem will be sung by Beyonce's ass.
- Super Bowl Monday should definitely be a national holiday. They should move President's Day to the Monday after the game, but still call it President's Day. This way, we still honor great men like Lincoln, Washington and Fillmore but do it while nursing hangovers, digesting bean dip and discussing how awful Van Helsing looks.
- All people should be accountable for their Super Bowl picks. If you're right you should get a letter of congratulations from Hank Goldberg. If you get it wrong, I'm thinking public spanking will do. For the record, I picked the Pats to win by three. Giddy up.