Bill Simmons Is A Loser. Just Like LeBron.
Yesterday's Pistons-Cavs Game 7 was so exciting it could have put a crackhead to sleep. If this is the NBA being back (as Bill Simmons claimed last week), it justifies my long-ago decision to be apathetic towards all things Association-associated. The pathetic contest also proved the NBA correct in their decision to showcase that stinker instead of either of tonight's games. I seriously don't understand why everybody sweats David Stern so much.
One more thing quickly: Since my Bill Simmons-bashing a few weeks back seemed to bring some Simmons-haters out of the woodwork (which is interesting, because reading his mailbag, one gets the impression that everybody loves Bill), here's some more:
When Simmons wrote that the NBA was "back," he backed up his point by saying, essentially, rule changes have allowed the offense to dominate the game. Offense is in, defense is out, was the gist. Yet, a few weeks ago, Simmons ripped Steve Nash's selection as NBA MVP because he doesn't play defense.
So, on one hand, the NBA is amazing because teams run up and down the floor and nobody can stop anybody (especially Devin Harris, who subsequently lost Game 6 for his team, by the way.) But, on the flip side, Steve Nash shouldn't win the MVP because he doesn't play defense. He brings Nash to task for playing no D, yet praises the league that does the same. It's Simmpocracy at its finest.
Two more things:
1) In the same column, Simmons (insightfully) points out how refs not calling moving screens has had a positive effect on offensive output. In doing so, he accurately describes what a moving screen is, but ends his description with: "I know this all sounds mildly confusing, but the high screen has become the single most important play in basketball."
Dude, income tax forms are confusing. Anybody who has ever played, watched or heard of basketball knows what a high moving screen is. I mean, I know Simmons is one of the only true NBA fans out there, but maybe that's because all seven of them are pedantic schmucks like him.
2) The Wolfman sent me this excerpt from Simmons' recent mailbag:

I always thought my buddy Bish went to college with the ugliest girls -- let's just say it was a NESCAC school -- where the guys actually got drunk BEFORE they went out so they could have the beer goggles going before they even started talking to anyone

Senor Wolfman then wrote himself, "Wow, they got drunk before they went out. That's a new one for college. what a loser. he capitalized before. is he kidding?"
First of all, I hope you appreciate the irony of criticizing Simmons' capitalization. Secondly, when I first read the e-mail I figured that line was written by somebody writing into the mailbag. That made it mildly amusing. When I found out that Simmons himself had actually done the writing, it sort confirmed my theory about him. Namely, that he is a huge tool.