Headline Review

Dirk Nowitzki blasts Erick Dampier
Wait, are you telling me that Erick Dampier isn't deserving of the 7-year, $73 million contract he received from Mark Cuban last summer? I'm in shock! I thought that career averages of 8.3 points and 7.9 rebounds per game usually indicated that a 20/10 season was near! Alls I can say about this one is: Wow. If Erick Dampier can't play ball, then what hope do the rest of us have?
By the way, how pathetic is it that Dampier's 15 and 12 performance in Game 2 is cause for mass celebration in Dallas. It's nice that Dallasians (?)... Dallasers (?)... Dallasinos (?)... Dallasinians (?)... ummm, how about Dallas residents... yeah, that works. Anyway, it's nice that Dallas residents have lowered their expectations for Dampier enough to be thrilled when he scores like Eddie Jones and rebounds like Udonis Haslem.
But, I guess scoring 15 is better than putting up a goose egg, so maybe Dirk's comments (for those that haven't heard the clip, Nowitzki really laid into Dampier) weren't as stupid as Erick (speaking of stupid, spelling Eric with a "c" and a "k" is the first-name equivalent of New Coke) orginially thought.

Bullets decide not to reinstate Kwame Brown
First, let me say that I stood and applauded when I heard Eddie Jordan and Ernie Grunfeld weren't going to cave-in and allow Kwame Brown to rejoin the Bullets for their final two or three games against Miami, despite an injured list that would make the Red Sox pitching staff look healthy.
Actually I didn't stand, and I really didn't applaud, but I could have.
To let Kwame back on the team would be a cowardly and desperate move, one that would totally invalidate the whole reason for suspending him in the first place. I find it quite amusing that the same people who were ripping Kwame's game, work ethic, mental state, choice of hairstyles, favorite American Idol contestant and brand of deoderant, now think that he could come in against Shaquille O'Freakin'Neal and have impact beyond his allotment of six fouls.
What, in the last six days did Kwame work on his 15-footer, post-up moves and defense while going to therapy to figure out why he's such a basketball punk? Did he meet up with Dorothy and travel to the merry old land of Oz to get a heart from the guy behind the curtain?
Why does any rational person think that Kwame would have any effect on the series other than to provide TNT with the obligatory "sourpuss face on the bench" camera shots they seem to love?

Jeffrey Lurie says Owens contract will not be changed
It's not often I praise the Bullets and Eagles, let alone in the same post, but I have to say; I've gained a lot of respect for the Eagles organization over the past few days due to their unwillingness to cave on T.O. and Drew Rosenhaus' ridiculous contract demands.
Good for Andy Reid for sticking to his principles. Good for Donovan McNabb for standing up to Owens, which Jeff Garcia could never do. Good for Jeffrey Lurie for looking a lot like Lorne Michaels.
This is why the Eagles have been to four straight NFC Championship games (I'm drawing a blank on how many Super Bowl's they've won in that span... or ever for that matter) and the Redskins have been to the playoffs once since 1992.

Will Jason Giambi be sent down to the minors?
Over the past three days I've been coming to grip with Tony Danza's near-death experience.
Finally, I realized the only way I can move on is if Jason Giambi is sent to the minors. The joy of seeing that shrunken-headed, willowy-framed cheater getting schooled by a guy wearing a jersey with "Mud Hens" across the chest would make me forget about the terrifying sight of America's most beloved Pizan flipping over in a go-kart as his luscious head of hair scraped the ground.
Just like with the Bullets and Kwame Brown, the Yankees are making a pretty big assumption that sending Giambi to the minors would actually be beneficial. It's a calculated risk.
Ideally (for the Yankees... tragically for humanity) Giambi would find his rhythm against AAA pitching and would gain the confidence he hasn't had since he stopped sticking a needle in his ass.
But what if it backfires?
What if Giambi sucks as much in AAA as he does in the majors? He's struggled against fourth and fifth starters this season; the same types of pitchers he'd face in AAA. If he hits .230 in Columbus, what doe the Yanks do then, send Giambi to AA and then if that doesn't work, the California Penal League?

Dave Chappelle checks into South African mental hospital
Its increasingly looking as if the third season of Chappelle's Show might turn into a mind-altering creative struggle like Brian Wilson had with Smile, the planned follow-up to Pet Sounds.
Wilson literally lost his mind during the Smile sessions back in the mid-'60s and the album wasn't released until last year as a Wilson solo project.
Pet Sounds came out in 1966, so at this rate look for the third season of Chapelle's Show to come out in 2042 when Dave Chapelle is 69. (By the way, Pet Sounds came out on May 16, 1966, the same day Bob Dylan released his seminal album Blonde on Blonde and just three months before The Beatles put out Revolver. Man, what a year for music. The only other year that comes closes is 1999 when Limp Bizkit released Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water and Backstreet Boys chipped in with Black and Blue. The turn of the century... ahhh, what a magical time to be alive.)
Anyway, how can Chappelle and longtime writing partner Neal Brennan possibly be expected to follow-up a season that included Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories, a Day in the Life of Lil‚' Jon, the classic Prince sketch and the wildly underrated season opener? That's like a comedic "Sloop John B"/"God Only Knows" 1-2 punch right there.
No wonder he's cracked under the pressure.
Actually, nobody really knows if Chappelle actually is in a mental institution and many rumors abound as to what the real reason behind the delay of the third season of Chappelle's Show (no doubt spurred on by a provocative Newsweek article about Chappelle entitled "Fears of a Clown" and the Entertainment Weekly report.)
I'm not buying the rehab excuse though. Rehab is a badge of honor in Hollywood and going to the Betty Ford Clinic to dry out is a lot better than admitting that the pressure of coming up with new material caused a freak out.
I saw Chappelle at The Improv in D.C. last April, at the height of the second season publicity. Other than looking real blazed, he looked comfortable on stage.
Maybe he's smoked too much weed or done too much coke, or maybe he let the reported $50 million contract he signed with Comedy Central get too him. Perhaps the burden of having a show before comic genius Jon Stewart is what made Chappelle lose it.
Either way, I wish Dave Chappelle well and hope he can get his life back together. Jason Giambi on the other hand...