2008 NCAA Tournament Preview

The greatest day of the year is upon us. Enjoy.

East
#1 North Carolina vs. #16 Mount St. Mary's
Why does the "Saint" get abbreviated and not the "Mount"? Is there some sort of unspoken hierarchy of abbreviations which puts mountains ahead of those canonized by the church? Do you think William McKinley talks smack about this to Mother Teresa during their weekly games of Stratego?
Pick: North Carolina

#8 Indiana vs. #9 Arkansas
Buying out Kelvin Sampson's contract cost Indiana $750,000, which sounds like a lot of money until you factor in how much the athletic department is going to save on cell phone texting plans.
Pick: Arkansas

#5 Notre Dame vs. #12 George Mason
Notre Dame and George Mason have the same amount of college football bowl wins since 1994. On a related note, George Mason doesn't have a football team.
Pick: Notre Dame

#4 Washington St. vs. #13 Winthrop
What can I say, I love cougars.
Pick: Washington St.

#6 Oklahoma vs. #11 St. Joseph's
St. Joseph's Feast Day is March 18. Phil Martelli's feast day: The other 364.
Pick: Oklahoma

#3 Louisville vs. #14 Boise State
I bet Rick Pitino had his team practice defending the 'statue of liberty' play this week.
Pick: Louisville

#7 Butler vs. #10 South Alabama
The University of South Alabama's abbreviated name is USA. If USA basketball should happen to lose this game, I'm totally blaming Allen Iverson's selfish play.
Pick: Butler

#2 Tennessee vs. #15 American
For big games, Bruce Pearl wears a garish orange blazer to pump up his team. So for this game, I think it'd be pretty cool if American coach Jeff Jones came out of the locker room decked out in Uncle Sam gear. You know, to kind of stick it to the man - the man, in this instance, being Bruce Pearl apparently.
Pick: Tennessee

Second Round
#1 North Carolina over #9 Arkansas
#5 Notre Dame over #4 Washington St. (I hate this pick)
#3 Louisville over #6 Oklahoma
#2 Tennessee over #7 Butler

Regional Semifinal
#1 North Carolina over #5 Notre Dame
#2 Tennessee over #3 Louisville

East Regional Final
#2 Tennessee over #1 North Carolina

Midwest
#1 Kansas vs. #16 Portland St.
My buddy Phil thinks we should start calling Kansas F Mario Chalmers "The Superintendent". If this were the old country - I forget which one exactly - Abraham Simpson's father would think this was the greatest idea since sliced bread, sliced bread having been invented the previous winter.
Pick: Kansas

#8 UNLV vs. #9 Kent St.
If I had to guess, I'll go ahead and say this will be my annual "game I'll assume I picked correctly, no matter which team ends up winning".
Pick: UNLV

#5 Clemson vs. #12 Villanova
If Oliver Purnell can lead this Clemson team deep into the Tournament, he will become the most popular coach in school history as well as providing a wonderful face for the university's athletic department, at which point Tommy Bowden will cut him.
Pick: Villanova

#4 Vanderbilt vs. #13 Siena
Between Vanderbilt ("see, it's right here: The Gloria Vanderbilt Collection"), Siena (the zookeeper who responds "I'm hungry, let's get something to eat" to George's declaration of love) and Drake ("I love the Drake!), this field has a very Seinfeldian edge to it. It's just too bad Kramerica University slipped off the bubble after losing in their conference tournament.
Pick: Vanderbilt

#6 USC vs. #11 Kansas State
Two of the best freshman in the country, O.J. Mayo and Michael Beasley, face off in a game that also features two of the worst coaches in the country, Tim Floyd and Frank Martin. Jeez, you'd think for the amount of money Mayo and Beasley got to go to these schools they could have afforded better coaches.
Pick: Kansas State

#3 Wisconsin vs. #14 Cal State-Fullerton
This week on American Idol some dude completely butchered the Beatles' "A Day In The Life". It was so bad, Paul McCartney considered it the worst moment of his week. That being said, I'd rather view that performance on a continuous loop rather than watch any part of this game.
Pick: Wisconsin

#7 Gonzaga vs. #10 Davidson
If these teams switched jerseys at halftime, how long do you think it'd be before someone noticed? Ten -- fifteen minutes?
Pick: Davidson

#2 Georgetown vs. #15 UMBC
Sadly, this is probably the closest Georgetown will ever come to playing Maryland.
Pick: Georgetown

Second Round
#1 Kansas over #8 UNLV
#4 Vanderbilt over #12 Villanova
#3 Wisconsin over #11 Kansas State
#2 Georgetown over #10 Davidson

Regional Semifinal
#4 Vanderbilt over #1 Kansas
#3 Wisconsin over #2 Georgetown

West Regional Final
#4 Vanderbilt over #3 Wisconsin

South
#1 Memphis vs. #16 Texas-Arlington
I never understand why teams with automatic bids are so happy to see their names come up on CBS' Selection Show. I mean, I know why they're jumping around and celebrating, but I can't imagine seeing your school's name next to a "16" is that exciting. It's not like it's a surprise or anything. Frankly, if I were a Texas-Arlington player, I'd have be giddy from the time my team won the conference tourney right up until the moment the grim realization that a massacre at the hands of Memphis become a sobering reality.
Pick: Memphis

#8 Mississippi State vs. #9 Oregon
If I were a headline writer, I'd be hoping for MSU F Charles Rhodes to make the game-winning shot in this one, thus leading to the inevitable banner scream: "CHARLES IN CHARGE!" Luckily for us, Rhodes doesn't have to do that in order for me to show this - which was entirely the point of this whole charade in the first place:

Watch Charles' leap at the :48 second mark. It's a thing of beauty.

Pick: Mississippi State

#5 Michigan State vs. #12 George Mason
It's the leg-positioning that really gets me, I think. That and the fact that his arms are perfectly perpendicular to his body as his attempts to choke Buddy - for, I think, making Charles wait on him hand and foot while laid up in bed with a fake injury and entertaining a female guest. I could be wrong about this, but I'm sure The Wolfman will email me momentarily if I am. He'd also want me to mention that Sandra Kerns, who plays the Powell family mother, is the sister of Growing Pains actress Joanna Kerns.
Pick: Michigan State

#4 Pittsburgh vs. #13 Oral Roberts

Dave Wannstedt was sitting behind the Pittsburgh bench during the Big East Championship Game. That's like begging for karma to slap you upside the head, Jamie Dixon.

Pick: Pittsburgh

#6 Marquette vs. #11 Kentucky
When I saw this match-up, my first thought was "this looks like a national championship game from the late-'70s". Upon researching my hunch, I realized that, like most of my hunches, this one was completely wrong. Completely daunted (you notice nobody ever says they were "daunted" only that they were "undaunted"? Yet it's the reverse for the adjective. Huh.), I forgot about this until I read Tony Kornheiser's bracket notes in The Washington Post where, of this game, he wrote, "this is a Final Four game in the '70s." It's good to know that me and a curmudgeonly, balding old man have the same thought processes.
Pick: Marquette

#3 Stanford vs. #14 Cornell
Stanford C Brook Lopez was suspended for the first-half of the semester for academic violations, which makes him a prime candidate to replace recently-booted Virginia Tech RB Brandon Ore.
Pick: Stanford

#7 Miami (FL) vs. #10 St. Mary's
I have a feeling St. Mary's is about to get mudded by the 7th Seed Crew.
Pick: St. Mary's

#2 Texas vs. #15 Austin Peay
Austin Peay was founded in 1929 as the Austin Peay State Normal School for Rural White Teachers and is named after a Tennessee governor who died while in office. I guess this means the Austin Peay Governors are technically the "Governor's Governors", which, interestingly enough, is also what Eliot Spitzer used to call his kibbles and bits.
Pick: Texas

Second Round
#1 Memphis over #8 Mississippi State
#4 Pittsburgh over #5 Michigan State
#3 Stanford over #6 Marquette
#2 Texas over #10 St. Mary's

Regional Semifinal
#1 Memphis over #4 Pittsburgh (I still have Pitt in my pool. My attempt to go all Costanza and do the opposite of every instinct I have has, apparently, failed. There's still time for me to change my mind though. I can close my eyes and see myself crossing out Pitt's name three times after they lose to Michigan State on Sunday.)
#2 Texas over #3 Stanford

East Regional Final
#1 Memphis over #2 Texas

West
#1 UCLA vs. #16 Mississippi Valley State
MVSU has zero wins against the RPI's Top 200. According to Seth Greenberg, this would have made them a strong candidate for an at-large berth had they not won the SWAC Tournament.
Pick: UCLA

#8 BYU vs. #9 Texas A&M
Texas A&M's road uniforms are maroon and black. Not surprisingly, new Redskins coach Jim Zorn has the Aggies going all the way to the Final Four.
Pick: BYU

#5 Drake vs. #12 Western Kentucky
Most likely locations of Drake:
1) Drake, NE
2) Drake, TN
3) Drake, IA
4) In a display case at the end of the aisle
Pick: Western Kentucky

#4 Connecticut vs. #13 San Diego
I seriously considered going with San Diego in this one but, in the end, I was worried that LaDanian Tomlinson's sulking on the bench could hurt team chemistry.
Pick: Connecticut

#6 Purdue vs. #11 Baylor
In some of its school literature, Baylor refers to itself as BUB (Baylor University Bears). So once Baylor retires, I suppose they'll be getting two pairs of knit pants, some pastel cardigans and moving to Miami Beach.
Pick: Purdue

#3 Xavier vs. #14 Georgia
The state of Georgia was initially settled by criminals, which makes it all the more amazing that the Bulldogs didn't pursue Bob Huggins after he was fired by Cincinnati.
Pick: Xavier

#7 West Virginia vs. #10 Arizona
Even though Morgantown is a short drive from Washington DC, WVU coach Bob Huggins seemed disappointed the Mountaineers were sent to the Nation's Capital. My guess: He heard about D.C.'s zero-tolerance DUI policy.
Pick: West Virginia

#2 Duke vs. #15 Belmont
Who will be the next Blue Devil to cry on court during an NCAA Tournament loss? Current odds:
Brian Zoubek 15:1
Gerald Henderson 10:1
Kyle Singler 6:1
Jon Scheyer 3:1
Steve Wojociehowski 3:2
Greg Paulus 1:7
Dick Vitale CLOSED
Pick: Duke

Second Round
#1 UCLA over #8 BYU
#4 Connecticut over #12 Western Kentucky
#3 Xavier over #6 Purdue
#7 West Virginia over #3 Duke

Regional Semifinal
#1 UCLA over #4 Connecticut
#3 Xavier over #7 West Virginia

South Regional Final
#1 UCLA over #3 Xavier

Final Four
#2 Tennessee over #4 Vanderbilt
#1 Memphis over #1 UCLA

2008 National Final
Dear lord, do I really have three teams from Tennessee in the Final Four? I'm an idiot. I have Kansas and Pittsburgh making the Final Four in my pool, in spite of being terrified of Kansas in the Tournament. Bill Self does not have a good track record. Picking one of his teams is like voting Libertarian. Sure, it always sounds like a good idea, but so did communism at first.
I picked Kansas at the start of the season, like I always do, but I don't want to get burned by them again in my pools. Wait, so why do I still have them in my pool? You see, this is why I hate these things. Maybe I need to take a cue from my buddy Jaffe and just stop with the pools and fantasy football and all that stuff; I truly think it might lead to more enjoyment for me.
Anyway, I've been on the Tennessee bandwagon for a while now, and figure I might as well ride them 'til their inevitable Sweet 16 upset loss. Carolina's defense is too suspect to sustain a four-game run against good teams, Kansas and Georgetown go through too many periods of basketball malaise and Texas: Rick Barnes. As for UCLA, I can't figure out whether those two "shoulda been" losses are positive or negative. I've wavered back and forth, but whichever one I end up choosing will be the incorrect answer. Let's go with negative. (Hint: Pick UCLA now.) I'll go against my instinct and, therefore, go with my instinct and pick the Tennessee Volunteers to win the 2008 National Championship.