At Long Last, Tampa Bay Gets Their Cup

The long wait is finally over for Tampa Bay hockey fans. After suffering for the better part of a decade, the Lightning finally will bring the Stanley Cup home to its rightful place: central Florida.
This brings up an interesting question: has any city deserved a championship less? Let’s take a look, shall we?

Tampa Bay Lightning – NHL – 2004
The NHL awarded Tampa with an expansion team in the early ‘90s as part of Gary Bettman’s “Project: Oversaturate the Market ”. Can you imagine the meetings that led to this?

Bettman - OK, we have a good solid product. TV ratings are up, attendance is at an all-time high, we seem to have saturated the big markets well, now what can we do to further establish our brand?
Unprepared Executive Who Thought Meeting Was Tomorrow - Uhhhhh… (fumbles around in briefcase)… Well, I was thinking about… (looks around the room frantically)…. How about….. (coughs)…. EXPANSION!
Bettman - Expansion, eh? But we seem to be doing well. We have the north covered, and nobody in the south wants to watch hockey. Or do they?
Unprepared Executive - Ummmmmmm… Yes, they do. The south loves hockey…… Right? You know that country music song “She Didn’t Love Hockey So She Shot My Dog”. I think it’s by Brooks and Dunn. That shows that the south loves hockey and wants NHL franchises.
Bettman - Now is the Brooks of Brooks and Dunn Garth Brooks, or a whole other Brooks.
Unprepared Executive - Ummm.. I don’t know.
Bettman - Yeah, neither do I. I’ve always wondered that. Anyway, so where should we expand in the south?
Unprepared Executive Who Happened to Visit His In-Laws in Tampa The Previous Weekend How about……………….. ummmmm…. Tampa? Yeah Tampa!! They’re hockey crazy in that warm Florida town. (under his breath) I think.
Bettman - Go with it!

Wow, that kind of went off on its own tangent, didn’t it. Anyway, the Lightning have finished in the bottom half of the NHL’s attendance over the past seven years (they did manage to jump to 12th this year) and also play hockey in Florida, in case you hadn’t gotten that point earlier. They deserve a Stanley Cup like Lil’ Romeo deserves a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Grammy’s.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – NFL - 2002

It’s not that I want to pick on Tampa, because I kind of miss ripping on Philly. But when you don’t support a team for two decades, then that team all of a sudden gets good and ends up winning the Super Bowl, you can’t act like you were long suffering fans. Now, I’m sure there were a lot of people who went to the Old Sombrero and rooted for the Bucs, but then they couldn’t afford new seats at Raymond James Stadium.
And by the way, who lives in Tampa. Seriously? Why would you live in Florida and live in Tampa. Miami is only a couple hundred miles south. Citizens of Tampa are the like those people that spring for an expensive sports car but get upholstered seats and a tape-deck in the interior.

Los Angeles – Numerous Times in Different Sports

L.A. doesn’t deserve a football team, the Lakers or Vin Scully. Did you hear how quiet it was at the Staples Center last night? I swear I could hear Donald Sutherland thoughts:

- “Why do they never mention that I’m sitting with Nicholson?”
- “I’ve won two Golden Globes, but those damn cameraman still show Dyan Cannon and her frizzy hair all the time. The woman was in Caddyshack II for crap’s sake!”
- “I wonder if this is real cheese in these Nachos.

Baltimore Ravens – NFL – 2000

If you love hypocrites, then you’ll love Baltimore Ravens fans. A quick history recap:

1984 – Bob Irsay moves the Baltimore Colts to Indianapolis for more money. The city of Baltimore is pained by the departure and forever calls the Colts a bastardized team.

1996 – Art Modell moves the Cleveland Browns to Baltimore for more money. The city of Baltimore is thrilled by the arrival and forever calls the Browns, now the Ravens, their own.

Atlanta Braves – MLB – 1995

All you need to know about Atlanta Braves fans is that even though their team has been a part of every National League Divisional Series ever played, Turner Field is never sold-out for them. For all the whining Braves fans do about how they only have one World Series despite 12 consecutive division titles, they don’t do much to help their teams cause.
Also, how did Atlanta get an Olympics? The Knights of Columbus won’t even have their annual convention there, and the southern city managed to snag the world’s biggest event?

Weekend Thoughts

- Wow. A Lakers team with Kobe and Shaq that was seeded #2 in the Western conference headed into the playoffs lost on its home-floor in Game 1 of the NBA Finals to a Larry Brown-coached team from the East that was thought to have no chance in the series.
No, I’m not talking about last night, I’m talking about 2001 when the Lakers dropped the first game of the Finals at the Staples Center to Allen Iverson and the Philadelphia 76ers (coached by Brown) and then won four in a row, all in convincing fashion to win their second straight NBA title.
Expect the same thing to happen in this series.

- At 10:00 last night I switched channels from HBO to ABC, just in time to see a shot of David Stern watching Game 1 of the NBA Finals with Michael Eisner at his side. And as the game continued and the Pistons limped to an 87-75 victory, the parallels between Stern and the man I had spent the previous hour watching, Tony Soprano, were startling.
Sopranos spoiler alert – scroll down if you plan on watching the season finale
Tony had a crisis on his hand. His cousin had created a maelstrom after whacking the brother of an associate of a rival crime boss and even worse, Tony’s own people were beginning to question his authority.
Stern had a crisis of his own. The NBA’s ratings have been flat during the postseason, and the prospect of a Lakers sweep against the overmatched Pistons wasn’t helping.
So what did both leaders do? They averted potential disasters by doing with they do best: taking control of the situation.
Tony took matters into his own hands and killed his renegade cousin, then negotiated a truce with the soon-to-be-indicted Johnny Sack.
And Stern?
In the same way he got Patrick Ewing to New York and glossed over Michael Jordan’s gambling in the early ‘90s, Stern orchestrated a Game 1 upset for the Pistons that will draw create hundreds of “Can the Pistons Do It?” stories in newspapers nationwide and regenerate interest in an otherwise lackluster NBA Finals match-up.
Soprano and Stern. All I’m saying is, don’t be surprised later this summer if a Kobe juror suddenly ends up with a broken leg.

- I know what you’re thinking – how did David Stern possibly effect the outcome of Game 1. Well, I don’t have the foggiest idea. But then again I’m not a maniacal super-genius like David Stern, am I?

- Great race at Belmont on Saturday. I just wish somebody had the foresight to pick that Smarty Jones wasn't going to win.
What's that? Somebody did? I wonder who that prognosticative wonder was?

Smarty Jones will not win the Triple Crown. This I guarantee. It’s not because the Belmont track is longer than the previous two legs of the Triple Crown, or because of his “sprint-oriented bloodlines” or for any reason that has anything to do with actual thoroughbred racing.
No, the reason Smarty Jones will fail in his quest to become the first Triple Crown winner since 1978 is because of his stupid name. - Chris’s Sports Blog – May 18, 2004

That's right... I did call the upset. Let's do another:

June 5 - Despite going off as a 1-5 favorite, Smarty Jones will not win the Preakness. Remember, a horse called Smarty Jones winning the Triple Crown is like a guy named Bubba winning a Nobel Prize. - Chris’s Sports Blog – June 1, 2004

Oh, what the hell… Here’s one more:

Despite reading Andy Beyer’s prediction that Smarty Jones will win the Triple Crown tomorrow at the Belmont, I’m still sticking by my “No horse with a name that stupid can possibly enter the Pantheon of great thoroughbreds” theory. Thusly, Smarty Jones will not win the Belmont. He can't. War Admiral. Seattle Slew. Citation. Assault. Gallant Fox. Those are names of champions. If Smarty Jones was a human, he’d be named Oscar Gallagher. - Chris’s Sports Blog – June 4, 2004

Now, I don’t want to toot my own horn… but, “Beep-Beep”

- Here is where you might be expecting me to take another jab at the city of Philadelphia, as I am wont to do from time to time. After all, Smarty Jones the so-called “superhorse” trained at a park near Philadelphia. So this would probably be the perfect time to write about how Philadelphia teams lose on a big stage so often that soon the city might be confused with Buffalo or how at this rate the Rocky statue will be knocked out by Peter McNeeley within the week. But I’m going to pass.
Because, you see, Smarty Jones is a horse. He didn’t care whether or not he won on Saturday, he just wanted some oats, a nice mare for the trailer ride back to Philly and somebody to rub his belly every now and then. He isn’t going to agonize over the loss like Donovan McNabb or Jeremy Roenick and he isn’t going to have a bizarre press conference where he defends his pre-race workouts by asking “we in here talkin’ bout practice?”
So, while it would have been nice for the people of Philadelphia to actually have something from their city actually win something, I wouldn’t have given them credit then, and I won’t make fun of them now. I’ll just wait until Terrell Owens suggests on ESPN’s Sunday Conversation that Andy Reid bench Donovan in favor of Rock Hard Ten.

Weekend Thoughts

- Despite reading Andy Beyer’s prediction that Smarty Jones will win the Triple Crown tomorrow at the Belmont, I’m still sticking by my “No horse with a name that stupid can possibly enter the Pantheon of great thoroughbreds” theory. Thusly, Smarty Jones will not win the Belmot. He can't. War Admiral. Seattle Slew. Citation. Assault. Gallant Fox. Those are names of champions. If Smarty Jones was a human, he’d be named Oscar Gallagher.

- All of this talk about horses reminded me of a little poem I wrote the day Seattle Slew died. I was hoping they would put it on his headstone:

Rest in peace Seattle Slew,
I’m sure you’ll make some sticky glue.

- Dave from davesez.com called me out on my comparison of Emeka Okafor to Ralph Sampson the other day, pointing out that Sampson had monster numbers in the NBA before his injuries. He’s right. At best Okafor will be a Kenyon Martin-type player, “just without the insanity” as Dave sez.

- I wonder what Eli Manning thinks about the Giants bringing in Kurt Warner to fight for the starting job. I’m surprised he didn’t have his dad call up Ernie Acorsi to say that Eli won’t play if Kurt comes to town.
This has all the makings of a disaster in Gotham. Either Warner will be as bad as he’s been recently and Coughlin will be forced to put in Eli way too early, or Warner will regain his old form. It only takes a couple of wins to get in playoff contention, and with a guy like Coughlin at the helm, he’ll stick with Warner if the Giants are close and won’t buckle under the pressure to play Eli.

- From a Variety article about OJ Simpson’s upcoming interviews on his 10-year anniversary of double-homicide:

The disgraced former football great also revealed he may get his own practical-jokes reality show - a takeoff on MTV's "Punk'd" that might be called "Juiced."

Can you imagine how great that would be if the show was done right? They should just have OJ frantically run into different places with blood all over his clothes and a knife in his hand then tape peoples reactions. Every few shows AC Cowlings could guest-star and follow OJ into the place, yelling “Juice, we gotta roll, dammit. NOW” and for sweeps they could have Mark Fuhrman chase OJ through a restaurant, drop a glove under a table and then point a gun at everybody while saying “this never happened.”
And then at the end of the show when OJ tells everybody they’re on TV, he says “You Got JUICED!” and the screen would freeze with him shrugging his shoulders and smiling. This would be amazing.

2004 NBA Mock Draft: Lottery Style

With the recent influx of high-school seniors and young foreign pros into the NBA Draft, what once had been the most recognizable and fan-friendly selection process now has all the familiarity of a final exam in an 18th century French poetry class.
Look at the Top 5 picks from 1994 (the last year before Kevin Garnett began the high-school exodus) versus 2001: Glenn Robinson, Jason Kidd, Grant Hill, Donyell Marshall and Juwan Howard in ’94 and Kwame Brown, Tyson Chandler, Pau Gasol, Eddy Curry and Jason Richardson in ‘01. In the ’94 draft any casual college basketball fan could have seen the Top 5 picks play dozens of times. In 2001 only Michigan State fans knew how good Jason Richardson was and the only footage of Brown, Chandler, Gasol and Curry was that grainy video that looked like the same camera that was used to tape Big Foot sightings.
The Top 5 this year will most likely include only two players who most people have seen play (Emeka Okafor and Luol Deng) and of the players that ESPN.com predicts will be taken in the first round, only seven have had big-time exposure.
It’s a new era for the NBA Draft. Some say it’s bad for the game, but I disagree. I mean, any draft where Kwame Brown, Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry can be in the Top Four has to be doing something right.
Below is my mock lottery draft. In parenthesis is the NBA player’s career I think the draftees will most resemble.
Onto this list:

#1 – Orlando Magic
Emeka Okafor – Forward - Connecticut (Ralph Sampson)

Sampson was the most dominant college player of his time, while Okafor was simply a great big man playing what has evolved into a small man’s game. But in today’s NBA if Jermaine O’Neal can be considered an All-NBA caliber player, then Okafor can be dominant. That is, if Okafor’s back didn’t break down more times than an Audi.
With his chronic back problems, Okafor will be one of those “this-is-the-year” players, but never realize his full potential in the NBA, just like Sampson.

#2 – Los Angeles Clippers
Dwight Howard – Forward - SW Atlanta Christian High School (Jermaine O’Neal)

While it certainly is tempting to say that Howard, a tall, skinny kid from Georgia will be like his predecessor Kwame Brown, the word on Dwight is that he has his head on straight, unlike the former #1 pick from his home state.
The Clippers have no need for a forward, as they already have Chris Wilcox on their roster, but then again, this is the Clippers. And it’s not like Shaun Livingston or Sebastian Telfair is good enough to pick at #2.

#3 – Chicago Bulls
Luol Deng - Forward – Duke (Grant Hill)

Yes, I know that Duke players never do well in the NBA. But Deng isn’t your typical Duke player. He can spread the floor, hit a shot from the top of the key and plays good defense. He’s a great talent that fit in well with Coach K’s system, not a player that was made great by Coach K’s system like so many other Dukies.
And with the Grant Hill prediction, let’s say it’s Grant Hill pre-injury. Of course, if the Bulls do draft Deng, he better stay far away from motorcycles.

#4 – Charlotte Bobcats
Shaun Livingston – Guard – Peoria High School (Jeryl Sasser)

No high-school point guard has ever been taken as high as Livingston will be in the NBA Draft. He apparently is no LeBron, instead he is supposed to be more of a project with “tons of upside”. Dasagna Diop had upside. Leon Smith had upside. Even Craig Kilborn was said to have some upside. But upside and 75 cents will buy you 45 minutes of parking in downtown DC next to Kwame Brown’s hummer.
The word is that the Bobcats don’t want to select a high school player, so they might pass on Livingston if possible. But the truth is, nobody wants a high school player (except for LeBron). But taking an 18-year old kid who nobody has seen instead of a proven college player is like those people on Let’s Make A Deal that wanted to see what was behind the secret door instead of taking the $500 in cash and walking away. Most people aren’t content with a proven commodity. They would rather take a chance in the small hopes of hitting the jackpot.
Devin Harris and Ben Gordon are the $500, Shaun Livingston is hiding behind the door.
Unfortunately for the Bobcats, he’s chillin’ back there with a bag of Doritos and a mule named Gus.

#5 – Washington Bullets
Josh Childress – Forward – Stanford (Jared Jeffries)

Don’t believe what you read on other mock drafts on the internet. The Bullets aren’t taking Andris Biedrins. Nope, not gonna happen. Instead the Bullets will take the soft forward from Stanford to join him with the soft forward from Indiana they drafted two years ago (Jeffries) and the soft forward they traded Rip Hamilton for (Jerry Stackhouse). If the Bullets were any softer they’d be a Serta mattress.

#6 – Atlanta Hawks
Devin Harris – Guard – Wisconsin (Jeff McInnis)

Harris is a solid, good ball-handling point guard. He will have a solid, if unspectacular NBA career that will be hampered early-on by the fact that he’s playing in front of 6,000 people and in Atlanta.

#7 – Phoenix Suns
Andris Biedrins – Forward – Latvia (Zarko Carbarkapa)

Come on, like I have anything to say about Andris Biedrins. I could make it up like Chad Ford on ESPN.com, but I’ll pass.

#8 – Toronto Raptors
Pavel Podkolzine – Center – Soviet Union (Bryant Reeves)

Alright, I know there’s no more Soviet Union but it’s still a whole lot more fun to write than Russia. Russia isn’t menacing. It’s not scary. Of course, neither is a name like Pavel Podkolzine.
Anyway, if the Raptors do take Pavel ESPN should start a reality show that follows him around and tapes the conversations that he has with Rod Strickland, Jerome Moiso and Dion Glover.

#9 – Philadelphia 76ers
Andre Iguodala – Guard – Arizona (Gilbert Arenas)

Sure, Arenas and Iguodala don’t have the same types of games, but they both went to Arizona and were coached into the ground by Lute Olsen, so that’s gotta count for something.
My man David Dupree says that Iverson is as good as gone from Philly, so Iguodala would be a nice replacement.

#10 – Cleveland Cavaliers
Ben Gordon – Guard – Connecticut (Baron Davis)

If Gordon falls this far it will evoke memories of Caron Butler doing the same in the 2002 NBA Draft. Only, that will be unfair to Gordon. Butler was the 3rd best player of that draft (behind Amare and Yao), while Gordon will be the best player to come out of this one.
If the Cavs do indeed select the former Uconn guard, they will become the instant favorites in the East for the next five years.

#11 – Golden State Warriors
Martynas Andriuskevicius – Center – Lithuania (Maciej Lampe)

The beginning of the end of the Mike Montgomery era.

#12 – Seattle Supersonics
Rafael Araujo – Center – BYU (Greg Ostertag)

Did you watch that Uconn-BYU game in the NCAA Tournament this year? Okafor absolutely dominated Araujo. I mean, he took him to the hole more times than Ray Allen did to Denzel at the end of He Got Game.
At times, watching Okafor post-up on Araujo was like watching the Apollo-Drago fight at the beginning of Rocky IV. I half-expected to see Burt Young screaming at BYU coach Steve Cleveland “throw the damn towel!”
And for that effort Araujo gets to be a lottery pick in the NBA with a guaranteed three-year contract.

#13 – Portland Trail Blazers
Kirk Snyder – Guard – Nevada (Michael Finley)

An odd pick for the Blazers, as Snyder has never tested positive for weed.

#14 – Utah Jazz
Kosta Perovic – Center – Serbia (Rafael Araujo)

One scout declared the Perovic could be a “more athletic version of Zydrunas Ilgauskas”, which is like a car salesman saying that the Dodge Neon is a sportier version of a Geo Metro.

Wednesday Thoughts

- I really enjoy it when people try to rationalize that something far-fetched can happen even though they know the possibility of success is as slim as Calista Flockhart on a hunger strike. It happens all the time, from volunteers for Ralph Nader’s presidential campaign to people playing Powerball to the 15 guys hitting on the hot chick at the bar. Each of these groups knows in the back of their head that they won’t be winners at the end of the day, yet holds onto a thread of hope in the infinitesimal chance that they will.
People that think the Pistons can be the Lakers also fit into this group.

- Leave it to Sidney Ponson and the Baltimore Orioles to get Derek Jeter off the schneid (4-5, 2 HR’s last night). Sir Sidney (can you believe the knighted him in Aruba? If they’re doing it to Sidney Ponson, I’d have to assume that the winner of the Employee of the Month at Dairy Queen also gets similar recognition.) is without a doubt the worst number-one starter in baseball. Good things the O’s locked him up for three-years at $7.5 million per.

- Any team in the market for a slow and lazy middle-linebacker who plays great in a three-yard box, but can’t make any plays out of said box, and gets outplayed by guys making 1/10 of his salary, get your checkbooks out: Jeremiah Trotter is available to the highest bidder.

- What do Gaston Gaudio, Anastasia Myskina, Paola Suarez and Elena Dementieva all have in common? They’re all in the semifinals at the French Open. But if you had said names of James Bond villains, I might have given you partial credit.

- Pardon the Interruption is being pre-empted today for an airing of Around the Horn. This would have been comparable to NBC in 1996 dropping Seinfeld from a Thursday night in order to show a re-run of Veronica’s Closet.

- The first voting totals for the baseball All-Star game were released yesterday and surprisingly Alfonso Soriano was the leading vote-getter for all of baseball (729,949). Some other interesting results:
- Red Sox CF Johnny Damon is third in the voting for AL Outfielder ahead of Carlos Beltran, Magglio Ordonez and perennial fan-favorite Ichiro.
- The Astros have a player in the top three of every infield position and three of the top seven outfielders. Houston has played 28 games at home this season, tied for the most in baseball, and without doing any more research, I’d guess that they’ve played the most since balloting began in early May.
- Contradicting what ESPN.com polls say, the All-Star balloting (as usual) has taken a decidedly un-Yankees turn. (Why do you think Joe Torre is able to put seven Yankees on per year? Because the position players rarely get voted on to the team.) Only Jason Giambi and Alex Rodriguez (both deservedly so) are in position to start the game, while guys like Jorge Posada and Hideki Matsui will have to wait for Torre to select them.
- Even though he hasn’t played a game this season, Nomar Garciaparra leads the AL balloting at shortstop. It’s a little unfair to guys like Miguel Tejada and Michael Young that Nomar will probably get the start, but you have to admit: even sitting on the bench Nomar has still had a better year than Derek Jeter.

June Preview

Thoughts and predictions about the upcoming month:

June 1 - Kurt Warner and Jeremiah Trotter are among the former All-Pro players cut from their respective football teams. Eddie George will be among the former overrated, 3.3 yards-per-carrying, over-the-hill running backs also released.

June 2 - The Arizona Cardinals sign Eddie George.

June 5 - Despite going off as a 1-5 favorite, Smarty Jones will not win the Preakness. Remember, a horse called Smarty Jones winning the Triple Crown is like a guy named Bubba winning a Nobel Prize.

June 6 - Viewers nationwide will grapple with the difficult decision of what to watch: the season-finale of The Sopranos or Game 1 of the NBA Finals. Some questions to think about it whilst making your decision:
- Joe Dumars: A Midwest version of Johnny Sack?
- Who’s crazier – Rasheed Wallace or Christopher after a heroin bender?
- Who will have more screen time – Darko or Meadow?
- More annoying character – Rick Fox or Janice?
- Most likely to get whacked – Tony B. or whoever Karl Malone is guarding?
- First to go to jail – Uncle Junior or Kobe?
The fun is endless.

June 7 - Tampa Bay and Calgary will meet in Game 7 of the NHL Finals. I like how everybody was lamenting the fact that two small-market teams were playing in the Finals. Like the Rangers and Kings playing for the Stanley Cup would all of a sudden have solved hockey’s woes.

June 10 - In Game 3 of the NBA Finals (tied 1-1), Kobe Bryant sticks out his tongue while driving to the hoop, puts a towel over his head during a short rest on the bench and yells at Stanislav Medvedenko after an errant inbounds pass. All of this, and he still looks more like a better version of Tracy McGrady rather than the second coming of MJ.

June 11 - A 12-year-old girl from Omaha wins the Scripps National Spelling Bee by spelling c-l-e-p-s-y-d-a (an instrument designed to measure time by the flow of quantity of water) correctly in the 13th round. Elsewhere in Washington DC, Kwame Brown misspells his own name while filling out a form at Jiffy Lube.

June 12 - The Colorado Rockies make their first visit to the Tropicana Dome to face the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Also on today’s baseball schedule Montreal heads to Seattle, the Phillies continue their heated rivalry with the Twins, Arizona flies north to Toronto and the Mets travel to the heartland to play the Royals. Ahh, the joys of interleague play.

June 13 - Barry Bonds hits the warehouse at Camden Yards, but his feat is overshadowed by Yorvit Torrealba’s similar blast the previous day.

June 14 - The Los Angeles Lakers win their fourth NBA title in five years, besting the Detroit Pistons in the fifth game of their series. As the buzzer sounds Kobe Bryant jumps on the courtside press table, chases after the game ball, sprints into the locker room where he begins crying uncontrollably on the floor and runs around the court holding up four fingers all in a span of 45 seconds. Still, I am not reminded of Michael Jordan.

June 17 - The U.S. Open tees off at Shinnecock Hills. Little-known Jonathan Byrd surges to the lead with a four-under 66 while Tiger Woods limps into the clubhouse with a 72. The media asks, “Is Tiger Done?”

June 18 - Byrd levels off, but remains in the hunt as Ernie Els grabs the lead at the mid-way point of the tournament. But lurking behind them both is Tiger Woods who shoots a three-under 67 to position himself two-shots back headed into Saturday. The media asks, “Is Tiger Back?”

June 20 - Ernie Els wins his third US Open, Tiger finishes in the Top 5 while Mickelson ends up six-back at four-over par. The media asks, “Why Can’t Phil Win the Open?”

June 21 - Wimbledon begins with Andy Roddick and Andre Agassi on separate sides of the bracket. At newsrooms worldwide headline writers salivate at the thought of an All-American final to be played on July 4th.

June 24 - The NBA Draft is held at Madison Square Garden. The Magic take Emeka Okafor at #1 so Grant Hill will have somebody to chill with on the injured list, the Bullets take Josh Childress so Jared Jeffries will have somebody to be soft with and Chris Duhon gets taken by Atlanta in the second round because GM Billy Knight convinces the rest of the front-office that this is the Duke guard who will finally make it big in the NBA.

June 25 - Dick Vitale abruptly resigns from ESPN to take a job as the color analyst for Atlanta Hawks television broadcasts.

June 26 - Andy Roddick is bounced in the 3rd round at Wimbledon. Headline writers turn their attention to Revolutionary War analogies in hopes of an Agassi-Tim Henman final.

June 30 - Kurt Warner, Smarty Jones, Tony B., the Detroit Pistons, the Tampa Bay Lightning, the kid that finished 2nd in the spelling bee, Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and Andy Roddick meet at a Motel 6 off the Jersey Turnpike to console each other after a very difficult June. They all feel better when the spelling bee kid points out that at least everybody in the room had a better month than Derek Jeter.

Memorial Day Predictions

Sorry for the late, short entry. The power was off all day and the good people at PEPCO just got it running.
Some weekend predictions:

Friday

NBA Playoffs
Detroit over Indiana

MLB Baseball
Boston (Martinez) over Seattle (Piniero)
Cubs (Clement) over Pirates (Wells)
Montreal (Vargas) over Cincinnati (Lidle)
Los Angeles (Alvarez) over Arizona (Johnson)

Saturday

NBA Playoffs
Minnesota over LA Lakers

NHL Finals
Calgary over Tampa Bay

MLB Baseball
Seattle (Garcia) over Boston (Wakefield)
San Diego (Tankersley) over Milwaukee (Obermueller)
Kansas City (Reyes) over Minnesota (Santana)

NCAA Lacrosse Final Four
#4 Syracuse over #1 Johns Hopkins
#2 Navy over #6 Princeton

Sunday

NBA Playoffs
Detroit over Indiana

MLB Baseball
Oakland (Hudson) over Cleveland (Davis)
Detroit (Maroth) over Baltimore (Bedard)
Boston (Schilling) over Seattle (Franklin)
San Francisco (Schmidt) over Colorado (Kennedy)

Indianapolis 500
Winner: Helio Castroneves

Memorial Day

NBA Playoffs
LA Lakers over Minnesota (Clinch Series)

NHL Finals
Tampa Bay over Calgary

MLB Baseball
Boston (Lowe) over Baltimore (Lopez) - But neither pitcher makes it past the 5th
Chicago Cubs (Maddux) over Houston (Oswalt)

NCAA Lacrosse Championship
#4 Syracuse over #2 Navy

Movies
1) Shrek 2 - $82 million
2) The Day After Tomorrow - $69 million
3) Raising Helen - $18 million
4) Troy - $17 million
5) Soul Plane - $8 million

Mailbag

Why is it that Red Sox fans have to unite in their hatred for Derek Jeter? Is it because he has more hits in the league than anyone since his rookie year in 1995? Is it because he has a hand full of World Series Rings? Is it because he has won the Rookie of the Year Award, All Star Game MVP award and World Series MVP Award? I understand that as a sports fan, you have a rival and what better play to pick out than the captain, but I feel that Red Sox fans take it too far. All they talk about is the sexuality of Jeter. Why is that a topic even discussed? I hate the Red Sox just as much as the next Yankee fan but I never go on to make websites about Nomar loving dudes. Maybe its just years of disappointment bottled up. Maybe its all that hope instilled at the start of the year that slowly fades as the postseason rolls around. I respect the Boston franchise and the moves they have made as of late. I think it is great for baseball and just adds to the most storied rivalry in sports. Why cant the s--- talking stick to the actual game played on the field? Jeter could be the biggest prick in the world for all I care...it still wouldn’t change the fact that he is a born leader and a winner at the highest level of competition. When do fans go to far?

- Jarred Grossman - College Park, MD

You make a good point Jrod. Red Sox fans are pretty hard on Derek Jeter. I am guilty of this myself and frankly, wouldn’t have it any other way. Here’s why.
I think Jeter is vastly overrated with the glove, is a decent hitter whose numbers have benefited from hitting ahead of Big Stein’s collection of sluggers over the years and finally, gets way too much credit for being the Yankees leader.
You know too much about baseball to argue with my first point, you would probably contend my second point and definitely disagree with my final statement. But I’ll try to convince you anyway.
The reason the Yankees won four World Series in five years was because they had a great team. Derek Jeter was part of that team, and for that he deserves credit. But to suggest that Jeter played a more important role than Bernie Williams, Tino Martinez, Scott Brosius, Paul O’Neill, Andy Pettite, David Wells or Roger Clemens is ridiculous. Some people might say those were Jeter’s teams, but they weren’t. Those Yankees didn’t have a clear-cut leader, they were a team in every sense of the word. Now the Yankees are made up of individuals. The team chemistry isn’t there. If Jeter was the leader everybody suggests, then maybe he’d have some more rings. And maybe he’d be playing third base like he should be.
That’s right. If Jeter was a born leader then he would have given up his spot at shortstop to Alex Rodriguez. A. Rod is clearly a better fielder, yet Jeter remained at shortstop and is having the worst season of any marquee player in recent history. He’s hurting the team by staying at short, yet doesn’t seem to care.
“He’s playing hurt,” Yankees fans will say. So? I’m sick and tired of people making excuses for athletes because they are injured. If you’re hurt, then sit on the bench. If you can play, then play. Chris Webber was clearly hurt during the Kings-Lakers series. But he thought he was good enough to play, and in the end, hurt his team by doing so. But he decided to play. And if you do that, you can’t fall back on an injury as an excuse for playing poorly. If you’re hurt so bad, don’t play.
So if Jeter is indeed battling a hand injury, then he should take a rest and go on the 15-day D.L. to get better. He’s batting .197 with a .258 OBP. Even Homer Bush or Miguel Cairo could improve on that. A real leader would take a seat if an injury was causing him to play that poorly.
And as for jealous Sox fans (and that’s what they all are, jealous), I think their hatred of Jeter boils down to one key thing: Yankees fans have the ultimate trump card in any argument with a BoSox fan.
If a Sox fan says “Jeter sucks!” all a Yankees fan has to respond with is “how many rings does Nomar have?”. BAM. Right there, the argument is over. The Sox fan has no logical comeback. So an irrational questioning of Jeter’s sexuality becomes the last resort.
And you have to admit, he does look kind of girly when he’s up at the plate.

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Chaz its Antzo,
My first question, statement, or post relates to the Detroit Pistons/Bullets. They might very well make it to the NBA finals this year, but no one has ever said anything about how they messed up so bad in last years draft when the took that character named Darko over Carmello. I find it quite displeasing that they could have had Carmello and where would their team be with him instead of Darko.
Second question relates to Marcus Vick, if he wanted to hook up with a girl that was under the age of 18 why didn't he shoot for the moon and go after the chick from mean chicks, or that Hillary Duff girl, or he could have probably had both the Olsen twins at the same time because he is Michael Vicks little brother.
Third question, Shannon Sharpe or Deion Sanders, who would you rather have in the booth, remembering how great of a job Sterling Sharpe did on ESPN?
Forth question, will Shrek 2 make more money than the new Harry Potter movie?
Fifth question or statement, France really hates the US and it seems our men's tennis players hate France just as much, Andre Agassi and Andy Roddick both lose at the French Open in the first week. They must have spent too much time in their hotel rooms watching all that free porn the French put on T.V.
Thanks for your time...

Sincerely,
Antzo

- Alex Antzoulatos – Potomac, MD

Antzo, I’m going to answer the fifth part first, the third part second and then go from there.
- First, I don’t understand why everybody acts surprised that Agassi and Roddick lost at the French. Agassi is old and his dominating ground strokes aren’t as effective on the slow clay at Roland Garros. Roddick is a Pete Sampras-clone and without his 142-mph serve (again, the clay), his game isn’t all that impressive. (Remember, Pete never won at the French.) As for the French Sunday night porn, that’s the best show on Sunday night TV since Murder, She Wrote.
- If you read my blog on Tuesday you would know my feelings about the Sharpe-Deion thing, fool.
- Back to your first question –Where have you been? Everybody has been ripping the Pistons for taking Darko over Carmelo. I think Stephen A. Smith actually got a noise violation from the NYPD after he ranted for 15 minutes on the subject during Fastbreak Tuesday
My question is, why is everybody so quick to write off Darko? Was Tracy McGrady good in his rookie year? Jermaine O’Neal? Kobe Bryant? Kwame Brown? No. But nobody was proclaiming them as busts after their first season. Well, maybe Kwame. But I digress.
Darko is still just 19 years old. He has plenty of time to improve, or to prove himself a Sam Bowie-esque mistake. Either way, he still needs time.
Maybe Detroit should have taken Carmelo. But even if they had, he still wouldn’t be getting major minutes for the Pistons because Larry Brown doesn’t like to play rookies. And frankly, I think Dwayne Wade is going to the best of the three anyway.
- I’m surprised Marcus Vick and other Virginia Tech players were convicted of some crimes earlier this month. Usually the Hokies don’t fall apart until November.
- As for the box-office showdown (first of all you know the name of the “chick from mean chicks” is Lindsay Lohan and you also know the name of the movie was Mean Girls. I know you watch TRL, don’t act like you don’t.)
Anyway, I cannot accurately predict which movie will gross more. However, I can say (with some certainty) that you will be the first in line to see The Chronicles of Riddick.

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Do you think Dusty Baker chews on the same toothpick for 9 innings? Or could he possibly have a fiberglass toothpick that he keeps in a special case?

- Greg Falkowski – Philadelphia, PA

Be honest… on the day you wrote this e-mail, how much actual work did you get done?

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Two questions for you: How bad is michael olowakandi if he can't start over the horrible earvin johnson? I understand the kandi man was hurt, but come on, earvin johnson is brutal.
And
how bad is eastern conference basketball? My roommate loves it and defends it to the death, because he's obviously an idiot, but do people actually enjoy watching the pistons score 9 points in a quarter and actually win?

Nick Streit – San Diego, CA

Earvin Johnson is so old that when he plays against Kevin Willis, Kevin Willis says “damn Earvin, you real old.” And Olowokandi is so bad that he’s jealous of Jim McIlvane’s career.
And if given the choice between watching any Eastern Conference basketball game and a marathon of Juwanna Mann, I’d choose Juwanna Mann. At least she can hit a jump-shot on occasion.

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How does it feel to share the same general cyber-space (blogspot.com) with that Senate staff assistant who was nailing all of those dudes?

- Matt Roper – Washington, D.C.

For those of you outside the Beltway, the blog Mr. Roper speaks of was written by a young, female staffer who worked in the office of Sen. Mike DeWine (R-Ohio). Jessica Cutler (a 24-year old staff assistant from Syracuse who is not nearly as good looking as she probably thinks she is) wrote the salicious blog that detailed her sexual dalliances with six Capitol Hill men, including one “high-level federal employee.” She has since been fired and is now milking her 15 minutes of fame.
Anyway, in regards to the question, I generally don’t like to kiss and tell like Ms. Cutler, though one time I did see Ted Koppel in the soup aisle at Giant. I think he was buying some sort of bisque.

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Heya chaco,
so here's my thing..you know i've been raised to love deacs and hate dook and the goats, and I kinda thought about going to ncsu.
but personal reasons aside, john swofford is stupid.
the acc is getting enough loot, do they really need to make illogical divisions for that extra little $$ the dook-terp game will bring espn twice a year...c'mon, when expansion is all said and done, there's four ACC teams in the cakilaca del norte, four below, four above. And the majority of their games against each other came when the campuses were within 25 miles of each other....crazy old rivalries, sure terps an hoos have long been around, i don't want to play the jackets twice every year in hoops-maybe so if they had the ramblin wreck in hoops...it burns me up when little ole wake forest doesn't get home and away w/ dook and unc in my beloved acc hoops....so whatcha think about all this? i wanna know what the terp bias can conjure(sure they had a good rivalry going with dook, been going for a while, but these great games are likely to have already ended, and lately the dook game is eveyone's big game, heck even the leon county civic center gets rockin.
later, nicks gettin the hot dogs cookin. ooh ooh, S.

- Scott Spencer – Waxhaw, NC

Scotty, John Swofford will either be remembered a visionary or a greedy fool. My money is on the latter. The ACC has always been a basketball conference. It was started that way and even after adding Florida State in the early ‘90s, it remained that way. Now the ACC has no identity, except as money-grubbing conference-raiders.
Seriously, does the ACC really need another renegade football team from Florida? They already have Florida State. And isn’t Virginia Tech just Clemson North?
All this was done to get some more TV money from ABC and ESPN (which they did - unfortunately that money now has to be split 12 ways instead of 9) and to stage a conference championship game at the end of the football season. The Associated Press reported that a championship game would bring in a whopping $6 million in extra revenue. Wow… a whole six million? Florida State pays that much every year in bail money.
Essentially, the ACC sold their basketball soul for $6 million dollars and a couple of cookie-cutter schools.
While football season might be a bit more exciting (ie, have fun seeing Miami blow out your favorite school, if FSU isn’t on the schedule), the basketball season will be forever ruined.
Gone is the ACC’s double-round-robin schedule. Now teams might see Duke and North Carolina once during the regular season yet have a home-and-home with Virginia Tech and Clemson. I can see the half-empty arenas now.
To combat this, the ACC is designating two “rivals” for each school. For instance, Duke’s rivals are rumored to be North Carolina and Maryland. If that is the case, they would play a home-and-home with each school every year.
I agree with you about how everybody is Duke’s rival. Maryland does have a better case than most because they won a National Championship recently and have had some epic battles with the Dookies over the past few years. But every college team has down years, so what happens when Wake Forest is a Top 5 team (like they will be next year) and Maryland is struggling to stay in the Top 25 (as they likely will be next year)? The ACC gets stuck with some awful games while missing out on battles between two top schools. It’s bound to happen sooner rather than later.
Anyway, hope I answered your question Scotty… if you did indeed have one.

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Chirs,
After reading your column about wedding etiquette, I feel the need to remind you that my wedding happens to fall on the second to last yankees-red sox game of the season and 8th to last overall game. The game is at the same time as the reception. I think I have already come to expect that I may have to drag Jim, as well as every last groomsmen, you included, (6 red sox and 1 yankees fan among you all) out of the bar from time to time. Jim's suggestion is to put a tv in the reception hall...I don't think so. I just hope that the red sox are far enough ahead that the series doesn't matter at that point.
Love, Your Sister Steph

- Stephanie Chase – Ft. Leonard Wood, MO

First of all, it’s spelled Chris, not Chirs. I don’t call you Stefani, do I?
You make an interesting point. However, seeing as how the wedding is in Maryland, the game probably won’t be on TV.
So, I suggest designating one member of the bridal party as the score-retriever. He can use whatever necessary means (phone calls, text messages, ESPN ticker checks) to get the score once every 20 minutes. Then he can tell one person at the head table who will in turn tell the person next to them until the score reaches the other end. It will be like that kids game, Telephone.
That means, when the score-getter updates the table with “5-3 Sox, Bottom Six, Bellhorn homer”, the guy at the end of the table will think the score is “Jive Free Fox, Got them chicks, yellow stoner.”
Then everything will be great and the wedding will go off without a hitch. Unless that lone Yankees fan starts talking about how great Derek Jeter is.

Interesting Facts from USA Today’s 2003 NFL Salary List

- The teams with the six highest payrolls in the league (New Orleans, Tampa Bay, Minnesota, Cincinatti, Atlanta and Washington) all missed the playoffs. On the flip-side, seven of the eight teams with the lowest payrolls in the league missed-out on the postseason as well (Denver being the lone exception.) Looks like it pays to be in the fat part of the curve.

- Stories in the press always seem to suggest that the New England Patriots success has been due to a different front-office strategy that focus less on marquee free agents and more on low-priced talent. While it’s true that the Patriots don’t look to make a huge splash by signing big names during the off-season, the Super Bowl champs still had the 9th highest payroll in the NFL (and highest in the AFC).

- 11 of the 12 highest team payrolls belong to teams in the NFC. The NFC team with the lowest payroll (San Francisco, $60 million) spent $15 million less then the next-lowest conference team (Carolina, $75 million).

- The team that paid the least for each win: New England with $5,866,303 per win.
The team that paid the most for each win: Arizona with $20,258,732 per win.

- Brian Urlacher was the highest paid player in the league last year. The Bears linebacker received $15.05 million. Redskins WR Laveraneus Coles was next ($13.53), followed by Rams WR Torry Holt ($13.08), Vikins QB Daunte Culpepper ($12.44) and Packers DE Kabeer Gbaja-Biamilia ($11.65).
In addition to KGB, other surprising names on the Top 25 list include Kyle Turley ($11.47), Keith Brooking ($11.21), Flozell Adams ($10.54), LJ Shelton (who? $9.34) and Jonathan Sullivan ($8.25).

- James Stewart made more than Marshall Faulk, Shaun Alexander, Travis Henry, Clinton Portis, Rudi Johnson and Domanick Davis combined.

- Chris Weinke, Aaron Brooks and Tim Couch all made more money than Tom Brady.

- Browns punter Chris Gardocki made five times more money than Rams quarterback Marc Bulger. Kurt Warner made 13 times as much as Bulger.

- 2002 salary king Michael Strahan went from making $20.6 million in 2002 to $2.1 million in 2003. Nobody’s seen a pay-cut like that since John Travolta, post-Battlefield Earth.

- After making no more than $500,000 per year with the Bucs, Dexter Jackson parlayed his Super Bowl MVP performance into a $5 million salary with the Cardinals. Which breaks down to $2.5 million per big play that Jackson made in Tempe.

- David Sloan was the highest paid tight end in 2003. And some guy named Mike Solwold earned more for the Ravens at the same position than Pro Bowler Todd Heap.

- And despite four million reasons to the contrary, Donovan McNabb and John Lynch are still the most overrated players in football.

Later this week: MAILBAG. Please send in any questions, comments, turn-ons or turn-offs to chrisachase@comcast.net

Answers To Questions Directed Towards Somebody Else

Chris Mortensen hosted a chat May 19th on ESPN.com. As usual, Mort answered the questions clearly and concisely and provided readers with his unique insights on the NFL. Today, I’ll select a few of those questions and answer them as if they were directed towards me.

Amro(Fredericton, Canada): what are your thoughts on the Ravens in general and Kyle Boller in particular. Do you think the passing game will improve? and will this team be a contender for the superbowl?

With the Ravens apparently interested in Brad Johnson (assuming Rich Gannon signs with the Bucs and Johnson is cut), next season Kyle Boller will be spending more time on the bench than Judge Judy.
As for the Ravens Super Bowl chances, they’ll probably be good. But I can’t imagine living in a world where Brian Billick has two Super Bowl coaching victories, so I’d bet against B’more.

JOE ST LOUIS: Mort what do you think the chances are for the Seahawks to win the big one this year? Or will they flop like every other year?

I like the Seahawks chances this year… to be everybody’s vogue preseason Super Bowl pick and then limp to the finish with a sub-.500 record.
And by the way, let’s put a moratorium on calling Mike Holmgren and Mike Shanahan geniuses until they can win something without Hall of Famers at quarterback.

Tom (Newbury Park, CA): Mort- are football writers' pens at half-mast today with the retirement of Shannon Sharpe?

Tom, I like where you were trying to go with the half-mast analogy, but think about this logically: even if one wanted to, how would they get their pen at half-mast? Besides a cold shower.
Anyway, Shannon Sharpe is one of those guys who has crazy opinions just for the sake of having crazy opinions. The problem with the CBS pre-game show wasn’t Deion and it won’t be Sharpe. The show suffers because Boomer Esiason and Dan Marino have less personality than Al Gore on valium. And Jim Nantz’s turtleneck sweaters aren’t helping things either.

Shaun, Boyne City, MI: Is there any truth to the rumors that Kurt Warner could be coming to Detroit? If so, do you see that as a good move for the Lions?

As long as the Lions don’t overpay for Warner, then it makes sense to bring him in. With Joey Harrington demonstrating that Oregon quarterbacks are equivalent to Penn State running backs in the NFL, Warner would be a nice fit in Steve Mariucci’s west-coast offense. Of course, if Warner’s hand is still bothering him, then he’ll be throwing about as accurate as Donovan McNabb in an NFC Championship Game.
But, there are pluses to going to Detroit. A young receiving corps, a new running back and best of all - the Lions have field-turf at Ford Field, so Brenda Warner can forego trips to the salon and instead get her hair done by the head groundskeeper.

Jerry: What kind of number do you think J. Jones from the Cowboys can put up on his rookie season? Will he REALLY be a upgrade from Hambrick's numbers last year?

First of all, John Paul Jones would be an upgrade for the Cowboys at running back. Troy Hambrick averaged 3.5 yards per carry last year behind a good offensive line and had one less fumble than he did touchdowns. And take away his two games against the Redskins (54 carries for 289 yards) and Hambrick’s average slips to 3.01 per carry. (What is it about Cowboy’s running backs getting big days against the Redskins. Jerry Jones should have a reality show to find the Cowboys next running back and the winner starts a game versus the Skins… the guy would easily get at least 120.)
That being said, Julius Jones wasn’t all that great at Notre Dame. But running in a Bill Parcells system will make Julius be more Jerome Bettis than Tony Fisher.

John Albany, NY: Mort- Don't you think it would be wise for the Giants to look into trading Strahan while he still has value since he has made it pretty clear he isn't looking to rebuild?

Rebuilding only happens to French airport terminals and on The Swan. The word has no meaning in the NFL, not after teams like the Rams, Patriots, Panthers and Ravens all made huge jumps from mediocrity to the Super Bowl.
If the Giants do throw Eli into the fire (a big mistake) then this year will clearly be a wash. But Manning will certainly be expected to take the Giants to the playoffs in ’05.
Strahan will stay in New York for two reasons:
1) His cap-number is too big
and
2) Those Campbell soup ads where he goes up to strangers on a cold New York day and offers them soup just wouldn’t work if they were set in Tampa.

Frank (San Juan, Puerto Rico): What is going on with the Dolphins organization? They are having problems with staff, and now with Ricky Williams and David Boston? What are they doing?

Frank (which I assume is some sort of nom de plume seeing as how I doubt there are too many guys named “Frank” living in San Juan), you failed to mention the biggest problem in the Dolphins organization: Dave Wannsteadt.
Can you believe he’s still the coach? He is 81-79 in his head coaching career and only has one playoff win during his tenure in Miami despite Super Bowl expectations every summer.
But hey… at least Norv Turner is finally gone.

Mark (Clifton, VA): Mort, What do you think about the Redskins chances in a tough NFC East? Gibbs seems very optimistic for so early. He has always been very upfront with us fans and he seems more optimistic then usual.

Joe Gibbs is optimistic by nature, so I wouldn’t read too much into his statements on the team.
What has excited me most about the Redskins so far this off-season is what the players are saying about the new coaching staff.
In year’s past guys like Lavar Arrington and Chris Samuels have been saying all the right things about Marty Schottenheimer and Steve Spurrier. They haven’t criticized their new coaches, but have been reserved in their praise of them.
However, after the first two mini-camps under the Gibbs regime, every player interviewed raved about the coaching staff and said they are having so much fun despite working so hard.
After the Chiefs lost to the Colts in last years AFC Divisional Playoff, Johnnie Morton cried during his post-game press conference. When asked why he was so upset he responded that he was disappointed in himself because he let coach Dick Vermeil down.
I think the Redskins will play with the same emotion this year. They see how hard Gibbs and guys like Joe Bugel and Ernie Zampese work and will play hard for them.
A team’s season is defined by a few key plays. A third-down conversion here, a defensive stop there and that’s the difference between a 10-6 or an 8-8 record.
I think Gibbs and his staff are worth two wins just by the way they plan for and coach games. With the additions of Clinton Portis, Mark Brunell, Sean Taylor and others, look for the Skins to be in the middle of the NFC playoff race.

Eli (Orlando,Fl): Any prediction on Carson Palmers stats if he stays healthy? He has some pretty good talent around him.

Even though Jon Kitna had a fantastic year last year, Marvin Lewis had to make the move to start Carson Palmer in the upcoming season.
Palmer is in a difficult situation though. He has all the pressure on him because of his huge contract and also has to look over his shoulder at a Pro Bowl quarterback on the bench.
Look for Lewis to keep Palmer on a short leash, which could devastate the young QB’s confidence.

Trent, St. Louis: what about the Bears, can they move up in the North?

Moving up would mean finishing second in the NFC North, as the Bears finished 3rd last year, ahead of only the Lions. At this point, I think the Lions will again finish in the cellar, so the Bears would have to finish ahead of either the Packers or Vikings.
If Rex Grossman plays well, then the Bears could easily finish above .500 and land in second place. If he plays poorly, it could be another cold winter in Chicago. That is, unless the Cubs win the World Series.

Chris (Seattle): Mort, for all of the success that the Panthers enjoyed last year, I've barely heard a murmur about them leading up to this coming season. What can we expect?

Do you notice how every question about a team has come from somebody not in that team’s city? Weird.
Anyway, the Panthers were five plays from being 6-10 last year. They had a magical run through the season that resembled the Bears 2001 campaign.
Look for teams to figure out ways to beat the Panthers defense this year and for Stephen Davis to get injured mid-way through the season.

Nick (phila): Morty,,,,what do you think about them eagles

There goes my city-theory.
All I hear about is how the Eagles improved themselves in the off-season. And while its true that Terrell Owens is a huge improvement at wide receiver, isn’t everybody being a bit overly-optimistic in believing that T.O. won’t start running his mouth after he finds out that Donovan McNabb’s passing is about as accurate as bad guy’s shooting ability in Die Hard movies?
And as T.O. has shown in San Fran, a great receiver doesn’t win games all by himself. It helps to have a good supporting cast (think Jerry Rice and John Taylor), and Todd Pinkston, Freddy Mitchell and Billy McMullen don’t fit the bill.
Jevon Kearse will help on the D-line, but he isn’t the same player he was three years ago. Plus, Philly lost Troy Vincent and Bobby Taylor from their secondary and got rid of John Welbourn and Duce Staley too.
The Eagles will be in the hunt for a playoff spot and could go to the Super Bowl, but I just don’t see why everybody in Philly is so excited this year.

Elliott Austin, TX: Please say something positive about the Chargers. As much as it may hurt!

Those powder-blue throwback unis are fantastic. And Philip Rivers will be better than Eli Manning eventually.

Brian NYC: What about Testaverde to the Giants?

Brian, you live in New York. Surely you saw Vinny play last year for the Jets? I think a drunk, kiss-seeking Joe Namath would have had more mobility in the pocket. Plus, with the Giants offensive-line the wreck that it is, Vinny would be getting hit like he was in a Sopranos episode.

MLB Power Rankings

Power rankings are kind of like bikini models at car shows. They serve no real purpose, but sure are fun to look at.
Onto the list:

#1 – Anaheim Angels
A couple of years ago the brilliant minds at Disney decided that cross-promotion was the next big thing and changed the name of the California Angels to the Anaheim Angels, which helped promote both Disneyland and the NHL’s Mighty Ducks. (This is also why you see George Lopez guest-starring on NYPD Blue as a Mexican comedian who witnesses a murder.)
Good move Disney. Changing your location name from California to Anaheim is like a guy named Pierce changing his name to Lester.

#2 – Boston Red Sox
Give me the Sox and Angels in a seven-game series and I’ll take the Sox. But for the purposes of this little exercise, the Angels and their 29-15 record have to be at the top of the list.

#3 – Chicago Cubs
Kerry Wood is slowly turning into Grant Hill right before our eyes.

#4 – New York Yankees
You know you’re hurtin' when a 1-5 day at the plate actually raises your batting average, as it did for Derek Jeter yesterday. And by the way, with the signing of Tanyon Sturtze, the Yanks might want to start printing up World Series tickets. Tanyon Sturtze? Are the Yanks serious? It’s almost like Steinbrenner isn’t trying anymore.

#5 – Houston Astros
Can we please stop with all the stories about Roger Clemens coming back from retirement to pitch for the Astros. It’s fine to write about how amazing it is that a 41-year old power pitcher is dominating the National League, but one thing needs to be straightened out.
Roger Clemens never retired. He just said he was going to retire. There’s a big difference.
And how dumb must those fans in Miami feel after giving Clemens a standing ovation during the World Series last year. Has there ever been anything so ridiculous? You don’t give a standing ovation to an opposing pitcher in a World Series under any circumstance, unless he saves a baby from a fire while beating up Osama Bin Laden all while pitching a perfect game.
Where was I? Oh yeah, get off Clemens’ jock.

#6 – Philadelphia Phillies
Eagles lose in NFC Championship Game. Flyers lose in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals. If things progress as I think they will, look for the Phillies to sign Mitch Williams in late-September.

#7 – Chicago White Sox
Does anybody outside the south side of Chicago care about the White Sox? They’re like the Golden State Warriors of baseball.

#8 – Minnesota Twins
The Twins sport a 25-18 record yet have been outscored by opponents 217-227. According to Bill James’ Pythagorean equation, the Twins should have a 21-21 record. What does this all mean? I don’t know, except that it took me about 5 minutes to spell a word that resembled “Pythagorean” enough for the Word spell-check to pick it up.

#9 – San Diego Padres
The official team of Chris’s Sports Blog keeps rolling and ends the week in a tie with the Dodgers atop the NL West. One can’t help but wonder if Scott Spencer has anything to do with this.

#10 – Florida Marlins
Even after winning the World Series last year, the Marlins rank 20th in the majors in home attendance. Still glad you chose Miami and Tampa over D.C. Bud Selig?

#11 – Texas Rangers
If the Rangers were Genesis then A. Rod would be Peter Gabriel and Michael Young would be Phil Collins. And Brad Fullmer would, of course, be Mike Rutherford.

#12 – Los Angeles Dodgers
The MLB Extra Innings package would be worth it just to listen to Vin Scully call a baseball game. When I was in L.A. a few years ago I listened to a radio broadcast of a Lakers playoff game announced by Chick Hearn then heard Scully call a Dodgers game right after that. No wonder Randy Newman loved L.A.

#13 – Oakland A’s
Fans in Oakland still haven’t forgotten about Eric Byrnes failure to touch home plate in Game 4 of the A’s-Sox series last year. In fact, every time he comes to the plate at home he is showered with boos from the entire crowd. Except for one guy in section 423 who is saying “Booooooooo-yrns”.

#14 – Cincinnati Reds
I’m beginning to wonder if Cincinnati really exists. Think about it. Have you ever met anybody from Cincinnati? Neither have I…

#15 – St. Louis Cardinals
I don’t know what surprised me more. That Ray Lankford was still on the Cardinals or that Ray Lankford still exists.

#16 – New York Mets
Do you think Rudy Giuliani would have gone to all the Mets games and worn Mets hats and Mets jackets had it been the Mets that were the dominant New York team during his terms as mayor? I bet he would have. And for some reason, that really pisses me off.

#17 – Milwaukee Brewers
I bet the Brewers were a bit miffed when Squiggy signed on to be a scout with the Mariners.

#18 – Baltimore Orioles
In the 10 years that Camden Yards has been open nobody has hit the warehouse with a homerun. However, things might change this season when the San Francisco Giants roll into Baltimore for a three-game series. Yup… I think Yorvit Torrealba just might do it.

#19 – Detroit Tigers
Detroit really should think about hiring that tiger that mauled Roy as their new mascot. It’s not like he’s doing anything these days.

#20 – San Francisco Giants
Say it with me now: Yorvit Torrealbla. yor-VEET tor-EE-all-buh. I dare you to say that out-loud and not have a smile creep up on your face.

#21 – Pittsburgh Pirates
News reports said that Raul Mondesi left the Pirates because he had to tend to family matters. But I think I know the real reason: scurvy.

#22 – Cleveland Indians
Imagine if Yorvit Torrealbla got scurvy. That’d be comedy gold.

#23 – Colorado Rockies
Despite playing in the thin-air of Colorado, Denny Hocking has zero homeruns in over 100 at-bats. I guess Hocking’s only hope of going yard is if the Rockies build a new stadium on Mir.

#24 – Atlanta Braves
With the Braves dynasty dying a slow death, those fair-weather fans in Atlanta will have to wait for Michael Vick’s next injury before they have another bandwagon to jump off of.

#25 – Arizona Diamondbacks
I wonder if Richie Sexson and Randy Johnson share clothes.

#26 – Toronto Blue Jays
Carlos Delgado is batting an anemic .230 for the season. But even with this horrific start to the season, the Blue Jays slugger is still batting a cool 40 points better than Derek Jeter.

#27 – Seattle Mariners
Who would have thought Edgar Martinez would last longer in Seattle than Frasier.

#28 – Tampa Bay Devil Rays
I have July 8th in the “Lou Pinella’s Head Explodes” pool.

#29 – Montreal Expos
Yes, the Expos are the worst team in baseball. But I refuse to put a team that has played only eight games in their home city at the bottom of this list.

#30 – Kansas City Royals
Just like the Chiefs, the Royals have no defense. Unlike the Chiefs, however, the Royals also have no offense.

My 2004 (Way too Early) All-Star Ballot

It’s probably, nay – definitely - too early to be discussing baseball All-Star teams, but that didn’t stop the marketing geniuses at Major League Baseball from releasing the fan ballots about 12 days into the season.
A lot can change between now and mid-July, yet fans everywhere (except in Montreal and Atlanta where attendance numbers routinely look like the first four digits of pi) are figuring out who they will vote for and how they can find something thin enough to punch holes in the ballot cards while sitting at a ballgame.
I decided to take a look at the ballot and pick my “Way-Too-Early-To-Decide-All-Star-Team”. I followed a couple of rules:
1) I am only voting for people listed on the original, asinine ballot. This means, no David Ortiz at 1B for the AL or Todd Walker at 2B for the NL. However, I am free to vote for Karim Garcia and Jose Reyes, should the mood strike me.
2) No write-in votes. People that write-in votes on the All-Star ballot are about as sad as that guy who sits in a strip club all day and is convinced that Dakota actually has a thing for him. Write-in votes are about as worthless as absentee ballots.
3) No voting for anybody who plays on the Milwaukee Brewers. Sure, Scott Podsednik is having a pretty decent year. But until baseball moves a team to Washington DC, I refuse to acknowledge Bud Selig’s “team” in the Midwest.
4) I’m not punching the ballot for anybody I haven’t seen play. Lyle Overbay (who I wouldn’t vote for based on rule #3) is having a pretty great year. But because I’ve never seen him play, I wouldn’t know the difference between him, Lyle Alzado and Lyle, the “dude” from the “Summer of George”.
5) No bias allowed in my picks (see AL 1st base). However, if two players are very close, my tiebreaker is who I like better and would rather see play (see NL 3rd base).
Note: My picks are in bold, my predictions for who will be voted in by the fans appear in italicized parenthesis.
Onto the picks:

American League

C – Ivan Rodriguez, Detroit Tigers (Jorge Posada)
I originally had Javy Lopez here, but then I looked at the numbers again and realized that Pudge has better hitting stats and is more of a force behind the plate. Plus, he’s been the catalyst for the Tigers 12-game improvement compared to the same time last year.

1B – Jason Giambi, New York Yankees (Giambi)
A surprisingly thin position for the AL this year, which gives Giambi the nod by default. Carlos Delgado has been choking in the last year of his contract, Rafael Palmeiro looks noticeably smaller (as does Giambi) and Darin Erstad has zero homeruns in 129 at-bats. Even if David Ortiz was on the ballot, Giambi is the choice here.

2B – Ronnie Belliard, Cleveland Indians (Alfonso Soriano)
It’s still amazing to me that the Yankees have Enrique Wilson and Miguel Cairo alternating days at second base. The crop of AL second basemen is hardly inspiring, but even Walt Harris and Luis Rivas would be an improvement over those fools the Yanks have.

SS – Michael Young, Texas Rangers (Nomar Garciaparra)
Alex who? The Rangers haven’t missed A. Rod one bit, as Michael Young has stepped into his position and batted .357 with a .986 OPS. Still, Young won’t win the fan vote and neither will Derek (I’m Batting .188 and get $20 million per year) Jeter. If the Orioles could draw any fans, Miguel Tejada could win, but Nomar will still probably get the start in Houston, even if he can’t play.

3B – Hank Blalock, Texas Rangers (Alex Rodriguez)
Last year’s All-Star hero will earn his second straight appearance in the mid-summer classic, but it won’t be because of the fan vote. A. Rod will cruise at 3B, and after his early-season swoon, he might even deserve it.

OF – Manny Ramirez, Boston Red Sox (Ramirez)
OF – Vladimir Guerrero, Anaheim Angels (Guerrero)
OF – Carlos Beltran, Kansas City Royals (Ichiro Suzuki)
Manny and Vlad are no-brainers. They are both hitting over .340, have over nine homeruns and more than 25 RBI’s. Oh, and their OPS’s are 1.075 and .977, respectively. Throw in Vlad’s cannon of an arm and Manny’s improved play in left and it makes the choices even easier. Even the fans should get these two spots right.
The third outfielder should be Beltran, but with the popularity of internet voting in Japan, Ichiro and Matsui will probably duke it out for the final starting slot.

National League

C – Johnny Estrada, Atlanta Braves (Paul Lo Duca)
A toss-up (which is the theme of the NL ballot) between Estrada and Lo Duca, I went with Javy Lopez’s replacement because he has more fielding win shares. You can’t go wrong with Lo Duca though.

1B – Jim Thome, Philadelphia Phillies (Albert Pujols)
Sean Casey and Lyle Overbay are also having great years, but Thome’s OBP and homerun total give him the edge in my book. Pujols, last years leading vote-getter, will win again (this time at 1B), even though he wouldn’t be in the top-four on my list.

2B – Mark Loretta, San Diego Padres (Jeff Kent)
While the first two NL positions were toss-ups between players having great years, this one is more of a “who-sucks-least” competition. And the winner of this prestigious award is the Padres Mark Loretta, who is on pace for career bests in batting average, OPS, homers, doubles and RBI with men on second base and less than two outs in day-games on turf.

SS – Edger Renteria, St. Louis Cardinals (Renteria)
Comparing AL shortstops with NL shortstops is like comparing the casts of Friends and Yes, Dear.

3B – Mike Lowell, Florida Marlins (Scott Rolen)
The toughest selection on the entire ballot. Adrian Beltre, Scott Rolen and Lowell all deserve a spot (and probably will receive one after the manager’s selections), but Lowell gets the nod because of a superior OPS, more homers and the fact that he’s not Scott Rolen.

OF – Barry Bonds, San Francisco Giants (Bonds)
OF – Lance Berkman, Houston Astros (Sammy Sosa)
OF – Steve Finley, Arizona Diamondbacks (Jim Edmonds)
This is probably a topic for another day… but, I find it really interesting that the media gets all worked up over the possibility of Barry Bonds cheating by using steroids after they essentially gave Sammy Sosa a free pass after he was caught cheating (with his corked bat) last season.
It seems that a big smile, charisma and public apology is all you need in this country to make people forget things.
Anyway, Bonds is the only slam-dunk on this board. Berkman clearly has All-Star numbers this year (which surprised me, I figured that Berkman’s 2002 was going to give Brady Anderson’s 1996 a run for its money on the list of greatest steroid seasons of all-time), but will probably be a reserve. Sosa, a fan favorite, will be voted in after narrowly missing last year.
My third selection is a little trickier. There is no clear-cut third outfielder from the National League. Andruw Jones’ fielding alone gets him in the All-Star game most years, but his batting numbers have suffered in the anemic Braves offense. Pat Burrell is playing well in Philly, as is Brian Giles in San Diego. Adam Dunn is having a career year, but he will be voted to plenty of All-Star teams by the time his career is over, so I didn’t choose him either.
I went with Finley for a few reasons. The 39-year old outfielder already has more homeruns this year then he did in six previous full seasons. (He is on pace for 54, which would top his career best by 20 – his career season average). Finley’s OPS is .910, which would be another season best. And even at 39, Finley (a four-time Gold Glove winner) is still one of the best outfielders in the league.
Mainly though, I just like Steve Finley.

I’ll be punching my ballot again next month and will do the same in July before the All-Star game. A lot should change before then, but I think one thing is clear: Derek Jeter will have some days off in mid-July to work on his swing.

Perfect Game Thoughts

Some thoughts on Randy Johnson’s perfect game:

- The way ESPN has been reporting Big Unit’s perfecto, one would think that a 27-up, 27-down game is common.
On the ticker the network declared that this perfect game was Johnson’s first of his career and on their Web site ESPN breathlessly announced that he is the oldest player to pitch a perfect game.
Both of these facts are, of course, true, but at the same time irrelevant. Randy Johnson pitched only the 17th perfect game in Major League history. Out of the hundreds of thousands of games played during the past 100 plus years, only 15 of them have resulted in a perfect game. This is one of the rarest events in all of baseball.
So of course it’s Randy Johnson’s first (no pitcher has pitched more than one). And the fact that he’s the oldest isn’t all that remarkable either.
The feat itself is what’s amazing. ESPN doesn’t need to gussy up this stat like they do to so many others. A perfect game can stand on its own.

- How lame are Atlanta Braves fans? They were witnessing history, yet Turner Field was quieter than the audience at a Margaret Cho comedy special. Unless your team is getting no-hit by a rival, you have to cheer them on like they were one of your own. And what’s with all the empty seats in Atlanta? It’s not like people had a Hawks playoff game to go watch.

- Skip Carey makes Chip Carey sound like Jack Buck. And that feat might even be more amazing then Unit’s pitching performance.
As my buddy Nick puts it, “you would think it’d be difficult for a guy that sounds like a frog to get a job in broadcasting.” It’s true. Skip should be doing voice-work for Spongebob Squarepants but instead he is calling games on a national television station.
Of course Carey only has his job because of his last name, but he's also the beneficiary of what I call the John Clayton-effect.
ESPN’s John Clayton has a face for AM radio, yet has a job with the biggest sports network in the country. This only happens to men.
If he was a woman, Clayton wouldn’t be able to get a job talking football at the UPN affiliate in Duluth.

- I only watched the last three innings of the game last night, but from what I saw on the highlights, it looks like Johnson pitched one of the best games of my lifetime.
I’d rank it up there with Kerry Wood’s 20-K night, one-hit night against the Astros, Pedro Martinez’s relief outing against the Indians in Game Five of the 1999 ALDS and any Rockies game started by Denny Neagle.

- On Major League Baseball’s official list of perfect games, Harvey Haddix and Pedro Martinez’s names appear under a “special mention” heading.
For those who aren’t familiar, Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings for the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1959, only to lose the perfect game, no-hitter and game in the 13th inning. When he was with the Expos Pedro Martinez retired the first 27 batters in a 1995 game versus the Padres, but gave up a leadoff double in the top of the 10th and was taken out of the game.
I flip-flop with my opinions on how these games should be classified. I’m totally against rain-shortened no-hitters and eight-inning losses that are no-hitters (Andy Hawkins and Matt Young did so in 1991 and 1992, respectively), but with these perfect-games, I think I would count them.
Would Johnson’s feat last night have been any less special if his team hadn’t scored any runs? The answer should be “no”, but it is most certainly “yes”.

- It’s not nearly as aesthetically pleasing when a pitcher throws a perfect game and the other team has committed some errors. Because then you have a final scoreboard that looks like this:

Diamondbacks 2 8 0
Braves 0 0 3

- Last night’s game might be the final nail in the coffin of the Braves playoff-run. (Calling the Braves recent success a dynasty is like calling the Red Sox and Yankees a rivalry. In a rivalry, both teams need to win every now and then. And a dynasty produces World Series victories, not division titles over the Expos, Phillies and Mets.)
Of all the teams that have been the victim of a regular season perfect game since 1922, only two of ten have gone on to have winning records. (The Dodgers did so in both 1988 and 1991 after being victimized by Dennis Martinez and Tom Browning, respectively). (Tom Browning pitched a perfect game? That’s like finding out that Major Dad won a Peabody.)
Way too many parentheticals there.
Anyway, the Braves now sit at 17-20 and it looks like their reign atop the NL East is over.
That leaves the door open for the Phillies, who will in-turn choke in the NLCS.

Tuesday Thoughts

- Smarty Jones will not win the Triple Crown. This I guarantee. It’s not because the Belmont track is longer than the previous two legs of the Triple Crown, or because of his “sprint-oriented bloodlines” or for any reason that has anything to do with actual thoroughbred racing.
No, the reason Smarty Jones will fail in his quest to become the first Triple Crown winner since 1978 is because of his stupid name.
Take a look at the names of the past five Triple Crown winners: Affirmed (1978), Seattle Slew (1977), Secretariat (1973), Citation (1948), Assault (1946).
Do you really think that a horse named Smarty Jones can join a group like that? Affirmed invokes thoughts of a strong, powerful stallion. It’s name belongs in the pantheon of great horses. Smarty Jones sounds like he’s Mr. Ed’s second cousin.
Do you think it’s coincidence that in recent years Real Quiet and Funny Cide have failed to win the Belmont after taking the Derby and Preakness? Of course not. Their names were awful too.
In all, 19 horses have won the first two legs of the Triple Crown, but failed to complete the trifecta - among them Tim Tam (1958), Carry Back (1961), Kauai King (1966) and Canonero II (1971).
Only Spectacular Bid (1979), Sunday Silence (1989) and War Emblem (2002) had names cool enough to take the Belmont.
So look for Imperialism or Lion’s Heart to win at Belmont Park on the first Saturday June. And if not because Smarty Jones’s doesn’t have the etymological greatness of War Admiral or Citation, then because he’s from Philadelphia and they love to choke on a grand stage in Philly.

- Kevin Garnett shouldn’t have retaliated against Anthony Peeler after Peeler elbow-punched KG in the face during Game 6 of the Timberwolves-Kings series. It’s what Peeler wanted him to do and Garnett wisely didn’t take the bait.
A lot of people are criticizing the MVP for doing nothing after the cheap shot. They claim that now Garnett looks weak to the Kings and they’ll keep harassing him in Game 7 and cause him to get off his game.
Yeah. I really think Garnett is scared of Chris Webber and Peja Stojakovic. The Kings are about as tough as the guys in the Ice Capades. Anybody who is scared of a team that has Doug Christie on their roster probably also sleeps with the light on and only walks in crosswalks for fear of a jaywalking ticket.
The scariest person on the Kings is Doug Christie’s wife, and she isn’t even on the court.
Chris Webber is so soft that he’s in talks to become the next Charmin baby.
Alright, that’s enough of that.

- New York has about as much chance of being awarded the 2012 Olympics as Ashton Kutcher does of winning an Oscar. The US had an Olympics in 1996, and when Vancouver was awarded the 2010 Winter Games, the chance of North America getting another games was dealt a serious blow. Look for London or Paris to get the nod. Besides, doesn’t the city of New York have more pressing issues than figuring out where the Beach Volleyball competition should be held?

No post today, just got back from graduation at Wake Forest. Check back tomorrow for some flimsy observations about an as-of-yet undetermined topic.

NBA Gets Assist on Fisher’s Shot

It might have been one of the best finishes in NBA history. Three lead changes in the last 11 seconds (two on shots by future Hall-of-Famers) and a miracle at the buzzer by a forgotten role player guaranteed that Game 5 of the Western Conference Semi-finals between the L.A. Lakers and San Antonio Spurs will be remembered for having one of the best endings in sports history.
Most people will want to congratulate Derek Fisher for his buzzer-beating heave that put his L.A. team up 3-2 in the series. Others will criticize Manu Ginobli for playing the softest defense on that play that the NBA has seen since Kareem was patrolling The Forum.
Some will praise Kobe for freeing up Fisher, a few will find fault with Gregg Popovich for double-teaming Bryant and leaving a bevy of good shooters open for the Lakers.
Tim Duncan will also gets some props for his circus-shot that put the Spurs ahead.
Me? I give credit to none of them.
Instead, I’m going to praise the morons in the NBA league office that made the rule that says a team calling timeout after a made basket gets the ball beyond half court.
Tell me… did it make any sense that the Lakers got to inbound the ball near their own basket after Tim Duncan drained his shot with .4 left? (Duncan can’t even make a free-throw in a regular season game vs. the Warriors, yet can drain an off-balanced 18-footer with Shaq in his face, in the waning seconds of a pivotal playoff game.)
Of course it didn’t. (To be fair, the Spurs called a timeout of their own after Kobe’s shot and got the ball in a similar location, but they had 11.2 to move the ball.)
Duncan made the shot. The Lakers should inbound under their own basket. But, by the magic of the NBA rulebook, they called one of their 43 time-outs and magically advanced the ball over half-court.
Do the Rams get the ball at the Packers 45-yard line after Brett Favre throws a touchdown pass in the NFC Championship to put his team up 31-30? Of course not. There are no free yards in the NFL. You have to earn them.
It’s the same with college basketball. You can’t advance the ball by calling time-out. A team can only inbound the ball above half court if they call a timeout after getting over the timeline. You have to earn your spot on the court.
Apparently the NBA sees it differently.
The Lakers were essentially given 40 free feet after Duncan’s make, thus allowing the team to set-up a shot without having earned their position on the floor.
Had the Lakers been forced to inbound under the Spurs basket, there would have been almost no chance of making a game-winning buzzer beater. It took Christian Laettner about 1.3 seconds to catch, pivot and shoot his miraculous shot against Kentucky in 1992. The only thing the Lakers would have been able to do is throw a hail mary and hope that somebody could re-direct the ball with a tip towards the basket.
Instead, Gary Payton threw a short pass to Fisher who was able to catch and shoot in under .4 seconds because the pass was right in his hands. Now the Lakers have a 3-2 lead in what some are calling the “real” NBA Finals.
It’s insane. Kudos to Derek Fisher for making the shot. But he should really be thanking the NBA Rules Committee for allowing him to do so.

Thursday Thoughts

- Ron Artest’s mustache just might be the best facial hair on an athlete since Shaq shaved his head and left only mutton chops a few years back. Take a look at Artest. With his Billy Dee Williams ‘stache and mini-fro, doesn’t he kind of look like a black Harvey Kietel?

- Has any fad of the past decade been more disturbing than bobblehead dolls? Those have to be the freakiest things to become popular since Billy Bob Thornton. I got a bobblehead of Jerry Hairston Jr. last year at an Orioles game (yeah, I was upset I couldn’t get the Luis Matos one also) and I didn’t know what to do with it. I felt like if I threw it away it would crawl out of the trash can like Chucky from Child’s Play and slowly jitter its way to my bed, looking like a crackhead in need of a fix, and smother me with a pillow.

- Last night Dodger Alex Cora fouled off 13 of Matt Clement’s pitches, and then on the 18th pitch parked a homerun in the right-field seats. Vin Scully called it one of the best at-bats he had ever seen. Of course, if Vin Scully said David Paymer is the next big thing, I’d probably believe him… cause, hey… he’s Vin Scully.

- Did you see the video that Mexican Air Force pilots shot that allegedly shows 11 UFO’s in the night’s sky? Check it out. The pictures raise so many questions. Are we really alone in the universe? Will these aliens be friendly or hostile? And finally… Mexico has an Air Force?

- I’d like to make a confident prediction about tonight’s Lakers-Spurs game, but the truth is, nobody knows what’s going to happen in this game or the rest of the series. Who knows how Kobe will perform after his unbelievable 42-point performance that came hours after pleading not guilty in a Colorado courtroom. Tim Duncan surely won’t have another flat night from the field, but nobody thought he would in Game 3 either. But, just for kicks – Spurs win tonight, Lakers take Game 6 back in Cali and then…. the Lakers steal Game 7 on the road.

- Whatever happened to that guy who won ESPN’s Dream Job? Weren’t they going to give him an on-air contract? Yet, he’s had less face time on the network than Chris Berman.

- - Why is everybody in such a tizzy about teams intentionally walking Barry Bonds? Giants players complain about it, columnists are suggesting new rules to get around this (yeah, like pitchers then wouldn’t throw four “non-intentional” balls out of the strike zone) and fans complain that they don’t get to see the best player in baseball hit.
There is a solution to this problem, and it’s not a rule-change. THE GUYS BELOW BONDS IN THE BATTING ORDER NEED TO HIT. There’s a reason Barry wasn’t intentionally walked like this in his 73 homerun year. He had Jeff Kent behind him. If Bonds was on-base every time, Kent would have driven him in. This year, Edgardo Alfonzo and company have left Bonds on base 50 out of 67 times. It’s their fault that Bonds gets walked so much. If they could hit a little, then pitchers might be forced to throw Bonds something hittable.

- The Pacers scored two more points in the first quarter than the Timberwolves scored in the entire first-half. And by the way, Kevin Garnett shouldn’t have been the NBA MVP. You think it was just coincidence that Garnett had a great season when Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell showed up in town? Either Tim Duncan should have won, or my pre-season favorite: Etan Thomas.

- In NBA circles, bashing Chris Webber has become the new black. And with good reason. He looks like he doesn’t care when he’s on the court and his hustle is reminiscent of Manny Ramirez running out a ground ball. He dropped 28 last night on the T-Wolves, but you could see the sense of relief on C. Webb’s face when it became apparent that he wouldn’t have to handle the ball in any late-game situations. A few days ago I wrote about Byung-Hyun Kim’s inability to get over the two World Series homeruns he gave up. Conversely, Webber still can’t escape the memories of his time-out against UNC in the 1993 NCAA Championship Game (which only happened because the refs missed a blatant walk by Webber in the backcourt.) Webber has been battling injuries for most of the last three years. He is still a top-notch player when he wants to be, it’s just that most of the time, he looks like he wishes he was somewhere else.

- Peter King reports that Redskins draftee Sean Taylor doesn’t want to be a Washington Redskin. I think that the allure of a $15 million signing bonus will quickly change Taylor’s mind, but I can’t help but think how he’d be reacting now if the Skins had passed on him and he had to play in Cleveland. It’s a toss-up, I guess. Playing in the nation’s capitol under a Hall-of-Fame coach or playing on the Cuyahoga River under a guy named Butch. Hmmmmmm…

Interesting Tidbits from ESPN.com’s Baseball Page

- Ron Belliard (.383) and Melvin Mora (.372) are leading the American League in batting average. This is kind of like if Obinna Ekezie and Kendall Gill lead the NBA in scoring.

- Jarrod Washburn has as many wins (6), with a 5.14 ERA then the top four ERA leaders – Freddy Garcia (1 win, 2.11 ERA), C.C. Sabathia (1, 2.34), Jake Westbrook (2, 2.67) and Tim Wakefield (2, 2.75) - have combined. Reason #38 that the Win is the most overrated statistic in baseball.

- Julio Franco is the leading 45-year old hitter in baseball, which is as much of a compliment as saying that Keanu Reeves is the best actor named Keanu.

- This season the Houston Astros will pay Richard Hidalgo $12.5 million. Hidalgo parlayed one of the all-time great steroid-aided seasons (44 HR’s, 122 RBI – career highs by 16 and 34, respectively) into that huge contract. Now the Astros are stuck doling out 18% of their total payroll to a solid, but unspectacular, right-fielder. Look at it this way: Hidalgo makes more money then Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite, Morgan Ensberg, Adam Everett and Brad Ausmus combined. It could be worse, the Mets are paying Mo Vaughn $17.5 million this season to eat Krispy Kremes.

- If you squint enough, Jayson Stark looks like he could have been on The Brady Bunch as a youngster.

- It’s official. The Yankees are interested in acquiring every single player in baseball.

- Getting off-topic for a minute, I’m watching the Astros-Marlins game on my Extra Innings package and two things come to mind: 1) I still can’t believe Shawn Estes couldn’t hit Roger Clemens in that Mets-Yankees game a few years ago when it was Clemens first at-bat against the Mets since he threw a broken bat at Mike Piazza in the 2000 World Series. Everybody in the stadium knew Estes was trying to hit him, but then he completely missed. He threw behind him! What, was he auditioning for the role of Rick Vaughn in Major League: The Musical? and 2) Juan Pierre always looks like he is being fast-forwarded.

- The Arizona Diamondbacks, Kansas City Royals and Montreal Expos are a combined 29 games under-.500. So that means you should expect to be seeing two of the following three players – Randy Johnson, Carlos Beltran, Jose Vidro - wear pinstripes before the season is over. Somewhere, in his underground lair in Tampa, George Steinbrenner is laughing maniacally like Dr. Claw in Inspector Gadget.

- Speaking of Inspector Gadget, there are three C-Spans, a food network, about 40 Discovery Channels and you’re telling me somebody, somewhere can’t fork over some dough for a classic cartoon channel? Think of the afternoon/evening lineup:

3:00 p.m.. – The Smurfs
3:30 p.m. – Snorks
4:00 p.m. – He-Man
4:30 p.m. – Muppet Babies
5:00 p.m. – Ducktales
5:30 p.m. – The Flinstones
6:00 p.m. – The Jetsons
6:30 p.m. – Alvin and the Chipmunks
7:00 p.m. – G.I. Joe
7:30 p.m. – Thundercats
8:00 p.m. – Transformers
8:30 p.m. – Inspector Gadget
9:00 p.m. – Garfield and Friends
9:30 p.m. – MASK
10:00 p.m. – Scooby Doo
10:30 p.m. – Fat Albert

Come on. Who wouldn’t watch that? People would be taking off work for He-Man marathons and TiVo sales would skyrocket because people would be waiting for that episode of Alvin and the Chipmunks where Mr. T guest starred and they all formed an animated A-Team. Man that was awesome.

BK: Not Having It His Way

It’s about time.
After getting torched again last night, Red Sox pitcher Byung-Hyun Kim has finally been dropped from the BoSox rotation. Bronson Arroyo will replace the embattled Kim as the Sox fifth starter, and Theo Epstein and the rest of the Boston front-office will decide whether to send Kim to the bullpen, to Pawtucket or to the team’s rehab center in Florida.
The demotion came after Kim got shelled last night at Fenway. And whether it was because of his injury (his fastball topped out at 86 mph) or his mental makeup (Kim gets more nervous under pressure than Ray Finkle), BK has never lived up the grand expectations that came with him from South Korea.
The Sox traded for Kim last spring (for Shea Hillenbrand) and since coming to Boston, Kim has been a decent pitcher (ERA in the mid-3’s, 9-6 record, 16 saves), but has hardly become the star he was projected to be.
Granted, Kim is still only 25 and is coming off a stint on the DL because of inflammation in his pitching shoulder. But the young Korean has more problems than loss of velocity and some soreness in his arm.
This is the same pitcher who gave up game-winning homeruns on back-to-back nights in Yankee Stadium during the 2001 World Series, then rebounded from that with an All-Star season in 2002, only to fall apart late last season with the Sox (a season that ended with BK flipping the bird to the fans in Fenway and getting left off the team’s ALCS roster.)
Since 2001 Kim has shown flashes of why he was considered the best Korean prospect in history when the Diamondbacks signed him in 1999, but more often than not, he looks like a shell-shocked war vet when opposing teams start getting hits off him.
Last night when he gave up two runs in the first inning (off line-drives that nailed the Monster) and only got outs on deep fly balls, it was obvious that Kim was done for the night. He lasted only 2 1/3 more innings and his final pitching line looked like the winning Powerball numbers.
It’s apparent that Kim is still smarting from those World Series homeruns that are looking more and more like they will be the defining moments of his career.
After giving up the game-winning homerun to Derek Jeter in Game 4 of that World Series (which came after serving up a gopher-ball to Tino Martinez two innings earlier), Bob Brenley put Kim into Game 5 in another save situation, in which he promptly gave up a game-tying homerun to Scott Brosius.
Thank goodness for Brenley that the Diamondbacks were able to score runs off Mariano Rivera in Game 7 of that Series to take home the title. Because if the Yankees had managed to win that series, Brenley’s name would be up there with Grady Little in the Pantheon of all-time managing blunders.
Kim should never have been put back in Game 5. And no, this is not one of those “hindsight is 20/20 deals”, I was going nuts about this when Brenley put Kim in the game back in November of 2001. A pivotal game of the World Series isn’t a time to build up a young pitcher’s confidence. But that’s what Brenley did, and in the process, he shattered it even more.
The knock on Kim has always been that he is immature (the one-finger salute at Fenway and a recent arrest in Korea for allegedly assaulting a photographer proves that). But he is now 25 years old and that excuse is wearing thin.
Kim still has a chance to become a great pitcher in this league. Once his arm heals the Red Sox need to put him back in the bullpen as a middle-reliever and keep him there until he builds some sort of confidence in his pitching. Maybe then they can think about putting him back in the rotation.
Some pitchers have never recover from giving up big homeruns (Mitch Williams and in the most extreme example, Donnie Moore, who killed himself a few years after Dave Henderson hit a go-ahead homerun in the 1986 ALCS), but others like Dennis Eckersley and Goose Gossage have.
The next two seasons will determine which list Kim’s name belongs upon.