Tom Friend on WashingtonPost.com

Tom Friend, author of the incendiary Gregg Williams piece that I wrote about Sunday, hosted a chat this morning on WashingtonPost.com. It's a must-read for any Redskins fan, particularly to see Friend's recommendation for who should ultimately succeed Joe Gibbs. All I'll say is, the mere mention of the name made me vigorously nod my head in agreement.
Tonight's Pick: Cincinnati over Baltimore (I know, I had completely forgotten about it too.)

Oh, How I Long For Kelvin Sampson

That didn't take long. Just 22 hours after reaching a new, zen-like attitude towards Skip Prosser's wretched coaching abilities, I'm back to my old, Skip-hating ways. Maybe inner-peace wasn't for me. Although, I'm convinced that watching his alma mater nearly get doubled up by Air Force would have tested even Confucius' resolve.
I'm clearly in no mood to write (Air Force won 94-58), so bullet points will have to suffice,

• This game took place in Colorado Springs, at an altitude of 6,500 feet, or about one mile higher than Winston-Salem. As any third-grader knows, the air is thinner at high altitude, which means it's harder to breathe, especially for people living at sea level. So what does John Wooden have his team do from the opening tip? Running up and down the court at a breakneck pace, of course. Yes, I know Wake's offense is built around an up-tempo pace, but coaches have to adapt their gameplans to fit the elements. Peyton Manning doesn't throw 50 times in a snowstorm, you dig?
• In the same vein, Prosser let Kyle Visser (no Jack Lalanne in the fitness department) play for the game's first 12 minutes without a break. By the time Visser came off the court he looked like Marlon Brando in the orange garden in The Godfather. After getting off to a quick 7-0 start, Wake was outscored 25-4 over the next 12 minutes. And it was a miracle they were able to get those four points.
  
• Prosser did call a timeout during that run, but seemingly failed to emphasize to his team that they would need to slow things down. Too often, Wake players would shoot the ball with 23 on the shot clock, miss, and then get beat down court by the more fit Air Force squad.
• After the Falcons hit three consecutive threes from the baseline, you'd think Prosser would have abandoned the 1-3-1. Or maybe after the fourth straight offensive possession that began with a pass to the left corner, Prosser would try to set up a high-screen or two. You'd think, wouldn't you?
• It's easy to understate just how open these Air Force players were. Believe me when I say, they were really, really, really wide open. At one point, I slow-mo'd the DVR to watch an Air Force possession and saw that Wake was trying to defend the quick passes by having four guys follow the ball. On one trip down the floor, Air Force had three guys open on the leftside perimeter because four Deacs had collapsed to the low-post. It was like watching chicken with their heads cut off, albeit only if the chicken were very poorly coached.
• Wake made no adjustments the entire game. None.
  
• This, in my eyes, is Prosser's worst offense: Midway through the first-half, with the game slipping away, Wake made a defensive stop and quickly brought the ball down the court. With 26 seconds remaining on the shot clock, freshman Anthony Gurley got the ball near the foul line, made an awkward spin move, jumped off his left foot and heaved an off-balance, fadeaway towards the hoop. It, predictably, bricked badly, and enabled Air Force to score off a fast break. To sum up, Gurley threw up an utterly terrible shot in an important situation. After the Air Force bucket, Prosser should have called timeout and taken his star freshman out of the game, reprimanding him for the ridiculousness that was his attempt. Of course, Prosser did no such thing. On Wake's very next possession, Gurley again received the ball and again took an ill-advised shot with defenders in his face, this time from beyond the arc. (Gurley, it should be noted, is 1-11 this season from downtown.) Somehow, though, this shot went in. My thoughts instantly turned towards Trent Strickland. Strickland used to do the same thing; heave up a terrible shot, receieve no criticism from his coaches, and then throw up an even worse shot the next time. Inevitably, one would fall and he'd play the rest of the game remembering only the shot that went in. It's like he had selective amnesia for his misses. Taking a page from the gospel according to Trent, Gurley made a terrible shot selection and missed on Wake's very next possession. Three straight atrocious shots, one miracle make = A freshman with unwarranted swagger. And Prosser enables all of this. (In a heartwarming coincidence, Gurley wears Strickland's old #33.)
• It's all good though, I suppose. As my buddy Falkow reminded me during the game; Wake is, and always has been, a football school.
  

Wednesday Reflections

* Originally, I had anticipated boycotting the ACC/Big 10 Challenge because of Wake Forest's exclusion. Then I realized that such an embargo, while noble and constructively petty, would only hurt me, Joe Q. College Basketball Fan. So, I watched. But you better believe I was bitching plenty, whoo boy!
Winning in Champaign is always a difficult endeavor, particularly with a handful of freshman, but Maryland was able to snap the Illini's 51-game non-conference home win streak last night. (Non-conference home win streaks make nice copy, but they're sort of like a person with the word "global" in their job title: More often that not, both things sound a lot more impressive than they really are.)
While it appears the Terps will be a factor in the ACC, there are still some major concerns for Gary Williams, the biggest of which is his team's weakness on the boards. It's also never good when your team shoots 50% and holds the opponent to 35%, yet the game is still in doubt in the final minute.
It's not even Decemeber yet, so Gary still has time to work on the kinks. Plus, he has to be thrilled with the performances of freshmen Bambale Osby and Greivis Vazquez.
The Dukies escaped last night with a win over a very mediocre Indiana team while proving, definitively, that they too will be a very mediocre team this season. (Duke had the fewest points in a victory since 1982 - Coach K's first season.)
Greg Paulus, who was benched in favor of freshman Gerald Henderson, actually fouled out of this game after refs called him for his patented "left-arm clear out" on two separate occasions, but the shock of having a Duke PG actually get disqualified for cheating was tempered by the fact that the Blue Devils made five more free-throws than Indiana attempted. Ahh, the comforts of college basketball season.
Paulus finished the game with five points and more turnovers than assists, but that didn't stop Dick Vitale from proclaiming his DQ as a "tremendous momentum-shift in this game, baby!" He went on to say that Paulus brings so much more to the floor than just statistics (a confused look, mainly) and his absence could cripple Duke. Yes, Dick, it could... From inverse assist-to-turnover ratios.
In other news, Josh McRoberts is still mind-numbingly ordinary. He has a good three inches on D.J. White yet couldn't move inside on him without a shoulder-dip. White played just as bad on the offensive end though, so much so that it's amazing Indiana had a chance to tie at the end of the game.
After a McRoberts inbound pass was stolen with 9.3 seconds left the Hoosiers had a chance to tie with a three. With no timeouts remaining, Errek Suhr got the ball in the corner and had a decent look from beyond the arc, yet inexplicably drove in the lane, realized he needed a three, dribbled back outside and dished the ball as time expired. The Hoosiers failed ot get off a final shot.
Blame the player all you want for the decision to drive baseline when his team needed a three, but there's only one person responsible for Indiana's stunning lack of late-game poise: Their coach, Kelvin Sampson.
Back when the Hoosiers hired Sampson, I wrote a lengthy diatribe about how the school's basketball program was now screwed because they had hired an imbecile. Normally, I'd just link to said rant, but since its so apropos today, here's the whole thing:

Next season will be the 20th year since Indiana’s last national basketball championship. It’s going to be about 20 more before they get another because, after the hiring of Oklahoma’s Kelvin Sampson, the Hoosiers have purchased a first-class ticket to mediocrity.
How on earth did Indiana decide on a tired, no-talent clown like Sampson when the coaching ranks are filled with either guys on-the-rise (Bruce Pearl, Jim Larranaga), major-conference stalwarts (John Beilein, Tom Crean) or former Dukies with wonderful hair (Quin Snyder)? Hiring Sampson after Mike Davis is like trading in a Geo Prism for a Hyundai Elantra.
Sampson has no upside. He has no potential. He’s climbed his own Everest (reaching a Final Four in 2002) and then fell-off it (one Tourney win in the past three seasons). Sampson has no redeeming qualities at all. He’s not young, he’s not talented, he’s not good and he’s already maxed-out his talent level. What the hell were they thinking?
Sampson’s eternal crappiness is made even more remarkable by the fact that he’s a pedestrian coach who can’t win even though he’s a dirty cheat. Sampson bolted OU with the program under investigation for alleged offenses that occurred under his watch. That Oklahoma can’t even have success while cheating says more about Sampson than any criticism I can come up with. I mean, say what you want about Jim Calhoun, but at least the man gets results from his blatant disregard for the rules.
Why would IU hire a coach whose ceiling is waist-high? Did they really want to distance themselves from Bobby Knight that much? It’s almost like this was an F-U to the legions who still expect The General to walk through the doors. "You want to force out Mike Davis? Well here's Mike Davis in 15 years!"
I also can’t help but think that the Sampson hiring came, at least in part, because of fear of the backlash that would come from hiring a white coach after canning a black coach who did a decent job (a la Notre Dame football). Of course, just because Scoop Jackson gets upset about the Irish’s Willingham-fiasco doesn’t mean everybody agrees with him. Scoop thinks black holes demonstrate how racist the astronomy community is.
But if that was the case, surely there were better black coaches who have never played under, coached for, or heard of Bobby Knight.
ESPN.com’s Jason Whitlock wrote a nonsensical column about why the Sampson hiring was great for Indiana. Almost every paragraph contained a “you get paid to write?!” moment. Some examples:

Whitlock: Sampson is as good as it gets. The winningest coach in the history of the Big 12 conference won 20 games nine straight years, advanced to the Elite Eight twice and one Final Four despite coaching just one NBA player.
Chase: The Big 12 began in 1995, doofus. Sampson is the winningest coach because he’s the only coach in the league who’s been there that long. Roy Williams left two years ago, Rick Barnes got there seven years ago, Eddie Sutton is a drunk and Baylor’s coach took part in a murder cover-up. If that’s the best compliment you can give Sampson, that’s a problem.
As for the making a Final Four: So did Mike Davis! And he actually won a game, unlike Sampson. The “coaching just one NBA player” thing is just as ridiculous. Coach K has coached zero NBA players and has three national titles!

Whitlock: Under Sampson, the Sooners always overachieved in conference play by giving a superior, more consistent effort than their opponents. OU's NCAA flameouts were somewhat predictable. Sampson never really had the horses, and his teams were generally worn out in March because they'd played harder for longer than just about every team in the country.
Chase: Maybe the Sooners wouldn’t be so tired if Sampson would give his players some rest. And who says they overachieved in conference play? Oklahoma only has one Big 12 regular season win and zero Tournament titles. If that’s overachieving I (and Indiana) shudder to think of what regular, old achieving will be like.
I love the “OU’s NCAA flameouts were somewhat predictable,” line too. Of course they were. Their coach is Kelvin Freakin’ Sampson!

Whitlock: Give Sampson a lottery pick -- let alone the all-star squad Williams had at UNC -- and he'll have no trouble winning in March.
Chase: Give him a lottery pick? What, this is a charity Whitlock is running? And what about Hollis Price and Kevin Bookout? Those guys were great JUCO and high-school players, respectively. Sampson also had a McDonald’s All-American signed up for this year. (Maybe he got all those phone calls.) Sampson couldn’t win the WNBA title if he had the Spurs and LeBron. Giving him Marvin Williams would just have cost Marvin Williams a few million on draft night.

Whitlock: Translation: Kelvin Sampson is best appreciated up close. You can't fully appreciate him from a distance.
Chase: So he’s sort of like Van Gogh in that way, I suppose. Well, I’d cut my ear off too if I had to “appreciate” Kelvin Sampson from up close.

Unlike Whitlock, I have some stats at my disposal to prove my point. Below is OU’s Tournament history since Sampson arrived:

2006 - #6 lost 1st round #11 Wisconsin-Milwaukee
2005 - #3 lost 2nd round to #6 Utah
2004 – No Tournament
2003 – #1 lost Elite Eight to #3 Syracuse
2002 – #2 lost Final Four to #5 Indiana
2001 - #4 lost 1st round to #13 Indiana State
2000 - #3 lost 2nd round to #6 Purdue
1999 - #13 lost Elite Eight
1998 - #10 lost 1st round to #7 Indiana in first round
1997 - #11 lost 1st round to #6 Stanford
1996 - #10 lost 1st round to #7 Temple
1995 - #4 lost 1st round to #13 Manhattan

That’s six straight Tournaments where Sampson has lost to lower-seeded teams. Hmm, Whitlock was right. I did need to get closer up before I could fully appreciate Kelvin!
The ’02 Final Four was an aberration (much like Lute Olsen’s National Championship), but can be explained by the easy-road OU took to get there. They beat a #15, #7, #4 and #12 seed to reach Atlanta. Not exactly George Mason-esque.
The following year, OU got to the Elite Eight as a #1 seed, but that road was even smoother, as they had to beat #16, #8 and #12, before losing to the first equally-matched team they saw.
Sampson supporters will point to 1999 when the Sooners made a surprising run to the Elite Eight as a #13 seed. (First thing, it's never good when supporters can point to one of ten seasons, but I digress.) Sampson rippers will say the Sooners underachieved all season (hear that Jason Whitlock?) and should have been a #5 seed in the Tournament if not for a terrible run in conference play. Anytime a major-conference team with a low-seed makes a run in the Tournament (see: Missouri), it’s usually because they finally play up to their abilities in March after a wasteful season.
At the beginning of his ode to Kelvin, Whitlock ran a quote from former Hoosier star Ted Kitchel: "[Hiring Sampson] is an absolute disgrace. I wouldn't hire that guy to coach my fifth-grade girls team. That guy is absolutely what we don't want at IU."
Kitchel was, of course, incorrect. I’d hire Sampson to coach a fifth-grade girls team any day. As long “any day” refers to a day when said fifth-grade girls team was playing a group of blind, wheelchair-riding nuns. But even then, I’d have to think about it.

Reading it again, I was probably a little out of line at points. Firstly, there's no way I'd think about ever hiring Sampson to coach a fifth-grade girls team against a bunch of blind, wheelchair-riding nuns. That's it. There is no secondly.
Sampson proved why he's the worst basketball coach in Division I last night with his appalling use of timeouts and his team's complete confusion in the game's final seconds. I know Sampson wasn't dribbling the ball down the baseline so it's technically not his fault that his player passed up the three, but look at it this way: Would a Mike Krzyzewski-coached team ever make such an inexcusable mistake late in a game?
Red Auerbach always used to say that a coach's work is done at practice, not in games. Sampson should have prepared his team for that very scenario every day in practice. But he didn't. Because he's an idiot. And a terrible coach.
Anytime Skip Prosser infuriates me this season, I'm going to get down on my knees and remind myself that it could be a lot worse, Kelvin Sampson could be Wake Forest's coach.
(Much (and by much, I mean very little) has been made of what makes me hate Kelvin Sampson so much. The Wolfman inquired this as I was ranting about it on the phone last night. After calming myself down, I responded that I don't like coaches who are schmucks. Jim Calhoun was an example I used. But at least I can respect Calhoun, the coach. Calhoun, the person? Huge schmuck. At least he can coach though. Sampson can't, yet gets showered with praise more than Tiki Barber, despite his total lack of all coaching accumen. I don't understand it. And it makes me mad. And that's all I have to say about that.

* The Redskins signed kicker Shaun Suisham yesterday to contend with the struggling Nick Novak. I've been advocating Novak's ousting since his first week on the job, but didn't really envision it coming from Shaun Suisham. (It should be noted that no decision has been made as to who will kick Sunday.) It's impossible to have any opinion of Suisham because all I know of him is what I read in today's Washington Post. If he proves himself to be better than Novak, he should start (particularly if he is stronger than Novak on kick-offs, which isn't saying much. Nor is saying he's better at field goals, but I suppose it's possible he could be worse. Slightly possible.)
I hate dumping on Novak because he's a Maryland guy, but he's really been awful. The Redskins were put in a terrible position after the win over Dallas because he ended up making the game-winner, but they should have swung the axe anyways, bad PR and all. Novak's miss from 37 yards last Sunday could have cost the 'Skins the game.
There was a lot of talk about signing Mike Vanderjagt this week, but I'm glad Joe Gibbs held off. Vanderjagt's damaged goods now; he's a Canadian, earringed version of Brad Lidge. For some reason kickers and relievers go off the deep-end more than any other people in sports (members of the Portland Trail Blazers, excluded.) I know those are high-profile, high-pressure gigs, but come on, guys. Man up a bit. You make millions to kick a ball through some yellow poles. It can't be that hard. Hell, I'm sure Kelvin Sampson could do it just fine.

The Chaz Rankings: Week 12
Hip-Hop Heads Edition

In a one month span that began last week, new releases from Jay-Z, Snoop, The Game, Nas, Cam'ron, Trick Daddy and Fabolous will be available for illegal downloads worldwide. Christmas-time always brings a spate of new music because, let's be honest, what would Christmas be without some tight rhymes about gin, juice and hos. In honor of this musical bonanza, today's Chaz Rankings will pair each NFL team with a similar rapper.

1) San Diego Chargers
The Game
The Game's new CD should be a masterpiece; but a falling out with Dr. Dre and redundant rhymes (seriously, how often can one rap about a '64 Impala?) make it a clunker. San Diego's season should be a masterpiece, but a lack of falling out with Marty Schottenheimer and past playoff woes are sure to make them a clunker.

2) Indianapolis Colts
Jay-Z
Both Jigga and the Colts have become too big for their own good. Kingdom Come is a bloated mess filled with overproduced beats and lazy rhymes, sort of a rap equivalent of Indy in the playoffs.
They're both at their best when there's no pressure (rumor has it Hov only returned from retirement to boost the fortunes of his struggling Def Jam company). For Indy, that's when they're rolling though the the regular season and for Jay-Z it's his guest appearances and mixtape releases (see: "Black Republicans" and "Brooklyn High", his Jim Jones diss).

3) Baltimore Ravens
Clipse
I hate to compare the Ravens to my favorite hip-hop group, but the similarities are too striking to ignore. Both were big in the early-aughts, then ran into contractual problems that sidelined them for a while. Still, they churned on the underground, eventually made some wise choices (Ravens drafting Ed Reed, Bart Scott and Terrell Suggs and sigining Steve McNair, The Clipse releasing two underground mixtapes) and are seeking a return to the top in 2006. Clipse's new album, Hell Hath No Fury, drops today and it makes Kingdom Come sound like a Raffi record.
And as an added bonus, Malice and Pusha T can borrow Jamal Lewis' celly if they need to get in contact with someone who'll be able to traffic those precious rocks to the community.

4) Chicago Bears
The Chicago Bears Shufflin' Crew
Maybe Rex Grossman should try on Jim McMahon's headband whilst mooning a helicopter because, at this point, anything would be an improvement.

5) New England Patriots
Eminem
They used to be on top. Now they're just boring, predictable and dependent on their good name for fawning reviews.

6) Dallas Cowboys
Lil' Wayne
Everyone has annoited Lil' Wayne as the new greatest rapper alive (particularly after his remix of Jay-Z's "Show Me What You Got" proved vastly superior to the original). But, just like with Tony Romo, I'm not fully sold yet. Remember, last year everyone thought Ben Roethlisberger was the second-coming of Terry Bradshaw.
(Don't get me wrong, I'm very impressed with Romo. It's just that his resume isn't exactly as gaudy as it might seem. Wins over Tampa Bay and Arizona are mandatory, the victories over the Giants and Panthers are a lot less impressive now in light of those team's recent performances and the win against Indy was thanks to the Cowboys defense. I mean, Jeff Garcia put up 21 against the Colts too, you know? Romo's poise is something that can't be taught. And he's probably going to be a very good QB. But let's wait until the calendar turns to December before we start forgetting about Troy Aikman.)

7) New Orleans Saints
Master P
Two of the top 71, or so, things to come out of New Orleans.

8) Kansas City Chiefs
Baby
Larry Johnson can probably give him tips on diaper disposal.

9) Cincinnati Bengals
DMX
DMX makes Chris Henry look like an Eagle Scout.

10) Denver Broncos
11) Carolina Panthers
12) Jacksonville Jaguars
Memphis Bleek
Proof that there is no correlation between expectations and results.

13) Miami Dolphins
GZA
One of Wu-Tang's founders, GZA, calls himself "The Genius". Just like Nick Saban.

14) New York Giants
Puffy
All hype, no substance.

15) New York Jets
16) Seattle Seahawks
17) San Francisco 49ers
18) St. Louis Rams
19) Tennessee Titans
20) Minnesota Vikings
Lloyd Banks
Complete non-factors.

21) Washington Redskins
Fabolous
Both have fallen upon tough times of late, but each has my unconditional support.

22) Philadelphia Eagles
Proof
D.O.A. (Gotta give my buddy Ank credit for that one.)

23) Atlanta Falcons
Baby Bash
Mexico's finest.

24) Buffalo Bills
Vanilla Ice
If only to get people Googling "Vanilla Ice + Eli Manning + suck" to come to this site.

25) Pittsburgh Steelers
50 Cent
The sophomore slump claimed them both.

26) Green Bay Packers
27) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
28) Houston Texans
29) Oakland Raiders
30) Cleveland Browns
31) Detroit Lions
32) Arizona Cardinals
Ja Rule
If James Taylor were a rapper, he'd be Ja Rule. And if Ja Rule were a football team, he'd have his choice of any of these seven sorry squads. (I only mention James Taylor because at the Wake Forest Alumni tailgate on Saturday night, some Terp-alum moron drinking nearby was blasting crappy music out of his Dodge Dakota. The tunes suddenly took a turn for the better when the intro to 50's Get Rich or Die Tryin came on. But our joy was short-lived, because the guy took off the 50 and put on, yes, James Taylor. I've never wanted to punch anybody so badly in my life. Except maybe for J.J. Redick.

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

* Is this the year Art Monk finally gets enshrined into the Pro Football Hall of Fame? If Peter King's change of position on the merits of Monk's inclusion is any indication, it just might be. King's MMQB takes a look at the dearth of modern receivers in the Hall and suggests maybe long-time voters should change their opinions on Monk and James Lofton. He includes the preposterous statistic that eight quarterbacks who played since 1980 currently have their busts in Canton compared to just one receiver. That's ridiculous.
I'll go into this more in January, as I always do. Maybe this year will be different. Hopefully. (Gibbs continued to support Monk's candidacy at his weekly press conference this afternoon.)

* With 9:33 left in their game against Tennessee, the New York Giants were up 21-0. Twenty-four unsanswered Titan points later, the Giants left Nashville with a devastating, possibly season-changing loss. That's a shame.
Because my DVR was acting up last night, I still haven't seen Eli's late-game pick or Mathias Kiwanuka's missed sack (you can criticize the play, just don't mention that his last name is hard to pronounce. Because making a good-natured joke about somebody's tongue-twisting last name is much more offensive than this), but I'm pretty excited about both. I'm actually recording the bastardized version of NFL Primetime for this very reason.
It's going to be fun to listen to idiots like Jeremy Shockey and Plaxico Burress rip Tom Coughlin and his coaching staff this week without having the self-awareness to realize that they suck just as much, if not more, than the Giants coaches. (Shockey, by the way, has become the most overrated player in the NFL. Besides grabbing camera-time with his petulant, on-field antics, what does he do, exactly? Catch one ball less than Ben Watson and have a lower yard-per-reception average than Owen Daniels?)

* Two schools placed five players on the postseason All-ACC football team. Neither was named Florida State, Miami or Virginia Tech. In an ongoing series of signs that the apocalypse is near, Wake Forest (along with Clemson) had the most players on the All-ACC team for the first time in school history.

* I'll write about the Wake/MD game and the upcoming ACC Championship later this week, but before I do I had to mention the most ridiculous playcall of the season. Up seven points with 7:21 left, Wake had a fourth-and-goal from the one-yard line. A field goal would have been a sure thing (one of those All-ACC members is kicker Sam Swank) and would have given the Deacs two-possession lead. For some reason that I still haven't heard explained, Grobe decided to go for the TD, thusly, making it possible for Maryland to possibly tie the game on their following possession should Wake have been stopped.
That the Rich Belton made it to the endzone is irrelevant. This was the single-dumbest playcall I've seen from any football team all season.
Let me first address the critics who will say, "but they made it, so it couldn't have been that bad a call": You can drive a car with your feet, but it doesn't make it a good freakin' idea. Just because a poor decision ends up working out, doesn't mean it was a good decision. By going for it, Jim Grobe ran the risk of swinging the momentum completely to Maryland's side. Playing on the road in a stadium filled with people begging for a reason to cheer, a 4th-and-goal stand and the possibility of tying a game that had, just moments before, is reason enough to play it safe.
Maybe Grobe figured that the fates would continue to smile upon Wake Forest this season. Maybe he wanted a little drama at the end of the game. Maybe he wanted to take himself out of the running for National Coach of the Year. Whatever the reason he decided to go for it, Grobe should feel fortunate that Belton's second effort got him across the goalline. If the Terps had held and marched down the field for the tying score, all those "Jim Grobe is a genius" articles would have been lost to Word caches forever.

The Pen Is Mightier Than Gregg Williams' Playbook

Now that was Redskins football: A grind-it-out, smashmouth offense with a ball-hawking, aggressive unit on the other side. Ladell Betts ran hard, Jason Campbell looked sharp and Carlos Rogers played like a guy who was picked #8 in the NFL Draft. It's just too bad it all happened the Sunday after Thanksgiving instead of the Sunday after Labor Day.
Who knows if Tom Friend's critical look at the real reason behind the 'Skins 2006 woes played any part, but there's little doubt that the unit that took the field today beared no resemblence to the poor tackling, out-of-position, undisciplined team that has been masquerading as a defense since week 1.
Read all of Friend's piece from ESPN: The Magazine and the recently-added sidebar. In it, he confirms what I've been suggesting all year; the mess at Redskins Park begins and ends with Gregg Williams. My conjecture had been that Williams' schemes were not suited to the types of players he had in certain positions. Too often Lemar Marshall would be covering a Jason Witten-type player 30 yards downfield. Sean Taylor biting on play-action would leave Carlos Rogers on an island, when he can barely swim.
Friend's analysis goes deeper, exploring why Williams' beloved Cover 2 has come back to haunt him this season and why the defensive coordinator's ego is a main reason why. The article is a fascinating look at the politics, petulance and ego-coaxing involved in NFL coaching. Read it, even if you're not a 'Skins fan. I'd like to hear some takes from others about their thoughts on Williams and Gibbs and Snyder in the comments section.
Oh, and about that "anonymous player who wouldn't go on record" as he was dropping the hammer on his coach? I have it on pretty good authority that it was Shawn Springs.
Either way, the Redskins defense gave their best effort today since the playoffs. They hit hard, wrapped-up, were in the right spot and made plays on passes, instead of simply tackling the receiver.
Whatever sort of reaction Tom Friend's article got in Redskins Park, it worked. Now let's just hope he has five more up his sleeve for the rest of the Fridays during the regular season.

Holy Freakin' Shit

Wake Forest Demon Deacons
2006 ACC Atlantic Division champions

NFL Picks: Week 12
Things I'm Thankful For Edition

Miami at Detroit
What I'm Thankful For: Fried turkey
Tastes just like chicken, if chicken tasted like turkey.
Pick: Detroit

Tampa Bay at Dallas
What I'm Thankful For: Wake Forest playing at Maryland for a berth in the ACC Championship Game
When my dad scored me four 50-yardline seats to this game back in September, I remember thinking how great it would be if the Deacs would be playing to become bowl eligible in the Thanksgiving weekend match-up in College Park. When Wake's season continued to defy expectations, it became evident the game would have more pivotal implications. But it wasn't until the middle of the Florida State blowout that I realized I'd be in attendance as Wake Forest tried to win their division and earn a berth in the ACC Championship Game. My college roommate is driving down from New York and a lot of people are coming north for the game, which promises to be a great time, no matter what happens.
(And yes, I realize the hypocricy of looking forward to a possible ACC Championship Game bid after I've been ripping John Swofford for expanding the conference so said Championship Game would be a possibility. Here's the way I look at it: Just because Swofford is a moron and ruined the greatest conference in America, doesn't mean I can't be selectively pragmatic about its implications.)
Pick: Dallas

Denver at Kansas City
What I'm Thankful For: That this game won't be available in New York
Unless Paul Tagliabue makes it a Giants home game, that is.
Pick: Kansas City

New Orleans at Atlanta
What I'm Thankful For: Papa John's Garlic Dipping Sauce
Garlic in liquid form. Along with the printing press and internal combustion engine, that has to be one of mankind's greatest inventions. Now if we can just get moving on Crowne Royal Lozenges, we'll be all set.
Pick: New Orleans

Pittsburgh at Baltimore
What I'm Thankful For: Duke's loss to Marquette
So many things to love about this, I don't know where to begin. Greg Paulus is still clearing out with his left arm every time he drives the lane, Josh McRoberts has added a shoulder-dip push into his limited repetoire and Coach K's heralded freshman look like they wouldn't be seeing much PT on Drake, let alone Duke.
Don't call this one an upset. Duke isn't going to be very good this season. Paulus is in over his head at the point and McRoberts has yet to backup any of the hype that accompanied his arrival in Durham. None of this bothers Dick Vitale, of course, who thinks the Dukies are still in "for a tremendous season, baby."
Pick: Pittsburgh

Jacksonville at Cleveland
What I'm Thankful For: The Nas/Jay-Z Song "Black Republicans"
The best rap track of the year will appear on Nas' upcoming Hip-Hop Is Dead album. Not after this one, it isn't.
Pick: Jacksonville

Cincinnati at Buffalo
What I'm Thankful For: That my Thanksgiving travel plans consist of a 15-minute drive
At what point to beleagured travelers simply start staging Thanksgiving on a Tuesday in July instead of spending countless hours in traffic or stuck in the airport on the day before the fourth Thursday of Novemeber?
Pick: Cincinnati

Arizona at Minnesota
What I'm Thankful For: Fake Mustaches
Pick: Minnesota

Houston at New York Jets
What I'm Thankful For: Elle Woods' law school admissions video essay
Yeah, I like Legally Blonde, so sue me. Just don't hire Elle Woods as your lawyer, because the way she got that chick from Scooby-Doo to confess on the stand was magnificent lawyering. If O.J. had Elle, he would have never had to have hypothetically-confessed to murder for money.
Pick: Houston

San Francisco at St. Louis
What I'm Thankful For: XM Radio
Where else can you hear Bob Dylan's radio show, a wide array of Latin music, dozens of sports channels, 50's standards and an uncensored rap station whose deejays exist solely to remind listners that the station is, in fact, uncensored all in one place? (An excerpt from the Mz. Kitti show, "yeah yeah, motherf_____s! That's f_____n what the f___ I'm f_____n talkin' da f___ about, n____z! Sheeeeeeeeeet, u kno that's the F_____N streetz! F___. We got this new f____n track from f____n Jay-f____n-Z and nasty Nas, F___! It's tha TRUTH, motherf_____s, f___. BROOKLYN! F___, u kno I'm just f____ playin' around. F___. F___. C_________. Balls." She curses for the sake of cursing. It's a ghetto version of Deadwood.) XM, that's where. And maybe Sirius. But Acura didn't offer that.
Pick: St. Louis

Carolina at Washington
What I'm Thankful For: That the ridiculousness of Dan Snyder's ego is well-documented
Read all about it.
Pick: Carolina

Oakland at San Diego
What I'm Thankful For: Ridiculous baseball contracts are back!
$136 million for Alfonso Soriano and $55 million for Juan Pierre were nice, but Gary Matthews jaw-dropping five-year, $50 million deal with Anaheim clinches it; the era of free-spending in baseball is back with a vengeance. What's next, $16 million for Cristian Guzman??!!! Oh, wait.
Pick: San Diego

Chicago at New England
What I'm Thankful For: The Onion
Whether it's fauxrticles about the Chicago Bears or douchebags with a new phone, The Onion manages to keep it fresh even after all logic indicated it should have gone stale long ago.
Pick: Chicago

New York Giants at Tennessee
What I'm Thankful For: Elisha Nelson Manning
That's right, I'm thankful for that under-throwing, poor-decision-making, crybaby Daddy's boy. For without him, whom would be the target of my vitrol? Plenty of people, I suppose, but it's never as fun as it is with Eli. (I'm not on board with the media finally seeing the light though, because I'm forseeing Elisha having a good game in the next few weeks, which will lead to the inevitable bevy of "Eli's back" stories.)
Pick: New York Giants

Philadelphia at Indianapolis
What I'm Thankful For:

Pick: Indianapolis

The Chaz Rankings: Week 11
'Chris Answer PTI's Questions' Edition

Bigger win for the Cowboys or loss for the Colts?
The loss to the Dallas Cowboys (#9) is is the best thing that could have happened to the Indianapolis Colts (#2). Since they weren’t going 16-0 anyway, it’s far better to get the loss out of the way before the perfect season becomes a distraction, a la last year. Now Indy can focus on winning homefield advantage and preparing for the playoffs.
As for Dallas, every win is a big win. I’m not a big believer in season-changing wins. (Maybe that’s because the Washington Redskins (#26) allegedly had two this year – in overtime against the Jacksonville Jaguars (#8) and the crazy finish with the Cowboys – and got hammered the following week both times… And about that Cowboys game, three times this weekend I heard people refer to Tony Romo as “3-1 as a starter, and would have been 4-0 if not for a once-in-a-lifetime play at the end of the ‘Skins game,” or some variation. But what about Nick Novak missing his very-makeable kick with 38 seconds left? Isn’t that well within the “what-if” parameters? All I’m saying is that it’s a dangerous game to play, like Stratego.) I’m not intrigued enough to look up how other teams have done after having “huge wins” this season, but I’d imagine their records aren’t too great. Momentum in football is overrated. Most of the time, teams that are said to have momentum are just playing very well. And the Cowboys are playing very well right now. In a weak NFC, that should be enough to get them in the playoffs (particularly with Eli Manning, of the New York Giants (#11) looking quite Eli Manning-like.)

Are the San Diego Chargers (#3) the best team in the NFL?
The three next to their name is a subtle form of foreshadowing, I feel, as is the #1 beside the Chicago Bears. However, that answer won’t be known until Shawne Merriman and Luis Castillo get back. (Isn’t it great how the Chargers two best defenders – both of whom didn’t play last week – have positive steroid tests on their resumes? And how nobody ever mentions this? Nothing suspicious about that! I seriously think O.J. could come back to play running back in the NFL and nobody would mention the fact that he’s a double-murderer, that’s how much power the NFL exercises over its broadcast partners.)
Frankly, it doesn’t really matter if San Diego is the best at the moment. Because once the playoffs start, nothing can change the fact that Marty Schottenheimer is their coach. Can you imagine how great an Indy/San Diego AFC Championship would be? It’d be perhaps the greatest match-up of playoff-underachieving coaches in history.
This doesn’t change the fact that LDT is the best player in football and Philip Rivers is playing the best quarterback of anybody not named Peyton.

With McNabb done, are the Philadelphia Eagles (#19) too?
Philly had lost three of four prior to McNabb’s injury, with the only win coming against the lowly Redskins. Clearly Donovan’s absence will be the excuse, but I’m not so sure the Eagles weren’t already done even if he was healthy. (And let’s face it, even if they made the playoffs, they weren’t winning anything, so stop your whining Philly fans. Remember, only the Giants are affected by injuries anyway.)

Are the Cincinnati Bengals (#13) back and are the New Orleans Saints (#10) slipping?
Drew Brees threw for 510 yards Sunday against Marvin “Vince Lombardi” Lewis’ defense. That came one week after Cincy gave up 49 points to the Chargers. Chad Johnson might be back. Carson Palmer might be back. And the Bengals might be back in the playoff hunt; but with that porous defense, they still aren’t a contender in the AFC.
Their recent record (lost three of four) indicates New Orleans was playing over its head for the first part of the season, but two of those losses were close and all have been to good teams, so it’s a tad early to be putting a fork in the Saints. (We’ll leave that to Michael Richards.)
I don’t think anybody really thought New Orleans was that good early in the year. The emotion of coming back to the Superdome was the biggest reason most thought Sean Payton’s team rolled to a 5-1 start. However, even in the losses, it’s clear Drew Brees is one of the better quarterbacks in the league, and with Reggie Bush starting to find his NFL groove, New Orleans has proven themselves to be very much for real. The Seattle Seahawks (#14), on the other hand… Not so much.

Are the Baltimore Ravens (#7) a real contender to win the Super Bowl?
With that defense it’d be foolish to say the Ravens aren’t a Super Bowl contender. Still, them winning the whole thing is a bit of a stretch with a decrepit Steve McNair and Jamal Lewis as the two featured offensive weapons.

Will Michigan and Ohio State have a rematch in the BCS title game?
Two weeks ago, I was all for a rematch if Ohio State (who have alumni currently playing for the Denver Broncos (#4), Carolina Panthers (#5), New England Patriots (#6), Pittsburgh Steelers (#15), Atlanta Falcons (#18), Minnesota Vikings (#22), Tampa Bay Buccaneers (#24), St. Louis Rams (#27), Cleveland Browns (#28) and Arizona Cardinals (#31))
and Michigan (alumni on the
played a close game. Then, after being persuaded to see the err of my ways (a rare occasion, to be sure), I decided that the two Big Ten teams should consider their match-up as a playoff game and the loser shouldn’t get another shot at the victor. But, in the days leading up to the game, I said that if Michigan were to lose a nail-biter, there would be grounds for them to conceivably meet OSU in the National Championship game. (OSU, I reasoned, would be out with a loss, because they were playing at home.) Today, I’m sticking by my final belief. Sort of.
If USC wins out, they deserve to play for the National Championship over Michigan. One close loss on the road in October and wins against Arkansas, Nebraska, Cal and Notre Dame would be enough to get them in. But if Notre Dame beats USC (or if the Trojans should fall to UCLA on the first weekend in December), Michigan should beat out the Irish and the Florida/Arkansas winner for the berth in the title game.

Mailbag!
The Cubs have landed Alfonso Soriano for a massive 8 years and $136 million. Is this a key piece to a championship puzzle, or an albatross for years to come?
First of all… Bravo, Jim Bowden. Bravo. Four months ago you could have gotten some nice prospects for Soriano, but instead you let your ego take over (or continued to give it free reign) and decided that since teams weren’t trading you the best prospects and throwing in the deeds to their stadiums, you weren’t going to cave-in. Now what do you have to show for it; JACK SQUAT and a farm system that’s more bare than Yogi, that’s what. I went back and looked at what I wrote at the trade deadline when Bowden insanely kept Soriano on the team instead of dealing him and, apparently, I was a little miffed then too.
Now, about the Cubs… They overpaid for a player who has never played under a long-term deal and will be 38 when the contract runs out. But baseball teams like the Cubs practically print money, so the dollars really don’t matter too much. This is why the Red Sox dishing out $51 million for the Japanese pitcher is fine. It seems like a lot of money to us, but if that’s what it takes to get one of the most powerful leadoff men in recent memory, then it’s worth it to the Cubs.
Did Soriano put up the best numbers of his career in 2005 because he was up for his first major contract? Almost certainly. But are Soriano’s non-contract year numbers still pretty good? Yes. And that’s why his signing is a good thing for the Cubs, short-term. Long-term? They’ll probably just eat half the contract while Soriano plays out his days in New York, but not on the Jets (#16).

Steve Spurrier is denying rumors that he’s the next coach at Miami? Would he even be the right man for that job?
Dude, did you not see what happened in Washington? Steve Spurrier is the right man for any and every job, including the Green Bay Packers (#21), Buffalo Bills (#23) and Houston Texans (#29).

Guys, the winning pick-four lottery ticket in Ohio on Saturday was 4-2-3-9 -- the final score of the game. Fishy?
That’s nothing. Knock this one around in your noggin’ for a bit: Take the final score (4,239) and multiply it by the number of times Michigan and OSU have played plus the members of the Ohio State marching band (328) and then multiply that by four less than Troy Smith’s number and, to that total, add 3.27816 times the capacity of Ohio State’s stadium and you’ll get 8675309, or the number of Tommy Tutone’s Jenny. And that’s just freaky.

Coach Nolan, of the San Francisco 49ers (#20) (not the Kansas City Chiefs (#12), Miami Dolphins (#17), Tennessee Titans (#25) or Oakland Raiders (#30)) looked good in his suit Sunday, but did you check out his shoes? They looked like golf shoes without the spikes!
Five years of subscribing to Esquire and Playboy have taught me two things: 1) Size might, or might not, matter; and, 2) The shoes makes the man.

You're With Me, Nino Brown

One year ago this week, Michael Irvin was arrested by police after a crack pipe was discovered in his car. Perhaps thinking that Thanksgiving brings back wistful memories of those precious, precious rocks, Chris Berman offered some unsolicited, Irvin-specific advice to his broadcast partner at the end of Monday Night Countdown tonight.
Because I'm an idiot, I decided to record this monumental moment with my cell phone, forgetting about my digital video camera that was lying unused upstairs. As a result, I'm having trouble uploading the video to the internet and the quality is as crappy as Eli Manning's quarterbacking ability. There's about a 50% chance this link won't work, but I really, really, hope it does. I'm also hoping some enterprising soul with more vision than myself will post this on YouTube. Because it's really good. Listen for it at the end of the 14-second clip.

Michael Irvin Gets Some Great Advice

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

If Biff Tannen were around, he'd no doubt notice the poetic justic: While writing a Monday Morning Cornerback my back feels like it was repeatedly jammed into a corner. A sharp one. With spikes. And Sean Taylor somehow involved. So I'm going to keep this brief and hope my heating pad can sort out the rest.

* Jason Campbell looked nice yesterday in his NFL debut. I say nice because "good" is going a little too far. For his first effort, however, he performed admirably. On a number of occasions he showed his physical strength, shedding tacklers and moving through the line. He also fired some pretty passes. What I liked most was Campbell's poise. He didn't seem to panic in the face of a pass-rush. He'd often look-off one or two receivers to find the check-down man. And he never seemed to get frustrated, even when some great passes were dropped or Ladell Betts couldn't find a wide-open hole to run through. (Had Betts managed to do anything on the ground, Campbell might have earned a victory in his introduction to the NFL. It's also important to remember that Campbell was playing without the 'Skins best receiver, Santana Moss, too.)
Still, it's a little too early to be penciling in Campbell as an All-Pro for the next decade. He threw some balls into the ground, had difficult recognizing defensive shifts and, overall, looked like a rookie. He has a long leash with fans, for now, which is interesting because had Mark Brunell made some of the throws Campbell did yesterday, those same fans would have been calling for his head. I wonder how long the Campbell honeymoon will be.

* The NFC is positively dreadful. Here's how bad its gotten: Currently sitting one-game off the Wild Card are the 5-5 San Francisco 49ers. Those Niners, by the way, have been outscored by 93 points this season. With San Fran's easy win over Seattle, I'm forced to assume two things:
1) Matt Hasselbeck will definitely return next week.
2) At this moment, the St. Louis Rams might be the worst team in football.

* I've been mentioning this for the past two years (way longer than Bill Simmons, mind you), but with a new Congress coming to Washington in January, it's time to get something done: We must stem the tide of people calling LaDainian Tomlinson "L.T." Now that he's finally getting recognition as one of the greatest backs of all-time, it's about time we nip this idiocy in the bud.
Listen, the abbreviated-name-as-nickname trend is bad enough. But do we really have to start identifying players by their initials, especially if said initals are the same as the greatest linebacker of the past 20 years who - gasp! - was also known by those initials??? How is this happening? How can anybody, in good conscience, call Tomlinson "L.T."? We already had an L.T. We don't need another. I advocated calling Tomlinson "LDT" or simply "Danie". Would it kill somebody to come up with a real nickname though? The man went to TCU, for crap's sake. Their mascot is a "horned frog". The possibilities are limitless!
Lastly, we can't keep reusing initials as there's only 676 possible initial combinations. Of those, only about 500 are probable. Do we collectively intend to keep recycling these two-letter atrocities until the following conversations are commonplace throughout the nation:
Man #1 - Yo, did you see KG blow-UP last night?
Man #2 - Garnett had a big game? How many did he score?
Man #1 - No, I'm talking about Kevin Goldthwaite, defenseman for the Houston Dynamo of the MLS.
Man #2 - I always knew you were a pinko. Man #2 punches Man #1 in the face.

* While researching that true-to-life depiction of the world we will live in if we're allowed to call LaDanian Tomlinson "LT", I went to MLS.com to find a soccer player with the same initials as Kevin Garnett. Imagine my surprise when I discovered MLS.com is not registed to Major League Soccer, but to a real estate group called Multiple Listing Services. (The soccer league's website is MLSNet.com. I won't link to it because, come on.
That's when you know you're sports league is completely lame; you don't even have enough cash to buy-out a bunch of realtors. Have fun with Beckham, idiots.

* My college roomate is an Eagles fan. In spite of this, I am still friends with him. Yesterday he called and asked for tips on "oven head-sticking". So, in lieu of the myriad comments I could make about Donovan's season-ending injury (so... hard... not... to.... type...), here's my example from August 13, when the Redskins season, for all intents and purposes, ended on a Clinton Portis block. Notice the loose clothing. For comfort is of the essence when ones head catches fire at 500 degrees.

NFL Picks: Week 11
Non-NFL Edition

As the NFL takes a backseat this weekend to college football, so will the week 11 picks. Yes, Wake Forest/Virginia Tech is that big, folks.
Interestingly enough, tonight's game isn't that big for the Deacs. It sounds strange to say, what with them at 9-1 and Virginia Tech at 8-2, but because the cHokies are in the Coastal Division and Wake has an edge in tiebreakers, the only game that really matters for Wake is next week at Maryland. If they win that, they're in the ACC Championship Game, no matter what happens today. (For the record, I'm vehemently rooting for the Terps today so that Wake/MD game becomes a "win and you're in" situation. I'll be there in College Park and putting the division title on the line would make an already-unexpectedly-huge game even bigger.)
Wake's shutout in Tallahassee was the most shocking result in the history of the modern ACC (when FSU joined the league in '91). Even though the 'Noles are down, few expected Wake to win. Few of those people expecte Wake to win with ease. And nobody expected them to put up 30 while handing Bobby Bowden his first home bagel ever. How the Deacs will follow that up is anyones guess.
Virginia Tech, while not a real member of the ACC, has recovered from their back-to-back losses in October to win four straight. While the season has been a relative disappointment, today's game is their playoffs. Without a win here, the Hokies will likely be shipped out to a mediocre bowl, while a win probably nets them an appearance in what used to be the Peach Bowl.
Analysts sick of being proven wrong by the Deacs are finally picking them to win this game, a change of heart which is oddly unsettling. (Damn, Corso and Herbstreit just picked the Deacs. Bastards.) Even though I complained about it, I sort of liked when they were the scrappy underdog whom nobody gave a chance.
I'm still holding steadfast to my theory that Riley Skinner will struggle if he's forced to lead a comeback, but with Wake Forest getting off to quick starts the past three weeks, this scenario has thankfully not unfolded.
As you'd expect, I'm picking Virginia Tech and won't be at all upset if my selection is proven correct. The only important game left on Wake Forest's schedule is next week. (Ahh, how that must be a thorn in the paw of all Hokies fans. They're not even important enough to care about. Unless you're a bail bondsman.)
The second-biggest game of the day takes place in Columbus. You might have heard about it; #2 Michigan is playing #1 Ohio State. No?
Anyway, I know as much about Big Ten football as Virginia Tech football players know about anything not related to armed robbery, so I'm going to give the floor to my buddy Jaffe, a lifelong Michigan fan and alum:

I admit I haven't watched many Ohio State games this year. Or ever. The sight of them sickens me. There's a lore among the schools, one I believe, that the Buckeye bus once ran out of gas on the way home from Ann Arbor, and rather than rely on someone from Michigan for help, Woody Hayes instructed his team to push the bus across the Ohio line. That's not rivalry. That's hatred. (I heard the same story, but instead of pushing the bus, Hayes just punched it across the border. - Chaz)

As a true Michigan fan I never believe we're going to win a big game. That said, this is one of the most complete Michigan teams I've ever seen. If the game were in the Big House, I might actually predict a win. (I was banned from predicting wins sophomore year, when we lost to Northwestern.) The offensive line resembles that of 1997; Jake Long will be every bit the pro
Jon Jansen is, and I wouldn't be surprised if others become as well known as Steve Hutchinson and Jeff Backus in a few years. If Mike Hart hadn't been injured last season, he would have broken all of Jaime Morris‚ rushing records; he still might break some. Mario Manningham deserves to wear #1 next season, as Anthony Carter, Derrick Alexander, David Terrell, and
Braylon Edwards before him (so, I guess he‚ll be a mediocre to terrible pro). Adrian Arrington is the best second receiver we‚ve had since Tai Streets. The defense is terrifying. While it lacks a Charles Woodson, who basically willed UM to the 97 title himself, it exceeds that team in overall talent. Lamar Woodley will make some NFL team as happy as Dwight Freeney
made the Colts. Branch and Taylor constitute the best DT combo the Wolverines have had in my lifetime. Harris and Prescott Burgess glide sideline to sideline like Ravens linebackers, and Leon Hall might be the most underrated defensive back in Michigan history. He's every bit as good as Ty Law. Even the perceived weakness "the other defensive backs"are only weak by comparison. If Morgan Trent ever played at 100 percent, he would be a number one corner.

The true MVP of this team is not a player, however, but a coach. Ron English should be the first person called by every single team in need of a change this off-season - and not simply because he fulfills the "required black coach interview." I heard another rumor, this one I also believe, that the only reason English didnt leave this past off-season is that Lloyd Carr
guaranteed him the head coaching spot when Carr retires. Carr might be driving the bus to Columbus, but if Michigan wins, it will be because Ron English's crew got out and pushed it.

Picks
Pittsburgh over Cleveland
Carolina over St. Louis
Atlanta over Baltimore
Tampa Bay over Washington
Philadelphia over Tennessee
Chicago over New York Jets
New Orleans over Cincinnati
Miami over Minnesota
Kansas City over Oakland
Houston over Buffalo
New England over Green Bay
San Francisco over Seattle
Arizona over Detroit
Dallas over Indianapolis
San Diego over Denver

Chris's Sports Blog 2006-2007 NCAA Basketball Preview

According to ESPN, the most wonderful time of the year is college bowl season. In the eyes of Staples, it's when kids go back to school. And for Andy Williams, it's whenever he and Petula Clark can get a little "alone time" in Branson, Missouri. But for me, college basketball season is my most favorite time of the year.
The NFL and college fotball have too much downtime during the season. Baseball's marathon season is enjoyable, but not on the night-in, night-out basis of college basketball. Important games are played almost every day, your favorite team plays two games per week and games that are of little interest to you are eminently watchable.
Mix-in a nicely divided schedule of Tournaments, made-for-TV games, Christmas breathers and conference play that are mere preludes to two Tournaments played over a four-week span and college basketball season is like a little piece of heaven on hardwood.
It is with these thoughts that I present the 3rd annual Chris's Sports Blog NCAA Basketball Preview. I'll preview the ACC first and then move to the national level. Check back all season for thoughts on the ACC, Dick Vitale and my diabolical plot to get Skip Prosser fired from Wake Forest so they can hire a coach who's actually heard of an offensive set.

The ACC
Projected Order of Finish
1) North Carolina
It's easy to forget how everybody assumed the Tar Heels were going to have a miserable 2005/2006 campaign in light of their championship team's mass departure. I picked them seventh in the ACC during this preview last season, and even that was a reach. But Hansbrough was better than advertised and David Noel blossomed into an excellent second-option. The Heels ended up stunning everybody by finishing second in the conference.
This year, nearly every pundit has the Heels in the Final Four thanks to Hansbrough and Roy Williams' stellar recruiting class (highlighted by Ty Lawson and Wayne Ellington). Along with holdovers Rayshawn Terry and everybody's favorite walk-on Wes Miller, the Heels should be in good shape in a decidely weak conference.

2) Georgia Tech
Javaris Crittenton and Thaddeus Young. Get used to the names; for a year anyway. Paul Hewitt has brought in two of the nation's top recruits (Crittenton was rated the #1 PG by one of the billion recruiting magazine and Young won the MVP in the Jordan All-Star game) to compliment his seasoned starters Anthony Morrow and Ra'Sean Dickey. The Yellow Jackets have become a vogue pick in recent weeks, but they have the talent to back it up.

3) Virginia
Most years an ACC team comes out of nowhere to land a spot in the conference's top four. Carolina did it in 2006, Virginia Tech in 2005 (remember that? I didn't) and NC State in 2004 are just a few recent examples. One team this season is going to come out of the pack and make the leap and UVA has all the makings of being that squad.
They have a young, talented coach in Dave Leitao. Their backcourt is among the best in the nation. And the team is playing a new arena that will be sold-out and racous each and every time the Hoos step on the court. Those three factors should be enough to compensate for the Cavaliers' lack of size.

4) Duke
Can somebody explain to me how Duke is ranked #11 in the country right now? They lost their two best - nay, only - players and... I guess that's it. But it's enough. Duke lost their two best players. Now they're forced to rely on a soft presence in the middle who couldn't even contribute when he was getting defended by scrubs and the most overrated point guard in the land.
Sure, Greg Paulus led the ACC in assists last season, the first freshman to do so since Ed Cota, but he did so feeding the best shooter in the conference and a proficient big man. Assists won't come as easy dishing to David McClure.
Krzyzewski had another great recruiting class, but who else can step-in to fill the void left by the aforementiond tools and the about-to-be-mentioned one, Lee Melchionni? David McClure? You mean Ridgefield, CT's finest? Sorry, Ridgefield, you had your college superstar already and his name was Justin Redemer. Martynas Pocius? The best thing anybody can say about him is that some European teams offered him contrats this off-season. I suppose Trajan Langdon is lonely. DeMarcus Nelson? Please, I'm eating here.
Duke falls at #4 in my rankings for two reasons: Coaching and officiating, both of which go together hand-in-hand. Coach K is the greatest college basketball coach of all-time and he manipulates the refs like O.J. does the system. That alone is worth 10 ACC wins right there.

5) Boston College
I ranked these teams before BC got their asses handed to them by Vermont, but in the interest of integrity (and not cutting and pasting, I'm really bad at that), I'll keep them here. Most predictions I read had BC higher, but most of those predictions also didn't think Craig Smith was as great a player as I did. Jared Dudley always got a lot of hype too, but he never performed well when I'd watch BC games. Everyone raves about him, so he must be doing something right.
I am a fan, however, of sophomore PG Tyrese Rice. He was a little raw last season, but showed flashes of greatness at points. Sean Williams comes with a lot of hype (and an ankle bracelet), but I've never quite understood why. Talent-wise, BC is among the upper-echelon ACC teams, but with Al Skinner at the helm, that doesn't matter too much.

6) Maryland
Since Steve Blake left, the Terps haven't had a decent point guard to run the show. Say what you will about Chris McCray (and, chances are, if you use semi-big words he wouldn't be able to understand you anyway), but he always fit in better as a #2.
D.J. Strawberry is a fine player (and great defender), but he's no point guard. This year, Gary Williams has some new blood to fill the role in Greivis Vazquez (what is he, a Star Wars villian) and hopes to move D.J. over.
Looking at Maryland's roster, I have absolutely no clue why I picked them to finish 6th. Holy crap, Mike Jones is a senior? James Gist is a junior? Man, time flies when you're sucking. And how does Will Bowers still have his eligibility? Did Nick Fazekas lend him some?

7) Virginia Tech
The cHokies have been predicted as high as 3rd in some preseason ACC polls I've seen, to which I say, Marcus Vick must have laced whatever he sold you, Mr. Voting Man.
"Experience" and "senior leadership" are the two qualities mentioned most when discussing Virginia Tech's basketball team. I value those qualities in every college basketball as well as most aspects of my personal life, but they come with a caveat. Said players with said "experience" and "leadership" have to actaully be good in the first place. I mean, Colin Powell is a great leader, but I wouldn't want him running the point, you know?
VT could definitely slip into the NCAA Tournament with guys like Coleman Collins and Zabian Dowdell, but it will be interesting to see what happens when teams start to respect the Hokies instead of considering them pushovers.

8) Florida State
FSU finished 9-7 in the ACC last season, but was left out of the NCAA Tournament by a selection committee which refused to reward the 'Noles 316th ranked non-conference schedule. This year, Leonard Hamilton has improved his team's non-conference slate a bit (games at Pittsburgh and Wisconsin and home against Florida), but there are still too many Coastal Carolinas and St. Peters on there too. (Amazingly, FSU played at Florida last year and still finished with the low non-conference SOS which is kind of surprising. Wouldn't that game alone propel the 'Noles into at least the mid-200s? I mean, can Kenesaw State boast about playing a road game against the nation's top team? This is why I don't trust computers. Or the Swedes. Or really anybody of Nordic descent.)

9) Wake Forest
Rebuilding seems to be the theme of the bottom tertiary of the ACC standings. In no place will the rebuilding be as drastic as it will be in Winston-Salem. Eric Williams and Justin Gray have matriculated, as have Trent Strickland and Chris Ellis. For those keeping score, that's four starters; gone. Oh, and did I mentioned that said starters led a team that finished 3-13 in conference?
Here is where I'd normally go off about Skip Prosser but I figure, why bother wasting my breath now when Skip will give me plenty to write about over the coming months. Still, I"m but a single man and am powerless against my Skip-hatred. So here is an amuse bouche, if you will.
Prosser manlyly (not really a word, but say it and it sounds like it should be one) accepted a home-and-home with Bucknell and went up to Lewisburg to play the Bison earlier this week. It was the first time an ACC school had ever visited the campus. Bucknell shot out to an early lead and Wake was forced to come from behind for most of the game. Finally, early in the 2nd half, they took their first lead at 50-49. So what did Skip Friggin' Prosser do at the exact moment his team has seized momentum and quieted the racous crowd? Lombardi called timeout. He called timeout! Momentum? Gone. Advantage? Lost. Questionable game strategy discussed? Near certainty.
The only explanation for this is that Prosser saw one team giving up a big lead and another making a huge run and figured that it had to be his team giving up the lead. I can't fathom any other situation that would have made sense. Oh, except that it's SKIP PROSSER!
Not surprisingly, Bucknell went on a 8-0 run immediately after the timeout. Simply amazing.
The rest of the game was more of the same; Wake couldn't recognize when Bucknell was changing defensive sets, odd lineups were on the floor and there was no offensive strategy to speak of. It was like Skip just skipped all of Basketball 101 and tried to hit on the lifeguard at the pool two stories above the courts. Ahh, so damn frustrating.
There were, however, some good things to say about the game (which Wake would eventually win). PG Ishmael Smith (I'm already enjoy calling him "ish") runs the floor like Chris Paul. Unfortunately that's where the comparisons stop.
Anthony Gurley appears that he will become quite manly and Harvey Hale has added a little ball-fake to his repetoire that was slaying the Bucknell defenders. LD Williams didn't show much, nor did Jamie Skieen, but they could be alright. (Assuming Skieen shaves his cornrows off.)
I have to say, I was a little put-off by the number recycling (Gurley wearing Strickland's #33), Skieen rockin' Eric Williams #31) and LD Williams goin Craig Dawson style with #42.) But it's all good, wear 'em well is all.
Kyle Visser was dominant in the middle (albeit against Bucknell), but it was sort of amazing to see the offense run through him consistently, unlike last season when Williams would dominate the first four minutes of the game and then become a forgotten man afterwards. At least Prosser had the good sense to tell the team to keep feeding Visser. But, as things tend to do, that fell apart when Visser, who apparently worked with Chris Dudley in the off-season, began shooting free-throws. Hey, Kyle... Here's a tip: LOOK AT THE FUCKING BASKET BEFORE YOU SHOOT. I swear, that cat stares at the ground for five seconds, lifts his shot preparing for his release and then, at the last instant, steals a glance at his presumptive target. It's like he was taking shooting lessons from the bad guys in the Die Hard movies.
After all that, the main question becomes, why is Wake ranked #9 when they finished #12 last year and will be, unequivocably, worse now. The answer is a little convoluted and tricky and I took an Ambien about 40 minutes ago and it's starting to kick in so I can barely type or comprehend or comprehend if I have typed, so I better get moving with said answer: These new players are hungrier than the veterans were last season. In 2005 the Deacs had a legitimate shot of going to the Final Four with Chris Paul leading the way. But that devastating loss to West Virginia helped send CP to the NBA and, suddenly, a 2006 season that could have been a contending year became season 1: AP (After Paul). Once Paul left, the other good players (Justin Gray, Eric Williams) had only themselves to play for. They knew they had just blown their best shot and now they had nowhere to go but down. And down the Deacs did, all the way to 3-13.
The best thing to say about this season for Wake Basketball Fans is that a majority of the players on the roster have little connection to the Chris Paul era (Visser being the lone exception). They weren't in Winston the week the Deacs became the #1 team in the country. They weren't there later that week when Illinois took over that spot amid a sea of orange. They didn't see CP hit Julius Hodge in the goods or Taron Downey miss an NCAA Record Breaking FT at FSU. They didn't see Downey's jumper fall-short in the second round of the NCAA Tournamant, in what would be a #10/#2 upset in Chris Paul's last game in the Old Gold & Black. And that has to be a little good... Right?
These guys should be hungry and should listen to what their coach tells them (even if its a dicey proposition, at best.) I'm hoping to see hustle (which was lacking in the Bucknell game) and improvement defensively.
Coaches can get a top-10 recruiting class, but it won't mean anything if the players don't want it. That's what will be exciting about this season, watching these seven freshman try to solidify their placement on Wake's basketball team for the next four seasons. This year might not be pretty, but if done right, could help set the foundation for a return to prominence in 2009.

10) Clemson
Name a player currently on Clemson's roster. I dare you. Unless you went to, or currently attend, Clemson or are Oliver Purnell, I bet you can't either.

11) Miami
Have I told you how much I hate the new ACC?

12) North Carolina State
Gone are Herb Sendek, Tony Bethel, Cameron Brenneman, Andrew Brackman (probably), Cedric Simmons and Ilian Evtimov (I guess he finally exhausted his seventh-year of eligibility). Back is Engin Atsur. In other words: Ouch.

ACC Player of the Year
Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina

ACC Coach of the Year
Dave Leitao, Virginia

First-Team All-ACC
G - Sean Singletary, Virginia
G - J.R. Reynolds, Virginia
F - Al Thornton, Florida State
F - Josh McRoberts, Duke
C - Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina

I know what you're thinking. That Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme looks pretty delicious, right? Well it is. It's friggin' amazing. But not "amazing" in the sense of UVA having two guards on my pre-season All-ACC team. That, cronies, is the definition of amazing.
When's the last time Virginia had any player make first-team All-ACC? (Imagine my surprise, and embarassment, when I looked my query up, only to discover that UVA hasn't had a player make an All-ACC team since March. Of 2006. Singletary apparently was on the squad last year. But, before that, UVA hadn't had a player earn the honors since 1992, so I was sort of on the right track.)
Anyway, Singletary would have to go bike riding with Jason Williams in order to miss the team this year and his play should free up Reynolds to help form one of the nation's best backcourts.
(Where's Greg Paulus you ask? Riding the pine on the third-team, my friends.)
Thornton is a monster inside for FSU and should rack up big numbers. McRoberts figures to see his numbers improve without Shelden Williams there to big-headedly eat up the middle, but the counter to that argument is that, even with opposing defenses focusing nearly all their attention on J.J. Redick and The Slumlord, McRoberts still only averaged 8 and 5. As a billingual Dick Vitale might say, "no es bueno, bebé!" (How pathetic is it that I took seven years of Spanish and still had to use Babelfish to look up "baby"?) In reality, the only reason McRoberts is on my list is because ACC writers would likely have a collective breakout of hives if any All-ACC team was sans Dukie, so McRoberts gets the nod by default because Greg Paulus is brutal. (And with all the focus on illegal screens, he won't be able to get open. Oh, who am I kidding. Of course the refs won't whistle up a Coach K for that!)

cAPc Top 10
(Two things before I begin. First; yes, those are my initials. I have two middle names. Do somethin. Second; this isn't a preseason Top 10 but a projection of what the top 10 will look like prior to the NCAA Tournament. Any schlub can pencil in Florida #1 today, but who's going to be leading the pack in mid-March? Based on my college basketball prognostication prowess, it certainly won't be the team I have listed at #1.)

1) Kansas
2) North Carolina
3) Arizona
4) Wisconsin
5) Florida
6) Creighton
7) Georgia Tech
8) Georgetown
9) Memphis
10) UCLA

You'll no doubt notice the placement of the defending champs, as well as the absence of preseason top-10 mainstays LSU and Ohio State. Here's my rationale: Florida wasn't that great last season. In March, absolutely. But over the course of the 2005/2006 campaign? It's easy to forget that the Gators were ranked behind Memphis, Gonzaga, Ohio State, Boston College, Texas and North Carolina headed into the Tournament. This isn't a knock on their title; they absolutely deserved to win. Sometimes though, people mistakenly equate a Tournament title with greatness.
Florida won six straight Tourney games against the following seeds: #14, #11, #7, #1, #11 and #2. The only "very good" team they beat was Villanova. (Some would argue UCLA was a very good team, I'd argue that they were the product of a weak Pac 10 and equally easy road to the Final.) Again, this is not to begrudge Florida their Championship. Whoever is left standing after the 63 games is the champion. But nobody ever said the NCAA Tournament always crowns the best team. It merely crowns the best team in that Tournament. Play that thing another 25 times and I bet Florida doesn't cut down the nets once.
So before we start crowning them repeat champions, remember that UF was merely a solid team last season when they had something to prove. Now that they're the toasts of college basketball, who knows how they'll react. Can't you see Joakim Noah rollin' around campus in a Bentley with four bikini-clad co-eds in a pool that Xzibit and his boys at West Coast Customs fitted in the coupe's trunk? In the words of The Dude, "how you gonna keep em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus?" Isn't the UF situtation an ego-battle waiting to happen?
Georgetown is going to be a force in the Big East behind Roy Hibbert and Jeff Green and Arizona impressed me in their loss to UVA. One mid-major team figures to finish the year in the Top 10 and the Nate Funk-led Creighton Bluejays have the talent and depth to be that team. The others in the Top 10? Who am I kidding... Totally guessing.

Final Four
Kansas, North Carolina, Georgetown, Michigan

Take a look at the Final Four predictions made by the "experts" at ESPN.com. Notice anything interesting? (Besides Dick Vitale's picture, which looks oddly like an icon from Biblical times.) Perhaps that none of the 36 predicted teams come from outside the preseason top 13? (And without Fran Fraschilla's sort-of-ballsy pick of Texas A&M, it would have been top 11.) Way to go out on a limb, [insert pop-culture reference of somebody cautious].
Essentially, these guys were listing their top-four teams, which is a whole lot different than picking a Final Four. I'm not going to argue that Florida, UNC and Kansas are the top three teams in the nation right now (even with the Jayhawks' shocking loss to Oral Roberts last night.) But what are the odds of all three of them making the Final Four? One-in-a-hundred? Maybe less? Remember, none of the preseason top eighteen made the Final Four last year. (Granted, it was a flukey Tournament). 2005, however, had a Final Four made up of two #1 seeds and a #4 and #5. They were ranked #4, #5, #13 and #14 before the year. In 2004 the top-two preseason teams actually met in the Final Four while, on the other side of the bracket, the #25 preseason team was facing a school that received exactly zero votes in the inagural poll (Georgia Tech). (That was some painful research right there. Seeing those 04/05 preseason rankings with Wake Forest at #2 was definitely the most depressing thing I've seen all week.)
The point is, teams come out of nowhere to make the Final Four. So the least those ESPN chumps could have done was make at least one left-field pick. Just one! I'm not asking for much!
The teams I selected aren't my top four teams because the top four teams never make it. Maybe three of top six have a shot, but there's usually one squad with a #3 or #4 seed that makes a run. It's science. That's why I have the two prohibitive favorites (Kansas and UNC) joined by Georgetown and Michigan. Why the Wolverines? Because they were on the cusp of making the Tournament last year and didn't lose any big stars. Would I put money on them? No. But at least I went out there and made a ridiculous pick instead of throwing in Arizona and Wisconsin.
In the finals, I have Kansas playing Georgetown. Earlier today I thought about moving KU out of my projected Final because of the loss to Oral Roberts, but then it hit me: Bill Self's Jayhawk teams usually lose to a less-talented school from a small conference in March. This time, maybe they got it out of their system early and will run the table in the Tournament with that loss out of the way, which is why the Kansas Jayhawks are Chris's Sports Blog pick to win the 2007 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship.

The Chaz Rankings: Week 10
Dylan Edition

This Friday I'll be at the Patriot Center (home of defending East regional champs George Mason) to watch my 15th Bob Dylan concert. In honor of the show (and, perhaps, the final time I'll ever see Dylan live because, let's face it, every time could be the last), today's Chaz Rankings will have a Dylan theme. Each team is ranked alongside the Dylan song that best fits them. I sort of did the same thing last year, but this version includes all of Bob's catalogue instead of just the Mojo Top 100. Hopefully I won't repeat anything.
One thing before I begin; it's amazing how many crappy teams there are in the NFL. Only the first eight teams are what I would consider any good and the bottom 15 are just plain brutal. It's almost an insult to Dylan to list the 2006 NFL teams with his songs. A better choice might have been Dan Fogelberg, but his concert isn't until after Thanksgiving.
I'm in the midst of watching Wake Forest blow a game that Bucknell is trying to give away and am reminded that I haven't posted my college basketball preview yet. That will come later this week once things calm down around here a bit. I'll also give my thoughts on Wake's destruction of FSU and the Nationals' hiring of Manny Acta.

1) Indianapolis Colts (9-0, Last week: #)
Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight
What every Colts fan will be saying Saturday, January 14.

2) San Diego Chargers (7-2, #)
Days of 49
Who would have thought the Chargers could score 49 points without Antonio Gates getting in the endzone once? The morons in my fantasy league who vetoed a proposed Gates/T.J. Housmandzedah swap because it was too "unfair", that's who.

3) Chicago Bears (8-1, #)
Talking New York
The Bears will play their second straight game in the Meadowlands this weekend. Since Bob never wrote a song entitled "Talking New Jersey Swampland", this one will have to suffice.

4) Denver Broncos (7-2, #)
I Threw It All Away
To the Raiders, no less. I'd say it's time to bring your mustache back Jake Plummer, but I've cried too many tears about that already.

5) New Orleans Saints (6-3, #)
Guess I'm Doin' Fine
After that touchdown dive, I don't think anybody will be doubting Reggie Bush for a bit.

6) New York Giants (6-3, #)
Blowin' in the Wind
The only reason Eli Manning throws any incompletions, according to everybody in the media.

7) Baltimore Ravens (7-2, #)
With God on Our Side
Is it any coincidence the Ravens are 3-0 since Brian Billick took over playcalling duties? I thought not.

8) Carolina Panthers (5-4, #)
I'd Hate To Be You On That Dreadful Day
This one goes out to all cornerbacks trying to cover Steve Smith.

9) Seattle Seahawks (6-3, #)
Boots of Spanish Leather
Josh Brown's boots of (spanish?) leather are why the Seahawks are 6-3. However, knowing PETA, expect Brown to next year make boots of spanish composite Traxxion.

10) New York Jets (5-4, #)
The Boxer
Does anybody else wish Eric Mangini had clocked Bill Belichick in the face during the Pats coach's post-game snub? What a prick that guy is.

11) Philadelphia Eagles (5-4, #)
Blood in My Eyes
Well Donovan, that is a side-effect of excessive vomiting.

12) New England Patriots (5-4, #)
I Am a Lonesome Hobo
Yes you are, Bill Belichick. Yes you are.

13) Dallas Cowboys (5-4, #)
I and I
Terrell Owens' favorite song.

14) Cincinnati Bengals (4-5, #)
Don't Ya Tell Henry
'Cause that crazy sunufabitch will shoot a mofo!

15) Jacksonville Jaguars (5-4, #)
Jack-A-Roe
Between The Chaz Rankings and my weekly picks, I attempt to come up with something fairly clever or insightful to say about each team twice a week. And the most difficult team to do it for is the Jacksonville Jaguars and I don't know why. Maybe that's the problem.

16) Kansas City Chiefs (5-4, #)
Honey, Just Allow Me One More Chance
Unfortunately for Damon Huard, I think he blew that chance in last week's loss to the Dolphins.

17) Green Bay Packers (4-5, #)
Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat
I don't know about the leopard-skin and hat part, but Brett Favre damn sure has a multitude of pill-boxes.

18) Minnesota Vikings (4-5, #)
Stage Fright
Not a problem for Fred Smoot or Bryant McKinnie, apparently.

19) San Francisco 49ers (4-5, #)
You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go
Only two people can possibly be happy about the 49ers move to Santa Clara: Mayor Patricia Mahan and Steve Nash.

20) Pittsburgh Steelers (3-6, #)
Motorpsycho Nightmare
For obvious reasons.

21) Atlanta Falcons (5-4, #)
Love Sick
Michael Vick is well versed in the sicknesses of love.

22) St. Louis Rams (4-5, #)
True Love Tends to Forget
As does Bill Simmons, who will clearly not recall bragging about how his Rams bandwagon pick was so prescient just four weeks ago.

23) Buffalo Bills (3-6, #)
Canadee-i-o
In honor of the newly-hyphenated London Fletcher-Baker. What's with NFL players changing their names? Will Peterson becomes William James. Maurice Drew becomes Maurice Jones-Drew. What's next, Eli Manning taking his boyfriend's last name?

24) Tennessee Titans (3-6, #)
Clean-Cut Kid
The Adam "Pac Jones" Story, debuting Saturday, November 18, only on Lifetime.

25) Houston Texans (3-6, #)
Love Is Just A Four-letter Word
So is Carr.

26) Washington Redskins (3-6, #)
I Believe in You
Sort of, Jason Campbell. Sort of.

27) Miami Dolphins (3-6, #)
I Forgot More Than You'll Ever Know
Unforunately, one of the things Nick Saban forgot was how to be good.

28) Cleveland Browns (3-6, #)
If Dogs Run Free
They do; both in Paul Brown Stadium and on the campus of offensive lineman Lennie Friedman's alma mater, Duke.

29) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-7, #)
Ugliest Girl in the World
Lennie Friedman knows all about that.

30) Detroit Lions (2-7, #)
Apple Suckling Tree
Oh, I thought there wasn't an "L" in the middle word.

31) Oakland Raiders (2-7, #)
Dead Man, Dead Man
What Andrew Walter will be if the Raiders offensive line continues their shoddy play, shoddy play.

32) Arizona Cardinals (1-8, #)
Baby, Stop Crying
Oh, you're a Cardinals fan? Never mind then.

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

Joe Gibbs just announced the move most of Washington has been waiting for; Jason Campbell will replace Mark Brunell as the Redskins starting quarterback. In light of the team's sixth loss, it was a move that was inevitable and probably comes at the right time. It's not ideal to begin the career of a "rookie" on the road, but Tampa Bay has three injured defensive starters and has struggled all season. Plus, they'll be playing on a short week. With the Redskins three subsequent games all at home, now was the right time to make the switch. For as much as I like him, and as reluctant as I am to pin the blame for this season on him, Brunell can't be the team's starter in 2007, so they might as well find out if Jason Campbell can be.
The benching of Brunell will steal the spotlight in the midst of yesterday's blowout loss in Philadelphia, but, as I said, the veteran's play has been among the least of the Redskins' problems over the past month. Brunell hasn't been great, but he's maybe the 13th most culpable person for the Redskins' slide into football oblivion. Who are the other 12? Well, I'm so glad you've asked, my friends:

12) Clinton Portis
On August 13, Clinton Portis dislocated his shoulder on the Redskins eighth play of the preseason. (This provoked a calm and collected reaction from yours truly.) It wasn't until week 3 at Houston that Portis came back as a full-time back, but even then it was clear he wasn't the same runner.
Portis has always been the master of yards after contact. Whenever he'd run into a pile, he was bound to drag defenders two or three more yards downfield. With CP carrying the load, 2nd and 7 turned into 2nd and 4 with ease. In a ball-control offense, these extra few yards were essential.
This year, Portis was brought down almost immediately upon first contact. Clearly, the shoulder problem was bothering him more than he's let on. Coupled with the fact that CP wasn't in great shape due to his training camp absence, he was, at best, 80% of the back he's been in the past.

11) Sean Taylor
SeanTay makes a great play nearly every week, which pairs nicely with the four terrible ones he's a part of. Yesterday, SeanTay bit hard on a double-fake by Donte Stallworth, who ended up scoring an 84-yard touchdown. Taylor also had his requisite 15-yard personal foul penalty as well. SeanTay is among the premiere hitters in the game and he often makes nice plays in coverages, but his inconsistency kills the Redskins.

10) Chris Samuels
Brunell threw a terrible INT yesterday that the Eagles returned for a TD and that throw is completely on him. However, the pick never would have happened if Chris Samuels had blocked his man. Samuels is one of those guys who everybody thinks is better than he really is. That seems to be a common theme on the Dan Snyder Redskins.

9) Al Saunders
At this point, the Saunders experiment appears to be a failure, the key words being "at this point." Offenses take time to develop, especially ones with a 700-page playbook. It's easy to criticize Joe Gibbs' hiring of Saunders, but remember, when it happened everybody applauded the move. The verdict is still out on this one, but I'd like to see some better third-down playcalls.

8) Derrick Dockery
Two critical holding calls and countless missed assignments. It might be time to look for Dockery's replacement via the Draft. Oh, right. The Redskins traded away all their picks.

7) Adam Archuleta
The highest paid safety in the history of the game is now relegated to special teams duty. Well done...

6) ...Vinny Cerrato
Meanwhile, Redskins castaway Ryan Clark is working out well in Pittsburgh at just 1/15th the price.

5) Nick Novak
4) Derrick Frost
3) Danny Smith
Besides "a football season comes down to three or fours plays," my favorite NFL mantra is "it's not _____'s fault he's _____," or, in this case, "it's not Nick Novak's fault he's Nick Novak." Nor is it Derrick Frost's fault that he's fucking terrible. It's the Redskins' fault for putting their trust in these two, and special teams coach Danny Smith in particular.
I advocated cutting Novak last week, even after his game-winning field goal. It might have seemed heartless and Belichick-like, but the guy was 2-5 on the year! He missed another must-make yesterday, which kept the 'Skins in an early hole.
Frost has been my punching bag since he got the job last year and he'll continue to be until he's finally put out to pasture. Frost's punts either are 60-yard bombs that need to be 59, 20 yard pooches that need to be 38 or a perfect one in garbage time. Yesterday I turned to my buddy Horo and predicted a Frost placement punt near the end of the game would be downed at the 1. I was off by a yard. But had that punt come when it mattered, there's no doubt the Eagles would have had it on the 20. Frost is like A. Rod, minus the talent.

2) Carlos Rogers
Remember when Magic Johnson first announced he had HIV and some NBA players said they didn't want to play against him for fear of contracting the disease? It's sort of the same way with Carlos Rogers, except he must think all opposing receivers have leprosy. Why else would he give them a ten-yard cushion on every play?! And don't even get me started on his hands. Maybe Clinton Portis should break Carlos' to see if it might make him catch better. He's dropped two sure interceptions this year, on the heels of his T.Owens-like drop in the NFC Divisional Playoffs last January.

1) Gregg Williams
There's no excuse now, Gregg (the extra "g" is for "Gawd Awful"). All eleven defensive players are healthy. So what the hell is going on?
Williams' defense can't get any pressure on the quarterback, tackle or cover. His schemes are terrible. (Drew Bledsoe? Let's give him time to throw. Donovan McNabb, a quarterback who can beat you with his legs? Blitz away! And that aforemention SeanTay/Donte play? For some reason, SeanTay, a safety, was singled up on the receiver despite the fact that the Redskins weren't blitzing! It's like when he had Lemar Marshall covering tight ends 30 yards downfield. How does this happen? Did Williams move under some power lines in the offseason? Did he go motorcycle riding with both Ben Roethlisberger and Duke point guards?)
Brunell will get all the blame when the story of this season is written, but it's almost entirely the fault of the defense. If they could stop anybody on 3rd-and-long or force some turnovers, nobody would be talking about Jason Campbell.
The only bright side to Williams' incompetence this season is that now there's no way he'll replace Gibbs when the Hall of Fame coach retires.
Ahh, yes, Joe Gibbs. Shouldn't be higher on this list because he's the CEO of this debacle? The answer is no. And shame on you for even asking.

* Yesterday's game was the Redskins third road contest of the season against a team coming off a bye week, or one more than the entire rest of the NFC East combined.

* I don't have a great feeling about the Jason Campbell era, in case you were wondering.

* Tony Siragusa has this nugget of wisdom during yesterday's game: "The field is wet and the grass is covered in water."

* Thomas Jones' jumpshot TD celebration? Fantastic. Anytime a team does something as contrived and lame as shooting an imaginary jumpshot after a great defensive play, it deserves to be mocked at each and every opportunity.

* If Eli Manning were accused of triple-murder, I'm sure John Madden would probably blame his offensive line. Seriously, is anything ever Eli's fault? He was simply awful last night. Yet nobody is blaming him.
Two picks, a 44% completion percentage and, at no point, did it every look like he was comfortable in the pocket. Everyone in the media still makes excuses for Eli because he's a young quarterback, but the last time I check Philip Rivers has started 23 fewer games and doesn't seem to be having any of the troubles plaguing Mr. Elisha.
Oh, and nice game, Plaxico. You sure showed those Bear cornerbacks!

* Speaking of the media, where are all those "Michael Vick is a great pocket QB" stories that they were beating us over the head with three weeks ago? I suppose two straight losses to the Lions and Browns should quiet those critics for a bit. (Vick's QB rating in those two losses: 47.2. But, wait. That doesn't matter because all he does is win.)

* Last night on NBC's miserable pre-game show, Sterling Sharpe said the Patriots' back-to-back losses were the first ever in the Bill Belichick-era. "Wow," I thought to myself, "that's pretty amazing." But then I remember that the Pats didn't make the playoffs in the first year after their tuck-rule enabled Super Bowl win. Plus, I thought I remembered New England starting off that very '01 campaign with two straight losses.
I went and checked and discovered - amazingly - that Sterling Sharpe was wrong. The Bill Belichick-coached Patriots lost four straight in early 2002 and two straight to end the season. They also dropped the first two in 2001. And in 2000, Belichick's first season, they lost four straight twice.
It's likely Sharpe simply meant to say that those losses were the first consecutive L's for the team in 57 games (a pretty remarkable feat that deserves praise). But he didn't. He said Belichick had never lost back-to-back games as the Pats coach and, now, most people watching his show believe it. And, thus, the Bill Belichick-myth continues to blaze in a trail of misinformation and last-second kicks.

* That was a hell of a run by Reggie Bush. He looked the most comfortable he has all season yesterday, mainly because he was content to run up the middle and gain three yards instead of scampering around in the backfield trying to take it to the house on every down. Bush will be fine, as will the Saints. And Marques Colston is the real deal.

* Tonight's prediction: Panthers 33 - Bucs 16

Brunell Benched

Joe Gibbs has just announced Mark Brunell will be benched this Sunday at Tampa Bay and Jason Campbell will get his first NFL start. Check back at 5:30 for reaction.

NFL Picks: Week 10
Google Image Search Edition

Buffalo at Indianapolis

Colts owner Jim Irsay is requiring all players to learn the manuever before January.

Pick: Indianapolis

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San Francisco at Detroit

If Kevin Federline were a football game, he'd be San Francisco/Detroit.

Pick: Detroit

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San Diego at Cincinnati

Chris Henry was just glad his cell-mate didn't talk as much as Chad Johnson.

Pick: Cincinnati

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Baltimore at Tennessee

Brian Billick's offense; through his eyes.

Pick: Baltimore

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Cleveland at Atlanta

Sadly, for Ron Mexico, the Siete-Once was out of Trojans that night.

Pick: Atlanta

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Washington at Philadelphia

At least Frank The Pumpkin had the decency to throw-up on the sidewalk.

Pick: Washington

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Green Bay at Minnesota

Antonio Bryant should feel fortunate that Fred Smoot didn't have his "kit" with him.

Pick: Green Bay

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New York Jets at New England

Bill Belichick and Eric Mangini's feud has turned ugly.

Pick: New England

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Kansas City at Miami

Through his first 24 games, Steve Spurrier had the same record as Nick Saban. But at least Spurrier did it was panache.

Pick: Miami

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Houston at Jacksonville

I'll take "Lamest Sack Celebrations" for $800, Alex.

Pick: Jacksonville

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St. Louis at Seattle

If the NFL thing ever goes sour, at least Mike Holmgren can fall back on his prodigous golfing talent.

Pick: St. Louis

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Denver at Oakland

Interestingly, Art Shell took it as a compliment when Ron Jaworksi described his offensive line as "a sieve."

Pick: Denver

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New Orleans at Pittsburgh

It must comfort Ben Roethlisberger to know that even Nick from Family Ties never crashed his motorcyle.

Pick: Pittsburgh

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Dallas at Arizona

Hey, Kurt Warner... Kid called. He wants his hair back.

Pick: Dallas

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Chicago at New York Giants

And if Peyton ever forgets the Heimlich, I have no doubt his little brother can teach him the positioning.

Pick: Chicago

Rutgers Is Making Wake Forest Look Like A Bunch Of Slackers

Perhaps the only thing better than watching Rutgers upset Louisville and throw the whole BCS into utter chaos was people-watching in the Jersey crowd. Ripped jean jackets, chicks with too much Aquanet, Eminem-wannabes and a girl unironically wearing a Bon Jovi "Slippery When Wet" t-shirt were among those rooting on the Scarlet Knights. Them, coupled with the music selection over the PA - group sing-alongs of "We Will Rock You", the blasting of Tina Turner's "Simply the Best" at the end - provided the best Thursday night comedy since Seinfeld went off the air.
(Last thing about Rutgers; I know Louisville's defense is terrible, but Ray Rice looked simply awesome in the 4th quarter tonight. His low-running, cutback style reminds me of Tiki Barber.)
Wake Forest tries to keep up with the Jovis Saturday night in Tallahassee against FSU in a first-ever primetime network television appearance for the Deacs. I answered questions for an FSU Blog this week (much like last week with BC), but won't post it here since I said pretty much the same stuff. If you're interested, check it out.
Just like last time, I'm trying not to get my hopes up for the game and am preparing for the worst, but I will say I'm a bit more optimistic about this game than the BC one. I've only seen FSU play one half this year (their second-half meltdown against Maryland) and they were far from impressive. They looked exactly like you'd expect an underachieving Seminoles team to look; disinterested. Still, Wake hasn't seen athletes like FSU's all year and it could be too much for their defense. Riley Skinner has yet to play from behind, so my theory about how he could collapse if the Deacs get down still stands.
I've been predicting against Wake all season, so I'll do it again this week. But, man, it'd sure be sweet if they won. Maybe I'd even put on a little Bon Jovi to celebrate.

Mr. Shuler Goes To Washington... Again

Former Redskins quarterbust Heath Shuler was elected to Congress tonight from North Carolina's 11th district, defeating incumbent Charles Taylor. Wait, Chuck Taylor is a congressman? Damn, that cat can multitask.
Anyway, I'm not so sure this is the best idea, rural North Carolinians. Aren't the parallels here a little too eerie? Shuler succeeds in the south and tries to bring his show to the Nation's Capital. Hmm, where have we seen this movie before? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it ends with Gus Frerotte sucker-punching Shuler at a 2008 campaign rally and stealing his seat in Congress.
Do you think the congressional flag-football leagues will try to recruit Shuler to play, or will they look at his gametapes from the NFL and decide Hillary Clinton is probably a better start at QB?
Heath Shuler is a congressman. That's just weird. Well, not as much as the star of Kindergarten Cop being a governor.

The Chaz Rankings: Week 9

I had visions of an Election Day Edition of the Chaz Rankings, but they were washed away in a sea of cheap wine and Chinese food. Maybe this Tylenol will kick in and I'll update this post but, I'm not gonna lie, my couch is looking real comfortable-like at the moment. Check back later anyway; the hits are good for my ego.

1) Indianapolis Colts (8-0, Last week: #3)
2) New England Patriots (6-2, #2)
3) Denver Broncos (6-2, #4)
4) San Diego Chargers (6-2, #8)
5) New York Giants (6-2, #5)
6) Chicago Bears (7-1, #1)
7) Baltimore Ravens (6-2, #7)
8) New Orleans Saints (6-2, #9)
9) Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3, #)
10) Kansas City Chiefs (5-3, #13)
11) Atlanta Falcons (5-3, #6)
12) Seattle Seahawks (5-3, #16)
13) Carolina Panthers (4-4, #11)
14) Philadelphia Eagles (4-4, #14)
15) Dallas Cowboys (4-4, #10)
16) Cincinnati Bengals (4-4, #15)
17) Minnesota Vikings (4-4, #18)
18) St. Louis Rams (4-4, #17)
19) Washington Redskins (3-5, #23)
20) New York Jets (4-4, #20)
21) Buffalo Bills (3-5, #26)
22) Green Bay Packers (3-5, #21)
23) San Francisco 49ers (3-5, #29)
24) Pittsburgh Steelers (2-6, #24)
25) Detroit Lions (2-6, #30)
26) Cleveland Browns (2-6, #28)
27) Tennessee Titans (2-6, #22)
28) Houston Texans (2-6, #25)
29) Miami Dolphins (2-6, #31)
30) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-6, #19)
31) Oakland Raiders (2-6, #27)
32) Arizona Cardinals (1-7, #32)

Monday Afternoon Cornerback

My introduction to RFK Stadium came on a November afternoon in 1991. We had met before, but that day was my first true experience at the Redskins venerable homefield. Sitting in the racous far endzone, my mom and I watched Joe Gibbs and the Redskins, undefeated at 8-0, battle the 7-1 Houston Oilers.
It was a back-and-forth affair, one that saw Art Monk move to #2 on the all-time receptions list and Earnest Byner top 100 yards. Late in the fourth quarter, overtime appeared inevitable when Houston was forced to punt with under two minutes left in the game. But, Brian Mitchell fumbled the return and the Oilers were deep in Redskins territory and needed only a short field goal to clinch the game.
Kicker Ian Howfield trotted on the field, needing only to convert a chip-shot 34-yarder for the victory. Unable to see over the crowd in front of me, I was picked up by a random guy to my right to get a view of the kick. My mom clutched our things, ready to make a beeline for the exits after the kick sailed through. There were four seconds left on the clock; the image of the :04 on the RFK scoreboard, with the awkward font for the 4, is still fresh in my mind. As is Howfield's shank that came right towards our seats. The game, thought to be lost, was going to overtime. Pandamonium.
Houston won the toss, but Warren Moon threw a quick interception to Darrell Green and, after a lengthy run by Earnest Byner, Chip Lohmiller made the game-winner amid chants of "9-0."
That is still the greatest game I've ever attended, but yesterday's thriller at FedEx Field gave it a run for its money. Never before have I felt such different emotions over a short time as I did during the game's frantic final seconds.
First, it appeared the Redskins had the game sealed as they drove down the field and exhausted the clock. But a terrible playcall on 3rd-and-3 lost three yards and it was up to young Nick Novak to save the Redskins season with a 49-yarder. He missed it badly right. Before the kick I had said to my buddy Jaffe that if Novak missed, the 'Skins defense wouldn't be able to stop the Cowboys and Dallas would win in regulation. I was half-right. Gregg Williams defense allowed Tony Romo to march down the field and Adam Archuleta showed why his benching was necessary when he got beat by Jason Witten on the crucial third-down play that set up a chipshot game-winner for Mike Vanderjagt. Vanderjagt might be a headcase, but 35-yards is a gimmie. For all intents and purposes, the game was over and the Redskins were staring at a 2-6 start to the year.
But somehow, the Cowboys didn't put a body on Troy Vincent who dashed untouched through the line to block Vanderjagt's kick. Sean Taylor picked up the ball and, for a time, ran backwards with it, then cut upfield, had his facemask grabbed and eventually made it to the 46-yardline.
I've been to some great sporting events; a Wake-Duke triple-overtime thriller in Winston-Salem, various playoff games in all the major sports, ACC and NCAA Tournaments, U.S. Opens and countless regular season nailbiters. And while the Wake-Duke game was a more exciting overall contest, I've never been part of a crowd as delirious as the one yesterday in Landover.
When SeanTay was returning the ball, the guy next to me climbed on his seat like a ring-tailed lemur and then jumped off onto my back. Jaffe was punching me in the stomach and doing a jig. Meanwhile, I was screaming in everybody's face about how there was a flag on the field and the game still wasn't over. I think I hit the old man in front of me at some point too. My hat ended up in the hands of the woman behind me. And that was nothing compared to the celebration when Nick Novak's second fieldgoal went in. I think that same old man might have grabbed my ass. But I can't be sure.
Finishes like that are why we love sports and put up with the bad seasons and questionable front-office decisions. It's why we sit on the couch for 10 hours during the NFL Draft and devote ten-times that to reading about our teams during the season. It's so we can walk out of a stadium singing "Hail to the Redskins" and have a smile plastered to our face until next Saturday. And whenever the losing streak begins or the injuries mount, we can think back to that moment. And that smile comes creeping back. It's been 15 years now and the mere mention of Ian Howfield still does it to me every time.

Sunday Thoughts
* The idiots on NBC's Football Night In America talked only about the Cowboys during their discussion about the game and each agreed that the facemask on Kyle Kosier should have been of the five-yard variety, to which I say, eat me Sterling Sharpe. There's a picture on WashingtonPost.com that shows Kosier's hand on the facemask and SeanTay's head turned almost completely around. (I can't display it because it's part of a Flash gallery.)

* Nick Novak is a good guy and a fine kicker. He's a local favorite because of the clutch kicks he made while at Maryland and against Seattle last year while filling in for John Hall. I'm thrilled that was he able to redeem himself yesterday and nail the game-winning kick. But, that being said, the Redskins should be looking for a new kicker today. The game-winner doesn't change the fact that Novak is 3-6 this season on field goals, including a 35-yard miss inside the dome in Indianapolis. His first miss yesterday wasn't even close to the goalposts and his successful game-winner just barely squeaked through. In a conference as bunched up as the NFC with a team like the Redskins, a reliable kicker is crucial. There's not a whole lot of options out there, but the team needs to be on the lookout just in case.

* Tony Romo appears to be the real deal. Granted, I could be the real deal playing against Carlos Rogers, but Romo put nearly every throw on target yesterday and played like a seasoned vet in the last 40 seconds.

*It might just be a coincidence, but Bill Simmons' archive on ESPN.com was recently "updated" to include four columns from a few months ago, knocking the high-voiced writer's ode to Tom Brady (and rip of Peyton Manning) down a few spots on the archive list. It could just be a coincidence, but when you're an accountability-shirking buffoon who steals ideas and refuses to acknowledge any critics, you really don't get the benefit of the doubt.

NFL Picks: Week 9 - Haiku Edition

Cincinnati at Baltimore

Big day for Cincy.
They'll ask Jamal for tips on
prison survival.

Pick: Cincinnati

Atlanta at Detroit
Envy Michael Vick.
He receives, and has, the clap.
Wear a rubber, bro.
Pick: Atlanta

Miami at Chicago
1985:
Fins handed Bears their first loss.
Huey Lewis rules.
Pick: Chicago

Tennessee at Jacksonville
Vince Young is lucky.
Without football, John Kerry
thinks he'd be at war.
Pick: Jacksonville

Green Bay at Buffalo
Favre is struggling.
But only one thing matters.
That redneck has fun.
Pick: Green Bay

Kansas City at St. Louis
Battle of Mizzou.
Who will rule the Show-Me State?
Not Quin Snyder, bitch.
Pick: St. Louis

New Orleans at Tampa Bay
Reggie? Reggie Bush?
Where for art thou Reggie Bush?
Dewey green meadow.
Pick: Tampa Bay

Dallas at Washington
Alligator arms.
That's what Terrell Owens has.
SeanTay is waiting.
Pick: Washington

Houston at New York Giants
Elisha Manning?
The verdict, my friends, is in:
Pansy little girl.
Pick: New York Giants

Minnesota at San Francisco
Diminutive hands.
Those damn diminutive hands.
Diminutive hands.
Pick: Minnesota

Cleveland at San Diego
The Fumble. The Drive.
Bad moments for Cleveland fans.
Seeing Marty? Worse.
Pick: San Diego

Denver at Pittsburgh
Game was to be huge.
But then Big Ben crashed his bike.
Nice move, Knievel.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Indianapolis at New England
This game means nothing.
The real battle is in Jan.
How will Peyton choke?
Pick: New England

Last Week: 8-6
Season: 79-37

The Thursday Ten: People I Should Hate, But Don't

My dislike of certain sports figures is no secret. Guys like Derek Jeter, Donovan McNabb and J.J. Redick are the frequent targets of both my barbs and scorn, each of which are usually served with a side of questionably-tasted humor. It may surprise you then that my sports enmity isn't as widespread as you'd believe. There are plenty of people who fit my hatred profile (highly visible member of rival team) that don't inspire the same ill-will in me as the mere mention of Eli Manning's name might. Sometimes, I'm actually surprised and - dammit - touched by my own compassion in this area.
In today's Thursday Ten, I'll list ten sports figures I should hate, but don't. They are listed in alphabetical order.

1) Troy Aikman
You'd think that a quarterback who owned the Redskins for over a deacde would top my most-hated list, but I seem to remember always being kind of apathetic about Aikman. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't rockin' a silver & blue #8 jersey around town (and I distinctly remember shotgunning a beer in celebration of LaVar Arrington knocking him out of the league), but with all my hatred directed towards Michael Irvin, there really wasnt enough to go around.
Plus, Aikman is now on FOX's #1 football announcing team and he's pretty damn good at it. Aikman doesn't play favorites, isn't afraid to criticize players and doesn't dumb it down when analyzing replays. When Joe Thiesmann gets his inevitable pink slip from Monday Night Football or whenever NBC drives John Madden's bus out to pasture, those networks should make a big play to bring in Aikman.

2) Tiki Barber
Barber has terrorized the Redskins more than General Custer, yet I find myself unwilling to dump a bucket of Hatorade over his alien-like head. Maybe it's because he's so low-key or maybe it's because I liked him when he played at UVA, I don't know.
I do know that he isn't really set on retiring after this season though. I'm not saying he's definitely coming back, but decisions like retirement can't be made in the middle of the year. Tiki has many options outside football (I know this because my mom has told me at least 20 times that Barber is a guest on Fox and Friends on Tuesday mornings - each time thinking its the first time she's mentioned this to me), but once the bruises from the season heal and the calendar turns to July, I expect Tiki to get that hankering for the gridiron once more.

3) Johnny Dawkins
The ex-Duke player and current top-assistant to Mike Krzyzewski will probably make the jump to my other list once he succeeds Coach K in a few seasons but, for now, I don't really have anything against him. This could be because, like with Aikman, all my vitrol is pointed towards the rat-faced man sitting to Dawkins' right.

4) Jimmy Johnson
While Johnson was always the enemy, he was one who commanded respect because of the respect he had for the Redskins-Cowboys rivalry. His glowing support of Joe Gibbs' through his difficult second-tenure hasn't hurt his standing with me either.

5) Terrell Owens
That's right, I don't hate T.O. In fact, I kind of like him. I was trying to figure out why the other day and came up with a few possibilities:
a) He isn't a phony. Or, perhaps more appropriately, his phoniness is genuine. Unlike a Donovan McNabb or Derek Jeter, guys whose public personas don't mesh with how they actually conduct themselves, Owens is a jackass and plays one on TV too.
b) Because the media made Owens out to be Simon Gruber to McNabb's John McClane, even though Donovan played a much bigger role in that divorce than anybody wants to admit.
c) The Sharpie, pom-pom dance and Dallas-star incident are among the best touchdown celebrations of all-time.
d) Did I mention how much I hate Donovan McNabb?

6) Mariano Rivera
I'd probably hate him a lot more if not for Dave Roberts.

7) Deion Sanders
Not only was Primetime a star for the Cowboys and 49ers, but he robbed Daniel Snyder so badly PG County Police had to investigate to see if any actual crime was committed. However, Deion was just being Deion and if Snyder and his yes-man Vinny Cerrato were dumb enough to fall for his schtick then, well done, Deion. Marc Carrier, on the other hand... We've got beef.

8) Joe Torre
Back when the Yankees actually could win the World Series, NBC cameras (yes, NBC had baseball back in those halycon days) often caught Torre reaching inside of a bag from the candy store Sweet Factory during the games. Being something of a sweettooth myself, I was instantly endeared to the manager of the hated Yanks.

9) The University of North Carolina

My cousin George gets mad at me everytime I wear my Carolina Blue Nike shorts; which, during the summer, is quite often. He gives me a disappointed look and mutters something along the lines of, "I can't believe you wear that damn color." I always reassure him that I'm not supporting Carolina, I just happen to really like those mesh shorts. But if I really hated Carolina, could I wear their colors so easily?

The answer is no. Even though I root for Maryland and attended Wake Forest, I just can't summon up the hatred for Carolina that other ACC alums can. And I have no explanation why. (Roy Williams recent return to Chapel Hill came too late to be the reason, but I've been a fan of Roy since he was at Kansas so him being on the sidelines isn't hastening the process.) The only thing I can think of is that I have to root against Duke at all times, so that means backing Carolina twice a year.

10) Dick Vitale
Dick Vitale is loud, sycophantic and, most of all, unbelievably irritating. (I've been known to mention this every now and again.) But a college basketball game just doesn't feel important if his shrill self isn't in the building. Everybody who hates Duke will say they can't stand when Vitale calls a Blue Devils game but; admit it, watching the Pukies win would be a lot more miserable if we didn't have Vitale to complain about.

Wake Forest/Boston College Preview

Defying expectations, critics and, most imporantly, good sense, the Wake Forest Demon Deacon football team is 7-1 and ranked #22 in the country. This Saturday, the Deacs welcome #16 Boston College into Winston-Salem in what will be the biggest game in the history of Groves Stadium. (Sadly, I'm not even speaking hyperbole. This is the first Wake home game beteween ranked teams since 1979.)
To commerate this once-in-a-lifetime occasion, Bill from Eagle in Atlanta asked me to guest blog at his wonderful Boston College site and, as always, I was happy to oblige.

1.Grobe's approach is well known, but this year's team seems a little more well rounded than past squads. The passing, while still at the bottom of the conference, looks a little more crisp than past years and they are completing passes at a high percentage. And unlike some games, it seem like this season, Wake can pass when they need to. Is it the QB, overall talent or a coaching adjustment?
Wow Bill, you’re not wasting any time here with an easy warm-up question are you? Must be a big game or something this weekend. Who would have thought that an early November game between our two alma maters would be more important than the VThug and The (Cell Block) U match-up. Of course, one could argue that three of the participants in those two games aren’t truly ACC teams, but since I’m a gracious guest on your blog, said person will not be me. One could make that point though. One, but not this one.
As for the Deacs offense, it’s tough to say why there seems to be more balance than in the past. A cursory look at the stats indicates that not much has changed as Wake still occupies their normal spot near the top of the ACC rushing leaders and in the cellar for passing. But a closer glance shows the Deacs are a surprising #1 in the conference in passing efficiency and also are the leaders in yards per pass, a complete reversal from years past when the Deacs would be near the bottom in both categories. It’s easy to say that difference has been due to redshirt Freshman QB Riley Skinner, who replaced injured starter Ben Mauk in the season opener, but there’s probably a little more to it than that.
Because of the loss of ACC Player of the Year Chris Barclay to graduation and the injury to his successor at RB, Micah Andrews, Jim Grobe didn’t have the backfield stud he’s been used to. This forced him to change his usual plan of trying to wear defenses down with an almost-maniacal dedication to the run. With De’Angelo Bryant and Kevin Harris sharing carries, Grobe hasn’t been as reliant on a single RB to grind it out on the ground, thus opening up the playbook a bit more. And because he can’t run with as much success, Grobe’s been forced to call pass plays. In Riley Skinner, he’s found an efficient quarterback not prone to making mistakes in key situations like Cory Randolph or Mauk.
The two-back system also is a plus. Barclay had over 230 carries per season in his last three years at Wake and was likely gassed at the end of games when Grobe would almost hand him the ball exclusively. Now Grobe has two guys to share duties.

2. Every ACC game, including Duke and UNC, has been close. What's the deal? Is this team getting lucky. Are they as good as their record?
In a word, no. It’s easy for the Deacs to look back on the Clemson game (when they had a 17-3 4th quarter lead) and think, “damn, we should be 8-0,” but playing that game would be like opening up a Pandora’s Box of what-ifs.
What-if Wake’s backup safety hadn’t blocked a potentially game-winning field goal by Duke in the game’s final seconds?
What-if Connecticut kicker Matt Nuzie hadn’t missed an extra-point and a go-ahead field goal of his own?
What-if Wake kicker Sam Swank had missed one of his three 50-yard+ field goals against N.C. State? Or what-if Josh Gattis hadn’t been able to keep hold of a game-winning interception in that same game when the Wolfpack were driving for the winning score?
And finally, what-if, as time expired, UNC QB Joe Dailey had thrown the ball to his own man in the end zone instead of to Wake’s Jon Abbate last weekend in Chapel Hill?
Sure, Wake Forest could easily be 8-0, but they could just as easily be 3-5. I wouldn’t call it luck since the Deacs have made the plays when it has counted most. Instead they’ve just been… Fortunate. Yes, let’s go with that. And, in football, that’s really all that matters. There isn’t a normalization of statistics in a 12-game season like there is in baseball. If Wake played the same eight-game stretch 100 different times, 7-1 would probably be the best record they’d have. They’d probably average 4-4 or, optimistically, 5-3. But this is of no consequence to the team. They’re a deserving 7-1 and shouldn’t be lightly regarded by any school, no matter their strength.
This Deacs squad reminds me of the 2001 Chicago Bears; an above-average team making enough plays to give-off the appearance of a great one. This isn’t to say the Deacs can’t compete against the upper-echelon teams in the ACC (their near-miss against Clemson should prove this), but there’s no way they’re the 22nd best team in the country either.

3. Given how the last 3 minutes of last year's game went, I expect BC to come out passing. Who is a difference maker on defense who might foil that idea?
Earlier this week, safety Josh Gattis became the first repeat winner of the ACC’s Defensive Back of the Week award this season. So he’s a guy to watch. (When did they start rewarding the best defensive back on a weekly basis anyway? Aren’t we getting a bit too specialized here? What’s next, a prize for ACC Linebacker of the Week: Bantemweight Division or ACC Punt Return Coverage Player of the Game?)
The aforementioned Abbate is also fairly beastly at linebacker. People forget he was a member of the Freshman All-American team two seasons ago but was slowed down by injuries last year as a sophomore. This season, Abbate leads the Deacs in tackles and has the lateral quickness that has been missing from Wake LBs in recent years.
The key to this game might lie in the special teams though. Sam Swank is continuing the tradition of great kicking specialists at Wake, handling both the punting and kicking duties. If it comes down to his foot, Wake Forest would be in good hands. I swear that made sense when I first wrote it.

4. Finally, given our recent history, I think this is going down to the wire. I still think BC will pull it out. What's your prediction?
When you asked me to write a little preview of the Deacs this summer, I never would have predicted that this game would be played with so much on the line.
Wake’s football futility has been well-documented. They haven’t been to a bowl game since 1999 and hadn’t been ranked for three consecutive weeks since 1987. Saturday’s match-up is the first meeting at Groves Stadium between ranked teams since 1979.
With the 7-1 record it’s easy to forget that, at the beginning of the year, any Wake Forest fan would have taken seven wins and the bowl bid it brings without blinking. Now, we’re getting spoiled and want to do the unthinkable; play in the ACC Championship Game. It’s not gonna happen.
The Deacs can hang with Boston College but, in the end, your Eagles’ athleticism and experience will win out. Riley Skinner has been great this season, but he has yet to play from behind. In front of the most excited Wake crowd in history (which, FYI, isn’t saying much) and a national TV audience, don’t be surprised if Skinner gets rattled if put in an early hole. From there, it could get ugly. I’ll be praying for a win, but won’t be disappointed with a loss. After all, 7-2 is a whole lot better than 3-5.