Monday Afternoon Cornerback

The Washington Redskins’ dominant 52-17 win over San Francisco last week counted the same in the standings as their ugly 9-7 victory over Chicago. And, just like their last-second losses to Denver and Kansas City, the 36-0 drubbing the ‘Skins suffered yesterday at the hands of the New York Giants is just one tally in the loss column; the only silver lining for the team on an otherwise dreadful afternoon of football.
In their biggest game since 2000, Washington laid an egg at the Meadowlands. Missed tackles, dropped passes, turnovers, blown coverages, more missed tackles and a lack of any semblance of an offense doomed the Redskins and leaves the team reeling headed into their first NFC East home game of 2005.
Tiki Barber set the tone early yesterday, scampering 57 yards on the Giants first play from scrimmage thanks to one of Sean Taylor’s many missed tackles on the afternoon. The defense couldn’t stop Barber, who could have challenged the NFL single-game rushing record had he stayed in the game. His career-high 206 yards rushing came on just 24 carries, for a whopping 8.5 yards per carry. With those numbers, you’d figure Eli Manning must have taken advantage of a defense hell-bent on stopping the run, but Manning posted pedestrian totals (12/31, 146 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT), yet another sign that last week’s hype was a little premature.
If Washington’s defense was bad, the team’s offense was horrendous. Clinton Portis ran for a career-low nine yards on just four carries (he left the game due to injury in the second half) and Mark Brunell looked like the 2004 Mark Brunell, which indicates that perhaps the calf injury he suffered during practice last week was more serious than anyone had anticipated. However, unlike his opponent next weekend, Brunell refuses to answer questions about his injuries, so we’ll never know whether there was an excuse for his poor play.
The death of NFL legend Wellington Mara was mentioned repeatedly yesterday as a factor in the Giants blowout win, but while Mara’s passing certainly affected the Giants, the importance of it on the field yesterday was overstated. Maybe Tiki Barber, Jeremy Shockey and Michael Strahan had a little something extra in their step yesterday, but that didn’t cause the Redskins defense to miss tackles on nearly every play, nor the offense to fumble the ball on routine hits, drop eight passes and not open up any holes on the offensive line. Make no mistake, the Giants played well yesterday, but their 36-0 win was more of a result of a pathetic Redskins effort rather than a sublime New York one.
In the coming week, the Redskins will hear the two most overused words in the NFL, “must win”, often, but need to be careful not to buy into them too much It’s true, the game against Philadelphia next Sunday night at FedEx Field is big, but is hardly a “must win.”
Washington has gone through the toughest part of their schedule and emerged with a 4-3 record. There are only two “gimmies” left (vs. Oakland and at Arizona), but, except for the season finale in Philadelphia, each of the team’s remaining big games are at home. (The ‘Skins have played four of their five toughest road games already – at Dallas, Denver, Kansas City and New York; only the Philly game remains.)
This Sunday’s game is crucial for the Redskins and will tell a lot about the team: Was their pathetic effort yesterday an anomaly or the sign of things to come? Can they get back in the NFC East race, or will they spend the days leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmas trying to claw their way into a Wild Card spot? Those answers will be much clearer late Sunday night after the Redskins play a game that, while not necessarily a “must win”, is certainly a “must show up.”


Sunday Superlatives
Game of the Day: Chicago 19 – Detroit 13 (OT)
Was anybody else amazed the Bears won yesterday’s game on an interception return for a touchdown in overtime and it wasn’t Mike Brown who did it? Maybe after another sterling effort Charles Tillman and the Bears defense will get the credit they deserve.
With upcoming games against the Saints and 49ers, Chicago could put some distance between them and the Lions in the NFC North.

Upset of the Day: San Francisco 15 – Tampa Bay 10
There’s a reason the Bucs have been #15 in The Chaz Rankings despite a 5-1 record. Cadillac Williams is clearly not well, and without a rushing attack, the Bucs have no chance of doing anything offensively, particularly with Chris Simms and Tim Rattay at the top of the depth chart.
Of Tampa’s nine remaining games, seven are against teams currently with a winning record. The other two are against the Saints. Translation: Tampa is 5-2 en route to 7-9.

Player of the Day: Jake Plummer, QB, Denver
Years from now, football historians will look back at the 2004 All-Pro teams and wonder how the hell Lito Sheppard was on it. Same goes for Champ Bailey in 2002 and 2003.

Ryan Leaf Line of the Day: Clinton Portis – 4 att, 9 yds
Against the 31st ranked defense in the NFL, Portis had his worst day as a professional.

Faulk Fantasy Player of Day: Tiki Barber – 206 rsh yds, 1 TD – 26 fantasy points
Every year guys like Domanick Davis and Rudi Johnson sit near the top of people’s fantasy draft boards, while proven talents like Edgerrin James and Tiki Barber are passed over. Those two guys are the most underrated backs in the NFL; it’s no surprise both are near the top of the league in rushing yardage (Edge is #1, Barber #7).
Honorable Mention: Steve Smith – 201 rec yds, 20 rsh yds, 1 TD – 26 fantasy points - I’d like to get real statistics on this, but I’d bet that 90% on fantasy owners with Steve Smith on their roster are at, or near, the top of their leagues.
Honorable Mention II: Antonio Gates – 145 rec yds, 3 TD – 32 fantasy points - Gates is the real player of the day, but I totally forgot about him until about two seconds before hitting “Publish”.

Boldin Fantasy Player of Day: Fred Taylor – 165 rsh yds, 1 TD (71) – 26 fantasy points
I got back from a wedding at 12:45 yesterday, leaving me just five minutes to make my roster moves for the week. (Yes, I could have done this during the week, but procrastination is my drug of choice.) While in my hotel room in the morning I saw “Fred Taylor – Questionable” crawl across the screen dozens of times which concerned me, because all week Taylor had been listed as probable. I made a few calls to people I knew would be watching ESPN as I drove home, but nobody could confirm or deny Taylor’s playing status. When I finally got in front of a computer at 12:45 I made the decision to stick with Taylor… Until 12:49 when I bitched out and benched him in favor of… wait for it… Travis Henry (1 carry, 2 yards).

Fantasy Bust of Day: Priest Holmes – 38 rsh yds, 15 rec yds – 4 fantasy points
Against a Chargers D that let Pittsburgh run all over it, Priest couldn’t get much done with his Chiefs down for most of the game.

Predictions
My blurb about the Jags/Rams game from last Friday:

Why am I tempted to take St. Louis here? Jacksonville is 3rd in the Chaz Rankings and I rip on the Rams more than Mike Rumph. Factor in injuries to Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, Issac Bruce and interim coach Joe Vitt (who has a name and face that says “Jersey Teamster” rather than “NFL head coach”), and this shouldn’t even be close. Still, one can never underestimate the magnitude of Mike Martz’s absence. It’d be like if Horatio Sanz left Saturday Night Live. At first, it might seem like a big deal, but after a while you realize all either one of them brought to the table were a bunch stupid grins and an overinflated sense of self-importance.
Pick: Jacksonville (If they lose, I’ll feel bad for not picking St. Louis. If I pick St. Louis and they end up losing, well then I’ll just feel like a fool, which, I suppose, would let me know what it’s like to be Mike Martz for a few hours.)

If I didn’t live in constant fear of being a fool, I would have finished the day 11-2 instead of 10-3.

The Chaz Rankings: Top Two
1) Indianapolis Colts - The Colts must have been licking their chops as they watched Buffalo outplay New England last night.
2) Pittsburgh Steelers - The Steelers must be licking their chops as they watch Anthony Wright warm-up for the Ravens tonight.

Who I Like On Halloween and I Certainly Don’t Mean People Wearing Burger King Masks
Sporting events on television are not required to carry a content rating, but because Anthony Wright is starting tonight for the Ravens, the NFL and ABC executives have agreed to change the rule and gave this game a TV-M. Steelers in a rout, 38-13.

NFL Picks: Week 8

Cleveland at Houston
Texans officials considered honoring the N.L. champion Astros in a pre-game ceremony but became worried that after the team took the field, Morgan Ensberg would leave them stranded.
Pick: Houston

Arizona at Dallas
Arizona officials are quietly hoping J.J. Arrington takes a hint from Harriet Miers and withdraws his nomination as Cardinals starting running back.
Pick: Dallas

Green Bay at Cincinnati
Desperate for a receiver, Packers GM Ted Thompson brought Freddie Mitchell, Antonio Freeman and Chad Johnson’s dentist, Uncle Manny, into Packers practice this week for tryouts.
Pick: Cincinnati

Washington at New York Giants
This morning’s SportsCenter featured a piece on the Giants “explosive” offense. As with most Eli Manning-slurp pieces appearing in the past few days, this one mentioned the Giants are the highest scoring team in the NFL and jumped to the conclusion that this was due to a great offense without providing any other piece of supporting evidence. There’s a reason this happened; no other statistics back-up the assertion that the Giants offense is the best in the NFL.
New York ranks just 15th in the NFL in total offense; 13th in passing and 17th in rushing. Their offensive touchdown total (18, good for 7th in the NFL) and third-down conversion rate (39%, 10th) are decent enough, but similar to the rankings of teams like Washington, Seattle, Cincinnati, New England and St. Louis, each of whom gain 35 more yards per game than New York. The Redskins rank ahead of the Giants in every offensive category except touchdowns (where they have just two less).
So why is everyone hyping the Giants offense as the best in football despite overwhelming evidence which suggests they are just in the top ten, at best? For the same reason the G-Men will play nine home games this year; New York bias.
If Eli Manning were on any other team and had any other name, his pedestrian numbers (13th in NFL passer rating) would be viewed as in-line with what a #1 pick should be doing in his second season. Because Eli is in the Big Apple, however, everything he does is ridiculously magnified and given extra importance.
That comeback last weekend? David Carr had one just like it in his second season on the road against Kansas City, en route to a 4-3 start for the Texans. After that game, Carr got about 1/10th of the press Manning currently is.
Look at it this way; a team with the 15th ranked offense and 31st ranked defense is playing a team with rankings of #2 and #4 in those same categories. Who do you think is going to win?
Pick: Washington

Chicago at Detroit
These two teams finishing up their home-and-home series in October is the equivalent of baseball scheduling all 19 Red Sox-Yankees games before Memorial Day. For shame!
Pick: Chicago

Oakland at Tennessee
It’s hard to believe, but these two teams met in the AFC Championship game just 33 months ago. Actually, what’s really hard to believe is that Norv (56-74-1) Turner received another chance to coach in the NFL after leading the Redskins to unprecedented levels of mediocrity. Maybe Norv and Ben Affleck can hang out after Turner gets canned this off-season.
Pick: Oakland

Minnesota at Carolina
Brighter days seem afoot in Minnesota. After beating the Packers last weekend, the team was today informed that no Vikings player or coach was named in the CIA leak indictments. Score: Vikings 1 – The Man 0.
Pick: Carolina

Jacksonville at St. Louis
Why am I tempted to take St. Louis here? Jacksonville is 3rd in the Chaz Rankings and I rip on the Rams more than Mike Rumph. Factor in injuries to Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, Issac Bruce and interim coach Joe Vitt (who has a name and face that says “Jersey Teamster” rather than “NFL head coach”), and this shouldn’t even be close. Still, one can never underestimate the magnitude of Mike Martz’s absence. It’d be like if Horatio Sanz left Saturday Night Live. At first, it might seem like a big deal, but after a while you realize all either one of them brought to the table were a bunch stupid grins and an overinflated sense of self-importance.
Pick: Jacksonville (If they lose, I’ll feel bad for not picking St. Louis. If I pick St. Louis and they end up losing, well then I’ll just feel like a fool, which, I suppose, would let me know what it’s like to be Mike Martz for a few hours.)

Miami at New Orleans
Come to think of it, for all I know Horatio Sanz could be off SNL. After all, it wasn’t until Marcus Camby got in hot water for his “stipend” comment that I realized Marcus Camby was still in the NBA.
Pick: Miami

Kansas City at San Diego
Is anyone else creeped out by the new set of Greek alphabet hurricane names? Hurricanes are always scary, even if they have some benign name like Fran or Stewart. But a Hurricane Gamma? Man, that just scares the beejeezus out of me. It sounds like a hurricane robot or something. God forbid we ever get to Hurricane Omega. We might as well call the four horseman of the apocalypse and save the hurricane the trouble. And I don’t get the whole “once we run out of names we go to the Greek alphabet” thing. What, there aren’t enough names to make a new list? Until there’s a Hurricane Craphonso, let’s stick to good ol’ American names and leave the Greeks out of this.
Pick: San Diego

Tampa Bay at San Francisco
I wonder if former Miami players talk to Ken Dorsey after they play against him or attempt to ignore their old QB by acting like they don’t see him coming over. Somebody needs to tell Bob Ley to get on this, pronto.
Pick: Tampa Bay

Philadelphia at Denver
The difference between Donovan McNabb and Jake Plummer’s mustache? Both have sports hernias, but only McNabb talks about it at every opportunity.
Pick: Denver

Buffalo at New England
Just think of how much better the Patriots would be if Eli Manning was their quarterback.
Pick: New England

Last Week: 10-4
Season: 69-33

The Ten Foot Pole

Normally, I wouldn’t touch topics like race and sexuality with a ten foot pole. But today’s Washington Post sports page included three stories on these subjects, so I figured it was time to quickly get my pole out of the garage and put it back just as quickly. After today’s serious topics, I guarantee I’ll be back to making fun of Eli Manning and Norv Turner tomorrow. Promise.

Sheryl Swoopes Says She’s Gay
WNBA fans fall into one of two categories: Pre-teen girls and lesbians. The league has little trouble marketing to the former but has been confused about how to cater to the latter. It’s a tricky question, to be sure. How do you cater to your most loyal fans (gay women) while not alienating your biggest potential market (young girls and their families?)
That line becomes even more blurred with Swoopes announcement. Swoopes, arguably the greatest and most recognizable player ever to play in the WNBA, became the league’s top star in its early days and much of the first marketing campaigns centered around her. When Swoopes had a child and then returned to the floor, the WNBA played up the fact that their reigning MVP was a loving mother and wife. Now, the league will struggle with how to address, if it all, Swoopes sexual preference.
Either way, it won’t matter because the WNBA is such a non-factor in the world of sports. Some might look at it as a wonderful reflection on our society when a person’s homosexuality doesn’t cause an uproar, but in this case the lack of shock of Swoopes announcement is based more on a general apathy towards a floundering basketball league than any sort of progressive thinking.
The WNBA is hanging on by a thread and would have folded years ago if David Stern didn’t force NBA owners to keep it afloat. The league’s games get miniscule ratings and even in cities with a team, high school football gets more coverage in newspapers. Swoopes was brave to come out, but it’s important to remember, it’s still the WNBA.
How this will affect the league is anyone’s guess. The WNBA has always had the unfair (and, frankly, sexist) stigma of a “lesbian league” (which seems to suggest that only gay women can become good athletes, a knock on both them and heterosexual women in this country) and Swoopes coming out will do little to change that. Whether there is a higher proportion of gays in the WNBA than in the male professional leagues is open to debate (I’d guess that there probably are more in the WNBA, but not by as much as most people would think), but clearly the women in the league will have much less of a problem with an openly gay teammate than men would. This is why Swoopes announcement is a good thing for gay women and the WNBA, but will have little effect on closeted male athletes currently in professional sports leagues.
One more thing, in most news reports about Swoopes announcement, it has been stated she’s the most recognizable female athlete to ever announce she is gay. This is a strange statement of hyperbole for two reasons:
1) I’d guess only 20% of the population could pick Sheryl Swoopes out of a lineup. And perhaps 40% would recognize her name. And I’m really being generous with those percentages. Most people probably don’t know who Cheryl Miller is, and she’s the most recognizable female basketball player ever. (Did Sheryl Swoopes ever get name-dropped on Seinfeld?)
2) Has everyone forgotten about Martina Navratilova? She came out during her heyday and was infinitely more famous than Sheryl Swoopes. Everyone should follow the lead of the AP wire story on Swoopes which correctly calls her, “the most recognizable athlete to come out in team sports” (emphasis mine).

Air Force Coach DeBarry Reprimanded For Remarks
When Michael Wilbon declares a racially-charged story to be worthless, everyone should take a hint and drop it. Wilbon writes eloquently and thoughtfully about race quite often in his Washington Post column. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I disagree, but I always read, think and try to look at things from the perspective of someone who would know better than me.
Reading Wilbon all my life, listening to his appearances on Tony Kornheiser’s radio show for a decade and watching PTI since it debuted four years ago, I’ve grown a sense of what Wilbon will find racist and what he won’t. Which is why yesterday, when I saw the caption “Air Force’ on the PTI sidebar, there was no doubt which side of the fence Wilbon would be on in this ridiculous story.
A quick recap: In his press conference after a 48-10 loss to TCU, Air Force football coach Fisher DeBarry said:

[They] had a lot more Afro-American players than we did and they ran a lot faster than we did.
It just seems to me to be that way. Afro-American kids can run very well. That doesn't mean that Caucasian kids and other descents can't run, but it's very obvious to me that they run extremely well.

Gentleman, start your outrage! Let’s go over DeBarry’s quote piece-by-piece.
- TCU has more black players. Check.
- TCU ran a lot faster than Air Force. Check.
- Black players run very well. Well, except for the offensive lineman. 5/6th check!
- It doesn’t mean white kids or any other race can’t run well, but it’s clear black kids run extremely well. Umm, what exactly is wrong about this statement?
I didn’t realize that we, as a society, had become so touchy about race that people can’t make factual statements about the subject.
Look at the top two receivers and cornerbacks for each NFL team, the two positions where speed is said to count the most. Of those 128 players, how many are not black? Off the top of my head, I can’t think of any corners and for receivers, only Brian Finneran, Joe Jurevicius and Drew Bennett come to mind. Let’s say I forgot about one or two players (and I’m not talking about current starters either, Kevin Curtis doesn’t count because he’s behind Torry Holt and Issac Bruce on the depth chart), which would mean that only five of the 128 players (4%) at two speed positions are white. If I didn’t forget about anyone, the percentage would drop to 2% (3/128).
So why, exactly, are people up in arms about DeBarry’s comment? He didn’t say white kids couldn’t be fast. He didn’t make irresponsible genetic assumptions about why black kids were faster. He just said that, in general, black kids were faster than white kids and those of other descents.
Yesterday, the vice-president of the Black Coaches Association was on Sportscenter and said that, in an emergency meeting called by the BCA, they recommended that DeBarry be reprimanded and choose his words more carefully, which indicates to me that the BCA had nothing better to do yesterday.
Get over it. Just because somebody brings up race doesn't mean they're automatically making a racist statement.

Aaron Upset At Astros’ Lack of African-Americans
The Houston Astros became the first World Series team since 1953 without an African-American player on their active roster. This makes Hank Aaron and Joe Morgan upset, and rightfully so. Unfortunately, Aaron and Morgan are upset with the wrong people.
“It is very disturbing to see something like this,” Aaron said. “You would think that [the Astros] could find at least one or two African-Americans, especially in this city.”
Aaron’s original sentiment is understandable. The decline of black players in baseball is a disturbing trend. But to blame the Astros for not opening a roster spot for a black player, simply because of his race, is an irresponsible statement.
It’s not the job of the Houston Astros to put together a diverse lineup. It’s the GM’s role to put together the best lineup possible within the budget. If a black player fit a needed role, the Astros would no doubt pick him up. But that’s difficult to do when only 9% of players on opening day rosters were black.
The Baltimore Orioles had zero black players on their opening day roster. The Boston Red Sox had just one the same as Aaron's old team, the Atlanta Braves.
So clearly, the problem isn’t just with the Houston Astros, it’s with baseball's lack of importance in the black community. Black kids don’t dream of playing major league baseball; the NBA and NFL, in that order, are the goals. And it makes sense.
Basketball is easy to play on a tight budget. All you need is a ball and a hoop and you can play all day. With one other person you have one-on-one and so on. But baseball requires a handful of players, a bat, a ball, gloves for at least half the players and a field. The equipment is tough to come by, the field is even tougher. Whereas basketball courts need little upkeep (once they’re created, all you have to do is replace a net every once in a while - and you don’t even need to do that), baseball fields need constant supervision and a lot of space. That’s tough to come by in any place, let alone in cities and the deep south where a vast majority of the nation’s 35 million African-American reside.
Plus, baseball isn’t nearly as exciting as basketball and football and is much more difficult to get started in. A top baseball draft choice will play in the minor leagues for two or three years. The top picks in basketball and football get playing time almost immediately.
Hopefully the rise of young black stars like Dontrelle Willis, C.C. Sabathia, Justin Upton and Prince Fielder will spark a resurgence in the game’s popularity among black kids. If not, the Houston Astros will be the first of many teams in the coming years to play in a World Series without a black player.

Damn! Skip Bayless Is An Idiot

On his good days, ESPN.com columnist Skip Bayless makes Mike Wise look like Red Smith. On his bad days, Bayless is the worst sportswriter in America.
Yesterday was a bad day. Bayless wrote a sonnet to Giants quarterback Eli Manning on ESPN.com after Manning’s decidedly unspectacular 23/42 performance against a broken down Broncos secondary.
Unlike other odes to Eli written this week, which I might disagree with yet don’t contain any factual statements, the column by Bayless is a mess of contradictions, misstatements, lies and terrible writing. I’ll ignore the latter (let’s just say Bayless went with the obvious “Eli’s Comin” lead, but failed miserably with its execution) and instead focus on the former.
If Bayless wants to have a man-crush on Eli, that’s fine. Just don’t make ridiculous statements while doing so. At least Peter King acknowledges he’s in love with the crybaby hick and writes his absurd opinions about how great Manning is, not absurd statements of fact.
So without further adieu, some excerpts from Skip Bayless’s epic “Damn! Did you see that?”:

But Eli whipped what was basically a no-look pass, ducking as he fired to where he thought Amani Toomer was headed. This was no safe throw to a corner of the end zone. This one was aimed right down the middle, where several white-jerseyed Broncos might be able to get a hand on it.

In no possible way can anyone make a straight-faced claim that Eli Manning "whipped" the ball to Amani Toomer on the last play of that game. Manning's ball stayed in the air longer than a trans-Atlantic flight, even his supporters would say that. And how was it "no-look"? Again, in an undebatable point, Manning was looking at Toomer the entire time he was backpedaling. The only reason he was backpedaling in the first place was to buy time to toss the ball to Amani who was, in fact, in the middle of a bunch of Broncos players, which is the first true statement Bayless makes, yet also totally undermines his point.
This is the problem with guys like him. They'll pump up the myth of a player by overstating their contribution to a play and everyone will believe it. This is why everyone thinks Michael Vick is a good NFL quarterback.

Eli, whose football IQ is approaching his big brother Peyton's, obviously knew that Toomer had attracted the most favorable matchup.

Eli is approaching Peyton's football IQ in the same way Cadillac Williams is approaching Emmitt Smith's career rushing record. Both have made strides towards someday MAYBE coming close, but at this point each are so far off any comparison is absurd. This is, again, something even Eli supporters wouldn't argue with. You can say Manning has matured over his first 14 starts. (He has.) You can say he's improved dramatically since last season. (He has.) But to say he's approaching Peyton's football IQ? Oh man, you're such an idiot Skip Bayless.
Also, how does realizing Toomer had the best match-up constitute a high football IQ? Especially considering Toomer DIDN'T have the best match-up.

With Champ Bailey, the NFL's best cover corner, all over Plaxico Burress, Toomer was being chased by rookie backup corner Domonique Foxworth, a third-round draft pick out of Maryland. Starter Darrent Williams had limped off a couple of plays earlier.

"The NFL's best cover corner" had been abused all day by an injured Plaxico Burress. "The NFL's best cover corner" consistently gets abused by the opposing team's best receiver. "The NFL's best cover corner" gets thrown on more than Manny Ramirez, a sure sign that NFL offensive coordinators would argue vehemently with your assertion that said "best cover corner" is actually "the NFL's best cover corner."

Toomer broke from the back of the end zone toward the goal line, rose into the chilly night and snagged Eli's bullet. And suddenly Giants Stadium went from "No, Eli," to "YES!"

"Eli's bullet?" Tim Wakefield’s knuckleball had more on it than “Eli’s bullet”. Do you think Skip Bayless actually watched the game or just heard about it from Woody Paige?

The NFL's offensive Play of the Day was New York-big for the Giants and their quarterback. They came back to beat, arguably, the NFL's second-best team (behind Indianapolis) after looking overmatched for three-plus quarters. And Eli pulled off something that his big brother hasn't been known for -- a last-ditch comeback.

Comebacks for quarterbacks are the most overrated things in sports. If Eli was so good, he never would have had to comeback in the first place.

But Eli announced his arrival with a last-second TD pass that stopped Denver's five-game winning streak.

No, I think Eli announced his arrival by crying like a bitch on draft day.

At times the kid just looks so passionless.

Except, of course, when refusing to play for the team that drafted him and petulantly demanding a trade, thus undermining the whole purpose behind the NFL draft.

This situation was why Eli told the San Diego Chargers he wouldn't play for them if they took him with the first overall pick. Several sources close to the Manning family say Eli was the one who wanted to force a trade to the Giants and "play the palace," as New York Times columnist Red Smith used to call playing for a New York team. This wasn't daddy's or big brother's game plan. This was Eli's.

Several sources close to the Manning family? I'm “several sources close to the Manning family” didn’t have any agenda when leaking info to a moron like Skip Bayless. I can just imagine the conversation.
Manning Source #1 - “Hey, let's call up Skip Bayless and tell him Archie played no part in Eli being a baby and refusing to play in San Diego; a team that proved him wrong by winning the AFC West last year without his whiny ass.”
Manning Source #2 - "But what about all the published reports that Archie did, in fact, orchestrate the whole thing."
Manning Source #1 - “This is Skip Bayless we're dealing with here, not Woodward and Bernstein. We could tell him Cooper is currently coaching the Rams and Bayless wouldn’t know. He stars on Cold Pizza for crap’s sake.

How many 22-year-olds would have the guts and vision to scare off the Chargers so he could subject himself to the ultimate pressure of playing in New York?

Playing for the Chargers would have taken guts. Wimping out because daddy said so took a 22-year old child with trace amounts of testosterone.

In that regard, it reminded you a little of Joe Montana's most famous completion, which became The Catch, made by Dwight Clark to beat Dallas for the 1981 NFC championship. Though that play began at the 6-yard line, Montana retreated so far with Too Tall Jones leaping in his face that the pass felt almost like a bomb.
Eli didn't just flip a swing pass to Tiki. No, he made this Montana-dramatic. He went back, back, back into history to launch his legend. No, Eli. YES!

Yes, you gigantic waste of space. The Broncos failing to cover Amani Toomer on an October day at Giants Stadium is the same thing as Joe Montana scrambling around and hitting Dwight Clark in the back of the endzone against a great Cowboys team as time expired in the NFC Championship Game.
Instead of making the easy, and ridiculous, John Elway link like most Eli-lovers did this week, Bayless instead opted to compare Manning’s final play, which more resembled Josh McCown finding Nathan Poole in the Cardinals last-second win over the Vikings in week 17 of the 2003 season, to the GREATEST PLAY IN NFL HISTORY.
Damn! Skip Bayless is an idiot.

The Chaz Rankings: Week 7

1) Indianapolis Colts (7-0, #1) - How soon are we away from the inevitable "Fact or Fiction: Eli Manning is better than his brother?" question on Sportscenter that Sean Salisbury will answer with a definitive "fact"? Ten days? Fifteen, max? It's going to happen this season, mark my words. Hopefully the follow-up will be "Fact or Fiction: The Colts blew it by taking Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf?"

2) Pittsburgh Steelers (4-2, #4) - Second-year pro Eli Manning is 5-8 as a starter in his career. Second-year pro Ben Roethlisberger is 17-1 as a starter in his career. To listen to anyone but Ron Jaworski and Dr. Z, you would be sure it was the other way around.

3) Jacksonville Jaguars (4-2, #6) - Maybe they don’t deserve to be #3, but Jacksonville is much better than you think. Plus, I need every bit of good karma for the Jags I can get since I’m forced to start Fred Taylor in my fantasy league this weekend.

4) Denver Broncos (5-2, #2) - Decisions, decisions… Do I harp on the pitiful play of Champ Bailey and the Denver secondary (who should be forced to watch every dope in the media proclaim Eli Manning the greatest tantrum-throwing, draft-avoiding quarterback since John Elway, since it was they who lost the game for the Broncos on Sunday. Seriously, how do they let Plaxico Burress catch that jump ball in the endzone, watch Jeremy Shockey get wide open on the game’s final drive and allow Manning’s final touchdown pass to stay in the air for 15 minutes and then softly land in Amani Toomer’s hands, despite five white jerseys being within one step of him? Did they sign Ade Jimoh, Mike Rumph and Stanley Richard or something?) or make the fairly obvious statement that the Broncos would be 6-1 and sitting comfortably atop the AFC East if Jake Plummer would stop pussyfooting around and shave the damn beard to reveal the magnificence that is his bewhiskered nose-tickler.

5) Kansas City Chiefs (4-2, #9) - We all know Priest plays well on Sundays, but was anyone aware Priest’s dominance also translated to Shabbos? I didn’t know if he was even going to be able to roll?

6) Washington Redskins (4-2, #10) - Before you call me a homer; Mike Ditka has ‘em ranked 4th. Seriously, the Washington Redskins are a good football team. Not great, but good. Maybe very good. This weekend in New Jersey will tell.
As for ranking them above the other NFC contenders; in addition to all the reasons I gave two weeks ago, only the ‘Skins are 4-0 in the conference.

7) Philadelphia Eagles (4-2, #5) - The Eagles are a lot like my ’91 Cadillac: They’re both one pothole away from the wheels coming off completely. At least the Eagles have a stereo and functional brakes though.

8) Atlanta Falcons (5-2, #8) - As The Wolfman noted last night, the highlight of last night’s Monday Night game was easily the Michael Vick player profile in which ABC asked Mr. Mexico about the strangest request he has ever received from a fan and the secret to dating two women at once. Actually, the highlight was John Madden’s subtle-as-a-2x4-follow-up-comment, “he lives life on the edge.” If by “on the edge” you mean “in between outbreaks,” then yes he does, John. Yes he does.

9) Carolina Panthers (4-2, #12) - You might inquire as to why the Panthers moved up three spots in the rankings despite having a bye week. I might respond, “how the hell should I know; Elvis had a #1 record last year and he’s been dead for 28 years. I don’t have control over the rankings, I just let them flow.”

10) San Diego Chargers (3-4, #3) - On December 8th of this year, Drew Brees will be 26 years old. Philip Rivers will be 25. So what exactly does, “looking ahead to the future mean?” If Brees is a competent quarterback (and that’s exactly what he appears to be), do you sacrifice the 2006 season (and one year of LaDainian Tomlinson’s prime, which will likely be as brief as it is for most running backs) just to find out whether Philip Rivers might be, say, 25% better? Doesn’t it make sense to ride Brees and unload Rivers while he still has some value? This isn’t a Jon Kitna/Carson Palmer situation either; Brees was one pick away from being a first rounder and is highly regarded around the league. I’ll expound on this further when we get to the Lions.

11) New England Patriots (3-3, #13) - Uh-oh Tom Brady... It looks like the newly (and oddldy) svelte Peter King is leaving you for another man!

12) Seattle Seahawks (5-2, #15) - It’s just a shame Ken Hamlin couldn’t go out and get in a fight to celebrate the latest Seahawks win.

13) New York Giants (4-2, #16) - Seriously, Ken Hamlin could have picked off Eli’s last throw even when he was in ICU.

14) Cincinnati Bengals (5-2, #7) - The anonymous Bengals guy, as he will be known from here on out (by the way, he seemed to take umbrage at my shots at his anonymity, yet still ducked behind it when given the opportunity to reveal himself), wrote a long diatribe yesterday defending his overrated team. It was well-written and contained many lucid points. Here is my reply: Beat somebody. Being “legitimately better than Cleveland and Baltimore” will only get you another top-10 pick in the draft to waste.

15) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-1, #14) - Yes, I know Carson Palmer was a top-10 pick and is the real deal, but you can take Palmer and I’ll stick with Levi Jones, Peter Warrick, Akili Smith, Reinard Wilson, Ki-Jana Carter, Big Daddy Wilkinson, John Copeland, David Klinger, Alfred Williams and James Francis, thank you very much.

16) Dallas Cowboys (4-3, #11) - Between Drew Bledsoe and Brad Lidge, Texas is becoming the place to be for game-blowing closers. It’s only a matter of time before Mitch Williams and Armando Benitez sublet a duplex together.

17) Oakland Raiders (2-4, #24) - The novelty of seeing receivers with uniform numbers in the teens is kind of wearing off. The hilarity of watching Norv Turner coach a team, however, will always be fresh as a laundered pair of drawers.

18) Buffalo Bills (3-4, #17) - Will there ever be a day when I’ll see the name Willis McGahee and not get the Diff’rent Strokes theme stuck in my head? My productivity has plummeted since I started thinking of something to write about Buffalo because I have that damn, “and together we’ll be fine” line running on a continuous loop through my head. Alan Thicke, you are a thorn in my paw.

19) Chicago Bears (3-3, #20) - Oh, who am I kidding. I can never be angry at the man who played Jason Seaver.

20) Detroit Lions (3-3, #25) - I heard a curious statement today on Sportscenter about the Jeff Garcia/Joey Harrington situation. Sean Salisbury was contending (I should have flipped the channel right there) that Jeff Garcia’s good play is bad for the Lions because he’s a quarterback with no future. (This got me thinking about Brees/Rivers, which I mentioned earlier. Clearly, the Lions situation is a lot different than the Chargers one (which is unprecedented in modern NFL history), but the gist is the same: Why stick with Harrington when Garcia can get you to the playoffs now?)
What does Salisbury mean, “the future?” Are we vying for the 2009 Super Bowl this weekend? The NFL is driven by parity. As a handful of teams have shown in recent years, anyone can win the Super Bowl in any year. Why shouldn’t the Lions go with Garcia? They’re in a miserable division they can easily win; and who’s to say they can’t steal a home game in the playoffs against a wild card team? With Harrington at the helm, they have no chance.

21) St. Louis Rams (3-4, #18) - How many times do you think the line, “Jamie Martin might not seem like much but remember, we didn’t think anything of Kurt Warner at first either,” was uttered this weekend in St. Louis? Probably as much as, “if only Brad Lidge could have pitched in every game in the NLCS.”

22) New Orleans Saints (2-5, #21) - Esquire runs a great little column every month called “The Indefensible Position” in which a writer bucks conventional thought and attempts to justify a previously unheard of stand on an issue. A recent topic was, “Gilmore Girls is the best show on TV for men”.
In the grand tradition of Bill Simmons, I’m going to steal this idea right now and take the following indefensible position: Why do the Saints owe New Orleans anything?
It’s Tom Benson’s prerogative where he wants the Saints to play. If he wants to move them to San Antonio, that’s his call. L.A.? Fine. You could say Benson shouldn’t be allowed to do this, but that’s the way it works. Don’t hate the eccentric umbrella-wielding millionaire, hate the game.
It’s just plain fascinating that nobody seemed to mind Benson was playing footsie with those two cities pre-Katrina, but now that a hurricane wiped out the city, everyone suddenly thinks such talks are downright insulting! (Timed poorly, of course. But insulting, hardly.) Insulting is the support New Orleans has given the Saints. In terms of percent capacity at home, the Saints ranked 28th, 26th and 29th in the NFL over the past three seasons, respectively. Games were blacked out on local television. And for this Tom Benson owes it to the city not to make a sound business move?
If you weren’t outraged about a possible Saints move in July, you can’t be outraged now. Why would Benson want to take a team back to a city next season (or whenever) that could have 50% less residents and will be rebuilt despite being just as vulnerable to flooding as it was two months ago just because it is the right thing to do? Since when does anyone in the NFL do the right thing?

23) Arizona Cardinals (2-4, #30) - Two facts about my friend Blair from Arizona: 1) She’s getting married this Saturday. 2) She has more rushing yards this season than J.J. Arrington.

24) Tennessee Titans (2-4, #19) - That new Gatorade commercial where they show Michael Jordan missing the shot over Craig Ehlo and “The Catch” turning into “The Incompletion” is pretty cool. Too bad they ruined it by not changing the Jeter flip so that instead of throwing out Jeremy Giambi, Derek Jeter instead ran into the stands to sit with his boyfriend Ramon.

25) New York Jets (2-4, #23) - I know, it’s been a while since I made a Jeter joke, but it was tough to during the playoffs, what with A. Rod whiffing like he was batting 8th on the Bad News Bears and Randy Johnson looking every bit like the mulleted 49-year old freakshow that he is. How Joe Torre is returning to that team is baffling.

26) Minnesota Vikings (2-4, #31) - Where are the Vikings sex cruise photos? Isn’t this getting a little ridiculous? How have these not been leaked to The St. Paul Pioneer Press or Sports Illustrated yet? The celeb-zines had pictures of Jennifer Aniston kissing Vince Vaughn and Britney’s baby this week and the sports world can’t even get a peek at Fred Smoot in a three-some with a white cocktail waitress and Asian stripper? For shame!

27) Miami Dolphins (2-4, #22) - It’s amazing more people haven’t realized that, this past winter, America was just weeks away from witnessing a historic reunion between Gus Frerotte and Norv Turner. We nearly returned to Camelot, yet nobody took the time to notice. I guess when there’s pictures of Rachel kissing Double Down Trent, matters like the two greatest football minds ever getting back together seem trivial by comparison.

28) Green Bay Packers (1-5, #28) - Brett Favre is the only quarterback in NFL history who could have guided the atrocious Packers to a 1-5 record in their first six games. Anybody else, from Joe Montana to Spurgeon Wynn would be, like, 0-63.

29) Baltimore Ravens (2-4, #26) - At what point does Brian Billick say, “screw it,” and decide to host a reality show to find the Ravens a new quarterback. I truly believe that, given the proper training and time, about 400-600 men currently not in the NFL could do a better job than Anthony Wright. (And there’s probably 50-100 women who could too.) I mean, come on, American Idol made Clay ‘Freakin Aiken a star; are you telling me Quarterback Seek couldn’t do the same for some guy in Alabama who sits in a bar talking about the ’96 state championship he almost won and gets all upset when somebody puts Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Days” on the jukebox? And this is right up Billick’s alley too. He’s already let the cameras follow him in Hard Knocks and last year he allowed John Feinstein to shadow him for an entire season for an upcoming book. Billick loves the spotlight and the thought of him sitting in the film room with Jim Fassel and Steve Biscotti each week getting ready to utter his signature catchphrase to the eliminated quarterback (I’m thinking he would go with either “you no longer have access to my genius” or pulling the guy’s jersey out of a hamper and symbolically cutting it with a huge pair of clown scissors) probably gets him as excited as he was when he won the Super Bowl.

30) Cleveland Browns (2-4, #27) - Yes, to those of you who heard me on 98 Rock’s “Kirk, Mark and Spiegel” this morning, I just reused my material. But hey, if Tony Kornheiser can repeat himself in print, on radio and on television, my two-medium overlap is well within the limits.

31) Houston Texans (0-6, #32) - I suppose the obligatory Brad Lidge joke would have been proper here, but I wasted that in the Cowboys blurb.

32) San Francisco 49ers (1-5, #29) - It’s a true testament to Mike Martz’s abilities as a head coach that the Niners only win of the season came against the Rams.

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

Sunday Superlatives
Game of the Day: Minnesota 23 – Green Bay 20
Dallas/Seattle might have been more surprising, San Diego/Philly involved a team getting ridiculously lucky on multiple occasions and Denver/New York was, arguably, just as exciting (though when you factor in the fact that the referees did everything in their power to give the Giants the win, it really wasn’t – and, by the way, I’m not understanding how Jeremy Shockey being wide open on 3rd and 10 makes Eli Manning a great quarterback), but Green Bay/Minnesota had a 17-point halftime deficit erased, two-last minute field goals (including a 56-yarder as time expired), the priceless shot of Brett Favre standing powerless on the sidelines while mentally figuring out who he would blame for the loss and the continued saga of Daunte Culpepper’s touchdown celebrations where you can tell he really wants to make the rolling motion with his hands, but after remembering his team is 1-4 and has introduced the phrase “sex cruise” into our national lexicon, decides against it.

”Upset” of the Day: Pittsburgh 27 – Cincinnati 13
You know how they say a leopard can’t change its spots? Well, the Bengals can’t change their 15 years of ineptitude either. This Pittsburgh pasting (the game wasn’t nearly as close as the score would indicate) was the weekend’s most obvious result, despite the game’s location (in Ohio) and the injury of Ben Roethlisberger.
Before you begin defending Cincinnati (and before that one guy who always leaves comments complaining about how I don’t respect the Bengals enough - or at all - writes), remember this: The NFL’s most overrated team has five wins against sub-.500 opponents and two losses in their only games versus teams with a winning record and just laid an egg at home in the franchise’s biggest game since Super Bowl XXIII.

Player of the Day: Thomas Jones, RB, Chicago
Jones didn’t score as much as Clinton Portis or Lamont Jordan, but was every bit as valuable on Sunday. In an ugly defensive struggle in a rainstorm at Soldier Field, Jones kept the chains moving and single-handedly moved the Bears into a tie atop the NFC North.

Ryan Leaf Line of the Day: LaDainian Tomlinson – 17 rushes, 7 yards
Marty Schottenheimer really should have let LDT know that just because they were playing Philly, the Chargers didn’t need to match the Eagles by implementing a non-existent rushing attack.
By the way, a win is a win in the NFL so the Eagles and their fans can be happy about sneaking out one in this contest. But make no mistake; in a game where LaDainian Tomlinson was a complete non-factor, Philly was still thoroughly outplayed by San Diego. The Eagles are in big trouble this season; playing in the toughest division in football, making the playoffs is no sure thing for Andy Reid and company.

Faulk Fantasy Player of Day: Daunte Culpepper – 280 pass yds, 2 TD, 40 rsh yds – 26 fantasy points
So who benched him this week?

Boldin Fantasy Player of Day: Frank Gore – 89 rsh yds, 1 TD (72) – 16 fantasy points
The beauty of fantasy football: Garbage time touchdowns against a second-string defense count just as much as game-winning ones.

Fantasy Bust of Day: LaDainian Tomlinson – 7 rsh yds, 26 rec yds – 2 fantasy points
I never give the Ryan Leaf Line of the Day and Fantasy Bust of the Day to the same player, but LDT’s performance was so bad it defies description.
Earlier this year when I wrote LDT was overrated, this is the sort of game I was talking about. He’s amazing, don’t get me wrong, but like Barry Sanders, Danie rarely has games where he grinds out 70 tough yards (a la Emmit Smith) and instead is a complete non-factor.

Quick Thoughts
- Whoever is calling plays for the Giants is miserable at their job. There’s no way Eli Manning should be throwing the ball 42 times when Tiki Barber is averaging over 4.5 yards per carry.

- Since when did Plaxico Burress start getting calls like Michael Jordan? How many pass interference penalties were called on Denver defenders who were covering Burress? I mean, we all know Paul Tagliabue will do anything it takes to get the Giants in the playoffs, but subtlety is a virtue, bro.
Need proof the NFL is partial to the Giants? Look no further than the NFL standings on ESPN.com. The Giants, Eagles and Redskins are all 4-2, yet look who is atop the NFC East.
Of course it’s totally irrelevant today who is listed in first place (much like USC’s much-publicized fall from the top-perch in the BCS – It’s not even freaking Halloween yet; you know at least two of the following three teams (USC, Virginia Tech, Texas) will lose before the BCS results start to matter, so who cares if USC is #2 today – sorry, I got off-track), but it would be relevant after week 17.
If that were today, the Giants wouldn’t win the tiebreaker, the Redskins would due to their 1-0 record in the NFC East. (The Giants and Eagles are 0-1). Clearly the NFL doesn’t really care about using tiebreakers to break meaningless mid-season ties (and maybe they shouldn’t), so maybe the Giants “leading” the East is based on something else.
At first glance you might say, “oh, they just listed them alphabetically,” but take a look at the NFC South standings. Atlanta is tied with Carolina, yet are ahead of them in the standings.
Maybe the tiebreaker is done by points? Nope, look at the AFC North.
Current won/loss streak? No; AFC East again.
Wait, I finally figured it out. The first tiebreaker of the NFL’s official standings must be “amount of home games stolen from hurricane-ravaged opponents and subsequently and arbitrarily played in a team’s own stadium.”

- Clinton Portis’s cartwheel was the second-best touchdown celebration of the year, behind only Chad Johnson’s Riverdance.

- I’m going to be on the Kirk, Mark and Spiegel show on 98 Rock in Baltimore tomorrow at morning at 7:40, so I’ll save my thoughts on the unprecedented suckiness of Anthony Wright until then.

Predictions
Finished 9-4 for the weekend, but had a hard time playing the “which team is worse” game with Green Bay/Minnesota, Detroit/Cleveland and New Orleans/St. Louis.

The Chaz Rankings: Top Two
1) Indianapolis Colts (7-0) - You read it here back in September, but it just became official today: The Colts will be undefeated headed into their must-win Monday Night showdown in New England in two weeks.
2) Pittsburgh Steelers - They get a mulligan for the Tommy Maddox debacle.

Who I Like Monday Night and I Certainly Don’t Mean Michael Vick
Of course, even Vick is a better option at QB than Vinny Testaverde. Falcons cruise, 30-16.

NFL Picks: Week 7

Kansas City at Miami
When asked why this game, moved to 7:00 tonight because of Hurricane Wilma, wouldn’t be shown nationally, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said, “we are not extending the telecast to more markets because we want to adhere as closely as possible to the spirit of our longstanding policy not to conflict with high school and college football during their seasons.”
Translation: “We didn’t want to get killed by The Ghost Whisperer in the ratings.”
Pick: Kansas City

Green Bay at Minnesota
This week, Brett Favre said he was absolutely shocked and dismayed when he heard about the Vikings pleasure cruise on Lake Minnetonka. Said Favre, “that NFL players could revel in such debacherous activity without any reported use of vicodin or other narcotic analgesics is simply despicable.”
Pick: Green Bay

Indianapolis at Houston
With the PC police running wild through our country, I’m sort of amazed nobody has gotten their panties in a bunch over the use of “Hurricanes” as a team nickname. With nearly one million people left homeless in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the time would seem ripe for some enterprising, press-hungry lawyer to raise a fuss about the offensive and exploitive use of a natural disaster to celebrate a sports team.
Couldn’t you imagine Jesse Jackson standing in front of a Red Cross relief shelter insisting that the Miami and Carolina hurricanes change their names to something which would provoke less trauma in those left in Katrina and Rita’s wake?
And if that does happen (and let’s be honest, it’s really only a matter of time) what’s next to go? Maybe the Texans. After all, you know what they say: Guns don’t kill people, Texans kill people.
Pick: Indianapolis (In a closer game than you think)

Detroit at Cleveland
Well, I just pissed off Jesse Jackson supporters and all of Texas. I suppose I’ll save my joke about the pope and the rabbi for another time.
Pick: Cleveland

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
Some guy in the comments section keeps ripping me for picking against the Bengals every week, which reminds me of an old Winston Churchill quote: “I may be wrong, sir, but one day I will be right and you will still be a Bengals fan.”
Pick: Pittsburgh

New Orleans at St. Louis
Jamie Martin sounds like the name of a character on Beverly Hills 90210. Of course, Marc Bulger sounds like he should be starring in adult films with Jake Plummer’s mustache, so maybe Martin starting a few games isn’t such a bad thing.
Pick: New Orleans

San Francisco at Washington
Back to the nickname thing for a minute; every few years somebody tries to get the Redskins to change their name and, clearly, it never works. Various groups have tried taking legal action, organizing boycotts and forcing Daniel Snyder to watch Dances With Wolves with his eyes forced open a la Clockwork Orange in order to get the Redskins to change the name they’ve had since 1932. It never works. (And as long as Snyder owns the team, I don’t think it will.)
The main problem with these protests is that there never seems to be too many American Indian people involved with them. It’s either a politician or lawyer heading the effort with a token Indian guy by their side looking uncomfortable in an ill-fitting suit. And it always seems to be more of a publicity stunt rather than an actual effort on behalf of offended American Indians.
These failed attempts have led many to believe that the American Indian population is outraged by sports nicknames ridiculing their population. Not surprisingly, the media is to blame for this.
NFL.com blowhard Gregg Easterbrook refuses to call the Redskins by their name in print, instead referring to them by a name that I’ll similarly, and equally unimportantly, refuse to use. A number of newspapers also boycott the moniker, including The Kansas City Star which hypocritically prints the name of the hometown Chiefs. It all reeks of political correctness run amok.
If there was actual support for such action, then I’d be all for it. But there’s not.
Those opposed to the Redskins nickname claim to do so because American Indians are offended. This is categorically untrue.
A poll released last year by the Annenberg Election Survey found that a whopping 90% of American Indians don’t care about, and aren’t offended by, the Redskins nickname. Only 9% are offended by the name, which is probably the same percentage of people who are offended by anything. Nine percent of people are probably opposed to drug testing for school bus drivers too. I’m sure at least 20% of people are offended by the stupidity of the ridiculously named Toronto Raptors.
People just think the American Indians are offended, so they organize these protests and boycotts just to have a cause. But since the American Indians don’t care, nobody else should either.
Pick: Washington

San Diego at Philadelphia
OK, I like Brian Westbrook. He’s a local product made good and a fine player in the NFL. But if I hear another announcer compare Westbrook to Priest Holmes, I might just have to… Well, I wouldn’t really do anything, but I could make empty threats and act like I would.
Wesbtrook, now in his 4th NFL season, has 1,849 yards rushing and 24 TD in his career; or about the same totals Priest had in 2002 alone (1,615 rush yards, 24 TD). In layman’s terms, Westbrook is House Party I to Priest’s House Party II.
Pick: Philadelphia

Dallas at Seattle
Seahawks safety Ken Hamlin is still in serious condition at a Seattle-area hospital after a bar fight left him with a fractured skull, bruised brain tissue and a small blood clot. Thankfully his injuries didn’t include a sports hernia, or else Hamlin would have been in real trouble.
Pick: Seattle

Baltimore at Chicago
How, in the name of Brian Billick’s receding hairline, was this clunker given a 4:15 start time by CBS? At first I thought it was a typo; sadly, it was not.
There’s only one way this could have happened:

The scene: A TV meeting at NFL headquarters in New York, two days before the league releases the master schedule.
NFL Rep - (Shuffling through papers) OK, moving to week 7... CBS has the national game. (Looks up at CBS execs) You have seven games to choose from, who you want in the national slot?
CBS exec - To us (shoots his giggling partner a stern glance), five words define the essence of NFL football in the autumn (kicks his red-faced, teary-eyed partner the table): Kyle Boller vs. Rex Grossman.
Hearty laughter ensues from everyone at the table. Back-slapping and table-pounding occur. The note-taking secretary begins to talk over the guffaws.
Secretary - (Holding up master schedule) - Alright, that’s Baltimore-Chicago, 4:15 on October 22!
Even more laughter. After about 15 seconds it dies down and the meeting continues. Fast forward to the office of the same CBS exec last week. He places a frantic call to the partner he kicked under the table six months before.
CBS exec - We have a serious problem. We never moved the Baltimore-Chicago game back to 1:00.
Other CBS exec - Dear God, what have we done.
A lone gunshot is heard over the phone.

Pick: Chicago

Tennessee at Arizona
Can a battle between Josh McCown and Kurt Warner really be classified as a “quarterback controversy”? Choosing either of them will be about as controversial as an episode of Full House. (Except for that one where Stephanie has to tell Uncle Jesse she’s addicted to heroin. Wait, I’m thinking of an episode of Oz.)
Pick: Arizona

Buffalo at Oakland
Glitter, glisten, gloss, floss, Norv Turner can’t win without Randy Moss.
Sparkle, shimmer, run, stun, he really can’t win with, like, anyone.
Pick: Oakland

Denver at New York Giants
Jeremy Shockey is envious of Jake Plummer’s mustache because he is unable to grow one quite so magnificent. Eli Manning is jealous of it because he just started using a razor this past February.
Pick: Denver

Last Week: 11-3
Season: 59-29

Thursday Headlines

Leo Mazzone to Orioles
At first, this retrograde move seemed a bit baffling. Why would Leo Mazzone, the most respected position coach in baseball history, leave the most successful National League franchise of the past 15 years to go to a Baltimore organization that has been an unqualified mess for the better part of eight seasons? It didn't make any sense.
Some light was shed on the curious relocation when an AP wire story mentioned Mazzone and new Orioles manager Sam Perlozzo are best friends. It appears Mazzone wanted to spend his final years as a pitching coach alongside a good buddy, which is nice. Then again, Mazzone is only 57, so it's not exactly like he is running out of time.
Perhaps Mazzone figured Perlozzo's time as Orioles manager would be a lot shorter; he is the fourth O's skipper in seven seasons and the impatience of Peter Angelos is only growing by the year.
Either way, this move can't please the Red Sox or Yankees. For the past two seasons Baltimore's offense has been solid but the team has been held back by its horrible pitching staff. With Mazzone, the Orioles figure to greatly improve their rotation without making a roster move.
It's no coincidence the O's snatched away Mazzone the year after their stranglehold on the Washington D.C. market was stolen by the Nationals. After years of putting out an inferior product to try and keep baseball out of D.C., Angelos finally figured out he needs to field a contender if he wants to make money. He might have killed The Oriole Way, but with the signing of Leo Mazzone, Peter Angelos might have managed to make the Orioles relevant for the first time since 1997.

Astros Advance to World Series
When can we begin discussing how overrated Tony LaRussa is? He has just one World Series title in his 28 years of managing and is just 8-19 in the NLCS and World Series during his stint in St. Louis.
Even though Joe Torre has five rings, he is far-less revered than LaRussa who recently had a book dedicated to his “genius”. His micromanaging ways have produced scores of admirers in the media who all fail to recognize the playoff shortcomings.
I always say the baseball playoffs are a pitching crapshoot and teams with magnificent records during the year still deserve credit even if they don't win a championship. LaRussa's Cardinals are no different. But, if you watch their playoff runs over the past decade, you'll see a team managed by a man who tries to win the game by managing instead of winning the game on the field.
Astros in 6, by the way.

Michelle Wie Is a Cheater
Say what you will about Michael Bamberger and whether it was right of him to turn in Wie at last weekend's LPGA Tournament. What's lost in all the attention the Sports Illustrated writer is getting is the fact that Michelle Wie knowingly tried to cheat and got caught.
The Wie apologists in the media (and that's pretty much all of them) insist Wie made a mistake by taking a drop closer to the hole, but the video suggests otherwise. Wie's illegal drop gave her a slightly better angle to the hole. Had she dropped 12 inches back, as the rule allowed, she would have had to play a slight draw into the hole. By moving up a little, she was able to hit straight.
Think I'm being ridiculous? Consider this: On Friday Wie asked for, and received, a free drop out of deep trouble in the woods when she complained that a nearby beehive presented inherent danger. The rule official was disbelieving at first, but Wie said she didn't have to play a ball if there was any perceived danger. She got the drop. A few PGA players admitted they didn’t know the “inherent danger” rule until they heard about it this weekend.
For someone who knew the rulebook so well on Friday, Wie seemed awfully ignorant of it on Saturday.

Dennis Dodd Still Whining
Five days have passed since Notre Dame and USC played a classic in South Bend, but the supposedly impartial Dennis Dodd is still throwing cheap potshots towards the Trojans. In yesterday’s column he writes:

Best game: Do you have to ask? USC 34, Notre Dame 31.

The Bush Push (of Matt Leinart) will live forever.

Really Dennis? You’re still mad about the football equivalent of jaywalking? Why aren’t you focusing your anger on the fact that “The Bush Push” happened at all.
Maybe Notre Dame should have stopped USC on 4th and 8. Maybe they shouldn’t have made Reggie Bush look like he was playing against the J.V. level on NCAA 2006. Maybe the Irish should have wrapped Leinart up before his goal line spin. And maybe you, Dennis Dodd, should take a cue from Charlie Weis and handle last weekend’s loss with dignity. (How cool was Weis’ post-game speech in the USC locker room? Between that and running the dying boy’s play, Weis is managing to keep me from totally hating him. Dodd, on the other hand, is a different story.)
The Wolfman wrote Dodd his third e-mail today. This time, thankfully, he CC'd me:

The Bush Push, waaa waaaa, I love notre dame and I can't let it go. 1988 I saw my first game there, I love notre dame waaaaa, just shut up already. They lost and you're a columnist for cbs, not nbc. Stop someone on 4th and 9 and you don't have to worry about the bush push, USC made a play, Notre Dame could not. Weis said he wished his running back would do the same thing Bush did, but it if Notre Dame won like that you'd say it was divinely inspired. When is the last time you saw that called? Honestly, I want to know Dodd when was the last time you saw it called? I bet it hasn't been for years, if ever, so stop your bitching already.

Jeez, I'm just glad Dodd doesn't cover Packers games.

Jordan Admits Gambling “Stupidity”
In his new autobiography Michael Jordan admits he made some “stupid decisions” in regards to his gambling. Previous unauthorized Jordan tomes have suggested Jordan’s gambling problems were a little more serious than that. The real answer probably lies somewhere in between.
Authors looking to sell books might have exaggerated MJ’s gambling habits a bit, while Jordan would likely downplay them an equal amount. Either way, everyone agrees Jordan liked to gamble… A lot.
So, if that’s the case, what are the odds that Michael Jordan never bet on pro basketball? This is a guy who would put $10,000 bets down on half-court shots during practice and half-a-million on the golf course. How could he pass up wagering on the NBA, especially on himself? He was a sure thing, and if there’s one thing gamblers don’t pass up, it’s a sure thing.
I’m not saying he did, but for someone who was so fond of the action and competed in every aspect of life, it must have been hard not to pass up putting money on himself (and maybe against himself in those throw-away Finals games on the road when the Bulls would be up 3-1 and seemed to be going through the motions before winning the title at home in Chicago).
Maybe there are also some truth to the persistent rumors that Jordan’s first retirement wasn’t as much of a retirement as it was a forced vacation from David Stern. Some have suggested Jordan’s season-and-a-half sabbatical from the game was actually a form of suspension. Maybe it’s a crackpot theory, but nobody believed Watergate was a viable story for ten months either.
If I had to put money on it, I’d probably guess Michael Jordan didn’t bet on the NBA. But that’s far from a sure thing.

Ron Artest On Cover of Sports Illustrated and Penthouse
Artest becomes the first subject to achieve the historic double since Jake Plummer’s mustache pulled it off in April of 1974.

I Should Have Voted for Ray Patterson

I was planning on answering PTI's questions today but thanks to the Washington Suburban Sanitation Commission, I'm without cable and internet for the near future. I swear, if these clowns don't have things up and running by the time Freddie comes on at 8:30, there's going to be hell to pay.
And if you haven't already, do your part to bring back Jake Plummer's mustache.

The Chaz Rankings: Week 6

Bill Simmons and Jimmy Kimmel are apparently stealing my material. Now I know what Ziggy felt like. Because of this, today's Chaz Rankings will be sans commentary. Try lifting my stuff now guys!
(By the way, how awesome was Albert Pujols' homerun last night? If that facade wasn't in left field, it might still be in the air. How Lidge serves up that pitch (and walks Jim Edmonds) could be a question which haunts Astros fans for years.)

1) Indianapolis Colts (6-0, #1)
2) Denver Broncos (5-1, #4)
3) San Diego Chargers (3-3, #15)
4) Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2, #2)
5) Philadelphia Eagles (3-2, #7)
6) Jacksonville Jaguars (4-2, #8)
7) Cincinnati Bengals (5-1, #5)
8) Atlanta Falcons (4-2, #9)
9) Kansas City Chiefs (3-2, #12)
10) Washington Redskins (3-2, #6)
11) Dallas Cowboys (3-2, #10)
12) Carolina Panthers (4-2, #11)
13) New England Patriots (3-3, #3)
14) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-1, #16)
15) Seattle Seahawks (4-2, #14)
16) New York Giants (3-2, #13)
17) Buffalo Bills (3-3, #17)
18) St. Louis Rams (2-4, #20)
19) Tennessee Titans (2-4, #21)
20) Chicago Bears (2-3, #26)
21) New Orleans Saints (2-4, #28)
22) Miami Dolphins (2-3, #22)
23) New York Jets (2-4, #18)
24) Oakland Raiders (1-4, #19)
25) Detroit Lions (2-3, #25)
26) Baltimore Ravens (2-3, #31)
27) Cleveland Browns (2-3, #23)
28) Green Bay Packers (1-4, #24)
29) Arizona Cardinals (1-4, #29)
30) San Francisco 49ers (1-4, #30)
31) Minnesota Vikings (1-4, #27)
32) Houston Texans (0-5, #32)

Come back later for The Chaz Rankings: Week 6.

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

All season long, Washington Redskins defensive coordinator Gregg Williams has been banking on his defense performing well enough to make the benching of LaVar Arrington a moot point. Yesterday he lost that gamble.
After a day in which his linebacking corps was exposed as undersized and slow, Williams proved he no longer deserves the benefit of the doubt on the handling of The LaVar Situation.
Before yesterday, Williams' treatment of LaVar seemed to be a necessary evil that ultimately was in the team’s best interests. Now it just appears petty and motivated by machismo.
Why else wouldn't LaVar see any playing time yesterday? What's the harm in playing him in a 3rd and long situation where his only assignment is to rush the quarterback? The so-called “risk” of playing him is zero in those situations. Surely the 'Skins defensive coaches don't feel Warrick Holdman and Chris Clemons are better suited for that job?
Of course they don’t. Which is why yesterday’s game made it clear LaVar Arrington is being benched for personal reasons not performance ones.
The main reason Williams has given for LaVar's absence from every defensive scheme was the linebackers lack of discipline, a trait which leads to the former Pro Bowler missing assignments (a crippling flaw on a defense which relies on precision). Warrick Holdman, Williams insisted, was a better option. But Holdman's play was atrocious yesterday; he missed tackles and overran two plays, the very thing Redskins defensive coaches have ripped Arrington for doing.
Priest Holmes' totals further emphasize the point. The future Hall of Famer had 18 yards rushing on 14 carries, an indication of dominant play by the defensive line. The 100 yards Priest had via his five receptions, however, are proof of weak play by the linebackers. Holmes was stuffed at the line, but once he moved beyond it, he was able to run free. I’d love to hear Gregg Williams spin those stats during his weekly press conference this Thursday.
Williams has to know he’s no longer in a position to defend Arrington's benching. His defense, which kept the Redskins in their first three games, but has now helped lose the last two contests, is regressing. (They single-handedly blew the Denver game, but had some help from Rock Cartwright yesterday.) Nobody can doubt that LaVar Arrington, flaws and all, can help the unit in certain situations.
It’s now up to Gregg Williams. He can swallow his pride and slowly begin inserting LaVar Arrington into a few defensive sets, one at a time, to test whether Arrington can indeed be the player everyone in Washington expects him to be.
Or, in a continued attempt to show who’s the real boss of the Redskins defense, Williams can continue pounding his chest and flexing his muscle so everyone in the league will know exactly who to blame when the once-vaunted Washington defense is the reason the Redskins will again be watching the playoffs from home.

Sunday Thoughts
- One word came to mind when I saw Patriots offensive lineman Logan Mankins punch a defenseless Broncos player in the goods yesterday: Classy.
I wonder how Peter King will spin this one. Probably like Phil Simms did, which was to ignore it totally.

- I have no problem with A. Rod's mom making excuses for him. That's what moms do. But her contention that her son struggled in the playoffs because of a death in the family is nothing more than a weak justification for poor play. Here's why: While it's very sad Rodriguez had to experience a death in the family, and my sympathy goes out to him and his family, I suppose his uncle's death didn't begin affecting A. Rod until after the playoffs began, considering he went 4-5 with a double and homerun in his first game played after hearing about it.

Sunday Superlatives
Game of the Day: USC 34 – Notre Dame 31
Sportswriters are often prone to fits of hyperbole after witnessing a wonderful game. The terms “best ever”, “instant classic” and “game of the century” are tossed around more often than the word “genius” by some hack when describing other hacks like Jon Stewart and Bono.
But all the accolades that have been showered upon this game might just be fitting. USC/Notre Dame was an instant classic and, to me, was the best college football game I’ve ever witnessed.
Not everyone saw it that way however. Dennis Dodd (too bad I used the word hack earlier, because it’s a perfect description of this bespectacled, balding putz), a lifelong Notre Dame fan, wrote a column after the game blasting USC for making "the dumbest decision of this or any season," despite the fact that said “dumbest decision” ended up giving USC their 28th straight victory and set the stage for their 3rd straight National Championship. (Which they won't win; I don't know why, I just see USC losing before January. But I digress.)
I immediately sent the column to Irish-hater The Wolfman, who immediately sent Dodd two e-mails blasting him and his ridiculous bias. Sadly, The Wolfman didn’t save these emails, so I was forced to write my own. Keep in mind, it’s not nearly as vicious (or in depth) as I would have liked to have made it because: a) reading this column made me nauseous. b) I wanted to keep it civilized to leave the possibility for a response from him open, so when I don’t get it I can rip him again for dodging his critics. Anyway, my e-mail:

Shouldn’t your “column" about the ND-USC game have included a disclaimer about your lifelong love of Notre Dame? Actually, it didn't need one because your ridiculous piece, which was really nothing more than but a whiny missive from a heartbroken child, exposed you as a partisan hack with a sense of balance equivalent to a North Korean newspaper.
You do know that USC won yesterday's game, do you not? You're also aware that Matt Leinart's "dumb decision" gave the Trojans their 28th straight victory, right?
I mean, I know the Notre Dame timekeeper (who is only slightly less of an Irish homer than yourself) let the clock run out despite the line judge's signal to stop it after said fumble and that, for some reason, caused ND fans to incorrectly think they had won. But how does that make the fumble “crippling and final”. It actually makes it “not-at-all crippling and not-at-all final.” Oh! The fans thought the game was over though? The fans? Well hell, if the fans thought the game was over, the refs should have called the game right then and there. The fans can never be wrong. Shoot, Notre Dame just should have received a berth to the Rose Bowl after the “crippling and final fumble”. I mean, the fans thought the game was over!!! You're an idiot.
That your editors actually let this worthless, bellyaching column appear on this site shows why everyone considers Sportsline a waste of server space and instead goes to ESPN.com and SI.com to find good writing.
Do your editors love Notre Dame also? They must have, how else could they have possibly let your "multiple supreme beings" cheap shot about Leinart slip through the cracks? I'd go point by point through your column to explain how absurd nearly every sentence is, but that would require me to take a leap of faith that you can actually understand coherent thought. After reading your column, I have serious reservations about that.
Your team lost. Get over it. A real professional would have.

Upset of the Day: Dallas Cowboys 16 – New York Giants 13 (OT)
This was an upset only in the eyes of every prognosticator who had the massively overrated Giants winning this game (when they still thought Julius Jones was going to play, no less!)
New York has a B offense to go with their F defense. And their decision to hand the ball to purported rookie goalline wunderkind Brandon Jacobs, who was playing his first down of the day, with the game on the line was a move made because of over thinking and almost cost the Giants the game. Tiki Barber knows how to find the endzone. Let him.

Player of the Day: LaDainian Tomlinson – San Diego Chargers
LDT now has one less career touchdown pass than Akili Smith.
And, by the way, did anybody catch Bill Simmons stealing my new name for Tomlinson? The Wolfman noticed and writes “[Simmons is] becoming the biggest hack since Puff Daddy.”

Ryan Leaf Line of the Day: Tommy Maddox – 11/28, 154 yds, 1 TD, 3 INT
Anybody else thinking Charlie Batch would have led the Steelers to victory?

Faulk Fantasy Player of Day: Shaun Alexander – 141 yds, 4 TD – 38 fantasy points
Alex Rodriguez would be proud of how Alexander puts up mind-blowing numbers in already-decided games against worthless opponents.

Boldin Fantasy Player of Day: Mark Brunell – 331 pass yds, 3 TD – 30 fantasy points
Among the players listed ahead of Mark Brunell in the fantasy football magazine I purchased: Kyle Boller, Alex Smith, A.J. Feeley, Billy Volek, Phillip Rivers, Jon Kitna, Drew Henson (!), Charlie Frye, Brad Johnson, Adrian McPherson, Aaron Rodgers, Chad Hutchinson, Chris Simms, David Garrard, Jason Campbell and Andrew Walter.

Fantasy Bust of Day: Randy Moss – 0 catches, 0 yards – 0 fantasy points
Glitter, glisten, gloss, floss, I hope you didn't lose due to Randy Moss.

Predictions
Went 10-3 on the day.

The Chaz Rankings: Top Two
1) Indianapolis Colts - Beware the SI Jinx.
2) Denver Broncos - The 5-1 record is lulling Jake Plummer into a false sense of beard security.

Who I Like Monday Night and I Certainly Don’t Mean Shaun McDonald
Why do I have a sneaking suspicion this game is going to closer than people imagine. Eh, maybe that’s just indigestion. Indianapolis over St. Louis, 38-16.

Interview Link
(Bumped to top. Scroll down for NFL Picks: Week 6)

UPDATE (6:50 p.m.): I'm going to be on the Caplis and Silverman show on 630 KHOW, Denver's Talk Station, between now and 9:00 p.m. eastern. Listen live, if you enjoy grown men discussing other grown men's mustaches. And don't act like you don't.

On KOA 850's Web site, the bios of Colorado's Morning News hosts Steffan Tubbs and April Zesbaugh mention his work covering the Columbine shootings, 9/11 and Papal visits and her interviews with such dignataries as Vice-President Dick Cheney, Senator John Kerry, Hall of Famer John Elway and each of the three former network news anchors. Today they interviewed me for five minutes about Jake Plummer's mustache.
Clearly Steffan and April's distinguished journalism careers peaked this morning. It doesn't matter if they get exclusive interviews next week with the President, Pope, D.B. Cooper and the Runaway Bride, it's all downhill from here.
Thanks to Mark E, you can listen to the segment which was soon-after called the greatest five minutes in the history of radio. I'm lying, nobody said that. Although I did hear the phrase "rock bottom" uttered a few times afterwards.
Oh, and they did ask Mike Shanahan about Plummer's 'stache apparently. He laughed and said he had other things to notice about his quarterback, to which I say "bulls***!" How could you not notice Plummer's amazing 'stache and how did its absence not have an effect on Shanahan's play-calling? Wouldn't you feel much more comfortable calling a naked bootleg for a mustachioed quarterback than a clean-shaven one? I, for one, would.

NFL Picks: Week 6

Minnesota at Chicago
I’m not saying Fred Smoot paid for the Vikings sex cruise, but if he did, it would have been the first thing he’s covered all year.
Pick: Minnesota

Carolina at Detroit
Charles Rogers, Roy Williams and Mike Williams, the 2nd, 7th and 10th picks of their respective drafts, have a combined 22 receptions in 2005, a total which is less than the individual totals of Terry Glenn, Eddie Kennison, David Givens, Kevin Curtis, Bobby Engram, Erron Kinney, Deion Branch and Jason Witten. An All-Star cast hasn’t flopped this bad since Gigli.
Pick: Carolina

New York Giants at Dallas
CBS News is reporting the New York subway hoax was perpetrated by none other than Paul Tagliabue. It was Tags’ goal to cripple the transportation lines in the city so the Giants couldn’t get to the airport, thus giving him the justification to move this game back to the Meadowlands.
Pick: Dallas

Cleveland at Baltimore
In an unprecedented turn of events, Ed Reed was flagged for two off-field unsportsmanlike conduct penalties this week, once when he was caught at the supermarket with 16 items in a 15-item express lane and the other for wearing white shoes nearly five weeks after Labor Day.
Pick: Baltimore

Cincinnati at Tennessee
Yes, I just picked Baltimore, a team that last weekend looked worse than I’ve ever seen an NFL team look. And when I say that, keep in mind that I watched Norv Turner coach for seven seasons, which was kind of like being an eyewitness to the rise and fall of Dan Quayle.
Pick: Tennessee

Miami at Tampa Bay
Since Carnell Williams’ nickname is “Cadillac,” shouldn’t we start calling Brian Griese “Kia”?
Pick: Tampa Bay

Atlanta vs. New Orleans
Between a hobbled Michael Vick and a floundering Aaron Brooks, this game could feature the worst performance by cousins since Coy and Vance took over for Bo and Luke in the ill-conceived fifth season of The Dukes of Hazzard.
Pick: Atlanta

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh
I wonder what’s the worst part about getting yelled at by Bill Cowher: Upsetting a man with a mustache or not being able to flinch and wipe all his projectile spittle off your face until he stops yelling and turns around.
Pick: Pittsburgh (If Roethlisberger plays)

Washington at Kansas City
Despite playing only nine snaps so far this season, I’d say it’s still a pretty good bet that Redskins linebacker LaVar Arrington will join Jason Sehorn in Hawaii this February for the Pro Bowl.
Pick: Kansas City

San Diego at Oakland
The furor over Harriet Miers appointment to the Supreme Court intensified this week when it was discovered that Norv Turner was the lone reference on her résumé.
Pick: San Diego

New England at Denver
Don Corleone’s refusal to join Sollozzo’s drug-dealing enterprise in The Godfather ignited a violent mob war that eventually led to the downfall of the Corleone family.
Mike Shanahan’s refusal to sign the petition urging Jake Plummer to bring back his mustache will likely bring a similar fate to the Denver Broncos.
Shanahan had the gall to laugh when he was told about the petition this morning on Denver’s newsleader, 850 KOA. He laughed, as if the petition was some sort of joke!
Pick: New England

New York Jets at Buffalo
This game will only be interesting to fans of these two teams and those who have fantasy players going. And if you have fantasy players going in this one, maybe its best if you just call it a season and save some dignity.
Pick: Buffalo

Houston at Seattle
Unless Dom Capers decides to dress Roger Clemens and Roy Oswalt, this is a game even Mike Martz wouldn’t have been able to screw up for Seattle.
Pick: Seattle

Radio, Radio

Had a very nice chat on Denver's news leader, 850 KOA, this morning with Steffan Tubbs and April Zesbaugh about the magic that is Jake Plummer's mustache and the online petition its absence spawned. The hosts of Colorado's Morning News will interview Mike Shanahan later during their program today and promised to ask the Broncos coach about Plummer's 'stache and its role in this weekend's game against the defending Super Bowl champs. Shanahan will likely dispute my contention that a clean upper-lip (or persistent scruffiness) means dooms for Denver, but even the coach can't argue that the Broncos haven't won a Super Bowl since Jake Plummer shaved his mustache... Think about it.
Check back later this afternoon for Week 6 NFL Picks.

Takin' It Up a Notch

My friends, the word is out. The "Bring Back Jake Plummer's Mustache" petition now boasts 1,600 signatures and tomorrow I'm taking our cause to the airwaves. Listen live at 7:35 a.m. (EDT) when I'll be a guest on Colorado's Morning News with Steffan Tubbs and April Zesbaugh on 850 KOA, Denver's Newsradio station, to discuss the wondrous beauty that was Jake Plummer's mustache.
The petition is also drawing some attention from the print media. MSNBC gossip columnist Jeannette Walls, a woman who clearly understands the power of a beautiful mustache, gave it a mention in her online column this morning, alongside stories about the freeloading Kevin Federline and Johnny Depp's penchant for playing cross-dressing characters.
Updated: 2:54 p.m.

Jake and the Bat Man

Don Denkinger and Rich Garcia, you can rest a little easier tonight. You both finally have some company in the umpiring Hall of Infamy in the form of Doug Eddings.
Eddings was the plate umpire in last night’s bizarre Game 2 of the ALCS and will be remembered forever in Los Angeles, particularly if the Angels should end up losing the series, as the ump who cost the Angels a chance at their second world championship in four seasons.
The ump’s non-strikeout strikeout call, which enabled A.J. Pierzysnki to go down to first after the entire stadium believed the inning to be over, now stands alongside Denkinger’s blown call at first in the 1985 World Series and Garcia’s bogus homerun ruling that went in Derek Jeter’s favor in the 1996 ALCS (a call which enabled the Yankees to begin the World Series run; without it, the Yanks don’t win their first World Series in over a decade and maybe never win one again – OK, I’m stretching it, but you get the idea) as the worst umpiring decisions in baseball playoff history.
The clamor for instant replay in the postseason will now be louder than ever, but previous calls for the system only wanted it to be used for disputed homeruns meaning such a rule would have been worthless last night.
Chicago’s unlikely win masked the team’s many problems, including terrible base-running and coaching decisions over the series’ first two games. And while the disputed call at the plate put the go-ahead run on, the Angels still had to give up said run, which they did quite easily. (What was Francisco Rodriguez doing sitting in the bullpen with the winning run at second base? Was Mike Scioscia so mad about the call that he forgot a game was still going on?)
An umpire is like a football offensive lineman. When they’re at their best, both are largely anonymous. The last thing an ump wants is for the public to know his name. You never hear fans say, “wow, that plate umpire had a really defined strike-zone tonight” while high-fiving over beers. The best thing Doug Eddings can hope for Anaheim to win the ALCS, an outcome which will render his blown call a mere footnote to the series. But if Chicago advances to the World Series, Eddings name will forever be inexorably linked to the 2005 American League Championship Series.

- OK, I realize “Jake and the Bat Man” really doesn’t make any sense because Doug Eddings isn’t really a “bat man”, but anytime I can coax a reference to Jake and the Fatman in any conversation, correspondence or blog entry, I’m damn well going to make it happen.
As I wrote yesterday, the cause to bring back Jake Plummer’s mustache exploded over the past two days with more than 1,200 heroes signing the petition I created two weeks ago. (Over 200 more have signed already today.) As expected, these petition signers know the true meaning of Plummer’s mustache and have left some very heartfelt and intensely personal comments alongside their digital signature. Below are some of the best, with #491 being my personal favorite:

30. matt: a hero died when it came off...

67. Matthew Tray: Jake looks like an unkempt child molester. Actually, I don't know why I'm even signing this.

133. francis buckston: I will never steal another bike if you grow the stache back out. I promise. (Dap to Falkow for informing me who Francis Buckston is.)

163. Jason Shonholz: Jake - Have you and Tom Selleck ever been photographed together? I'm sensing a Clark Kent/Superman thing here....

190. Janet Reno: Hell it was better than mine...

298. Chris Killian: Et Tu, Plummer?

400. nick aquilino: i don't even know who this guy is, but sweet mustache nontheless

469. Matt Loyd: I think his picture should be put next to to the Wright Brothers in the Smithsonian because they have influenced people equally.

457. Frank Phillips: Screw the mustache, bring back the whole beard.

478. John McDonald: Go to hell, Frank Phillips (#457). Go talk to Dan Fouts if you want a full beard. Jake was sent here to provide us all with the perfect 'stache. A full beard is nothing special. God bless you Jake Plummer! I only wish my lip could grow such a perfect companion.

491. Jeff Kent: I thought we had an agreement bro...

509. Karl von Engelbrechten: Just so the mustache can be in Madden 2007.

541. Jake Strom: I am highly envious of whoever thought of this petition. At a time when man is getting kicked in the groin by nature, I can think of nothing more important than clinging to all that is godo and true: the mustache. However, I do not believe that Jake Plummer's 'stache is the best in the land. This homor belongs to a certain Lorenzo Mata, the work-man like center for UCLA. His mustache has been glorified by the LA Times. Please find a way to add Mr. Mata to your petion, as he is comepletely awesome.

647. Brenden Garfield: the only good thing about jake plummer is the porn stache. along with the nickname "jake the snake", it surprises me that he isn't a porn star

666. damien valdespino: i never thought anyone could have a better 'stache than jeff reboulet

673. A Sheehan: Dude - bring it back or give it it's own agent

695. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: I call it "the octagon"

762. Josh in Delaware: When I was a kid, I looked up to Burt Reynolds because he had a sweet stache and was popular with the ladies. Now he is old and sucks and stars in remakes of his own movies. Jake, you are my new Burt Reynolds.

790. Mike: Being an asian man my dream of growing a sweet stache died they day I was born. Snake please keep the sweet stache for all men living vicariously through you. Keep the dream alive!

863. Todd Brushaber: The league should let him play with the one bar facemask so the public can better see his stache

904. jim: let's rip off Dave Wandstett's Stache and glue it on Jake so we don't have to wait 4 months for it to grow back

947. Matt DiPrima: Yo Jake if you can throw a Left-Handed interception you can grow back the pornstache.

1204. Cameron Seymore: I have a great used cars salesman stache and his is strong to quite strong.

1212. you Know: As a casual observer i am in favor of all porno-staches. I only forgave Raffy palmero because of the fantasic patch of classiness above his mouth.

1219. Grandma Redemer: Chase, even you must admit, you had no idea that this petition would take off the way it has. Love Ya Bud!

Saving the 'Stache

Never has my faith in the goodness of mankind been higher than it is right now. Thanks to a link posted by The Intern on The Sports Guy's ESPN.com web site, 1,000 brave souls have joined the fight to bring back Jake Plummer's mustache by digitally signing what may prove to be the most important document since the Treaty of Versailles.
There is a lot going on in the world right now, but these trailblazing petition-signers have their priorities straight. They know that if Jake Plummer doesn't grow his mustache back then nothing else matters; not natural disasters, high heating bills, Supreme Court nominees, none of it. Without Jake's 'stache we all might as well give up and spend the day watching Maury on the couch. Jake Plummer's mustache is the light and without it the world is dark.
Sometimes I sit back and think of those magical days when Jake Plummer, brimming with unbridled machismo, cavorted around in aviator sunglasses, his upper-lip wondrously filled with auburn whiskers. It was a simpler time then. An innocent time. I can remember what it was like, but can't replicate the euphoria of knowing the mustache was out there, keeping us safe from disaster, disease, terrorism, unhealthy UV rays and Rosie O'Donnell. I was walking on air then. The mere thought of Plummer and his mustache gave me a high all the drugs in the world could not duplicate. Now I struggle to find that feeling. It's almost as if it was a dream. Maybe it was.
For a time I thought I was the only one to feel this way... but there are others. Oh, there are others. As of 4:00 p.m. today 1,056 other people - previously strangers, but now my brothers and sisters in arms - who also know the triumphs of high mustache-achievement and the crippling lows a coiff-less face can bring.
That these people were willing to devote 15 seconds of their day to such a worthy endeavor, why it's enough to make even the most cynical man shed a tear.
Thanks to the link from The Intern and those people who want - nay, demand - a return to American glory that can only come from Jake Plummer regrowing his 'stache, the petition "Bring Back Jake Plummer's Mustache" was the fourth most active on PetitionOnline.com yesterday (and the highest one in English too!), ahead of other noble causes like creating a stamp dedicated to ovarian cancer awareness. And while that is indeed a worthy endeavor, perhaps by Plummer growing back his mustache the world will be rid of all maladies and suffering. You might scoff at such a notion, but that's probably because you've never bathed in the healing power of Jake Plummer's mustache.
So, if you haven't, please sign the petition. If John Hancock were alive you know his gigantic signature would already have graced this document. So why hasn't yours?
Help bring back Jake Plummer's mustache. Your country needs you. And so does Jake's upper-lip.

The Chaz Rankings: Week 5

With one of this site's favorite targets hospitalized, today’s Chaz Rankings will have a somber tone in his honor. We here at Chris’s Sports Blog wish Mike Martz a speedy recovery so he can get back on his feet and continue sending the Rams’ franchise down the crapper by calling for 80 passing plays and going for two early in the 1st quarter of each and every game. And by “we” I mean just me, since this entire enterprise is little more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.

1) Indianapolis Colts (1-1, #1) - Through week 5, it’s clear that the Indianapolis Colts are the best team in the NFL. The defense, which has been Indy’s Achilles heel since Tony Dungy arrived, is ranked 7th in the NFL with help from the NFL’s best lineman, Dwight Freeney. That’s up from 29th in 2004.
Concerns about a less explosive Colts offense is sort of like complaining that Spiderman 2 didn’t make as much money as the original; it’s nearly impossible to top a record breaking effort the next time out. Peyton Manning is as good as ever and with the unbelievably underrated Edgerrin James averaging nearly 105 yards per game on the ground, the Colts have become sort of like that girl with the great personality who finally got a makeover and started looking like Tom Brady’s woman. They’re the total package.
I’d be a bit remiss if I didn’t mention Indy’s soft early schedule though, especially because I reserved judgment on the Bengals for a similar reason. The Colts opponents are a combined 9-14 and the only team Indy has beaten with a winning record is 3-2 Jacksonville, and they struggled in that one. Wins over San Francisco, Cleveland, Baltimore and Tennessee, however impressive, are still wins over San Francisco, Cleveland, Baltimore and Tennessee. Even their upcoming Monday nighter against St. Louis isn’t much of a test, so it’s likely we won’t get to see the real Colts until their eagerly anticipated trip to Foxboro on November 7.

2) Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1, #3) - The Steelers are #2 with an asterisk; if Ben Roethlisberger’s knee injury is as serious as it looked last night, they will plummet in these rankings soon enough. Still, it’s tough to ignore Pittsburgh’s magnificent performance last night in San Diego.
The Steelers held LaDainian Tomlinson largely in check and moved the ball with ease against a San Diego defense that shut down New England just eight days before. With the return of Jerome Bettis adding a new wrinkle to an already efficient offense, Pittsburgh looked like the team that made it to the AFC Championship game in 2004.

3) New England Patriots (3-2, #6) - I’m not nearly as impressed with the win in Atlanta as some people are, but anytime a team can go on the road and grab a victory in a dome, they deserve some credit.
New England, despite the grave predictions to the contrary, is still a very good team regardless of the their injuries. No, they aren’t as good as they’ve been in the past, mainly because its clear that Charlie Weis was more important to the Pats than anyone ever imagined.
Corey Dillon is running like Eddie George, his 3.4 yards-per-carry is worst among any of the top 20 rushers in the NFL. With Tom Brady behind center, New England won’t be out of many games, but it seems Bill Belichick has spread himself a little thin with his egomaniacal decision to run both the defense and offense and his team is suffering as a result.
The Pats will still win the pathetic AFC East, but without homefield in January, their chances of a three-peat are slim.

4) Denver Broncos (4-1, #4) - Portions of Michael Wilbon’s column about the Broncos-Redskins game in yesterday’s Washington Post were almost identical to a conversation I had after watching Denver hold on for their fourth straight victory:

Please don't tell me Jake Plummer can beat a good defense, because he can't. The Jake Plummer show has been going on for years now, in Denver and in Arizona, and it's as much comedy as anything else when you consider the left-handed flips and behind-the-back tosses. You just knew when he was taking snaps in the shadow of his own goal line early in the third quarter that Plummer was one of his vintage screw-ups from blowing the game, and he nearly did, on cue. The tuck rule, which really is a pox on the NFL, saved him from a safety and his team from a loss.

With Plummer taking snaps, Denver can lose any game they play. Tatum Bell and Mike Anderson can only do so much to take the load off him and an overrated defense. Denver is #4 for now, but will slip as the season progresses. Unless, of course, Plummer decides to grow back his unbelievable ‘stache.

5) Cincinnati Bengals (4-1, #6) - Yes, the Bengals finally played a decent team and finally lost, but I was impressed with their effort against the fired-up Jags playing at home in primetime. This doesn’t mean I think Cincy is the best team in the AFC or that their path to the playoffs is clear. I do, however, believe the Bengals are better than I originally thought.

6) Washington Redskins (3-1, #9) - What? The Redskins move up three spots after a loss? And, hold on a minute, they’re the highest ranked team in the NFC? Yes and yes. Let me explain though:
The Redskins are not the best team in the NFC, or even the NFC East for that matter. But these rankings are based on what a team has done and is never meant to be an indicator of what they might do. So, the reason the Redskins are #6, tops for an NFC team, are as follows:
a) They are in first place in the best division in the conference.
b) They went on the road and nearly beat a Broncos team that had blown out the Chiefs in the same stadium.
c) They beat Dallas 14-13 in Dallas.
d) Philadelphia lost 33-10 in Dallas.
e) Atlanta has two losses, including one to Seattle, a team the Redskins beat.
f) They are one of just three one-loss teams in the NFC.
g) One of the other one-loss teams, Tampa Bay, just lost to a team led by a guy who was on his couch watching NFL Countdown in week 3. And they should have lost to the lowly Lions the week before.
h) The Giants, the other team with a single loss, haven’t beat a team with a winning record (the Redskins have two such wins under their belt) and lost their lone game by 22 points.
i) Carolina has lost to New Orleans and Miami.
Like I said, the Redskins aren’t the best team in the NFC. But when you look at those nine facts, it’s tough to argue with their position in these rankings.

7) Philadelphia Eagles (3-2, #2) - I hope the guys on Monday Night Countdown didn’t break any bones while jumping off the Eagles bandwagon.
My goodness, one bad loss and you’d think the Eagles were the freakin’ Washington Generals. They had one bad game on the road against a division opponent for crap’s sake! Can’t we give the Eagles the benefit of the doubt on this one?
Plus, my buddy Falkow reports that Philly never does well before a bye week (they are 1-3 before their week off in the past four seasons, which is fairly remarkable for a team that is 51-15 in all other games during that stretch.)
Yes, they need to run the ball more often, but Sunday against Dallas the Eagles were down 14-0 before they knew it and its tough to establish the run down 14.
The Eagles will be fine; they’re not as good as they were last year, or the year before, but, then again, neither is the NFC.

8) Jacksonville Jaguars (3-2, #14) - Maybe Chad Johnson just had an off-day, but on TV it appeared that Jacksonville corners Rashean Mathis and Kenny Wright did an effective job shutting down the gold-toothed wonder.
Fred Taylor looks fantastic early in the season, but will wear down if he continues to get 20 carries a game. Offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave needs to begin working LaBrandon Toefield or Greg Jones a little more to give the diminutive FredTay a break if the Jags want to have a shot for the playoffs.

9) Atlanta Falcons (3-2, #8) - The Falcons would have lost by a lot more than a field goal this weekend if Michael Vick were in the game instead of Matt Schaub.

10) Dallas Cowboys (3-2, #17) - The Cowboys are the biggest enigma in the NFL. They’re two plays away from being 5-0 but are also two plays away from being 1-4.
Julius Jones has been as much of a disappointment as Drew Bledsoe has been a surprise, and with the way Bill Parcells has been using him (Jones leads the NFL with 112 carries, but only Corey Dillon has a lower YPC among the top 20 rushers), it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

11) Carolina Panthers (3-2, #15) - With upcoming games against Detroit and Minnesota, the Panthers should be 5-2 headed into their showdown with the Bucs on November 6.

12) Kansas City Chiefs (2-2, #13) - All that talk about the Chiefs improved defense was a tad premature; Gunther Cunningham’s unit ranks 27th in the NFL.

13) New York Giants (3-1, #12) - Before their bye week, the most “stump your friends” trivia question of this young NFL season was, “who is the highest scoring team in the NFL?” The answer: The New York Giants (who, amazingly, still have the 2nd highest total even after their week off).
Here’s another for you: Other than the 49ers, which is the only other defense in the NFL to allow an average of 400 yards per game to their opponents? And which defense is allowing opponents to convert 50% on third downs, worst in the league? I doubt I need to give you the answer.
The Giants record is a mirage; .500 would be a respectable finish for them.

14) Seattle Seahawks (3-2, #16) - Shaun Alexander is the Alex Rodriguez of the NFL. They both pad their gaudy stats with late-game outbursts after the contest has already been decided. (And speaking of A. Rod, that was one hell of a playoffs for him; 2-15, 0 RBI and a rally-killing double play in the top of the 9th last night. Give that man the MVP!)

15) San Diego Chargers (2-3, #5) - At what point do we stop giving the Chargers the benefit of the doubt?
We don’t. They’re a good team with a brutal schedule. They could easily finish 8-8 and most would then consider last season a fluke, when this season will actually be the flukey one.
And what are they going to do with Drew Brees next year? Bringing in Philip Rivers effectively concedes the season, but they are going to have to do it at some point.

16) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-1, #10) - The Bucs are the most overrated team in the NFL. Their defense, while spectacular, isn’t enough to make up for an anemic offense that will struggle whether Cadillac Williams is in the lineup or not.
They’re 4-1 only because the refs handed them the Lions game (is it just me, or has the instant replay system resulted in some terrible overturned calls this year? The Joey Harrington fumble on Sunday that was ruled an incomplete pass after a challenge was the worst call I’ve ever seen in an NFL game) and without any semblance of a receiving corps, the Bucs will fade in a tough NFC South.

17) Buffalo Bills (2-3, #22) - In 2004 the Bills defense was #3 against the rush. In 2005 the Bills defense is #31 against the rush.

18) New York Jets (2-3, #27) - He’s been counted out prematurely before, but I think the end is finally near for Curtis Martin, who will go down as the most underappreciated running back of his generation.

19) Oakland Raiders (1-3, #19) - If there’s one thing Norv Turner knows how to do… Wait, let me start over. There’s one thing Norv Turner knows how to do: Get the most out of his running backs. Lamont Jordan is in good hands in Oakland.

20) St. Louis Rams (2-3, #20) - Now that Mike Martz isn’t on the sidelines, maybe Steven Jackson will actually get some carries. These 34-31 shootouts with Marc Bulger throwing the ball 50 times isn’t the answer.

21) Tennessee Titans (2-3, #21) - Whatever happened to Chris Brown? One year ago he was going to be the savior in Tennessee, this year I’ve barely heard anything about him.

22) Miami Dolphins (2-2, #11) - Nick Saban needs to get himself a quarterback to go along with the Ronnie Brown/Ricky Williams backfield tandem. Gus Frerotte is a Trent Dilfer-type who can be effective on a good team, but can’t improve a bad one.

23) Cleveland Browns (2-2, #26) - Have you noticed how much Chris Berman and Tom Jackson suck up to Romeo Crennel on NFL Primetime? They actually congratulated him on the Browns win over Chicago on this week’s show. Lil’ Romeo could have coached Cleveland to a win over the Bears, for crap’s sake.

24) Green Bay Packers (1-4, #29) - There won’t be any comeback for the Packers this year; their next four games are: at Minnesota, at Cincinnati, vs. Pittsburgh, at Atlanta. The two easiest games on the slate were in weeks 1 and 2 and Green Bay blew it. 8-8 should take the NFC North, but its tough to find seven wins left on the Pack’s schedule.

25) Detroit Lions (2-2, #24) - During Sunday’s game against the Ravens, the CBS announcers (whom I ranted about yesterday) were raving about how great Kevin Jones was running the ball. In total, Jones carried the ball 22 times on Sunday for 58 yards, for a George-esque 2.2 yard average. For the season Jones is averaging 2.9 per carry and has yet to top 90 yards in a single game. The passing game was supposed to open up the run for Kevin Jones, but it hasn’t. Or maybe Kevin Jones isn’t the guy to run through those holes, who knows. But with five top-11 picks at skill positions on the offense, the Lions need to figure out something quick or Matt Millen and Steve Mariucci will be out of work come January.

26) Chicago Bears (1-3, #23) - Where’s the love for Thomas Jones? The least heralded of all the Jones’ running backs, TJ has 413 yards on just 83 carries this season, good for a 4.8 yard average. If Kyle Orton can put down the JD for a minute and get comfortable behind the offense, Chicago could win the North on the strength of Jones and their fabulous defense.

27) Minnesota Vikings (1-3, #30) - How’s that Nate Burleson pick working out in your fantasy leagues?

28) New Orleans Saints (2-3, #18) - The loss of Deuce McAllister might be the difference between a 5-11 season and a 4-12 one.

29) Arizona Cardinals (1-4, #28) - Josh McCown is looking solid and Larry Fitzgerald is quickly turning into one of the NFL’s premiere receivers. But unless Marcel Shipp or J.J. Arrington can get things going on the ground, the Cardinals will once again have the opportunity to select a bust in the top five of the NFL Draft. (Since Fitzgerald was a top five pick, that’s kind of unfair… Except that it’s not. The Cardinals are a joke.)

30) San Francisco 49ers (1-4, #31) - The 49ers traded their best defensive player, Jamie Winborn, for a mid-round draft choice last week. This is the same 49ers team that is giving up a mind-boggling 450 yards per week, by the way.

31) Baltimore Ravens (1-3, #25) - I refuse to believe that Anthony Wright is one of the best 64 quarterbacks in the United States. Have you seen him play; he looks like a J.V. quarterback who was hastily called up to varsity after the team came down with a bout of food poisoning. He is the worst quarterback I’ve ever seen and that’s saying a lot considering I spent three seasons watching Heath Shuler.

32) Houston Texans (0-4. #32) - In some NFL publication this preseason a writer actually compared David Carr, Domanick Davis and Andre Johnson to Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin. Unless David Carr has to constantly defend his sexuality and Andre Johnson is blowing lines off strippers at a Dallas-area Red Roof Inn every Thursday night, I’m not seeing that these guys have too much in common.

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

Moral victories are for suckers and the Arizona Cardinals. Good losses, however, do exist and the Redskins dog-fight yesterday in Denver falls squarely into that category.
Playing against the leader of the best division in football in their home stadium, itself the toughest place to play in the league, the Redskins outplayed the Denver Broncos and put the NFL on notice that the burgundy and gold is indeed back.
After a week in which the press ridiculously speculated about whether the 'Skins were the worst 3-0 team in NFL history (the answer is a resounding no, unlike the correct response to the query, "are Don Banks and Dan Shanoff the two most worthless sports writers on the Internet"), Washington went into Denver, threw for 300 yards, ran for 100, moved the ball with ease against a supposedly top-notch defense and, except for two big plays (one of which sprang from a terrible missed tackle), held the Broncos vaunted rushing attack in check.
Washington thoroughly outplayed Denver but was victimized at the most inopportune times by crucial special teams mistakes which have become a regular occurrence this season. A mind-boggling false start on a half-ending 53-yard field goal and a blocked kick later in the game took six possible points off the board for the Redskins. Throw in a ridiculous interpretation of the infamous (and ill-conceived) tuck rule and Washington gave away eight possible points to Denver. The team gave the game to Denver, but should still gain confidence from the hard-fought road loss.
This is because Joe Gibbs’ offense is firing on all cylinders. After 19 games to regain his mojo, Gibbs is looking more like the offensive genius he was in the '80s and less like the out-of-touch coach he resembled at times last season.
Clinton Portis ran well behind a much-improved offensive line, Santana Moss is quickly turning the Laveranues Coles trade into a steal for Washington, Chris Cooley, Mike Sellers and Robert Royal are proving to be prototypical Gibbs players in the mold of Doc Walker, Clint Didier, Don Warren and Terry Orr and Mark Brunell is playing like he’s one of the best quarterbacks in the NFC (laugh if you will, but which healthy QB in the conference would you take ahead of Brunell right now? My list is short: Donovan, Bulger and, Jake Delhomme.)
The tough effort by the offense and defense should make the coaches proud, as should the team's reaction to the loss. Over the past five years, Redskins teams acted the same, win or lose. Walking into Steve Spurrier's locker room, an observer would never have been able to tell whether the team won or lost. But yesterday the Redskins players were truly distraught after the defeat. Clinton Portis looked so devastated by it he barely acknowledged his former teammates after the game. These players care about winning, and in a league where the difference between 10-6 and 6-10 is a handful of plays, desire is an underrated strength.
A tough trip to Kansas City is up next for Washington, followed by a home game against San Francisco and two intradivisional games against the Giants and Eagles.
On Halloween the Redskins will know if they’ll be a serious factor in the playoff race. After yesterday’s performance though, the team can take comfort in the fact that they are very much for real.

Sunday Thoughts
Since most of this site’s daily readers come here while wasting time at work, I’m going to have to rush things this afternoon so they can avoid being productive before going home. But I will say; congratulations to Astros’ utility man Chris Burke for his series-ending homerun in the 18th inning yesterday. Now if Burke can just get moving on coordinating the Life Goes On reunion, he’ll be made in the shade.

Sunday Superlatives
Game of the Day: Denver 21 – Washington 19
If Redskins TE Robert Royal doesn’t slip coming off the line of scrimmage, then Ian Gold isn’t in position to make a fantastic play on Mark Brunell’s pass and Washington heads to overtime in an empty Invesco Field against a demoralized Broncos team with an offense that hadn’t moved the ball since the first half.

Upset of the Day: Dallas 33 – Philadelphia 10
Everyone expected Dallas to give Philly a game, but nobody expected this.

Player of the Day: Fred Taylor, RB, Jacksonville
He didn’t have the gaudiest numbers for the day, but without FredTay moving the chains for the Jaguars and eating up clock in the 4th quarter, Jacksonville would have run out of steam against Cincinnati. Instead, the Jags held on for a win that could be big come January.

Ryan Leaf Line of the Day: Alex Smith, QB, 49ers – 9/23, 74 yds, 4 INT
Can someone explain to me why Mike Nolan decided to give Alex Smith his first start the week before the Niners bye against an undefeated Colts team with a much-improved defense? I thought Nolan was supposed to be some sort of genius (despite the mountain of evidence to the contrary, of course).

Faulk Fantasy Player of Day: Steve Smith– 119 yds, 2 TD – 26 fantasy points
After inadvertently snubbing Smith a few weeks ago, I promised not to make that same mistake again (or risk the wrath of my buddy Scott and his friends D-Balls, Chuck and Buttass). And, by the way, Smith deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as Randy, Terrell, Chad and Marvin.

Boldin Fantasy Player of Day: Joe Jurevicius – 137 yds, 1 TD – 19 fantasy points
While making my waiver pick last Wednesday I debated the merits of Jurevicius and Shaun McDonald. With Joe Horn doubtful and his replacement, Travis Taylor, on a bye, I needed a second WR. After going back and forth I finally made the right choice. The next day, Darrell Jackson underwent knee surgery and Bobby Engram was declared out for Sunday’s game against the Rams. McDonald had 55 yards receiving. And I will likely lose my game because I’m a huge idiot and didn’t make the right choice at all.

Fantasy Bust of Day: Brian Westbrook – 12 rsh yds, 24 rec yds – 3 fantasy points
Donovan McNabb or Terrell Owens could have just as easily gotten the nod, but Westbrook’s day is especially disappointing against a soft Dallas front-four that gave up 126 yards to Lamont Jordan last week.

Announcer Line of the Week
“I don’t think any other player in the history of the league has had more of an impact on their organization than Ray Lewis.”
- CBS color commentator Steve Tasker.
It was just one of dozens of insanely stupid things uttered by Takser and partner Gus Johnson in what was the worst announced football game this side of ESPN. Come to think of it, it might not have been Tasker that said it. I can’t keep the CBS teams straight since Brent Jones unexpectedly quit two weeks ago. (Does anyone know who that masked-idiot was in the booth?) Either way, Johnson and his color guy were terrible and this absurd statement about Lewis is just one of many examples. Lewis has been huge for the Ravens, but what about Peyton Manning, John Elway, Joe Montana, Lawrence Taylor, Walter Payton or one of the other countless Hall of Famers that have helped lead teams from obscurity to greatness. Beyond that, the Ravens suck anyway, so what impact has Ray had besides the lone Super Bowl trophy and his murder charges?
And, by the way, I’ve never been happier that CBS subjects Washingtonians to Ravens games than I was yesterday. The refs called 21 penalties, including six unsportsmanlike conducts (one of which was Mike Carey described as “an unsightly gesture”). This was all after the worst decision on a replay review in NFL history went against Baltimore, so the Ravens did have a point but they went so hilariously overboard it was enough to make a Ravens fan hate them even more.

Predictions
I had my third straight 9-4 Sunday, but am happier with these picks than I was after last week’s cupcake schedule. I correctly picked three of the four undefeated teams to suffer their first loss (Washington, Tampa Bay and Cincinnati) and also had New England beating Atlanta which, for some reason, was an unpopular pick this week. (If anything, the news of Michael Vick’s injury actually made me less confident in the Pats. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: The Falcons would be a better team with an experienced Matt Schaub under center.)
Alright, with all this self-congratulatory nonsense I’m starting to sound like Bill Simmons, so I’ll shut up now.

Injuries
The Deuce is loose, and by loose I of course mean, “out for the season.”
That anybody other than Donovan McNabb and the New England Patriots roster suffers from injuries might come as a shock to many, but the Redskins were without both their starting corners (Shawn Springs and Walt Harris) and the hits kept right on coming in Green Bay as backup running back Najeh Davenport went down with a season-ending injury.
And late word out of St. Louis is that the hilariously inept Mike Martz will take a six-week leave of absence. The team will keep going for two in his honor.

The Chaz Rankings: Top Two
1) Indianapolis Colts - Taking a cue from USC, the Colts toyed with their opponent in the first half.
2) San Diego/Pittsburgh - The winner takes the #2 spot.

Who I Like Monday Night and I Certainly Don’t Mean Derek Jeter
It’s getting late and the Mike Martz news is devastating for me because it now means I have to come up with actual things to say about the Rams for the Chaz Rankings and weekly picks instead of ripping on Martz.
So let’s just say: San Diego 27 – Pittsburgh 19. (And the Yankees, sadly, win.)

NFL Picks: Week 5

New Orleans at Green Bay
After thrilling Mexican fans with a penalty call translated into Spanish, referee Ed Hochuli will announce this game’s first infraction in Hillbilly-speak just for Brett Favre.
Pick: Green Bay

Baltimore at Detroit
John McCain’s new amendment which calls for a ban of “cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” to anyone in the custody of the U.S. military passed 90-9 in the Senate Wednesday. Of the nine “nay” votes, eight senators said they were holding out until the ban also included the viewing of this game.
Pick: Baltimore

Chicago at Cleveland
If they give Bono a Nobel Prize today, I’m going to… (deep breath)
If it’s announced today that Bono will be awarded with a Nobel Prize, I swear I’ll… (serenity now, serenity now)
When the inevitable news release stating Bono as the newest winner of the Nobel Peace Prize comes out, you won’t be able to stop me from… (sound of teeth grinding)
I really don’t know how to end any of those sentences without dropping 47 f-bombs, a few unseemly compound words and a handful of slurs about the Irish and crappy, pompous, image-conscious musicians. (Note: I wrote that late last night; today it was announced that, thankfully, Bono did not win the award.)
Pick: Cleveland

New England at Atlanta
From Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback:

2. I think the best thing I've heard about the Patriots in a long time comes from Phil Simms. "Maybe it's just a reflection of society, but everyone's looking for a reason why the Patriots won't repeat. Fans want to move on and see what's next. I speak to fans in airports and other places and they have actually expressed to me that they are 'tired' of the Patriots. OK, so you're tired of good sportsmanship? Tired of players who handle themselves well in the press? Tired of a team overcoming injuries and other obstacles? It makes you wonder.''
Amen, brother.
As I said, the Patriots have done some things that rub me the wrong way,
like the towel thing in Pittsburgh. Totally unnecessary. But overall, there
hasn't been a group of players, except maybe the current Yankees, that has
the kind of winners' class Joe American Fan likes in his champions.

Twenty bucks says these morons were heartbroken this morning when they heard Bono didn’t win the Nobel Prize.
Pick: New England

Seattle at St. Louis
Wait, you mean to tell me Mike Martz mistakenly called a play last week intended for Marshall Faulk when Steven Jackson was actually in the game and it led to a costly turnover for the Rams? I suppose next you’ll try to convince me that former (and future) D.C. Mayor Marion Barry is in trouble with the law. It’s kooky-talk, I say!
Pick: St. Louis

Tampa Bay at New York Jets
Jason Giambi winning Comeback Player of the Year is objectionable on so many levels I don’t even know where to begin.
For Major League Baseball to reward a player for getting his career back on track after abusing steroids is grossly irresponsible and sends a terrible message to the very children the league is directing their current anti-drug campaign towards.
Baseball’s advertising firm might as well change the slogan of their current anti-drug spot from “steroids don’t make great athletes, they destroy them” to “steroids make great athletes, until you get a messed-up pituitary gland which results in a sickness you claim is food poisoning and eventually sidelines you for the season, but not until you’re subpoenaed to appear before a grand jury and admit your use of steroids, after which you make a public appearance and tearfully apologize for nothing and are welcomed back with open arms by hypocritical New Yorkers who cheer you when you’re on the juice and hitting homers and boo you when you’re off and not, and because of baseball’s ridiculous contracts you still make money even though you’re an admitted cheater; then when you come back and regain your swing after a terrible first month of the season, which raises a few eyebrows considering baseball’s testing policy is still lax, you’ll be showered upon with praise by baseball’s front office for your courageous return for being a pathetic liar and cheater.”
Pick: New York Jets

Tennessee at Houston
The first 5,500 years of human civilization has produced brilliant writing and literature. Writers like Josephus, Chaucer, Shakespeare and Hemingway were the best of their generation and their work will be revered forever. But even those once-in-a-lifetime writers have failed to write the perfect sentence; a sentence that manages to perfect the written word. That sentence, like discovering the meaning of life, has been man’s unreachable endeavor… Until today. For a simple sentence, innocently promoting a future television event, has achieved perfection. It reads, “Biography: Chuck Norris is the story of a kid from Oklahoma who grew up with a bad dad and a great mom and became one of the most accomplished martial arts experts on the planet.”
Pick: Tennessee

Miami at Buffalo
Seriously, at which episode of Biography will the suits over at A&E finally figure out they’ve exhausted every possible subject for the show? Do you think we’ll eventually get to Willie Aames or will they call its quits after the airing of Biography: The Black Guy Who Got In The Knife Fight In The “Beat It” Video.
Pick: Buffalo

Indianapolis at San Francisco
I still can’t believe Elton John’s middle name is Hercules.
Pick: Indianapolis

Washington at Denver
Over/under for Sunday’s game: 34.5
Over/under for Clinton Portis’ rushing yardage: 82
Over/under for number of Broncos cheerleaders Jake Plummer’s mustache nails Sunday night: 6.5
Pick: Denver (but ‘Skins +7 is a steal)

Philadelphia at Dallas
Have you noticed there hasn’t been any news about the Donovan/T.O. feud since after week 1? I guess four TD passes and some fake injuries was enough to throw Sal Paolantonio off the scent.
Pick: Philadelphia

Carolina at Arizona
After Denny Green's inevitable firing, Bill Bidwell should hire Lute Olsen to be the new Cards coach. At least with Lute you know you'll get to the postseason before choking.
Pick: Arizona

Cincinnati at Jacksonville
With such soft opponents to start the season, I had to double-check and make sure Jim Boeheim wasn’t making the Bengals schedule.
Pick: Jacksonville

Last week: 10-4
Season: 38-22

Where's LaVar?

With the Redskins at 3-0 and Gregg Williams’ defense ranked 3rd in the NFL, it’s easy to forget that Pro Bowler LaVar Arrington has had no part in Washington’s unexpected early-season success.
The much-heralded linebacker, now in his 6th season with the ‘Skins, has been a forgotten man at Redskins Park in 2005. The injuries which plagued him in 2004 have healed, yet despite being the team’s highest paid player, Arrington is just the 5th linebacker on the team’s depth chart, behind two players who joined the Redskins as undrafted free agents.
Arrington, the 2nd pick of the 2000 draft, was on the field for just two plays Sunday against Seattle and only saw action during the first series in the team’s comeback win in Dallas two weeks before.
His absence has baffled Redskins fans, who have made Arrington a fan-favorite in D.C. His #56 jersey is by far the most popular in the stands at FedEx Field, yet few can argue with the success Washington’s defense has enjoyed without the real #56 on the field. LaVar has played just two full games since Joe Gibbs returned, yet the team’s D is ranked 2nd in the NFL over that span.
When questioned about Arrington’s benching, Gibbs has been characteristically tight-lipped, choosing to deflect questions about the defense to Gregg Williams, who runs the unit free of interference from Gibbs and his offensive staff.
Assistant coach Joe Bugel tried to dance around the issue in an interview on a local D.C. news station this week, but eventually Buges let a provocative comment slip about LaVar’s work ethic, or lack thereof. Other unsubstantiated reports indicate LaVar is confused with Gregg Williams’ intricate defensive packages and refuses to learn them, instead trying to freelance on defense the way he has in the past. Other whispers indicate LaVar’s football IQ is low and he is unable to learn the defense.
Either way, LaVar Arrington is on the bench and the Washington Redskins have a huge problem on their hands.
That LaVar Arrington is an undisciplined player is nothing new. His career up to this point has been marred by inconsistency. Lavar's play has been erratic in between the bone-jarring hits, game-changing sacks and other phenomenal plays that have led to Redskins victories. But, even while ending Troy Aikman’s career, sacking Kurt Warner to save a huge victory against the Rams or returning an interception for a touchdown pass against Carolina to spark a five-game winning streak, LaVar has blown just as many plays as he’s made. Never content to stay within the system, LaVar freelanced too much, often overrunning tackles or dropping out of his coverage.
Everyone was willing to accept LaVar’s faults if he kept making huge plays though. It was easy to make excuses for a guy that continually came up big, especially when you remember LaVar had played for five different defensive coordinators in his first five seasons.
Now it becomes clear that the problem wasn’t the turnover in the Redskins coaching staff, but LaVar himself.
Gregg Williams has repeatedly said that the best players on defense will get the most playing time; a subtle swipe at LaVar. Williams holds his weekly press conference today, when he’ll no doubt be asked more questions about the situation. But don’t expect anything more than the same vanilla quotes he’s been uttering for weeks. No matter what he says though, it's clear LaVar is not in his plans.
As it is now, it seems that an injury to one of the starting linebackers is the only way LaVar Arrington will see the field this season. The logical question then becomes, “what next?”
The Washington Post reports Arrington’s benching is a precursor to his eventual release. Doing so, however, would cause a massive $12 million cap hit for 2006. A trade seems out of the question for the same cap-busting reasons. But the Redskins have taken huge cap hits before (Jets WR Laveranues Coles is counting $9 million this year), meaning it seems fair to assume that 2005 will be LaVar Arrington’s final year in a Redskins uniform, something that would have seemed impossible just three months ago.
When a team is 3-0, nothing seems to matter. The quarterback controversy which raged in D.C. just 18 days ago is a mere memory after the past two wins. And the unprecedented benching of a Pro Bowler like LaVar Arrington has disturbed only the most ardent fans. (Can you remember another instance in sports where a team’s marquee player has been benched for an elongated period of time? And Keyshawn doesn’t count, he was neither the team’s marquee player nor benched.) But if the Redskins season should start to sour, or the defense begins to struggle, the LaVar Arrington situation will become a major issue in Washington.
While every fan would prefer to see LaVar on the field wreaking havoc on opposing quarterbacks, the defensive coaches have earned the benefit of the doubt. LaVar, unfortunately, has not.

- Even after that devastating Game 2 loss, it’s worth remember that the Boston Red Sox have been in this position before. And I’m not talking about last year’s ALCS.
People seem to forget the Sox were down 0-2 to Oakland in the 2003 ALDS before coming back to win three straight en route to their first-ever meeting with the Yankees in the ALCS. That series began with a late-night 12th inning loss on catcher Ramon Hernandez’s suicide squeeze.
The Sox were in even more dire straits after those two losses, which wasted starts by Pedro Martinez and Tim Wakefield. The erratic Derek Lowe was to start Game 3 and John Burkett was on tap for a possible Game 4. This time around the Sox have Wakefield for Game 3 (who’s always a question mark; if the knuckler is knuckling he can be unhittable. If he can’t get it working, it will be a short series for Boston) and a battered Curt “5.69 ERA” Schilling for Game 4.
OK, maybe things are worse for the Red Sox now. Still, I'd be shocked if the series didn't get to Schilling and a Sunday matinee in Chicago seems possible, if not probable.

- Nice error by A. Rod at 3rd base last night. If he makes that routine play, the Yankees are up 2-0 headed back to New York. Gold Glove indeed!

The Chaz Rankings: Week 4

1) Indianapolis Colts (4-0, #1) - Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison’s record for most yards from a QB to a WR looks to be safe for the near future. The only two-some currently in the NFL who could possibly challenge the record would be the Ravens’ Kyle Boller and Clarence Moore, but even those two superstars will have trouble reaching the Colts duo’s pinnacle.

2) Philadelphia Eagles (3-1, #5) - Can I get 4:1 odds on Donovan McNabb announcing in the next two months that he's been battling scurvy?

3) Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1, #4) - With Ben Affleck popularizing the replacement of a noun’s first syllable with his own monosyllabic name (ie, “Bennifer” or “Benator”), I fear it’s only a matter of time before Bonnie Bernstein starts referring to Mr. Roethlisberger as the “Benterback” of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

4) Denver Broncos (3-1, #9) - Rumor has it that Paris Hilton called off her engagement when she heard that Jake Plummer’s mustache’s agent e-mailed her agent saying that the ‘stache wanted to meet the hotel heiress for drinks next time it was in L.A.

5) San Diego Chargers (2-2, #10) - Shouldn’t LaDainian Tomlinson’s nickname be LDT instead of LT? What, the capital “D” can’t get no love?

6) Cincinnati Bengals (4-0, #6) - Chris Berman’s has this new schtick during Bengals highlights where he yells, “Herrrrrrreeeeee’s Carson!” everytime Carson Palmer does something good. But since the line is actually, “Herrrrrrrrrreeeeee’s Johnny!” I can’t fully get on-board with this thing. Maybe Chris is losing it.

7) New England Patriots (2-2, #2) - Oh, who am I kidding. I’m just trying to pick a fight with Berman to mask my sorrow and make the impending loss of NFL Primetime easier to handle. Damn coping mechanisms!

8) Atlanta Falcons (3-1, #12) - In an attempt to enliven the largely-apathetic Atlanta fanbase, Michael Vick will be at Turner Field today for Game 1 of the NLDS handing out free samples of Valtrex to the first 15,000 fans in attendance.

9) Washington Redskins (3-0, #13) - LaVar Arrington’s month has gone so poorly that even Tom Delay is starting to sympathize with him.

10) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-0, #3) - I can commiserate with Bucs fans, my Cadillac also broke down this summer. Of course, mine was 14 years old, had 132,000 miles on it, was involved in four accidents, had no roof liner, often leaked during heavy rains, only had two of four functional windows and, by the end of its time on earth, had this weird sort of smell that was a cross between the kitchen at Taco Bell and my gym bag. But hey… It was a smooth pimped-out ride while it lasted.

11) Miami Dolphins (2-1, #8) - Ricky Williams comes back next week and you know what that means: Clogged drains in the Dolphins showers and the return of that musky scent which Jason Taylor has pinned down to being a combination of B.O., patchouli oil and the sweet, smoky smell you normally find at a Phish concert.

12) New York Giants (3-1, #18) - Sure, Eli Manning threw 4 TDs against St. Louis, but torching the Rams is kind of like when I tear it up while watching the Teen Tournament on Jeopardy. It’s a nice ego boost and all, but it’s important to keep these things in perspective.

13) Kansas City Chiefs (2-2, #11) - Between the Chiefs collapse, the Tribe’s Wild Card choke-job and me winning $200 at an Indian Casino, it was a tough weekend for anything associated with mildly-offensive Native American imagery.

14) Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2, #7) - Why is the Jags three letter city abbreviation “JAX”? Where did the “x” come from? Was Vanna White having a yard sale? Sure, the middle of “Jacksonville” has a sort of “x” sound, but you just can’t go creating a letter for the purpose of abbreviating. It’s like… It’s like… Well, it’s like something.

15) Carolina Panthers (2-2, #17) - If Julius Peppers sack-less season continues, don’t be shocked if he makes a beeline for Jake Delhomme the next time Dan Henning chooses to line the defensive end up at receiver.

16) Seattle Seahawks (2-2, #15) - Keeping with his new mantra of playing it safe, Mike Holmgren has been late to every Seahawks practice this week after driving 15 mph in the right lane of I-5 on his way to the team’s training facility.

17) Dallas Cowboys (2-2, #16) - I think I speak for all of us when I say I hope the Larry Allen/Jose Cortez feud is more Jay-Z/Nas than Biggie/2pac.

18) New Orleans Saints (2-2, #26) - Media reports of murder, rape and general mayhem at the Superdome in the wake of Hurricane Katrina were apparently greatly exaggerated. The press should be ashamed of themselves. There hasn’t been that much irresponsibility in the Superdome since Ricky Williams let Master P negotiate his rookie contract.

19) Oakland Raiders (1-3, #25) - You know how sometimes you’re flipping channels aimlessly and stumble on something so amazing on a random station and you’re not sure whether it was dumb luck or the grace of the heavens that led to you that specific channel at that specific time? Because last night during the dreadfully boring Yankees game I flipped to the always-reliable VH1 Classic just in time to see the video for Elton John’s “Healing Hands”. Apparently, it was the luckiest day of my life because another Elton video followed, this time for “Sad Songs Say So Much”. After this life-changing medley, one of the VJ’s came on and answered some of the Elton John trivia questions she had asked before the videos. Obviously, I was intrigued. The first two questions were fairly boring; but then she reread a question that asked what Elton’s middle name was. As she was informing the viewer that Elton had his name legally changed from Reginald Dwight to Elton John in the late-‘60s and then legally added a middle name a few years later, I was eager with anticipation. I figured it was something flamboyant like “Judy” or “Garland” or “Liza”. Oh, how wrong I was. I knew the middle name would be utterly fantastic, but nothing prepared me for what I heard next…

20) St. Louis Rams (2-2, #14) - Mike Martz’s wife is probably tired of her husband’s infatuation with always going for two.

21) Tennessee Titans (1-3, #21) - I don’t even know what that means.

22) Buffalo Bills (1-3, #19) - In a meeting with Mike Mularkey, Willis McGahee let his coach know that things between him and J.P. Losman had deteriorated to the point where the only way to salvage the Bills season would be to bench Losman and bring in Conrad Bain.

23) Chicago Bears (1-2, #23) - …“Hercules.”

24) Detroit Lions (1-2, #24) - Charles Rogers needs to start holding up liquor stores, freebasing crack in the lobby of a Motel 6 and preaching the virtues of Scientology because, as Lawrence Phillips has shown, if you’re going to be a huge NFL bust, you might as well do it with some style.

25) Baltimore Ravens (1-2, #31) - I bet Kyle Boller was vaguely disappointed when the Jets didn’t even try to contact the Ravens to inquire about his availability.

26) Cleveland Browns (1-2, #28) - First it was “The Fumble”. Then, the debut of The Drew Carey Show, which was followed by an extra-innings loss in Game 7 of the 1997 World Series and the Tim Couch debacle. Factor in the Indians massive collapse last weekend, and this has to be the worst stretch for a city since… No, this is definitely the worst stretch for a city in the history of civilized society. That Drew Carey thing really hurt.

27) New York Jets (1-3, #22) - Some quick “wow, Vinny’s really old” facts for your reading enjoyment:
1) Vinny is the oldest Jet player by eight years.
2) Vinny was the only Jets player alive the last time the franchise won the Super Bowl.
3) Vinny is older than half of the Jets coaching staff.
4) Vinny was a freshman at Miami before current Jets Dante Ridgeway, Justin Miller and Andre Meddox were even born.
5) Vinny used to walk eight miles to school during blizzards without any shoes, socks or iPod.

28) Arizona Cardinals (1-3, #32) - Featuring Arizona in a game designed to expose millions of Mexicans to the beauty of NFL football is sort of like sending Rob Schneider on a goodwill tour of Tanzania as a representative of the American film industry.

29) Green Bay Packers (0-4, #29) - John Madden was utterly dismayed when he heard the news that President Bush chose Harriet Miers to fill the vacant seat on the Supreme Court instead of Madden’s preferred candidate, over-praised hillbilly Brett Favre.

30) Minnesota Vikings (1-3, #20) - That’s right. Elton John’s full legal name is: Elton Hercules John.
I immediately had two thoughts:
1) How the hell did I, nor The Wolfman and Falkow, not know about this?
and
2) Is that what “Tiny Dancer” is about.

31) San Francisco 49ers (1-3, #27) - Handing the ball to Alex Smith is kind of like switching captains of the Titanic after the ship hit the iceberg.

32) Houston Texans (0-3, #30) - I bet David Carr’s woes can be pinned on the fact that he desperately wants to get name-dropped on a song by Houstonians Mike Jones or Paul Wall and is trying too hard instead of relaxing and letting the game come to him. Or maybe it’s just his goofy-ass haircut.

2005 MLB Awards and Playoff Preview

Nearly every November, baseball writers are forced to interpret the meaning of the year-end awards when filling out their ballots.
Does an MVP have to play on a winning team? Can a starting pitcher who only throws every five days be an MVP? Are relievers viable candidates for the MVP, Cy Young or both?
There are no wrong answers to these questions, of course, just differing opinions. Each award is open to a voter’s own interpretation of its meaning.
In many situations, the competition for an award determines a player’s worthiness. A player on a losing team should only win the MVP if there isn’t a great player on a winning team. A reliever should only win the Cy Young if there wasn’t a dominant performance by a starter. And a starting pitcher should only be considered for the MVP award in the most extreme circumstances.
These questions are especially important this year, when three of the four major baseball awards will be decided due to a voter's criteria for what it takes to win one.
Every baseball observer has a different idea of what an MVP or Cy Young winner should be. Here are mine:

American League MVP
Can a designated hitter win the MVP award? Just like with the other aforementioned questions, the answer is: It depends.
Clearly, the fact that a DH doesn’t play in the field is a huge consideration. And if all things at the plate were equal, another player would get the nod over a DH if he played at a Gold Glove-quality in the field.
Which, of course, brings us to Alex Rodriguez vs. David Ortiz.
Ortiz is the Red Sox DH, Rodriguez guards the hot corner for the Yankees. Many believe that the mere fact that Rodriguez plays in the field is enough to list him atop their ballots. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.
According to every available fielding statistic, Alex Rodriguez is a below-average 3rd baseman. A. Rod had just 3.2 fielding win shares in 2005 which was ranked him 17th among MLB third-baggers, below such defensive stalwarts as Vinny Castilla and Melvin Mora. His 2.60 range factor was 2nd worst in baseball among qualified players, as was anemic .733 range factor. Should A. Rod really get credit in the MVP race for simply playing 3rd base? If he played it well, sure. But to view his poor play as an asset to his candidacy is unsound logic.
If the Yankees had stayed with Aaron Boone or signed Vinny Castilla to a free agent contract, their play at 3rd base would improve. How can that possibly boost A. Rod’s MVP stock?
What if Manny Ramirez, arguably the worst left fielder in baseball (though even Manny didn’t finish second-to-last in both zone rating and range factor), was in a MVP horserace with a DH? Would the mere fact that he stands in the outfield forgetting how many outs there are make him a more attractive candidate? Of course not.
Ortiz could go out and play 1st base every day and do it poorly, just like A. Rod does at 3rd. But the Red Sox choose to keep him on the bench and just take advantage of his bat. And for that, he shouldn’t be punished.
Now that its been decided that A. Rod’s fielding play gives him no discernable advantage over Big Papi, there’s still a decision to make. Which player was more valuable? Notice the question is not, “who is better?”, because I think A. Rod is a more complete hitter than Ortiz. But when it comes down to value, ask yourself this: If you take A. Rod out of the Yankees lineup, what would they have done this year? And the answer is, probably pretty much the same. Jeter, Sheffield, Matsui and the newly-juiced Jason Giambi could have held things down in the Bronx without the slap-happy A. Rod (right).
But, take Ortiz out of the Red Sox lineup and today Boston fans are turning their attention to the reeling Patriots instead of preparing for Game 1 of the ALDS.
Ortiz came through almost every time he was in a big spot this year. His at-bats in and of themselves were experiences to watch. You just knew he’d get the clutch hit in a tense situation, the way you knew Michael Jordan would hit that shot at the buzzer. Some of you may scoff at the Ortiz-MJ comparison, but in the clutch this year D.O. was certainly Jordan-esque.
You can go over A. Rod’s and Ortiz’s stats with a fine-tooth comb and come up with reasons why one should win the MVP over the other. (I won’t argue against A. Rod, which might come as a surprise to those who read this blog regularly.) Their stats are remarkably similar in that way. But one really caught my eye. It’s always dangerous to read too much into statistics without a big sample, sometimes they can be very deceiving. (For example, Mark Bellhorn hit .467 on 2-0 counts this season. Of course, he hit .204 on every other count.) But there’s one that, to me, clinches the AL MVP race:
In “close and late” situations, which is defined as an at-bat in the 7th inning or later with the batting team either ahead by one run, tied or with the potential tying run at least on deck, Alex Rodriguez’s line is a respectable: 75 AB, 5 2B, 4 HR, 12 RBI, .293 AVG, .938 OPS.
For Ortiz: 78 AB, 6 2B, 11 HR, 33 RBI, .346 AVG, 1.293 OPS.
Check. Mate.

1) David Ortiz – Boston Red Sox
2) Mariano Rivera – New York Yankees
3) Alex Rodriguez – New York Yankees

National League MVP
If the A.L. MVP decided whether a DH can win the MVP, the N.L. will answer if a player on a losing team should ever win the award over a player on a team headed into the playoffs.
How does one define value? Can a player only be valuable if he is on a team that enjoys success? Some voters will undoubtedly see it that way. But is a player who helps a team go from, say, 80 wins to 90 wins more important than a player who helps his team go from 60 wins to 75 wins? Why should the player on the better team get the benefit of the doubt.
A player has little control over what his teammates do, he can only control his own stats. Switch Albert Pujols and Derrek Lee this season and would anything change for the Cards and Cubs? No. The Cardinals would still have runaway with the Central and the Cubs would have been below .500.
I’m more inclined to view the MVP as the player who is most important to his team; hence my vote for David Ortiz. Take him away from the Red Sox and they don’t make the playoffs. That’s why my N.L. MVP vote goes to the Cubs Derrek Lee.
With him, the Chicago struggled to stay close to .500. Without him, Chicago would have been dead last in the N.L. Central.
If anyone wants to argue the merits of Albert Pujols or Andruw Jones, I won’t argue back. Both of those players are just as deserving. But only Lee led the N.L. in batting average, slugging percentage, OPS and doubles.

1) Derrek Lee – Chicago Cubs
2) Albert Pujols – St. Louis Cardinals
3) Andruw Jones – Atlanta Braves

American League Cy Young
Question #3: Do relievers deserve consideration for the Cy Young award? The answer, just like every other today, is yes with a “but”.
The only time a reliever should win a Cy Young is when that reliever puts together an unbelievable season while no starting pitcher in the league stands out. Eric Gagne took advantage of this a few years ago against a weak N.L. crop of starters.
In the American League this season, Mariano Rivera had yet another lights-out season. Without a dominant year by a starter, many have suggested it’s finally time for Rivera to earn the Cy Young award.
I agree with this… Partially. The Cy Young award isn’t for career achievement. The same way Peyton Manning didn’t deserve the Heisman in 1997 due to his amazing college career, Rivera’s remarkable run with the Yankees shouldn’t factor into the 2005 Cy Young award. The only thing that matters is Rivera’s pitching this season. Of course, that is enough to win him the award.
After his two blown saves early in the season against Boston (which were followed by a slew of “is Mariano done?” debates), Rivera was nearly flawless on the year. His 1.38 ERA was best among closers, as was his WHIP and BAA. Simply put, without Rivera the Yankees don’t make the playoffs.
So he should get the Cy Young, right?
Not so fast… Earlier I said that a reliever should only get the Cy Young if no other pitcher had a dominating year. And looking at wins and losses, it seems that no A.L. starter did have a great year. Bartolo Colon was 21-8, but his bloated 3.48 ERA ranked just 8th in the league. ERA leader Kevin Millwood had a solid season, but pitched fewer innings than Bruce Chen. But then there’s the defending Cy Young award winner and forgotten man Johan Santana.
Santana was once again remarkable in 2005. He led the A.L. in strikeouts, finished 2nd in ERA and after the All-Star break went 8-2 with a microscopic 1.61 ERA
The Cy Young award is supposed to go the best pitcher in the league. And in 2005 that was Johan Santana.

1) Johan Santana – Minnesota Twins
2) Mariano Rivera – New York Yankees
3) Bartolo Colon – Anaheim Angels

National League Cy Young
Just like with the N.L. MVP race, you can’t go wrong picking any number of guys to win the Cy Young award. For the past three months this was thought to be a three-horse race between Chris Carpenter, Dontrelle Willis and Roger Clemens. But after an unbelievable second-half, Clemens’ teammate Andy Pettitte joined the conversation too.
Like I said, you can’t go wrong picking any of these four pitchers, so instead of making a case against the three I didn’t select, I’ll attempt to sell the guy I did vote for.
Roger Clemens should be the N.L. Cy Young award winner. His ERA was 25% better than any other pitcher in the league and he had the lowest WHIP as well. The two knocks on Clemens are that he: a) doesn’t have enough wins and b) didn’t pitch as many innings as the other contenders.
The low amount of innings pitched concerned me (I just knocked Kevin Millwood for the same thing). Rocket averaged one less inning per start than both Willis and Carpenter. If Clemens’ ERA were closer to those players, the innings pitched would knock him out of the race. But Clemens’ ERA is so much better that it sort of evens out.
As for the wins, I refuse to even discuss that. A pitcher has no control over what his offense does. If The Rocket was still in Boston, he would have been 25-3. That the Astros offense stinks is irrelevant. Clemens did what he had to do on the mound, everything else is out of his hands.
Great cases can be made for Willis and Carpenter, but Clemens gets my vote. He was the N.L.’s best pitcher.

1) Roger Clemens – Houston Astros
2) Dontrelle Willis – Florida Marlins
3) Chris Carpenter - St. Louis Cardinals

American League Rookie of the Year
Street is going to be the best player of the bunch, but Gomes’ extra-base hit totals give him this increasingly irrelevant award.

1) Jonny Gomes – Tampa Bay Devil Rays
2) Huston Street – Oakland A’s
3) Robinson Cano – New York Yankees

National League Rookie of the Year
Francouer was the media darling in 2005, but the Phillies Ryan Howard gets the nod as N.L. Rookie of the Year thanks to some monster power numbers accrued in just 308 at-bats. Howard replaced Jim Thome as “that guy on the Phillies who looks like he’s going to hit a homerun every time he steps to the plate.” Francoeur will be great if he can cut down on his strikeouts, but Howard already is the real deal.
And yes, Willy Tavares was up with the Astros all year, but giving him the award is like a lesser actor winning an Oscar just because his movie was longer.

1) Ryan Howard – Philadelphia Phillies
2) Jeff Francouer – Atlanta Braves
3) Willy Tavares – Houston Astros

American League Manager of the Year
If I had an actual vote, I’d write-in Yankees pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre as my A.L. Manager of the Year, despite the fact that he’s neither a manager or… Well, he’ just not a manger. There was no or. What Stottlemyre did for Aaron Small and Shawn Chacon was nothing short of amazing.
But, since that’s not going to happen, I’ll give it to the delightfully insane Ozzie Guillen in a close race with former Devil Rays manager Lou Piniella who led his team with 1/9th of the Yankees payroll to a 38-34 record after the All-Star break.

1) Ozzie Guillen – Chicago White Sox
2) Lou Piniella – Tampa Bay Devil Rays
3) Mel Stottlemyre – New York Yankees

National League Manager of the Year
Yost and Robinson got the most out of little talent in Milwaukee and Washington, respectively, but this award is Cox’s until the Braves finally lose the N.L. East.

1) Bobby Cox – Atlanta Braves
2) Ned Yost – Milwaukee Brewers
3) Frank Robinson – Washington Nationals

Playoff Preview

American League
2003 was a great year for the Yanks and Sox rivalry. The ALCS had the Pedro/Zimmer fight, some unbelievable finishes and Aaron Boone’s pennant-winning homerun in Game 7. With the A. Rod and Schilling stories dominating that off-season and unprecedented hype headed into 2004, it seemed impossible that New York and Boston would be able to live-up to all the expectations. And they didn’t. They far exceeded them.
Last year the two teams played 19 epic regular season games; including the 14-inning classic at Yankee Stadium which featured a routine catch by Derek Jeter that somehow ended up with him getting a black eye and the Arroyo/Rodriguez/Varitek/Ramirez brawl in Fenway in a game that culminated with a furious Red Sox comeback punctuated by Bill Mueller’s 9th-inning game winning homerun. Surely the ALCS couldn’t match-up against those classics. Yet somehow it did.
The Yanks took a huge lead in Game 1 off an injured Curt Schilling and held off a Sox comeback late. Game 2 was closer, but the cold Boston bats and the “who’s your daddy” chants gave New York a 2-0 lead headed back to Fenway. There, the Yankees demolished the Sox 19-8 in a Game 3 delayed one day by rain. It seemed that Red Sox fans would go through another cold winter of despair and visits to their shrinks.
But after falling behind 2-0 and 4-3 in Game 4, Kevin Millar walked and Dave Roberts stole the most famous base in baseball history in the bottom of the 9th. Soon the game was tied and a David Ortiz homer in the bottom of the 12th gave the Sox new life.
The Sox were again down late in Game 5, but thanks to another D.O. homerun and more Roberts baserunning, the Sox tied it up in the 8th. A serendipitous ground-rule double off the bat of Tony Clark, left the game tied until the 14th when another game-winning hit from David Ortiz put the Sox down 3-2 in the series.
Curt Schilling’s gutsy Game 6 performance tied up the ALCS and early homeruns from Ortiz and the ice-cold Johnny Damon (predicted in a dream by my buddy Horowitz who just called and said he saw a similar vision for Jason Varitek this afternoon) in Game 7 put the Sox in their first World Series since 1986.
Surely, after all that, the Yanks/Sox rivalry couldn’t get any better… Could it? Some early season contests, highlighted by two Mariano Rivera blown saves (which resulted in Rivera getting an unprecedented standing ovation at Fenway during the team’s World Series celebration), were great, but the rest of the games lacked the drama of the previous year. But, once again, the stage was set for another classic Yanks/Sox moment last Friday with the Yanks headed to Fenway for a season-closing three-game series with a one-game cushion in the A.L. East. But despite all the expectations, the series fizzled.
Due to the Indians collapse, the series meant little and the Yanks actually clinched on Saturday, despite the fact that a loss Sunday meant the two teams were tied. (I went off on this yesterday, so I’ll spare you today.) For the first time in two years, the Yankees and Sox failed to deliver a memorable moment, which is why I don’t see them meeting in the ALCS. It would be too perfect.

American League Divisional Series
Boston Red Sox over Chicago White Sox (4)
Anaheim Angels over New York Yankees (5)

American League Championship Series
Anaheim Angels over Boston Red Sox (5)

National League
Just like in the A.L., the National League playoffs are so evenly matched making a prediction is close to impossible. The only sure thing is that the Padres won’t make it to Game 4.
Houston has become the trendy to pick to win the World Series. And as with all things trendy, a few weeks from now people will look back on the Astros pick and say, ‘what the hell were we thinking.” Everyone seems to forget that Houston has no offense to speak of. Their pitching staff is great, but hittable. The Braves pitching staff is nothing to sneeze at and I think they’ll pull out a close one in five.
I won’t bother writing about my theoretical NLCS match-up; I’ll preview that before it happens. But I will mention that I picked five of the six baseball division winners in my MLB preview and one of the two Wild Cards. My Boston over Atlanta World Series prediction is still possible, but that was when I assumed a healthy Curt Schilling and Wade Miller would be in the Red Sox rotation.

National League Divisional Series
St. Louis Cardinals over San Diego Padres (3)
Atlanta Braves over Houston Astros (5)

National League Championship Series
St. Louis Cardinals over Atlanta Braves (6)

World Series
St. Louis Cardinals over Anaheim Angels (6)

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

The Washington Redskins aren't the best team in the NFL. They aren't the best team in the NFC either. Hell, they aren't even the best team in their own division. But this morning, the Redskins are one of only four undefeated teams in football and sit atop the toughest division in football.
After beginning the season with 116 minutes of touchdown-less football, the Redskins offense came alive late against Dallas and kept it going yesterday versus Seattle.
Mark Brunell is looking like his old self; the zip is back on his throws, his accuracy has returned and he can even put it on the ground like he did in his 20's. (His wild run on 3rd and 27 against the Cowboys was the most important play in that win and yesterday's scramble on 3rd and 9 was arguably just as crucial.) Brunell was fantastic on 3rd down conversions, particularly on three 3rd and longs on the team's game-winning drive in overtime. Clearly, Joe Gibbs would prefer fewer 3rd and long situations, but Brunell and the offense have shown they can convert if they’re unable to move the ball on 1st and 2nd.
Those unfortunate 3rd and longs come from the team's inability to get their running game going, which is a huge concern for the team. Clinton Portis did run for 90 yards yesterday, but averaged only 3.6 yards-per-carry against a weak Seattle front-four. Gibbs ran Ladell Betts, an effective north-to-south runner, as a change-of-pace back, but too often Betts would run sweeps that should have gone to Portis and Portis ran guts that should have gone to Betts. Those are minor quibbles though.
Gibbs and Joe Bugel are confident in the run and refused to abandon it even when it was slow going. With Brunell playing well, defenses will be forced to drop back in coverage, which should allow Clinton Portis and Ladell Betts to move the chains.
Gregg Williams' defense is as dominant as ever. Yesterday they held Shaun Alexander in check, after his breakout game in week 3. Take away Alexander’s 34-yard gain which came on a blown tackle at the line of scrimmage, and the All-Pro only mustered 64 yards. (As it was, he finished with 98, keeping alive Washington’s defense NFL-best streak of eight-straight games without allowing a 100-yard rusher). With upcoming games against Priest Holmes, LaDainian Tomlinson, Brian Westbrook and Cadillac Williams, that solid rush defense will keep Washington in every game. With an improved offense, they can expect to win their fair share of them too.
Joe Gibbs' Redskins are far from a great team. They have an excellent defense, an average offense and below-average special teams. In their three wins Washington has outscored opponents by 2, 1 and 3 points, respectively; hardly the resume of a champion. But in year's past the Redskins would be 0-3 right now. The Redskins of recent years always seemed to have that one crucial play made against them, rather than making it themselves.
This year the Washington Redskins are making those plays. A defensive stand against Chicago, the two bombs and Sean Taylor's big hit in Dallas and a number of 3rd down conversions yesterday are the difference between high hopes at 3-0 and panic at 0-3.
Nine wins should be enough to get in the playoffs in the NFC (particularly with the Redskins already 3-0 in the conference). With 13 games remaining, the Redskins would have to finish the year with a 6-7 record to hit that mark, something they have shown to be possible.
Win or lose though, Joe Gibbs has once again made the Redskins relevant and has brought hope back to the Nation’s Capital.

- In NFL circles, making excuses for the Patriots is the new black. After getting dismantled by a superior Chargers team yesterday, commentators on every network were quick to point out that New England was without Rodney Harrison or Matt Light and even brought up Teddy Bruschi's absence, despite the fact that he hasn't been in the Patriots defensive plans since early March.
To listen to the analysts, New England lost solely because of these injuries. But, the last time I checked, Harrison and Light didn't play on the Pats defensive line which allowed 183 yards rushing to San Diego yesterday and aren’t part of the meeting of minds headed by self-proclaimed offensive guru Bill Belichick who decided to hand the ball off to Corey Dillon just 14 times.
True, Harrison and Light’s injuries are important, and that they didn't play was certainly a key point, but to repeatedly harp on their absence and go as far as to blame the team's loss on it was ridiculous.
Sportscenter showed a graphic yesterday detailing the injuries New England has had in the past few years and made sure to note how resilient the Pats were due to their ability to win in spite of them. Remarkably, Drew Bledsoe’s 2001 injury which put Tom Brady in the starting lineup was listed. Considering that Bledsoe’s injury enabled the Patriots to begin their amazing run, the fact that it was included in the list shows how the sports media version of a liberal bias is their Belichick bias. Only the Belichick sycophants in the media could consider winning a Super Bowl without Drew Bledsoe a sign of perseverance.
Every team in the NFL suffers from injuries, not just New England. Players miss games in the league every week and if they're not a superstar, the injuries are rarely mentioned, especially weeks after they occurred.
Jon Jansen, the anchor of the Redskins offensive line, went down with a knee injury in the team's first preseason game last season. With the exception of Clinton Portis, no injury to a Redskins player would have been more devastating. Yet once the regular season began, Jansen's absence was mentioned just twice during a game telecast and never on a national program like FOX NFL Sunday, even while the 'Skins porous blocking was being criticized.
Jansen's injury was much more crippling to the Redskins than Light's is to the Patriots, yet Jansen was a forgotten man. Light’s name was almost mentioned more than Tom Brady yesterday. Neither way is good. But when a player goes down a team has to move on. They can't keep asking "what if". And neither should the media.

- The instant replay system can’t work if game officials continue to make the wrong calls on challenges. Marcus Pollard caught that ball yesterday in Tampa Bay, a catch that should have led to a Detroit victory.
If the side judge had ruled Pollard didn’t make the catch, then I can maybe see how an official could determine there wasn’t incontrovertible evidence on the tape. But the side judge did rule it a touchdown, meaning the referee somehow saw indisputable visual evidence that Pollard’s knee was out of bounds, even though it was clear he stayed in.
Detroit should be furious and Tampa should be thankful. And the NFL should suspend and fine the referee involved.
By the way, who was that leading the Lions in their two-minute drill and what did he do with Joey Harrington?

- There is still a whole bunch of football left to be played this season, but it’s going to be difficult for any moment to top Ed Hochuli announcing a penalty in Spanish last night in Mexico City. I received four simultaneous phone calls inquiring whether or not I’d seen the awesomely-jacked Hochuli’s bilingual call and unless Terrell Owens’ next celebration involves either a blow-up doll, crackpipe or Jim J. Bullock, I can’t imagine any other NFL event inspiring so much awe and revelry.
The Wolfman wondered why Hochuli wasn’t announcing each penalty in Spanish and after he mentioned it I became curious too. But eventually I just figured Hochuli studied-up on the Spanish translation for one penalty and instructed his crew to immediately call that specific penalty before anything else.

- Just when you thought you couldn’t hate the Yankees any more: Yanks mad at Showalter for pulling starters
What a bunch of overpaid, steroid-taking, playoff-series-losing crybabies. If you wanted to win home-field so bad, why did you scratch Mike Mussina and start Jaret Wright? Why did you take all your starters out of yesterday’s game in the early innings? Why did you lose 11 times to the Devil Rays this season? Why didn't you just handle your own business and WIN?!
Oh, right. Because the Yankees can never be accountable for anything. Any time something bad happens to them they have to pin it on someone else. I wonder on who the Yanks will blame their fifth-straight season without a World Series win?
And don’t even get me started on this A.L. tiebreaker crap. What, just because the Indians choke more than Ike Turner, the Yankees win the East? Don’t get me wrong, I’d much rather the Sox face Chicago, but when I look at the standings I see two 95-67 teams. And before J. Rod and Craig write in whining about how the Yankees won the season series; yes, I understand the tiebreaker rule. And I’m not advocating a meaningless playoff either. But this is only the second time in MLB history a division winner has been decided by a tiebreaker, and it’s a joke. Baseball teams play 162 games so there won’t be any ties to break. If there are, they play a playoff. Since there was no need for one here, give the Yanks the A.L. East win for the purposes of playoff seeding only, and then award a dual East title to both teams. They earned it. (The Sox more than the Yanks, of course, since their payroll is $80 million less.)

Sunday Superlatives
Game of the Day: Washington 20 – Seattle 17 (OT)
The Redskins hadn’t won three consecutive games since 2001. It would have stayed that way if Mike Holmgren hadn't settled for a potential game-winning 47-yard field goal as time expired instead of running a few plays to get his kicker (who had already missed from the same distance) a little closer.

Upset of the Day: Philadelphia 37 – Kansas City 31
At 4:15 yesterday this result wouldn’t have been considered an upset, but 90 minutes later with the Eagles down 24-6 in front of a deafening Arrowhead crowd, a Philly win seemed impossible.

Player of the Day: LaDainian Tomlinson, San Diego
Danie showed Tom Brady who is truly the best player in the NFL.

Ryan Leaf Line of the Day: J.P. Losman – 7/15, 75 yds, 1 INT
Paging Frank Reich… Paging Frank Reich…

Faulk Fantasy Player of Day: Peyton Manning – 264 pass yds, 4 TD – 29 fantasy points
Eli Manning and Plaxico Burress had bigger days, but Manning finally showed why he was the consensus #1 QB in the draft.

Boldin Fantasy Player of Day: Josh McCown – 389 pass yds, 2 TD, 28 rsh yds – 29 fantasy points
It’s always nice when the Boldin Award can be kept in-house. McCown probably wasn’t even on most benches yesterday while filling in for Kurt Warner, but he put on a show for Ed Hochuli’s forearms and the 100,000+ in Ciudad de Mexico.

Fantasy Bust of Day: Cadillac Williams – 13 rush yds – 1 fantasy point
Did Cadillac just hit a pothole or was he blindsided by an 18-wheeler. I think it’s a little from column A and a little from column B.

Announcer Line of the Week
"It’s just another case of France not doing a thing for us."
- Tom Jackson on NFL Primetime after new Eagles kicker Todd France had his first FG attempt blocked.
Runner-up to Redskins-hater Terry Bradshaw who blamed the Seahawks sluggish first-half effort on jet lag. Bradshaw was promptly, and properly, ridiculed by Jimmy Johnson for being a uneducated hick.

Predictions
One week ago I wrote, “I won’t be picking Buffalo or Chicago again for a while.”
“A while” apparently meant four days, because I picked the Bills to beat the Saints, my only “what the hell was I thinking” pick on a pretty good 9-4 Sunday.

Injuries
Hey, did you hear Donovan McNabb is injured? Troy Aikman only mentioned it 450 times during yesterday’s telecast, so I suppose there’s a chance you didn’t hear about it.
Funny, you wouldn’t think Donovan was hurting after watching the way he danced on the sidelines after halftime and moved cleanly in the pocket all day.
Shoot, I’ve been in physical therapy for my back for the past month and can barely lift my arms above my head. At one point Donovan raised his arms in the air and pumped them up and down a few times. And he did all of this with a few dozen injuries. Man, that’s one tough bastard!
How amazing is this: Even though he was listed with more ailments than Heller Keller, McNabb showed no signs of injury all day… Well, except for that time it was obvious the camera was on him after he ran around upright in the pocket and threw a bullet off his front foot. But, cynical old me, there’s no way McNabb was just mugging for the cameras there, he had a real limp! I guess Troy Aikman was right. Donovan really was in excruciating pain! That must explain the smile which was on his face all day.
It’s pretty remarkable that McNabb was able to play that way with a bevy of injuries, which included a shin contusion. My God. He played with a bruise on his shin? Shoot, I can barely get my paper with a shin bruise. You’re telling me Donovan played 60 minutes of football with one? Wow. Somebody call up Jack Youngblood and tell him he’s a bitch. Donovan’s the new king of pain!

The Chaz Rankings: Top Two
1) Indianapolis Colts - Will be undefeated headed into their match-up with New England early next month.
2) Philadelphia Eagles - I’m still amazed that Donovan was able to play with a shin contusion. Start preparing the bust for Canton now!

Who I Like Monday Night and I Certainly Don't Mean Mike Sherman
Listening to John Madden spin Brett Favre’s miserable season tonight will be like hearing FOX News spin the president’s curious nominee for the Supreme Court.
Favre always comes through on Monday night… And the Panthers are pretty overrated… But, I don’t know if I can pull the trigger, even though the biggest Favre-hater I know is picking Green Bay.
Pick: Carolina 30 – Green Bay 27

Tomorrow: Baseball Playoff Preview and Year-End Awards
Wednesday: The Chaz Rankings: Week 4