Tuesday Thoughts (On Wednesday!)

Seeing as how yesterday felt like Monday and today feels like Tuesday this makes sense, at least to me. And if you are of the school of thought which claims Tuesday has no feel, I think Gary Sheffield and Derek Jeter beg to differ.

* The only thing that surprised me about seeing the headline “Nationals GM Bowden arrested, charged with DUI” on ESPN.com yesterday was my complete lack of surprise about seeing the headline “Nationals GM Bowden arrested, charged with DUI” on ESPN.com yesterday.
Bowden’s decision-making has never been what any rational-minded person could consider sound, so his decision to drive drunk in South Florida this weekend seems about right. A man who signs Cristian Guzman to a $16 million deal can’t be expected to know that driving while intoxicated is illegal. A general manager who traded for Alfonso Soriano without asking him whether he was willing to play left field surely shouldn’t be held to the same standards as you or I. (Hell, if Junior Soprano can cop an insanity plea, shouldn’t Bowden be able to plead “utter and complete stupidity” to any and all charges?)
I mean, is the following statement really surprising when you consider the man in question once refused to order an MRI on a pitcher before signing him to a free agent contract, only to see that very pitcher get hurt on the first day of spring training with a tear that could have been diagnosed before he he signed? The passage (from the AP story):

A second police report said that about 10 minutes before Bowden was pulled over, two officers saw him and his girlfriend, 36-year-old Joy Browning, arguing along nearby Ocean Drive. After assuring police that everything was fine, they drove off and allegedly ran through the stop sign.

To recap: Bowden managed to dupe the cops into thinking he wasn’t drunk and then, seconds later, ran a stop sign in front of those very same cops! No wonder he made Brandon Watson the team's leadoff hitter this season while sending down Ryan Church, a player who proved himself at the big league level last year. (Church has three homeruns and eight RBI in his first four games back. Watson had a sub-.200 batting average during his stint. But knowing Bowden, not that I do, he probably takes credit for Church’s surge, deluding himself into the belief that sending Church to AAA was just the motivation he needed to find his swing and get back to the majors.)
On the bright side, Bowden’s DUI-timing couldn’t have been better for Washington fans. With MLB set to name an owner for the Nats this week (I’ll believe it when it happens though), it’s difficult to believe Bowden will have a job for too much longer.

* Last night the Clippers and Grizzlies played a game that would ultimately decide which team would finish 5th and which team would finish 6th in the NBA’s Western Conference. Naturally, both teams wanted to lose so they could finish 6th. In the words of Jim J. Bullock, “whhaaaaaaaaaa?”
As mentioned everywhere yesterday, the NBA has a ridiculous rule that forces Dallas, the team with the second-best record in the West, into the 4th seed because they have the gall to be in the same division as the Spurs (the top seed). Never mind that the Mavs have 16 more wins than the team (Denver) that will be seeded directly ahead of them and forget the fact that Denver would currently be tied for the 6th seed with the Lakers if they weren’t fortunate enough to play in the West’s weakest division. It doesn't matter. The Nuggets won their weak-ass division while the Mavs didn't. Surely this means the Mavs should have to play the Spurs in the second round while Denver gets the Clippers and the struggling Suns, if they should advance. And let's not forget the fact that the eventual 6th seed (the Clippers, by virtue of last night’s loss) will actually have home-court advantage over the 3rd seed. And please don’t mention that this whole scenario could have been predicted by a drunk Jim Bowden when it was first unveiled years ago.
The NBA will no doubt change this ridiculous rule next year, when it will already be too late. To those who say David Stern is the best commissioner in sports, remember: This sort of crap would never happen in the NFL. (Arbitrarily designating a team’s “home” game to be played in New York, however, is a different matter. And no, I’m never going to stop complaining about that.)

* At least Sports Illustrated is attempting to curb their streak of ridiculously boring covers with this week’s action shot of LeBron, but I think they missed the boat with their wanna-be-majestic shot of King James. The pic on the cover makes it seem like LeBron is 11-feet tall and is about to slam the ball in Gary Payton’s face. That he’s also looking longingly into Payton’s eyes only furthers my point. (Seriously, what’s going on in that picture. Is LeBron jumping? Is The Glove crouching. Did the refs call a carry? Is GP sliding a dollar bill in LeBron’s g-string? Will LeBron look back on this cover and wonder why the hell he ever thought wearing tights was cool?)
And, I also get where SI was trying to go with the headline “LeBron In Full,” but it really didn’t work. And why do I care that Chris Ballard wrote the story? Is that information really necessary? My buddy Jaf says that an SI editor who spoke to his class once said the magazine has started putting writers name’s on the cover in order to give them more exposure. But who gives a flying-flip if Chris Ballard wrote the story. Unless it’s a guy like Frank Deford or William Nack or Gary Murphy writing the cover story, nobody is going to care. A guy walking past a newsstand isn’t going to plunk down four bucks for SI because Chris ‘Freakin Ballard wrote the cover story.
All that really does is take away from the effect a cover is supposed to have.
I have a few old magazines that I plan on getting framed and putting up in my place (this has been the plan for 16 months and it has yet to happen, so I won't hold my breath) and they’re all so much better than the current covers that have insets, way too much text and include a pimping of seemingly every story in the mag.
I bought this Esquire from April of 1968 (left) last year. It features Muhammad Ali, as the martyr St. Sebastian, pierced with four arrows. (Note: The day that magazine arrived at my doorstep, it was ranked the third-best magazine cover of all-time by the American Society of Magazine Editors.) When I look at this magazine my first thought is how it couldn’t possibly be duplicated in today’s market. Now, the white background that almost is swallowing Ali would be filled with teasers like “17 ways to become a better man” or “How to swing a three-some” (answer: ask Clinton Portis). I understand the magazines need to lure all sorts of readers to its pages and including a blurb about every article is a good way to do that because you're more likely to hit upon a topic the consumer wants to read about, but sometimes less is more.
Is anybody really going to tear open this week’s SI because of the “New York’s Happy Ranger” tease?

* Three thoughts on the Duke indictments (once again, the usual disclaimer: I wasn’t at the house that night, so I don’t know anything that happened. These comments are related to the handling of the case, not the particulars of the incident):
1) On the original affidavit the alleged victim identified “Adam, Bret and Matt” as her accusers. How did it go from Adam, Bret and Matt to Collin (Finnerty), Reade (Seligmann) and another dude. (Collin and Reade? Oh man, now that I know their names I hate them so much more.) This needs to be explained.
2) Much has been made of Finnerty’s arrest after a streetfight in Georgetown. As I said a few weeks back, I’m sure both Collin and Reade are complete douchebags. But that fact and getting in a fight in Georgetown make not a rapist kidnapper. Plenty of meatheads get in fights in Georgetown; I’ve had the pleasure of seeing a few myself. That still doesn’t make them a rapist. Just a huge tool with anger-management problems. (It also doesn’t not make him a rapist, of course. My statement is more a criticism of everybody’s rush to judgment on Finnerty’s guilt because he beat up a guy last year.)
3) Why does it matter that both Finnerty and Seligmann came from “a world of golf courses and multimillion-dollar homes and were educated at exclusive all-boys Catholic prep schools,” as the AP reported today?
The answer: It doesn’t. The media has created the class-conflict that is now the real heart of this case. Face it, nobody outside the alleged victim’s circle of family and friends really cares if this woman was raped or not. This has become a battle of rich vs. poor and the press is leading the charge.