How To Fill Out Your NCAA Tournament Bracket

Opinions on how to fill out your NCAA brackets are like embarrassing drunken stories – everybody, except the Amish, has one.
The problem with bracket tips is that everyone claims to be an expert because they’ve read a one-paragraph summary of South Alabama's season in their local newspaper and learned about A.J. Graves from ESPN’s Bracketology special. Everybody has can’t-miss teams and potential sleepers today, but by Friday they’ll have all forgotten about them and will already be on another bandwagon.
In reality, nobody can predict the NCAA Tournament with any real degree of accuracy and that’s what makes the thing so damn fun.
To be successful with your brackets you don’t need to read every single statistic and analyze game-film, you just need to combine a little bit of knowledge with a little bit of analysis and then hope you step in a big pile of lucky.
Go on any one of the three major sports sites on the Internet (ESPN, SI and Sportsline) and you’ll be deluged with information ranging from the size of Winthrop’s center (6'9) to the three-point percentage of Xavier’s starting backcourt (41.3%) to how smart Jay Bilas wants us to think he is (incalculable). Just like with any piece of info, you’ll be able to skew the data anyway you choose. If you want to believe that Cornell can beat Stanford, you’ll likely find a way to justify your prediction. If not, it won’t be difficult to rationalize selecting the Cardinal instead.
Sifting through all the data, info, predictions, analysis and stories is a daunting task. How can you separate the good tips from the bad ones, the pertinent info from the worthless? You can’t, which is why you should keep your research to a minimum. Identify the best teams in the major conferences and at least three or four mid-major upstarts and go from there.
Listen to what experts have to say, but, as you’ve learned from an early age, don’t believe everything you read (or hear). This week everyone will say that there’s no way a #2 seed will lose in the 1st round this year (as if those monumental upsets are ever expected), or how UCLA is a lock for the Final Four (just like North Carolina was last year).
One analyst will guarantee that Kansas will come out of the Midwest (last year the NCAA thankfully put a halt on calling regions by their location-name and has gone back to the old directional designations. For once, my stubbornness has managed to outlast a new, unwelcome change. Maybe this means the Wizards will go back to being the Bullets next season) and another will be just as sure that Georgetown will come out of that region.
But nobody really knows, and therein lies the beauty of March Madness: Anything can happen, and usually does.
A #2 seed could easily lose in the first round, it’s happened four times before. And there is no such thing as a lock for the Final Four as Duke has proven countless times over the past decade.
Did anybody think that Coppin State would beat South Carolina a few years back? How many people really predicted that Syracuse would cut the nets down in 2003? The stunning success of George Marson in 2006 will be the proof of this rule for years to come. On that Selection Sunday, the so-called experts on ESPN were complaining that George Mason didn't deserve a bid over Hofstra. The next weekend they were patting themselves on the back for picking the Patriots as their sleeper.
Strange things happen in March, which is why it’s so hard to win a pool. If being knowledgeable about college basketball translated into NCAA pool success, then Digger Phelps and Andy Katz would predict all 63 of the games correctly. Instead, both analysts finished below my Dad on ESPN.com’s Tournament Challenge last year, and I’m pretty sure Pops still thinks Dean Smith is at UNC (if he even knew Dean Smith existed at all).
It’s a cliché, but in so many office pools the secretary who has never watched college basketball and thinks that Gonzaga is the new Viagra competitor often wins.
Why? Because there is no right way to make your picks. I’ve watched a lot of college basketball this season, probably more than 98% of the people I will be competing against in various pools. Yet, I’ll probably finish up somewhere in the middle of the pack.
Why? Because the only thing predictable about the NCAA Tournament is its unpredictability.
And that’s what makes March Madness so wonderful. If each of the four top seeds advanced to the Final Four every season, filling out brackets and watching the 1st and 2nd round games wouldn’t be as fun. The one-and-done format of the Tournament lends itself to high drama, stunning upsets and intense pressure on every single possession. And that, in turn, makes filling out brackets an exercise in guesswork, at best.
With that word of warning, I now will offer some tips on how to have a great looking bracket on Thursday morning turn into a mediocre bracket by Thursday night.

Be wary of picking too many big upsets.
Me giving out this advice is like Amy Winehouse being the keynote speaker at an A.A. Convention, but this year I plan to tone down my upset zeal. Really, I do. (Note: This is the fourth straight year I’ve written that sentence. Maybe I need A.A.)
In years past I always picked a lot of shockers. (And not just Wichita State.) Sometimes it works; I remember the glorious run of the Kent State Golden Flashes to the Elite Eight in 2002 and basking in the praises of my peers for such a clairvoyant pick. But for every Kent State circa 2002 on my resume, there are about 40 Kent State 2006s, when the Golden Flashes were a #12 seed I thought would make a deep run, but ended up being out of the Tournament at 2:30 on the first Thursday. The Wolfman knows what I’m talking about; he had Southern Illinois in the Elite Eight back in ‘03. They lost in the first round. I haven't let him forget it.
You’re better off having a few upsets early (#12 over #5 has happened in 14 of the past 16 years; mainly because it's not that big of an upset) and then picking a sleeper team that falls in the #6 to #10 range to make it to the Sweet 16, (like UNLV and Vanderbilt last year) but nothing more than that.
Look at it this way: If you pick a big upset and it doesn’t pan out, you’re brackets will be crippled. If the upset does happen, it won’t kill you since nobody else in your pool is likely to pick it anyway. Remember, nobody had George Mason in the Final Four either.
Keep the upsets to a minimum and choose your Sweet 16 teams carefully, peppering in a #7 or #10 seed (at least one #2 seed has been upset in the second-round in every Tournament since 1996) along with a mostly chalk bracket. This leads me to the next tip…

In the later rounds, ignore seedings
#3 Stanford is a fine team, but in a game against #4 Pittsburgh on a neutral floor, the Cougars would be a considerable underdog.
A handy rule is this: If the seeds are apart by three or less, an upset it’s not, I must profess. (Sorry, I’m on a bit of a Dr. Seuss kick.)
Drake has been ranked higher than Connecticut all season, yet some might consider it an upset if the Bulldogs win in that Sweet 16 match-up. In actuality, it will just be one good team beating another.
This is similar to the next rule:

Don’t be scared of picking numerical upsets, particularly in first round #8/#9 and #7/#10 games
A few years back Maryland, as a #5 seed, played College of Charleston (#12) in the first round. At the time Maryland was ranked #22 in the nation while Charleston was #14 in the polls. This is an extreme example (CoC won, mainly because Gary Williams spent the entire week complaining about the match-up), but oftentimes you’ll find #10 or #11 seeds who are more highly regarded than the #6 and #7 seeds they are playing.
Ten days ago, Clemson and Villanova were both bubble teams. Friday, they’re set to meet in a 5/12 match-up. 'Nova looks like the huge underdog because of their seed, but in reality these teams are about the same. Clemson gets a slight edge from Vegas (-4), but hardly the points you'd expect from such a big favorite by seed.
As for the 8/9 games, pay no attention to seeding. Consider, #8 seeds only win 47.3% of first round games. The other first-round percentages:
#1 seeds - 100%; #16 seeds - 0%
#2 seeds - 96%; #15 seeds - 4%
#3 seeds - 84%; #14 seeds - 16%
#4 seeds - 81%; #13 seeds - 19%
#5 seeds - 71%; #12 seeds - 29%
#6 seeds - 69%; #11 seeds - 31%
#7 seeds - 63%; #10 seeds - 37%
#8 seeds - 47%; #9 seeds - 53%

Pick three out of the four #1 seeds to make it to the Elite Eight
From 2003-2005, this rule didn't hold true. But in '06 and '07 it came back to life, especially last year when all four #1 seeds advanced to their respective Regional Finals. From 1997 to 2003 there was only one year when less than three top seeds advanced to the final eight. (That makes it seven out of the past 11 years.) As it is, you have to pick at least two #1’s to advance to the RF (in the 21 year history of the 64-team field, at least two #1 seeds have made it to the Elite Eight in every Tournament). But…

Don’t pick more than two #1 seeds to reach the Final Four
In only three of the 23 years that the 64-team field has existed have three #1 seeds made it all the way to the Final Four. Last year, despite all those #1 seeds playing for the right to get to Atlanta, only two advanced. You'll be safe picking two, but definitely pick at least #1 seed to win their region; 2006 was the first time ever that a Final Four was ever played without a top seeded team.

Buck conventional wisdom
Let’s tie this tip into the last one. Memphis has suddenly become everyone’s favorite punching bag. Despite their gaudy record and the fact they've proven themselves time and again, analysts are looking for flaws in the Tigers' game. You know what? If you look at Hedi Klum's face close enough, I'm sure you can find some imperfections. But that doesn't mean she still ain't gettin it done. (Consider this the Matt Leinart Rule. When something is in the limelight for a long time, everyone looks for ways to knock it down a few pegs, whether it's deserved or not. Witness what's going on with Barack Obama. He was teflon for six months. Now that he's looking like the Democratic nominee, the media is taking the gloves off. That story about his crazy pastor was older than Chris Lofton; it's no coincidence that it didn't gain traction until Obama became a front-runner.)
As for Memphis, yeah, they can't shoot free throws. But it really hasn't hurt them much in their previous 34 games much. I'm worried about it too, but not so much that I'm automatically jumping on the Texas bandwagon.
This is reminiscent of what happened to St. Joe’s three years ago. But, the Hawks showed they were worthy of their lofty ranking and came within a Jameer Nelson jumper of advancing to the Final Four.
Think of how much it will help your cause if you jump on Memphis' bandwagon right as everyone else is jumping off. You’ll have a huge advantage in your pool since everybody else probably will have them losing out to Texas or Pittsburgh or Michigan State.
Another potential candidate for the backlash phenomenon is Xavier. It’s funny – if the Muskateers were #5 seed in their region instead of a #3, they'd likely be considered a sleeper. But because a lot of people are turned off by their high seed, the A-10 regular season champs are thought of as overrated.
That won’t matter once the ball is tipped. Xavier, despite the fact that most of us don't know anything about them, has as a great chance to knock off Duke to make it to the Regional Finals. If you pick them to make it, you could find yourself rolling in the dough Indecent Proposal-style in three short weeks.

Go out on a limb
I won $300 in a college football bowl pool two years ago because I picked Texas to beat USC in the Rose Bowl. Whether I really thought Texas would win or not was irrelevant. I figured the Longhorns were a better play, as most people were likely going to pick the Trojans. It worked, and I was able to spend $300 on Patron shots to keep warm one cold night in January.
Pick your Tournament the same way. Even if you think North Carolina is going to win, consider having another team beat them in the Finals. Think of it this way: If you pick the Heels, you'll probably be joined by at least 50% of the people in your pool. That means you have to have more Final Four teams, more Sweet 16 teams and more first-round wins than a whole bunch of people in order to win the pot. But if you take Texas to beat UNC in the Finals, that will probably be all it takes for you to bring in the dough, first-round results be damned. (Unless you live in the Lone Star State, but we’ll get to that.)

But remember, conventional wisdom is also a good thing
The prohibitive favorites for the 2000, 2001, 2002, 2004 and 2007 Tournaments were Michigan State, Duke, Maryland, Connecticut and Florida, respectively. I don’t need to tell you who won those five tournaments.
In 2005, most analysts believed that North Carolina and Illinois were the two teams to beat and would likely meet in the NCAA Finals. They did.
In last year's edition of this column, I wrote:

There’s a reason why Florida and Ohio State are big favorites this year: Because they are two of the best teams in Tournament.

Guess who didn't pick either team to go to the Finals?
My point: Don’t get cute with these picks. Memphis is 33-1 for a reason. UCLA hasn't made two straight Final Fours or dominated the Pac 10 by accident. They’re great teams. Even if you don’t believe in Carolina's defense (like me) or think that Memphis' free-throw shooting makes them very vulnerable late in the Tournament (like me), the first two rounds aren’t the time to test that theory. Play it safe and move those two to the Elite Eight, at the very least, even if you think UCLA deserved a #2 seed because they should have lost their last two regular season games. After that point, you can go nuts.

Put at least one sleeper into the Final Four
Along with the aforementioned Mr. Mason (#11) in '06, Michigan State (#5 seed) in 2005, Georgia Tech (#3 seed) in 2004, Syracuse and Marquette (both #3) in 2003, Indiana (#5) in 2002, Maryland (#3) in 2001 and North Carolina and Wisconsin (both #8) in 2000 are recent examples of Final Four sleepers.
This year, look for teams that came on late (Louisville, Oklahoma) or battled through injuries during the season (Pittsburgh, Notre Dame).

Don’t poop pick where you eat
If you live in Washington D.C., don’t pick Georgetown to win unless you’re ready to bet your mortgage on it. If you live in Palo Alto, avoid moving Stanford deep into your brackets. And if you live within a 90 mile radius of Notre Dame, for Holtz’s sake, pick George Mason.
People are homers. They pick what they like and what they know. This is why Applebee’s is still in business despite serving the nastiest food this side of an Arby’s. (To double your fun, pick against your hometown team very early; if only to get the guy who runs your pool really mad at you.)

Beware of trendy picks
Trendiness is for suckers, Sarah-Jessica Parker and girls whose Facebook pictures solely consist of them in slutty clothing. I have been espousing the virtues of a unique offshoot of anti-trend philosophy since I began this blog four years ago, and my theory is nearly always proven correct. The theory: Beware of the bandwagon.
Earlier, I wrote about hopping on team's whose hatewagons have filled up. This theory operates on the same plain, but on a different level. Every year a few teams become the darlings of everyone's brackets. Avoid them like the plague. Or Britney Spears' nether-regions. (Same difference, I guess.)
Oftentimes these trendy teams tend to be highly seeded, and I’m obviously not going to tell you to stay away from the pocket square of the basketball world, UCLA. Everyone is picking UCLA to make the FInal Four. You'll be mocked and/or ridiculed if you don't. (Back to pocket squares for a second, my mom has a picture of me rocking the pocket square when I was four. Now Rick Reilly wears it in his goofy ad for SI.com and I can’t pop one in my breast pocket without looking like a tool). Anyway, try to avoid mid-seeded teams that a lot of people are picking to advance far.
Usually I have some examples here, but since I've avoided listening to, or reading about, the Tournament today, I'm not sure who the trendy picks are. I'm guessing Wisconsin and Pitt are getting a lot of love though.

Don’t read anything into the conference tournament losses
The only thing conference tournaments are good for is determining who is hot and giving teams that don’t win the National Championship a reason to be happy. (When a good team, a la North Carolina, wins the ACC Tournament, its fans will say, “that’s great, but all we want is the National Championship." In two weeks, when Tennessee scores 103 in regulation against them, those same Tar Heel fans will be bragging about their ACC Tourney win. And they’ll probably be wearing Crokies too.
On the flip side, Georgetown, Texas, Tennessee and Louisville all suffered tough losses in their respective conference tournaments, but won’t be any worse for the wear come Thursday. Except for Louisville. Because they're really overrated.

Under no circumstance should you ever listen to Dick Vitale
And put your garbage in a garbage can, people. I can’t stress that enough. Don’t just throw it out the window.

Beware of hyphenated schools
This is not applicable for this bracket since there’s only two hyphenated schools (Cal State-Fullerton and Texas-Arlington), but previous year’s advice works in an everyday sense too:
Sure, Wisconsin-Milwaukee might look and sound like a great pick (“well, I love eating wheels of cheese and Laverne and Shirley was my favorite sitcom involving sexually-ambiguous female roommates, so that team MUST be good!”), especially considering their run last year, but think about all the hyphenated celebrities you loathe. These include the former Rebecca Romijn-Stamos (I wasn’t even married to John Stamos like her, yet I still have considered taking Uncle Jesse’s last name. Come to think of it, how great would it be if her name had been Rebecca Romijn-Katsapalous) and Jean-Jacques Rousseau (let’s just say that my Philosophy grade sophomore year would have benefited if Mr. Anti-Private Property had kept his frog-thoughts to himself).
I even dislike people with hyphenated names that I’m supposed to like, like Nik Caner-Medley. I remember the first time I saw that tall drink of water I thought to myself, “man, I would hate this guy so much if he went to Duke.” And then I saw Lee Melchionni for the first time and realized how right I was.

Ignore the polls and the RPI
If you want to look at numbers, check out a team’s defensive efficiency and their cheerleaders. The defensive efficiency will give you insight into a team’s true defensive ability, by removing pace of play factors from statistics and focusing on a team's per-possession average instead. Looking at the cheerleaders will allow you to look at the cheerleaders.

Don’t fall into the Mason Trap
I’ve said this a few times already, but I wanted to reiterate the point. The George Mason thing was an aberration, not a trend.

When in doubt, pick the team you like less
Let’s say I pick Duke to go the Final Four. Now, I don’t like Duke. Some might even go so far as to say that I hate Duke. Others would say that I believe, along with North Korea, Cameron Indoor Stadium is the most evil place on earth. A select few might venture a guess that if I had to choose between watching Duke win the Final Four or having my nose repeatedly hit by Gerald Henderson’s dirty forearm, I’d put my ENT’s number on speed dial.
But I digress. I don’t like Duke, but if I’m having a hard time figuring out whether to put Duke or Xavier in the Elite Eight, I’ll pick Duke. That way, if those stuck-up, ref-baiting, dirty-playing preppies win, I can take consolation in the fact that it might end up winning me money. And if they lose, then I won’t be at all upset about losing money because it will mean that Jon Scheyer will cry himself to sleep on the shoulders of Greg Paulus, and knowing that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Maybe Chris Carawell can send them a box of tissues when they lose, unless he’s not done crying about Duke’s 2000 loss to Florida. (A quick note: The day after that game (which was a Sweet 16 match-up) I went to visit a friend at Duke – I was a freshman at Wake Forest at the time. (And yes, I had a friend that went to Duke. I was in therapy for two years dealing with this, so I’d rather not go there.) Anyway, I borrowed my buddy’s Florida Basketball t-shirt and wore it to Durham and didn’t take it off for the entire weekend. (Note: I’m not a Florida fan, but was that weekend because anybody who beats Duke is cool with me.) Once on campus I would walk up to people, with my Florida t-shirt in full view, and ask how I could get Duke Final Four tickets or where I could buy a Duke Final Four hat. Other times I would run up to random people and, insinuating that I hadn’t seen the result, ask them if they knew the score of the game.
Amazingly, not one person said anything remotely creative or derogatory to me after my snide comments. Some even laughed. The worst I got were a few dirty looks and some mumbled comments as I walked away.
Now, if those Cameron Crazies were actually crazy, they would have chased me off campus, pocket protectors in tow. Instead I had the run of those losers for three days and they didn’t even break out a “how many national championships has Florida won?” comment. What a bunch of pansies. But I digress.)
This rule works also for teams you like also. I want Georgetown and Kansas to do well in the Tourney. Sure, it’d be sweet if I picked one of them to win it all and I predicted they’d do so. But if I’m not sure, I’ll pick, say, Tennessee or UCLA instead.
That way, if either G'Town or KU wins, I’ll be happy enough that it won’t matter if my brackets are screwed up. If they don’t, then I’ll still have a chance at winning some money. If I pick my favorite teams and they end up losing, then I’m doubly screwed.
Let’s call this the “Cut Your Losses” method.

Don’t pick more than one school without a state in its name to be in the Final Four
This means, if you have Butler, Pittsburgh, Memphis and Georgetown coming out of their respective regions, you better get back to work.
Most years the Final Four is dominated by schools with states in their name like Michigan State, Connecticut, Kentucky and North Carolina. In fact, Duke, Marquette, Syracuse, Stanford, Louisville, George Mason and Georgetown are the only non-state named schools to make the Final Four since 1992. I bet you don’t find that statistic on ESPN.com. Take that Joe Lunardi!

Pick one big first-round upset
Since the Tournament expanded to 64 teams in 1985, there has never been two consecutive years without a 13-seed or worse scoring a first-round upset. Since there was no big upset in 2007, expect one to happen this year. In the 24 tournaments since expansion, only four haven't seen a big upset. The most big upsets in a year? Three, which has happened five times.

Don’t expect West Virginia to be playing on the second weekend
Bob Huggins-coached teams have advanced to the Sweet 16 just once since 1997. This, despite years where they were seeded 1, 2, 2, 3 and 3. (Which, interestingly enough, is the same way Bob Huggins usually counts to three during field sobriety tests.)

Try not to get too cute with your picks
Yeah, its fun to pick Temple over Michigan State because you love going to synagogue and it might be nice to put Baylor in the Sweet 16 because you hooked up with a chick from there during Spring Break '89, but try to ignore those thoughts. (As hot as that chick from Baylor might have been.)
Picking upsets is overrated. Cinderella’s are great for the Tournament, but the clock always strikes midnight and if you’re stuck on the dance floor when your spiffy Sean Jean tux turns into that pit-stained Schweppes t-shirt you stole from a girl streaking the quad, you’re gonna lose your pool entry fee and all your self-respect if you let a red-headed, Syracuse-born Irishman win your pool (not that I’m bitter, Tim O).
Remember, it’s rare that a team seeded lower than #5 makes it to the Final Four (it’s happened only four times since 1992). So try to limit your upsets to the early rounds and don’t knock off any team you think has a good chance of advancing far.
If the mood to get sassy with your picks should strike you, try this method instead – fill in the teams you think will be in the Sweet 16 first. Then, work backwards and if you see an upset possibility in the first round, pick it.
For instance, if you think Vanderbily is going to win its second round game regardless of whom they play, then consider taking Villanova to beat Clemson. Since you have the Commodores in the Sweet 16 anyway, you won’t lose too much if Clemson should win the first round game, but you’ll get a nice leg-up on the competition if the Wildcats spring the upset. It’s a nice risk-reward play.
This is especially key in pools that reward upsets. Which leads me to the next tip…

Take a look at how your pool is being scored
Everybody has a different method for scoring. Some pools emphasize the Final Four so much that first round games are left relatively meaningless (ESPN's Tournament Challenge is like this). In these pools, try to have as much of a chalk bracket as you can.
In other pools, the points aren’t staggered nearly as much between the first Round and Final Four, so every game counts. In these, pick a few upsets and take a risk by advancing one of your sleeper teams to the Sweet 16. Other pools greatly emphasize upsets. When filling out brackets for this kind of pool, work backwards from the Sweet 16 like I suggested above. And if you’re in the kind of pool with filters and chlorinated water, make sure to wear floaties.

Pick a #1 seed to win the whole thing
In 11 of the last 16 years, a number one seed has hoisted the Championship trophy on the first Monday in April. Florida continues that trend last year; making it the sixth time in the last nine Tournaments where that's happened.

If you can't figure out a specific matchup:
1) Compare the coaches. Example: Duke vs. Texas. Mike Krzyzewski vs. Rick Barnes. One has three rings and the other gets stopped in the airport by people who think he’s John Grisham. Need I say more?
2) The tougher the mascot, the tougher the team. This is also known as the “Scott Van Pelt Theory”. The SportsCenter anchor, and Maryland alum, says when in doubt figure out which team's mascot would win in a no-holds barred brawl. (Perhaps this is why the Terrapins (a slow, lazy turtle) can't seem to beat anyone these days.) Current examples: Tennessee vs. American: Volunteers vs. Eagles. Clearly, Buddy Ryan could kick the ass of anyone who works in a soup kitchen. Advantage: American. Or, for instance, if Austin Peay gets by Texas and faces St. Mary's in the second round, the Governors are the easy pick over the Gaels, as Eliot Spitzer has already shown he can dominate Gail, a two-diamond hooker from the Emperor's Club.
3) Ask yourself… What Would Uncle Jesse Do? Both you and I know Jesse Katsopolis is a John Calipari man.
4) Look for signs. If you're in line at the grocery store and get the urge for a pack of cinnamon-flavored gum, you'll know to advance the Cornell Big Red in your bracket. Or maybe you're watching John Adams on HBO and see a gout-stricken Virginian chatting up Ben Franklin; then George Mason is your team. And if you happen to see a man walking down the street in a Patriots jersey, it could be a sign that the stars are lining up for another set of cheaters to cut down the nets; therefore, you can't go wrong with picking the Indiana Hoosiers to go all the way.

Don’t let your picks take away from your enjoyment of crazy upsets
If Mississippi Valley State is up late on UCLA and you have the Bruins winning the whole thing, you still have to root for MVSU even if it destroys your bracket. This is a law in 37 states and the District of Columbia. There’s nothing worse than not enjoying the celebration after a buzzer beater because you’re checking to see what it does to your brackets.

Avoid listening to any bracket tips from people in your pool
If those tips were any good, why would they be giving them to you? There's nothing worse than switching a pick because of a 'sure-fire' tip from a friend and then watching that team lose to your original winner. In the same vein...

Stick with your first instinct
"Dammit! I almost picked them!" is a popular refrain during the first round of the Tournament. It is, on its face, an utterly ridiculous statement. You're either picking one team or the other; it's like calling "tails", losing and then saying "shoot, I was going to say "heads".

To all four of my female readers, don’t listen to any advice from guys
We are a manipulative, repulsive and deceitful gender, and any tip you get from us will likely be geared towards one day seeing you naked.
When you go to ask Frank from Accounts Payable who he has in the East, here is the way the conversation will sound to you:

You - Hey Frank! Let me ask you a question, who do you have winning North Kansas’s region?
Frank, from Accounts Payable - Well, um, Kansas is alright, but I’m going with, uh, Georgetown...? Yeah, definitely Georgetown. Their point guard is quick on the dribble and the way, um, Alonzo Mourning Jr. runs screens can trip-up defenses that don’t like playing a triangle-and-two.
You - Wow, that's sounds great! You really know your basketball. (Touches Frank’s arm gently.) Thanks Frank.
Frank, from Accounts Payable - No problemo... Later.

Now, here’s how the conversation plays out in Frank’s mind.

You - Who do you have winning Kansas’s region?
Frank’s, from Accounts Payable, Inner-Monologue - Oooh, she's talking to me. And Tournament questions, no less. She needed a sports question, so she came to the most athletic guy in the office (adjusts cell-phone belt-clip). I don't blame her, I am studly (runs hand through thinning hair). I always knew she wanted me, but this confirms it… Bravo Frank, bravo you sly dog. You better do some laundry so you have clean underwear for later. And where did I put my Dockers going-out shirt? I hope it's not that crumpled up thing I saw in the hamper today. Shoot, I might have to buy some more Downey Wrinkle Release. And cat food. Or do I have some in the - oh crap, she’s waiting for an answer. Well, how should I play this? Do I act all aloof like such trivial matters as basketball are beneath me or do I dazzle her with my non-existent basketball knowledge? Well, she’ll never know if I’m just BS’ing her, so lets go with that.
Kansas is alright, but I’m going with Georgetown.
Oh crap, I don’t know any players on that team. Why couldn’t I have gone with Texas; I know they have that guy who was a really good freshman last year. Damn, shoulda gone with Texas. Texas which is an anagram of “At Sex”… Ha! Oooh, that’s a good one, Frank. Remember to tell Gene that at lunch today. Oh damn, she’s still waiting. Just make something up.
Their point guard is quick off the dribble and the way, um...
DAMN! What’s that one guy’s name? The black guy. Shoot. Who else is on that team. Someone's son. Someone's son who played at Georgetown. Allen Iverson? No, his illegitimate children probably aren't college-age yet. Who else went there; who else.... Ahhh, come up with something quick...
… Alonzo Mourning Jr. runs screens can trip-up defenses that don’t like playing a triangle-and-two.
WHEW! That was pretty good. Wait, Alonzo Mourning is still in the NBA. That cant be it. Hopefully she didn’t notice it. And thank goodness I played NBA Live with my roommate last week or else I never would have known that triangle-and-two stuff. I bet she’s impressed. She is smiling. Oh man, she so wants me. I definitely have to go gloat over in advertising. Joel's gonna flip when he finds out I'm gonna be hookin' up with (your name). OK, checklist for tonight: John Legend CD, wash my sheets, hide adult DVD’s, class up my fridge by replacing Natty Lite with Miller Lite - Ooh, good call, Frank, you handsome bastard. You are about to score. Remember to go to CVS too to get some protection. And this time go to the self-checkout lane; you blush like a nine-year old boy if a woman rings you up at the register when you have those. Act cool though. Act natural.
You - Well, that sounds good. (Gently touches arm.) Thanks Frank!
Frank’s, from Accounts Payable, Inner-Monologue – She touched my arm. SHE TOUCHED MY ARM! I’m marrying her. Just propose now. That’s clearly what she wants. I could use this keychain as a ring until I bought a diamond. She'd love the ingenuity and sentiment. It'd be one of those funny stories we could tell our grandchildren. I wonder what they'll look like. I hope they get her eyes, nose, ears, mouth, chin, calves, hands, fingernails and hair. But my eyebrows: I have great eyebrows. Wait - don't get ahead of yourself. There's plenty of time for proposals. Baby steps. Just ask her out. She wants you to ask her out. ASK HER OUT DAMMIT. Who asks an NCAA question if they don't want a little Frank-lovin'. And remember three months ago when she asked to borrow white-out? That was a sign! You're destined to be together. White-out! Come on! That's such a hint! Alright, do it. DO IT! Ask her out and don't say anything stupid.
No problemo... Later.
NO PROBLEMO? What is this, 1986? You might as well have just said "cool beans" and gotten it over with. She wanted you to sweep her off her feet and you ended the conversation without asking her out. What a pansy! It's all over for you now. Why don't you just get it over with and propose to J.J. Redick, you loser. You blew it again. Way to go.
Alright, now that you've ruined this, try to save some dignity for a later date proposal. You haven't completely killed your shot yet. Let's walk away like you own the place and, you know, save a little face.
(Frank runs into a file cabinet, spilling hundreds of papers on the ground.)

Anyway, that’s what’s likely to happen if you ask some guy his opinion on the tournament. He won’t know what he’s talking about and you’ll not only have a new stalker, but terrible brackets.

Come up with a clever team name for your entry
Anything that involves your last name, mascot of the college you attended, numbers, using a Z instead of an S (i.e. Boyz) or the words “fo shizzle” will not be tolerated.

Most importantly, ignore everything you’ve just read
I haven’t won a pool since 1994.