Oh, Such A Perfect Day

The stadium was gorgeous, the much-predicted and oft-feared Metro gridlock never materialized, the President threw a high strike, Ben's Chili Bowl smelled delicious and star third baseman Ryan Zimmerman hit a walk-off home run in the bottom of the 9th to win the inaugural game at Nationals Park. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty good day. (And I even got to see the end of Kansas/Davidson on a TV while standing in the right field concourse. What the hell was Stephen Curry doing bringing the ball up court on that last possession? The Wildcats have a fine point guard and Curry thrives coming off screens to create his own shot. I really didn't get that one. Oh well, Kansas/Carolina is going to be great.)
I'll write more about the stadium later in the week and will also include some nice pics my cousin and I were able to take. Everything about the stadium was a delight - from the two restaurant/bars in center, to the open concourses that provide views of the field even while standing in line to get some nachos, to the ridiculous HD screen that almost made me want to cry, for its beauty was unmatched by anything these eyes have ever seen.
For now though, I'm going to bed. But I already can't wait until April 9; the next time I'll be taking in Washington's newest landmark.

* Take a look at the game-winning home run, courtesy Mr. Irrelevant. After hitting it, Zim emphatically tells the ball what he thinks it should do, namely that it should "get the f--- outta here!" You can see it at the 3:20 mark.

Well, Shit.

Wake star recruit Aminu arrested

Fresh off his performance in the McDonald's All-American game, Al-Farouq Aminu went out and got himself arrested Friday. The Gwinnett County Police charged Aminu with criminal tresspassing and aggravated assault. His bail was set at $4,500.
It's way too early to jump to any conclusions other than: This isn't good. (Aminu is smiling in his mugshot photo so he can't be too worried.... Right??! That, or he's just really, really high.) Dammit. I blame this on John Swofford. Ever since he let in Virginia Tech and Miami to the ACC, all the kids at the original conference schools have been working to keep up in the felony department.

Update: Aminu was arrested for allegedly shooting a BB gun out of a car window. It's bad, stupid and potentially devastating to his Wake career. But at least it's juvenile stupid and not Marcus Vick stupid.

Tennessee Is Dumb

Tennessee/Louisville was supposed to be the best game of the Tournament thus far. Oops. That was, by far, the ugliest basketball game I've seen all year. Considering I've watched the girl's church basketball team my cousin coaches a few times this year, that's saying a lot.
Neither Tennessee nor Louisville could hold onto the ball, they both committed ridiculous fouls on almost every possession and the turnovers - dear lord, the turnovers. Both teams played stupidly, but the sheer idiocy of Tennessee was awe-inspiring. I knew they were dumb, but sweet fancy Moses, are they dumb. Louisville committed about 900 turnovers in the first half, yet were still up seven at the break solely because Tennessee took bad shots, made defensive errors every time down the floor and would commit fouls after the play was over.
I picked Tennessee to win it all because I was seduced by their athleticism. But about ten minutes into their first round game with American, I began regretting my decision. The reason that game was close in the second half was less because of American playing well and more because of Tennessee forcing up bad shots early in their possession and playing zero defense. At the end of that game, when the Vols were pulling away, they lengthened the game by committing worthless fouls of most American possessions.
Last night, Bruce Pearl seemed to lose control of his team. They were bickering during timeouts, seemed to be blaming each other for defensive breakdowns and forced up bad shots on a majority of possessions. Chris Lofton's numbers don't look that bad in retrospect, but he was atrocious. He couldn't hit open looks when the game was still in doubt and to compensate, he would throw up shots with two defenders in his face, presumably to get himself "hot" again. It didn't work; Lofton had at least four jumpshots blocked. You don't really see that all too often. Lofton made some abysmal selections with his shot. Take it from me, because I know all about abysmal selections. Thanks, Tennessee.

More Basketball For Your Buck

The past two Sweet 16 Thursdays have been unbelievable, so here's hoping that tonight follows suit. Had planned to write a little preview, but my leg has been giving me some trouble so I'm going to kick back, put on a few Seinfelds and relax until the games come on in 90 minutes. Quick picks: North Carolina, Xavier, Louisville and UCLA. I'm really, really hating that I picked Tennessee to win it all, by the way. It's been a long time since I've seen a team this talented play so dumb. Although, I do like the fact that everyone is all over Louisville's jock and hating on Tennessee this week. To listen to the analysts, you'd think there isn't a chance in hell that Tennessee can win tonight. All the Louisville-love sort of reminds me of early March when Pitino's boys were getting the same kind of praise as they headed into their season finale with the chance to win the Big East regular season title. They then lost two straight; to Georgetown and Pitt.

FYI: If you're in the Washington DC area and have an HD-converter box, you'll be able to watch both North Carolina/Washington State game and West Virginia/Xavier. The local CBS affiliate, WUSA, is showing the WVU/Xavier game on its digital subchannel. Normally, that station carries weather radar. If you subscribe to Comcast, the channel is 203. Verizon: 861. Cox: Well, if you have Cox, you're just an idiot.
WUSA made the decision so WVU fans in the area could see their team, without bumping the "game of interest" from the main station. The game, despite being on the digital tier, won't be available in HD though. I don't understand why WUSA doesn't do this for all games; but that's probably being a little too greedy considering that, up until an hour ago, I was anticipating only being able to watch Carolina destroy Washington State at 7:00. Other CBS stations around the country have been doing the same thing since the first rounds, so if you're looking for more basketball tonight and tomorrow, take a look at your affiliate's website to see if they're going to hook it up.

'Skins-Giants To Open NFL Season

As predicted here yesterday, the Washington Redskins will visit the New York Giants in the NFL's Thursday night season opener, according to Jason Reid of The Washington Post. Quite a showcase for Jim Zorn's debut.

Popeyes: An Addendum

My college roommate was disappointed that I didn't mention his favorite Popeyes story yesterday, so here goes: Falkow became a fan of Popeyes when he came down to Maryland during one summer and fell in love after a special visit we made in Athens, GA after a trip to UGA. Falkow described it as "the greatest meal I've ever had".
One day, a few months later, we were hungry and decided that the only thing that would satisfy us was some delicious, Lousiana-spiced fried chicken. There was no Popeyes in Winston-Salem; the nearest was at a truck stop a little past Greensboro, about 45 minutes away from campus. As we had nothing else to do, making the trip was a no-brainer. But, being idiots, we decided to drive on the perpetually construction-plagued I-40 at rush hour. It took us about two hours to get to Popeyes and about 90 minutes to get back. In all, we probably spent a good three-and-a-half hours in the car just for Popeyes. And it was worth every minute.
(And that is a picture of the aforementioned Popeyes in Whitsett, NC. Normally people who are getting food and gas at truck stops have the weary looks of travelers, which must have made the giddy excitement on Falkow and I's faces quite confusing for the employees.)

Are You Ready For Some Pre-Sunset Thursday Football?!

The Hollywood Reporter (via Pro Football Talk) reports that the NFL will move up the kickoff of it's annual Thursday season opener from 8:30 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. so the game won't conflict with John McCain's acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention, scheduled for that evening around 10:00 p.m.. This is interesting for two reasons:
1) It shows that NBC still wants to give the appearance that they care about news, despite the fact that they'd much rather being showing a football game rather than a political acceptance speeches. Both political conventions get dismal ratings and draw no advertising revenue for the networks. And putting the game on earlier means less viewers on both coasts (particularly in the west), which means NBC has to charge less for commercials.
Of course NBC has to act like they'd rather broadcast McCain's speech, but deep down you know both them and the NFL are none too happy the Republican convention ends the same night their season begins. (FYI, John Kerry's acceptance speech at the DNC in '04 drew 4.1 million viewers on NBC. That year's NFL season opener drew 18.5 million viewers on ABC. It is worth noting, though, that 20.1 million total viewers watched Kerry's speech on various networks - CBS, NBC, FOX, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc.)
2) In the six-year history of the Thursday season opener, the NFL has purposefully not scheduled any divisional matchups. Why? I haven't seen a good explanation for this, but I assume it's due to the league wanting more of a national audience for the game. (Some say it's because the NFL doesn't want the defending Super Bowl champion to have to play a division game right out of the gate, but plenty of teams do it every year - remember Dallas/New York debuted NBC's Sunday slate in 2007 - so why would the champs be different?)
The problem with the 2008 game is that the NFL really doesn't have any other option but to schedule a division game for the Giants. With the earlier start time, the presumptive "favorites" to play in the game, Seattle, are likely out. I can't imagine the NFL would want the Seahawks to kickoff their season with a 4:00 start on a Thursday afternoon out west. That eliminates the 49ers too; not that they would have been in the game in the first place. You can also throw out the Bengals (not the team Roger Goodell wants featured on opening night) and the Panthers (not the team anyone wants to watch on opening night) too. Baltimore might get a look, but their 5-11 record last season is too ugly to ignore. As is their quarterback situation.
That leaves only three home games: Dallas, Philadelphia and Washington. Dallas is the obvious choice; but I don't know if the league would "waste" that matchup on a game guaranteed to draw eyes anyway. They'd probably want to keep that for a Monday or Sunday night matchup; leaving the other game in the home-and-home to FOX. Beacuse of that, I think the Giants week one opponent will either be the Eagles or Redskins. I'd prefer the Eagles, mainly because maroon and black doesn't look too good under the lights.
Whoever the other team is, I hope the game goes to overtime so that NBC will be ridiculed for thinking that there wouldn't be any potential problem with hoping an NFL game with an extended halftime will fit nicely into a tight 3 hour, 15 minute timeslot. What are they going to do if the game goes to overtime; bump the NFL for McCain? It'd be like the Heidi incident all over again. Minus the Swiss, of course.

Tuesday Thoughts

* My buddy Ben (and his brother Michael) got up early this morning to watch the Red Sox game and, as you've probably read, it was well worth the pre-dawn wakeup call. (Were you aware that with the new daylight savings date, the sun doesn't rise until about 6:30 in the morning? I had no idea.) Anyway, one thing: Everyone is talking about Manny's pose after hitting his go-ahead RBI double in the 10th and how he stood at home plate because he thought it was gone. After a few DVR rewinds, we came to a different conclusion. Because Manny didn't do his normal homer hop and/or jersey puff-out, we thought he was actually curious to see where the ball would land and never thought to run because, you know, he's Manny. Normally Manny knows when it's gone. This time, I think he was just genuinely interested to see what would happen.

* Great picture of David Ortiz taken by Junko Kimora of Getty Images. It's so good, it looks fake.

* There was also this gem of Manny holding up the check he received for being the game's MVP.

Manny looks so happy. Maybe he thinks it's the league MVP award. The total looks impressive, but as Kramer and his Japanese businessman friends learned, yen-to-dollar conversion can be deceiving. (One million yen equals about $8,400 in American dollars.)

* If you've watched PTI or SportsCenter today, you've doubtlessly seen the Royals' Joey Gathright jumping over a Dodgers pitcher. This is old hat for Gathright, as evidenced by this old YouTube clip.

* The story about Michael Jordan's feud with Sports Illustrated is well-known. When Jordan retired from basketball (for the first time) and tried his hand at baseball, SI ran a cover story on the effort with the headline, "Bag It Michael!" For years afterwards, Jordan refused to talk to the venerable sports magazine.

In both the excellent SportsCentury episode on Jordan and movie Michael Jordan to the Max, it is inferred that the feud was due, mainly, to the cover head. But after reading the Steve Wulf article (thanks to the new and very cool SI Vault), I'm thinking Jordan was just as mad about the story than the cover. Whatever you think of Jordan's quest to play baseball, I hardly think it was the "disgrace to baseball" Wulf suggests it was. Read the article; it seems mean just for the sake of being mean.

* ESPN ombudsman Lee Anne Schreiber is the best thing to happen to the network in a long time. Her critiques of the media conglomerate are almost always spot-on and I had hoped people at the network were carefully listening to her advice and implementing it. After getting back into watching the 11:00 SportsCenter during college basketball season, I noticed that it didn't completely suck; particularly when Scott Van Pelt and John Buccigross host. Schreiber agrees. Her latest column addresses this surprising phenomenon. (Bonus points for criticizing the "Greatest Highlight" series where Chris Berman did his own calls instead of the famous ones. The first time I saw this, I was all excited to hear the classic Jack Buck call of Kirk Gibson's famous Game 1 homerun off Dennis Eckersley. But instead of hearing, "I don't believe what I just saw," we were instead subjected to Berman yammering on like an idiot and adding his awful "back, back, back" homer call.)

* Pour out a little hot sauce tonight; Al Copeland, the founder of Popeyes, died Saturday at the age of 64. In high school and on breaks from college, my friends and I probably visited the local Popeyes two to three times per week. I still stop by every now and then, but the new management has made it less homey. I miss the old manager, Cal. He always had the the hot sauce ready and threw in extra tenders almost every time (not that I needed it, I can't even finish three tenders. I eat like a four-year old girl. A skinny four-year old girl.) The day Popeye's changed the sweet & sour sauce was quite a traumatic event for me.
It wasn't until a few months ago that I knew Popeyes was started by the same owner of Copeland's restaurant, which explained why the red beans and rice there were so awesome. The other night I was in the mood for some, but upon driving to the nearby chain restaurant, I discovered it was closed.
I plan to celebrate Copeland's life later this week with my standard order: a three tender combo with fries. You can have your KFC and Bojangles; I'll always be a Popeyes man. (The New York Times obit is a lot more interesting than the AP's. Read it; Copeland was a pretty fascinating character. I also never knew that Popeyes owned Church's chicken; a favorite for Wake Forest tailgates.)

UCLA Is Going To Win It All

Between the two games the refs gift-wrapped for them earlier this month and the amazing no-call on Texas A&M's final attempt, the stars seem aligned for UCLA to win the National Championship. Yesterday I posted a picture that showed the Aggies' Donald Sloan getting hacked by UCLA F Josh Shipp. Today, Deadspin linked to an even better shot of the foul. Not only is Sloan getting a wrist-clothesline by Shipp, but another UCLA player has his hand on his wrist.

Greg Paulus Commands Disrespect

* The New York Times story on West Virginia's upset of Duke led with the fact that the Blue Devils eight high school All-Americans were topped by a Mountaineer team that featured none. At the end of the story, this fantastic quote was recounted:

As a reporter was leaving, the reserve Cam Thoroughman asked if Duke point guard Greg Paulus was one of the eight McDonald’s all-Americans. When told yes, Thoroughman said: “Oh my God. Are you kidding?”

* The story today is that Michigan State beat my man-crush Levance Fields and his Pitt Panthers because of Drew Neitzel. And that's almost entirely correct. Neitzel was awesome and the Spartans advanced due, in large part, to his shooting heroics. But Michigan State also received a boon from one official who called a phantom moving screen and a ridiculous charge late in the game that took crucial possessions away from Pitt. (The charge, in particular, was the most egregiously bad call of the Tournament. It was worse than the Paulus out of bounds play because in that one, at least the ref had to be looking at the ball and Paulus' foot. On the Fields charge, there was nothing he could have been looking at to suggest that a charge had occurred.) The same ref also called a palming violation about two full seconds after the alleged violation took place. The call itself wasn't awful, but you can't call something two seconds after it happens. Len Elmore was going nuts about that one.
If it sounds like I'm bitching a lot about the officiating this year, it's because I am. It's been atrocious. A few weeks ago I heard somebody listing bad officiating as the reason they don't like college basketball. That's fine, but the guy then followed that up with, "that's why I'm an NBA fan. Their refs are professionals." Professionals, which is code for, "they get paid more to suck more."

* Stanford coach Trent Johnson is entirely to blame for getting tossed in his team's eventual victory over Marquette. He was stupid for being so far out on the court after getting one technical, but I place some blame on the assistants who should have been grabbing him and preventing their head coach him from complaining a second time. I mean, Johnson's his own man and it's completely his fault, but you always see assistants talking sense into the head coaches in those situations. Stanford's were "trailing on the play".

* It never felt like UCLA was going to lose that game last night and I suppose that feeling was correct because after looking at this picture, it seems that the officials were never going to let A&M win. This is the final play of the game. Looks like the UCLA player got all ball. And by "ball", I mean "forearm". (Thanks to Spiro for the heads up on the pic and the WVU quotes.)

Duke's Tears of Unfathomable Sadness

Since making the Final Four in 2004, this is how Duke has fared in the NCAA Tournament:

2005 - #1 seed - Lost Sweet 16 to #5 Michigan State
2006 - #1 seed - Lost Sweet 16 to #4 LSU
2007 - #6 seed - Lost 1st Round to #11 VCU
2007 - #2 seed - Lost 2nd round to #7 West Virginia

That's four straight losses to a team seeded substantially lower. Throw in Duke's loss as a #1 to #5 Indiana in 2002 and that's four Tournaments in the past seven where Duke has been a #1 or #2 seed but failed to make the Regional Final. In each of the past two seasons, Duke has started off strong but faltered down the stretch. I'm not about to question Mike Krzyzewski's coaching ability - if he's not the best college coach of all-time, he's on a very short list - but there's something wrong in Durham and it's very interesting to see whether anyone in the Duke-loving press will address this. Coach K's resume makes him immune to criticism, and it does say a lot that his struggles involve losing in the Tournament while his peers like Jim Boehim and Gary Williams struggle by missing the Tournament. However, Duke is hardly the college basketball dynasty it once was. They get the best players, have one of the most favorable schedules (the Blue Devils played zero non-conference road games this year) and have the most television exposure; but the results have not been there of late. And most of us couldn't be happier.

This May Shock You...

You might remember Greg Paulus' acrobat save of a ball going out of bounds last night during Duke's one-point win over Belmont. He dove towards the Duke baseline to retrieve the ball, hopped in the air, tried to call timeout, didn't get the timeout (new rules prohibit that) and then threw it back to DeMarcus Nelson. At the time, it looked like Paulus was out of bounds when he made the throw, but seeing as how the ref was right on top of the play, Belmont didn't argue too much and the CBS announcers and directors completely ignored the play, it was quickly forgotten. Luckily, an enterprising Maryland fan wasn't satisfied with the call and went back to look. What he found could startle you. Seriously, you might want to sit down for this... Paulus was clearly out of bounds and the official looking at the play didn't call it.
I know, I know. We're all aware that officials would never miss an obvious call or favor a specific team. Clearly, this was just an honest mistake. Maybe the ref blinked for the two-tenths of a second Paulus' foot was on the ground while he held the ball. Maybe the ref continued his blink when Paulus clearly threw the ball back on the court while jumping back up after landing. Either way, it was a mere oversight. I refuse to believe that any referee would ever give Duke the benefit of a swallowed whistle. And I'm also certain the CBS didn't notice that Paulus was out of bounds either, which is why they didn't show the replay. Their broadcasts are impartial affairs; they don't care whether Duke or Belmont advances to play in the highlighted, nationally telecast 2:10 p.m. game tomorrow. Why would they? Belmont and Duke have the same sized national fanbase.
Check out this amazing YouTube job before it gets taken down:

NCAA Tournament: Day One Thoughts

- Oh, Belmont. Belmont, Belmont, Belmont. Instead of working myself up into a lather, I'll just turn it over to Dennis Green:

The interesting thing about that game was that Duke didn't really play all that poorly. Yeah, they didn't shoot well from beyond the arc, but that's always the danger with them. Most of the times these 2/15 games are close, it's a case of the higher-seeded team laying an egg. Duke did not. (Except for DeMarcus Nelson; but his not showing up to big games is routine.)

- Mike Krzyzewski coached the game while battling the flu. So, if Duke had lost, does that mean Pete Gaudet would have been credited with the loss?

- My favorite moment of the game is when this slow white guy on Belmont had the ball at the top of the key and only Greg Paulus between him and the hoop. You could see the guy's thought process as he decided what to do, finally saying to himself, "screw it, it's Greg Paulus" before taking him to the hole. I thought that was the ultimate sign of disrespect for Paulus. It was delightful.

- My two favorite lines of the day:

Bob Wenzel: After a Greg Paulus kicked it out to Gerald Henderson who made an open three: "Nice play by Krzyzewski by Coach K."
I could go on all day about Wenzel and Craig Bolerjack. They were truly awful, but it's late and I'm tired.

Carter Blackburn: About Stanford player Taj Finger, repeatedly: "Finger sticks it in there again!"

- That Jordan "Cinderella" commercial with Chris Paul, Josh Howard and John Thompson III is awesome.

I think I watch more commercials now most of them are shot in HD. On a related note, it's good to know that this is still our country. I had forgotten.

- Jay Bilas never shuts up.
- The Michael Beasley/OJ Mayo game was kind of a bust, and I'd like to thank the officials for that. Just like in the last big-time player matchup in the Tournament (Oden/Hibbert) the refs decided to make their presence known early in the game and completely controlled it for the duration. Beasley picked up two cheapies by the under 16 timeout and USC had every player in foul trouble midway through the second half. I had zero rooting interest in that game, but was getting so frustrated with the ticky-tack calls that were disrupting any semblance of game flow.

- How can Bob Huggins instantly transmit stupidity to any team he coaches? West Virginia committed some of the silliest fouls and made the most ridiculous turnovers late in their game with Arizona. Had the Mountaineers not shot the lights out late in the second half, we'd be talking about another Huggins disappointment.

- There's a guy on BYU named Chris Collinsworth? How did I not know about this? How did you not know about this - and if you did, why didn't you tell me?

- Every year there's one team whose game I watch and think to myself, "thank goodness I'm not a fan of (blank)". Congratulations USC, you took that award with ease this Tournament. (Note: I've been in that position twice before: Maryland/UCLA in '00 and Wake Forest/Butler in '01. It's not a good feeling.)

- Despite the fact that it was a blowout the entire way, CBS didn't switch off the George Mason game in the D.C. area. I think CBS confused local pride with devoted fandom. Nobody really cares about George Mason basketball around here. We all became fans during the '06 run and many people continue to root for them, but that's a lot different than being like a Georgetown or Maryland. I only hope they don't pull the same crap tomorrow with American.

2008 NCAA Tournament Preview

The greatest day of the year is upon us. Enjoy.

East
#1 North Carolina vs. #16 Mount St. Mary's
Why does the "Saint" get abbreviated and not the "Mount"? Is there some sort of unspoken hierarchy of abbreviations which puts mountains ahead of those canonized by the church? Do you think William McKinley talks smack about this to Mother Teresa during their weekly games of Stratego?
Pick: North Carolina

#8 Indiana vs. #9 Arkansas
Buying out Kelvin Sampson's contract cost Indiana $750,000, which sounds like a lot of money until you factor in how much the athletic department is going to save on cell phone texting plans.
Pick: Arkansas

#5 Notre Dame vs. #12 George Mason
Notre Dame and George Mason have the same amount of college football bowl wins since 1994. On a related note, George Mason doesn't have a football team.
Pick: Notre Dame

#4 Washington St. vs. #13 Winthrop
What can I say, I love cougars.
Pick: Washington St.

#6 Oklahoma vs. #11 St. Joseph's
St. Joseph's Feast Day is March 18. Phil Martelli's feast day: The other 364.
Pick: Oklahoma

#3 Louisville vs. #14 Boise State
I bet Rick Pitino had his team practice defending the 'statue of liberty' play this week.
Pick: Louisville

#7 Butler vs. #10 South Alabama
The University of South Alabama's abbreviated name is USA. If USA basketball should happen to lose this game, I'm totally blaming Allen Iverson's selfish play.
Pick: Butler

#2 Tennessee vs. #15 American
For big games, Bruce Pearl wears a garish orange blazer to pump up his team. So for this game, I think it'd be pretty cool if American coach Jeff Jones came out of the locker room decked out in Uncle Sam gear. You know, to kind of stick it to the man - the man, in this instance, being Bruce Pearl apparently.
Pick: Tennessee

Second Round
#1 North Carolina over #9 Arkansas
#5 Notre Dame over #4 Washington St. (I hate this pick)
#3 Louisville over #6 Oklahoma
#2 Tennessee over #7 Butler

Regional Semifinal
#1 North Carolina over #5 Notre Dame
#2 Tennessee over #3 Louisville

East Regional Final
#2 Tennessee over #1 North Carolina

Midwest
#1 Kansas vs. #16 Portland St.
My buddy Phil thinks we should start calling Kansas F Mario Chalmers "The Superintendent". If this were the old country - I forget which one exactly - Abraham Simpson's father would think this was the greatest idea since sliced bread, sliced bread having been invented the previous winter.
Pick: Kansas

#8 UNLV vs. #9 Kent St.
If I had to guess, I'll go ahead and say this will be my annual "game I'll assume I picked correctly, no matter which team ends up winning".
Pick: UNLV

#5 Clemson vs. #12 Villanova
If Oliver Purnell can lead this Clemson team deep into the Tournament, he will become the most popular coach in school history as well as providing a wonderful face for the university's athletic department, at which point Tommy Bowden will cut him.
Pick: Villanova

#4 Vanderbilt vs. #13 Siena
Between Vanderbilt ("see, it's right here: The Gloria Vanderbilt Collection"), Siena (the zookeeper who responds "I'm hungry, let's get something to eat" to George's declaration of love) and Drake ("I love the Drake!), this field has a very Seinfeldian edge to it. It's just too bad Kramerica University slipped off the bubble after losing in their conference tournament.
Pick: Vanderbilt

#6 USC vs. #11 Kansas State
Two of the best freshman in the country, O.J. Mayo and Michael Beasley, face off in a game that also features two of the worst coaches in the country, Tim Floyd and Frank Martin. Jeez, you'd think for the amount of money Mayo and Beasley got to go to these schools they could have afforded better coaches.
Pick: Kansas State

#3 Wisconsin vs. #14 Cal State-Fullerton
This week on American Idol some dude completely butchered the Beatles' "A Day In The Life". It was so bad, Paul McCartney considered it the worst moment of his week. That being said, I'd rather view that performance on a continuous loop rather than watch any part of this game.
Pick: Wisconsin

#7 Gonzaga vs. #10 Davidson
If these teams switched jerseys at halftime, how long do you think it'd be before someone noticed? Ten -- fifteen minutes?
Pick: Davidson

#2 Georgetown vs. #15 UMBC
Sadly, this is probably the closest Georgetown will ever come to playing Maryland.
Pick: Georgetown

Second Round
#1 Kansas over #8 UNLV
#4 Vanderbilt over #12 Villanova
#3 Wisconsin over #11 Kansas State
#2 Georgetown over #10 Davidson

Regional Semifinal
#4 Vanderbilt over #1 Kansas
#3 Wisconsin over #2 Georgetown

West Regional Final
#4 Vanderbilt over #3 Wisconsin

South
#1 Memphis vs. #16 Texas-Arlington
I never understand why teams with automatic bids are so happy to see their names come up on CBS' Selection Show. I mean, I know why they're jumping around and celebrating, but I can't imagine seeing your school's name next to a "16" is that exciting. It's not like it's a surprise or anything. Frankly, if I were a Texas-Arlington player, I'd have be giddy from the time my team won the conference tourney right up until the moment the grim realization that a massacre at the hands of Memphis become a sobering reality.
Pick: Memphis

#8 Mississippi State vs. #9 Oregon
If I were a headline writer, I'd be hoping for MSU F Charles Rhodes to make the game-winning shot in this one, thus leading to the inevitable banner scream: "CHARLES IN CHARGE!" Luckily for us, Rhodes doesn't have to do that in order for me to show this - which was entirely the point of this whole charade in the first place:

Watch Charles' leap at the :48 second mark. It's a thing of beauty.

Pick: Mississippi State

#5 Michigan State vs. #12 George Mason
It's the leg-positioning that really gets me, I think. That and the fact that his arms are perfectly perpendicular to his body as his attempts to choke Buddy - for, I think, making Charles wait on him hand and foot while laid up in bed with a fake injury and entertaining a female guest. I could be wrong about this, but I'm sure The Wolfman will email me momentarily if I am. He'd also want me to mention that Sandra Kerns, who plays the Powell family mother, is the sister of Growing Pains actress Joanna Kerns.
Pick: Michigan State

#4 Pittsburgh vs. #13 Oral Roberts

Dave Wannstedt was sitting behind the Pittsburgh bench during the Big East Championship Game. That's like begging for karma to slap you upside the head, Jamie Dixon.

Pick: Pittsburgh

#6 Marquette vs. #11 Kentucky
When I saw this match-up, my first thought was "this looks like a national championship game from the late-'70s". Upon researching my hunch, I realized that, like most of my hunches, this one was completely wrong. Completely daunted (you notice nobody ever says they were "daunted" only that they were "undaunted"? Yet it's the reverse for the adjective. Huh.), I forgot about this until I read Tony Kornheiser's bracket notes in The Washington Post where, of this game, he wrote, "this is a Final Four game in the '70s." It's good to know that me and a curmudgeonly, balding old man have the same thought processes.
Pick: Marquette

#3 Stanford vs. #14 Cornell
Stanford C Brook Lopez was suspended for the first-half of the semester for academic violations, which makes him a prime candidate to replace recently-booted Virginia Tech RB Brandon Ore.
Pick: Stanford

#7 Miami (FL) vs. #10 St. Mary's
I have a feeling St. Mary's is about to get mudded by the 7th Seed Crew.
Pick: St. Mary's

#2 Texas vs. #15 Austin Peay
Austin Peay was founded in 1929 as the Austin Peay State Normal School for Rural White Teachers and is named after a Tennessee governor who died while in office. I guess this means the Austin Peay Governors are technically the "Governor's Governors", which, interestingly enough, is also what Eliot Spitzer used to call his kibbles and bits.
Pick: Texas

Second Round
#1 Memphis over #8 Mississippi State
#4 Pittsburgh over #5 Michigan State
#3 Stanford over #6 Marquette
#2 Texas over #10 St. Mary's

Regional Semifinal
#1 Memphis over #4 Pittsburgh (I still have Pitt in my pool. My attempt to go all Costanza and do the opposite of every instinct I have has, apparently, failed. There's still time for me to change my mind though. I can close my eyes and see myself crossing out Pitt's name three times after they lose to Michigan State on Sunday.)
#2 Texas over #3 Stanford

East Regional Final
#1 Memphis over #2 Texas

West
#1 UCLA vs. #16 Mississippi Valley State
MVSU has zero wins against the RPI's Top 200. According to Seth Greenberg, this would have made them a strong candidate for an at-large berth had they not won the SWAC Tournament.
Pick: UCLA

#8 BYU vs. #9 Texas A&M
Texas A&M's road uniforms are maroon and black. Not surprisingly, new Redskins coach Jim Zorn has the Aggies going all the way to the Final Four.
Pick: BYU

#5 Drake vs. #12 Western Kentucky
Most likely locations of Drake:
1) Drake, NE
2) Drake, TN
3) Drake, IA
4) In a display case at the end of the aisle
Pick: Western Kentucky

#4 Connecticut vs. #13 San Diego
I seriously considered going with San Diego in this one but, in the end, I was worried that LaDanian Tomlinson's sulking on the bench could hurt team chemistry.
Pick: Connecticut

#6 Purdue vs. #11 Baylor
In some of its school literature, Baylor refers to itself as BUB (Baylor University Bears). So once Baylor retires, I suppose they'll be getting two pairs of knit pants, some pastel cardigans and moving to Miami Beach.
Pick: Purdue

#3 Xavier vs. #14 Georgia
The state of Georgia was initially settled by criminals, which makes it all the more amazing that the Bulldogs didn't pursue Bob Huggins after he was fired by Cincinnati.
Pick: Xavier

#7 West Virginia vs. #10 Arizona
Even though Morgantown is a short drive from Washington DC, WVU coach Bob Huggins seemed disappointed the Mountaineers were sent to the Nation's Capital. My guess: He heard about D.C.'s zero-tolerance DUI policy.
Pick: West Virginia

#2 Duke vs. #15 Belmont
Who will be the next Blue Devil to cry on court during an NCAA Tournament loss? Current odds:
Brian Zoubek 15:1
Gerald Henderson 10:1
Kyle Singler 6:1
Jon Scheyer 3:1
Steve Wojociehowski 3:2
Greg Paulus 1:7
Dick Vitale CLOSED
Pick: Duke

Second Round
#1 UCLA over #8 BYU
#4 Connecticut over #12 Western Kentucky
#3 Xavier over #6 Purdue
#7 West Virginia over #3 Duke

Regional Semifinal
#1 UCLA over #4 Connecticut
#3 Xavier over #7 West Virginia

South Regional Final
#1 UCLA over #3 Xavier

Final Four
#2 Tennessee over #4 Vanderbilt
#1 Memphis over #1 UCLA

2008 National Final
Dear lord, do I really have three teams from Tennessee in the Final Four? I'm an idiot. I have Kansas and Pittsburgh making the Final Four in my pool, in spite of being terrified of Kansas in the Tournament. Bill Self does not have a good track record. Picking one of his teams is like voting Libertarian. Sure, it always sounds like a good idea, but so did communism at first.
I picked Kansas at the start of the season, like I always do, but I don't want to get burned by them again in my pools. Wait, so why do I still have them in my pool? You see, this is why I hate these things. Maybe I need to take a cue from my buddy Jaffe and just stop with the pools and fantasy football and all that stuff; I truly think it might lead to more enjoyment for me.
Anyway, I've been on the Tennessee bandwagon for a while now, and figure I might as well ride them 'til their inevitable Sweet 16 upset loss. Carolina's defense is too suspect to sustain a four-game run against good teams, Kansas and Georgetown go through too many periods of basketball malaise and Texas: Rick Barnes. As for UCLA, I can't figure out whether those two "shoulda been" losses are positive or negative. I've wavered back and forth, but whichever one I end up choosing will be the incorrect answer. Let's go with negative. (Hint: Pick UCLA now.) I'll go against my instinct and, therefore, go with my instinct and pick the Tennessee Volunteers to win the 2008 National Championship.

How To Fill Out Your NCAA Tournament Bracket

Opinions on how to fill out your NCAA brackets are like embarrassing drunken stories – everybody, except the Amish, has one.
The problem with bracket tips is that everyone claims to be an expert because they’ve read a one-paragraph summary of South Alabama's season in their local newspaper and learned about A.J. Graves from ESPN’s Bracketology special. Everybody has can’t-miss teams and potential sleepers today, but by Friday they’ll have all forgotten about them and will already be on another bandwagon.
In reality, nobody can predict the NCAA Tournament with any real degree of accuracy and that’s what makes the thing so damn fun.
To be successful with your brackets you don’t need to read every single statistic and analyze game-film, you just need to combine a little bit of knowledge with a little bit of analysis and then hope you step in a big pile of lucky.
Go on any one of the three major sports sites on the Internet (ESPN, SI and Sportsline) and you’ll be deluged with information ranging from the size of Winthrop’s center (6'9) to the three-point percentage of Xavier’s starting backcourt (41.3%) to how smart Jay Bilas wants us to think he is (incalculable). Just like with any piece of info, you’ll be able to skew the data anyway you choose. If you want to believe that Cornell can beat Stanford, you’ll likely find a way to justify your prediction. If not, it won’t be difficult to rationalize selecting the Cardinal instead.
Sifting through all the data, info, predictions, analysis and stories is a daunting task. How can you separate the good tips from the bad ones, the pertinent info from the worthless? You can’t, which is why you should keep your research to a minimum. Identify the best teams in the major conferences and at least three or four mid-major upstarts and go from there.
Listen to what experts have to say, but, as you’ve learned from an early age, don’t believe everything you read (or hear). This week everyone will say that there’s no way a #2 seed will lose in the 1st round this year (as if those monumental upsets are ever expected), or how UCLA is a lock for the Final Four (just like North Carolina was last year).
One analyst will guarantee that Kansas will come out of the Midwest (last year the NCAA thankfully put a halt on calling regions by their location-name and has gone back to the old directional designations. For once, my stubbornness has managed to outlast a new, unwelcome change. Maybe this means the Wizards will go back to being the Bullets next season) and another will be just as sure that Georgetown will come out of that region.
But nobody really knows, and therein lies the beauty of March Madness: Anything can happen, and usually does.
A #2 seed could easily lose in the first round, it’s happened four times before. And there is no such thing as a lock for the Final Four as Duke has proven countless times over the past decade.
Did anybody think that Coppin State would beat South Carolina a few years back? How many people really predicted that Syracuse would cut the nets down in 2003? The stunning success of George Marson in 2006 will be the proof of this rule for years to come. On that Selection Sunday, the so-called experts on ESPN were complaining that George Mason didn't deserve a bid over Hofstra. The next weekend they were patting themselves on the back for picking the Patriots as their sleeper.
Strange things happen in March, which is why it’s so hard to win a pool. If being knowledgeable about college basketball translated into NCAA pool success, then Digger Phelps and Andy Katz would predict all 63 of the games correctly. Instead, both analysts finished below my Dad on ESPN.com’s Tournament Challenge last year, and I’m pretty sure Pops still thinks Dean Smith is at UNC (if he even knew Dean Smith existed at all).
It’s a cliché, but in so many office pools the secretary who has never watched college basketball and thinks that Gonzaga is the new Viagra competitor often wins.
Why? Because there is no right way to make your picks. I’ve watched a lot of college basketball this season, probably more than 98% of the people I will be competing against in various pools. Yet, I’ll probably finish up somewhere in the middle of the pack.
Why? Because the only thing predictable about the NCAA Tournament is its unpredictability.
And that’s what makes March Madness so wonderful. If each of the four top seeds advanced to the Final Four every season, filling out brackets and watching the 1st and 2nd round games wouldn’t be as fun. The one-and-done format of the Tournament lends itself to high drama, stunning upsets and intense pressure on every single possession. And that, in turn, makes filling out brackets an exercise in guesswork, at best.
With that word of warning, I now will offer some tips on how to have a great looking bracket on Thursday morning turn into a mediocre bracket by Thursday night.

Be wary of picking too many big upsets.
Me giving out this advice is like Amy Winehouse being the keynote speaker at an A.A. Convention, but this year I plan to tone down my upset zeal. Really, I do. (Note: This is the fourth straight year I’ve written that sentence. Maybe I need A.A.)
In years past I always picked a lot of shockers. (And not just Wichita State.) Sometimes it works; I remember the glorious run of the Kent State Golden Flashes to the Elite Eight in 2002 and basking in the praises of my peers for such a clairvoyant pick. But for every Kent State circa 2002 on my resume, there are about 40 Kent State 2006s, when the Golden Flashes were a #12 seed I thought would make a deep run, but ended up being out of the Tournament at 2:30 on the first Thursday. The Wolfman knows what I’m talking about; he had Southern Illinois in the Elite Eight back in ‘03. They lost in the first round. I haven't let him forget it.
You’re better off having a few upsets early (#12 over #5 has happened in 14 of the past 16 years; mainly because it's not that big of an upset) and then picking a sleeper team that falls in the #6 to #10 range to make it to the Sweet 16, (like UNLV and Vanderbilt last year) but nothing more than that.
Look at it this way: If you pick a big upset and it doesn’t pan out, you’re brackets will be crippled. If the upset does happen, it won’t kill you since nobody else in your pool is likely to pick it anyway. Remember, nobody had George Mason in the Final Four either.
Keep the upsets to a minimum and choose your Sweet 16 teams carefully, peppering in a #7 or #10 seed (at least one #2 seed has been upset in the second-round in every Tournament since 1996) along with a mostly chalk bracket. This leads me to the next tip…

In the later rounds, ignore seedings
#3 Stanford is a fine team, but in a game against #4 Pittsburgh on a neutral floor, the Cougars would be a considerable underdog.
A handy rule is this: If the seeds are apart by three or less, an upset it’s not, I must profess. (Sorry, I’m on a bit of a Dr. Seuss kick.)
Drake has been ranked higher than Connecticut all season, yet some might consider it an upset if the Bulldogs win in that Sweet 16 match-up. In actuality, it will just be one good team beating another.
This is similar to the next rule:

Don’t be scared of picking numerical upsets, particularly in first round #8/#9 and #7/#10 games
A few years back Maryland, as a #5 seed, played College of Charleston (#12) in the first round. At the time Maryland was ranked #22 in the nation while Charleston was #14 in the polls. This is an extreme example (CoC won, mainly because Gary Williams spent the entire week complaining about the match-up), but oftentimes you’ll find #10 or #11 seeds who are more highly regarded than the #6 and #7 seeds they are playing.
Ten days ago, Clemson and Villanova were both bubble teams. Friday, they’re set to meet in a 5/12 match-up. 'Nova looks like the huge underdog because of their seed, but in reality these teams are about the same. Clemson gets a slight edge from Vegas (-4), but hardly the points you'd expect from such a big favorite by seed.
As for the 8/9 games, pay no attention to seeding. Consider, #8 seeds only win 47.3% of first round games. The other first-round percentages:
#1 seeds - 100%; #16 seeds - 0%
#2 seeds - 96%; #15 seeds - 4%
#3 seeds - 84%; #14 seeds - 16%
#4 seeds - 81%; #13 seeds - 19%
#5 seeds - 71%; #12 seeds - 29%
#6 seeds - 69%; #11 seeds - 31%
#7 seeds - 63%; #10 seeds - 37%
#8 seeds - 47%; #9 seeds - 53%

Pick three out of the four #1 seeds to make it to the Elite Eight
From 2003-2005, this rule didn't hold true. But in '06 and '07 it came back to life, especially last year when all four #1 seeds advanced to their respective Regional Finals. From 1997 to 2003 there was only one year when less than three top seeds advanced to the final eight. (That makes it seven out of the past 11 years.) As it is, you have to pick at least two #1’s to advance to the RF (in the 21 year history of the 64-team field, at least two #1 seeds have made it to the Elite Eight in every Tournament). But…

Don’t pick more than two #1 seeds to reach the Final Four
In only three of the 23 years that the 64-team field has existed have three #1 seeds made it all the way to the Final Four. Last year, despite all those #1 seeds playing for the right to get to Atlanta, only two advanced. You'll be safe picking two, but definitely pick at least #1 seed to win their region; 2006 was the first time ever that a Final Four was ever played without a top seeded team.

Buck conventional wisdom
Let’s tie this tip into the last one. Memphis has suddenly become everyone’s favorite punching bag. Despite their gaudy record and the fact they've proven themselves time and again, analysts are looking for flaws in the Tigers' game. You know what? If you look at Hedi Klum's face close enough, I'm sure you can find some imperfections. But that doesn't mean she still ain't gettin it done. (Consider this the Matt Leinart Rule. When something is in the limelight for a long time, everyone looks for ways to knock it down a few pegs, whether it's deserved or not. Witness what's going on with Barack Obama. He was teflon for six months. Now that he's looking like the Democratic nominee, the media is taking the gloves off. That story about his crazy pastor was older than Chris Lofton; it's no coincidence that it didn't gain traction until Obama became a front-runner.)
As for Memphis, yeah, they can't shoot free throws. But it really hasn't hurt them much in their previous 34 games much. I'm worried about it too, but not so much that I'm automatically jumping on the Texas bandwagon.
This is reminiscent of what happened to St. Joe’s three years ago. But, the Hawks showed they were worthy of their lofty ranking and came within a Jameer Nelson jumper of advancing to the Final Four.
Think of how much it will help your cause if you jump on Memphis' bandwagon right as everyone else is jumping off. You’ll have a huge advantage in your pool since everybody else probably will have them losing out to Texas or Pittsburgh or Michigan State.
Another potential candidate for the backlash phenomenon is Xavier. It’s funny – if the Muskateers were #5 seed in their region instead of a #3, they'd likely be considered a sleeper. But because a lot of people are turned off by their high seed, the A-10 regular season champs are thought of as overrated.
That won’t matter once the ball is tipped. Xavier, despite the fact that most of us don't know anything about them, has as a great chance to knock off Duke to make it to the Regional Finals. If you pick them to make it, you could find yourself rolling in the dough Indecent Proposal-style in three short weeks.

Go out on a limb
I won $300 in a college football bowl pool two years ago because I picked Texas to beat USC in the Rose Bowl. Whether I really thought Texas would win or not was irrelevant. I figured the Longhorns were a better play, as most people were likely going to pick the Trojans. It worked, and I was able to spend $300 on Patron shots to keep warm one cold night in January.
Pick your Tournament the same way. Even if you think North Carolina is going to win, consider having another team beat them in the Finals. Think of it this way: If you pick the Heels, you'll probably be joined by at least 50% of the people in your pool. That means you have to have more Final Four teams, more Sweet 16 teams and more first-round wins than a whole bunch of people in order to win the pot. But if you take Texas to beat UNC in the Finals, that will probably be all it takes for you to bring in the dough, first-round results be damned. (Unless you live in the Lone Star State, but we’ll get to that.)

But remember, conventional wisdom is also a good thing
The prohibitive favorites for the 2000, 2001, 2002, 2004 and 2007 Tournaments were Michigan State, Duke, Maryland, Connecticut and Florida, respectively. I don’t need to tell you who won those five tournaments.
In 2005, most analysts believed that North Carolina and Illinois were the two teams to beat and would likely meet in the NCAA Finals. They did.
In last year's edition of this column, I wrote:

There’s a reason why Florida and Ohio State are big favorites this year: Because they are two of the best teams in Tournament.

Guess who didn't pick either team to go to the Finals?
My point: Don’t get cute with these picks. Memphis is 33-1 for a reason. UCLA hasn't made two straight Final Fours or dominated the Pac 10 by accident. They’re great teams. Even if you don’t believe in Carolina's defense (like me) or think that Memphis' free-throw shooting makes them very vulnerable late in the Tournament (like me), the first two rounds aren’t the time to test that theory. Play it safe and move those two to the Elite Eight, at the very least, even if you think UCLA deserved a #2 seed because they should have lost their last two regular season games. After that point, you can go nuts.

Put at least one sleeper into the Final Four
Along with the aforementioned Mr. Mason (#11) in '06, Michigan State (#5 seed) in 2005, Georgia Tech (#3 seed) in 2004, Syracuse and Marquette (both #3) in 2003, Indiana (#5) in 2002, Maryland (#3) in 2001 and North Carolina and Wisconsin (both #8) in 2000 are recent examples of Final Four sleepers.
This year, look for teams that came on late (Louisville, Oklahoma) or battled through injuries during the season (Pittsburgh, Notre Dame).

Don’t poop pick where you eat
If you live in Washington D.C., don’t pick Georgetown to win unless you’re ready to bet your mortgage on it. If you live in Palo Alto, avoid moving Stanford deep into your brackets. And if you live within a 90 mile radius of Notre Dame, for Holtz’s sake, pick George Mason.
People are homers. They pick what they like and what they know. This is why Applebee’s is still in business despite serving the nastiest food this side of an Arby’s. (To double your fun, pick against your hometown team very early; if only to get the guy who runs your pool really mad at you.)

Beware of trendy picks
Trendiness is for suckers, Sarah-Jessica Parker and girls whose Facebook pictures solely consist of them in slutty clothing. I have been espousing the virtues of a unique offshoot of anti-trend philosophy since I began this blog four years ago, and my theory is nearly always proven correct. The theory: Beware of the bandwagon.
Earlier, I wrote about hopping on team's whose hatewagons have filled up. This theory operates on the same plain, but on a different level. Every year a few teams become the darlings of everyone's brackets. Avoid them like the plague. Or Britney Spears' nether-regions. (Same difference, I guess.)
Oftentimes these trendy teams tend to be highly seeded, and I’m obviously not going to tell you to stay away from the pocket square of the basketball world, UCLA. Everyone is picking UCLA to make the FInal Four. You'll be mocked and/or ridiculed if you don't. (Back to pocket squares for a second, my mom has a picture of me rocking the pocket square when I was four. Now Rick Reilly wears it in his goofy ad for SI.com and I can’t pop one in my breast pocket without looking like a tool). Anyway, try to avoid mid-seeded teams that a lot of people are picking to advance far.
Usually I have some examples here, but since I've avoided listening to, or reading about, the Tournament today, I'm not sure who the trendy picks are. I'm guessing Wisconsin and Pitt are getting a lot of love though.

Don’t read anything into the conference tournament losses
The only thing conference tournaments are good for is determining who is hot and giving teams that don’t win the National Championship a reason to be happy. (When a good team, a la North Carolina, wins the ACC Tournament, its fans will say, “that’s great, but all we want is the National Championship." In two weeks, when Tennessee scores 103 in regulation against them, those same Tar Heel fans will be bragging about their ACC Tourney win. And they’ll probably be wearing Crokies too.
On the flip side, Georgetown, Texas, Tennessee and Louisville all suffered tough losses in their respective conference tournaments, but won’t be any worse for the wear come Thursday. Except for Louisville. Because they're really overrated.

Under no circumstance should you ever listen to Dick Vitale
And put your garbage in a garbage can, people. I can’t stress that enough. Don’t just throw it out the window.

Beware of hyphenated schools
This is not applicable for this bracket since there’s only two hyphenated schools (Cal State-Fullerton and Texas-Arlington), but previous year’s advice works in an everyday sense too:
Sure, Wisconsin-Milwaukee might look and sound like a great pick (“well, I love eating wheels of cheese and Laverne and Shirley was my favorite sitcom involving sexually-ambiguous female roommates, so that team MUST be good!”), especially considering their run last year, but think about all the hyphenated celebrities you loathe. These include the former Rebecca Romijn-Stamos (I wasn’t even married to John Stamos like her, yet I still have considered taking Uncle Jesse’s last name. Come to think of it, how great would it be if her name had been Rebecca Romijn-Katsapalous) and Jean-Jacques Rousseau (let’s just say that my Philosophy grade sophomore year would have benefited if Mr. Anti-Private Property had kept his frog-thoughts to himself).
I even dislike people with hyphenated names that I’m supposed to like, like Nik Caner-Medley. I remember the first time I saw that tall drink of water I thought to myself, “man, I would hate this guy so much if he went to Duke.” And then I saw Lee Melchionni for the first time and realized how right I was.

Ignore the polls and the RPI
If you want to look at numbers, check out a team’s defensive efficiency and their cheerleaders. The defensive efficiency will give you insight into a team’s true defensive ability, by removing pace of play factors from statistics and focusing on a team's per-possession average instead. Looking at the cheerleaders will allow you to look at the cheerleaders.

Don’t fall into the Mason Trap
I’ve said this a few times already, but I wanted to reiterate the point. The George Mason thing was an aberration, not a trend.

When in doubt, pick the team you like less
Let’s say I pick Duke to go the Final Four. Now, I don’t like Duke. Some might even go so far as to say that I hate Duke. Others would say that I believe, along with North Korea, Cameron Indoor Stadium is the most evil place on earth. A select few might venture a guess that if I had to choose between watching Duke win the Final Four or having my nose repeatedly hit by Gerald Henderson’s dirty forearm, I’d put my ENT’s number on speed dial.
But I digress. I don’t like Duke, but if I’m having a hard time figuring out whether to put Duke or Xavier in the Elite Eight, I’ll pick Duke. That way, if those stuck-up, ref-baiting, dirty-playing preppies win, I can take consolation in the fact that it might end up winning me money. And if they lose, then I won’t be at all upset about losing money because it will mean that Jon Scheyer will cry himself to sleep on the shoulders of Greg Paulus, and knowing that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Maybe Chris Carawell can send them a box of tissues when they lose, unless he’s not done crying about Duke’s 2000 loss to Florida. (A quick note: The day after that game (which was a Sweet 16 match-up) I went to visit a friend at Duke – I was a freshman at Wake Forest at the time. (And yes, I had a friend that went to Duke. I was in therapy for two years dealing with this, so I’d rather not go there.) Anyway, I borrowed my buddy’s Florida Basketball t-shirt and wore it to Durham and didn’t take it off for the entire weekend. (Note: I’m not a Florida fan, but was that weekend because anybody who beats Duke is cool with me.) Once on campus I would walk up to people, with my Florida t-shirt in full view, and ask how I could get Duke Final Four tickets or where I could buy a Duke Final Four hat. Other times I would run up to random people and, insinuating that I hadn’t seen the result, ask them if they knew the score of the game.
Amazingly, not one person said anything remotely creative or derogatory to me after my snide comments. Some even laughed. The worst I got were a few dirty looks and some mumbled comments as I walked away.
Now, if those Cameron Crazies were actually crazy, they would have chased me off campus, pocket protectors in tow. Instead I had the run of those losers for three days and they didn’t even break out a “how many national championships has Florida won?” comment. What a bunch of pansies. But I digress.)
This rule works also for teams you like also. I want Georgetown and Kansas to do well in the Tourney. Sure, it’d be sweet if I picked one of them to win it all and I predicted they’d do so. But if I’m not sure, I’ll pick, say, Tennessee or UCLA instead.
That way, if either G'Town or KU wins, I’ll be happy enough that it won’t matter if my brackets are screwed up. If they don’t, then I’ll still have a chance at winning some money. If I pick my favorite teams and they end up losing, then I’m doubly screwed.
Let’s call this the “Cut Your Losses” method.

Don’t pick more than one school without a state in its name to be in the Final Four
This means, if you have Butler, Pittsburgh, Memphis and Georgetown coming out of their respective regions, you better get back to work.
Most years the Final Four is dominated by schools with states in their name like Michigan State, Connecticut, Kentucky and North Carolina. In fact, Duke, Marquette, Syracuse, Stanford, Louisville, George Mason and Georgetown are the only non-state named schools to make the Final Four since 1992. I bet you don’t find that statistic on ESPN.com. Take that Joe Lunardi!

Pick one big first-round upset
Since the Tournament expanded to 64 teams in 1985, there has never been two consecutive years without a 13-seed or worse scoring a first-round upset. Since there was no big upset in 2007, expect one to happen this year. In the 24 tournaments since expansion, only four haven't seen a big upset. The most big upsets in a year? Three, which has happened five times.

Don’t expect West Virginia to be playing on the second weekend
Bob Huggins-coached teams have advanced to the Sweet 16 just once since 1997. This, despite years where they were seeded 1, 2, 2, 3 and 3. (Which, interestingly enough, is the same way Bob Huggins usually counts to three during field sobriety tests.)

Try not to get too cute with your picks
Yeah, its fun to pick Temple over Michigan State because you love going to synagogue and it might be nice to put Baylor in the Sweet 16 because you hooked up with a chick from there during Spring Break '89, but try to ignore those thoughts. (As hot as that chick from Baylor might have been.)
Picking upsets is overrated. Cinderella’s are great for the Tournament, but the clock always strikes midnight and if you’re stuck on the dance floor when your spiffy Sean Jean tux turns into that pit-stained Schweppes t-shirt you stole from a girl streaking the quad, you’re gonna lose your pool entry fee and all your self-respect if you let a red-headed, Syracuse-born Irishman win your pool (not that I’m bitter, Tim O).
Remember, it’s rare that a team seeded lower than #5 makes it to the Final Four (it’s happened only four times since 1992). So try to limit your upsets to the early rounds and don’t knock off any team you think has a good chance of advancing far.
If the mood to get sassy with your picks should strike you, try this method instead – fill in the teams you think will be in the Sweet 16 first. Then, work backwards and if you see an upset possibility in the first round, pick it.
For instance, if you think Vanderbily is going to win its second round game regardless of whom they play, then consider taking Villanova to beat Clemson. Since you have the Commodores in the Sweet 16 anyway, you won’t lose too much if Clemson should win the first round game, but you’ll get a nice leg-up on the competition if the Wildcats spring the upset. It’s a nice risk-reward play.
This is especially key in pools that reward upsets. Which leads me to the next tip…

Take a look at how your pool is being scored
Everybody has a different method for scoring. Some pools emphasize the Final Four so much that first round games are left relatively meaningless (ESPN's Tournament Challenge is like this). In these pools, try to have as much of a chalk bracket as you can.
In other pools, the points aren’t staggered nearly as much between the first Round and Final Four, so every game counts. In these, pick a few upsets and take a risk by advancing one of your sleeper teams to the Sweet 16. Other pools greatly emphasize upsets. When filling out brackets for this kind of pool, work backwards from the Sweet 16 like I suggested above. And if you’re in the kind of pool with filters and chlorinated water, make sure to wear floaties.

Pick a #1 seed to win the whole thing
In 11 of the last 16 years, a number one seed has hoisted the Championship trophy on the first Monday in April. Florida continues that trend last year; making it the sixth time in the last nine Tournaments where that's happened.

If you can't figure out a specific matchup:
1) Compare the coaches. Example: Duke vs. Texas. Mike Krzyzewski vs. Rick Barnes. One has three rings and the other gets stopped in the airport by people who think he’s John Grisham. Need I say more?
2) The tougher the mascot, the tougher the team. This is also known as the “Scott Van Pelt Theory”. The SportsCenter anchor, and Maryland alum, says when in doubt figure out which team's mascot would win in a no-holds barred brawl. (Perhaps this is why the Terrapins (a slow, lazy turtle) can't seem to beat anyone these days.) Current examples: Tennessee vs. American: Volunteers vs. Eagles. Clearly, Buddy Ryan could kick the ass of anyone who works in a soup kitchen. Advantage: American. Or, for instance, if Austin Peay gets by Texas and faces St. Mary's in the second round, the Governors are the easy pick over the Gaels, as Eliot Spitzer has already shown he can dominate Gail, a two-diamond hooker from the Emperor's Club.
3) Ask yourself… What Would Uncle Jesse Do? Both you and I know Jesse Katsopolis is a John Calipari man.
4) Look for signs. If you're in line at the grocery store and get the urge for a pack of cinnamon-flavored gum, you'll know to advance the Cornell Big Red in your bracket. Or maybe you're watching John Adams on HBO and see a gout-stricken Virginian chatting up Ben Franklin; then George Mason is your team. And if you happen to see a man walking down the street in a Patriots jersey, it could be a sign that the stars are lining up for another set of cheaters to cut down the nets; therefore, you can't go wrong with picking the Indiana Hoosiers to go all the way.

Don’t let your picks take away from your enjoyment of crazy upsets
If Mississippi Valley State is up late on UCLA and you have the Bruins winning the whole thing, you still have to root for MVSU even if it destroys your bracket. This is a law in 37 states and the District of Columbia. There’s nothing worse than not enjoying the celebration after a buzzer beater because you’re checking to see what it does to your brackets.

Avoid listening to any bracket tips from people in your pool
If those tips were any good, why would they be giving them to you? There's nothing worse than switching a pick because of a 'sure-fire' tip from a friend and then watching that team lose to your original winner. In the same vein...

Stick with your first instinct
"Dammit! I almost picked them!" is a popular refrain during the first round of the Tournament. It is, on its face, an utterly ridiculous statement. You're either picking one team or the other; it's like calling "tails", losing and then saying "shoot, I was going to say "heads".

To all four of my female readers, don’t listen to any advice from guys
We are a manipulative, repulsive and deceitful gender, and any tip you get from us will likely be geared towards one day seeing you naked.
When you go to ask Frank from Accounts Payable who he has in the East, here is the way the conversation will sound to you:

You - Hey Frank! Let me ask you a question, who do you have winning North Kansas’s region?
Frank, from Accounts Payable - Well, um, Kansas is alright, but I’m going with, uh, Georgetown...? Yeah, definitely Georgetown. Their point guard is quick on the dribble and the way, um, Alonzo Mourning Jr. runs screens can trip-up defenses that don’t like playing a triangle-and-two.
You - Wow, that's sounds great! You really know your basketball. (Touches Frank’s arm gently.) Thanks Frank.
Frank, from Accounts Payable - No problemo... Later.

Now, here’s how the conversation plays out in Frank’s mind.

You - Who do you have winning Kansas’s region?
Frank’s, from Accounts Payable, Inner-Monologue - Oooh, she's talking to me. And Tournament questions, no less. She needed a sports question, so she came to the most athletic guy in the office (adjusts cell-phone belt-clip). I don't blame her, I am studly (runs hand through thinning hair). I always knew she wanted me, but this confirms it… Bravo Frank, bravo you sly dog. You better do some laundry so you have clean underwear for later. And where did I put my Dockers going-out shirt? I hope it's not that crumpled up thing I saw in the hamper today. Shoot, I might have to buy some more Downey Wrinkle Release. And cat food. Or do I have some in the - oh crap, she’s waiting for an answer. Well, how should I play this? Do I act all aloof like such trivial matters as basketball are beneath me or do I dazzle her with my non-existent basketball knowledge? Well, she’ll never know if I’m just BS’ing her, so lets go with that.
Kansas is alright, but I’m going with Georgetown.
Oh crap, I don’t know any players on that team. Why couldn’t I have gone with Texas; I know they have that guy who was a really good freshman last year. Damn, shoulda gone with Texas. Texas which is an anagram of “At Sex”… Ha! Oooh, that’s a good one, Frank. Remember to tell Gene that at lunch today. Oh damn, she’s still waiting. Just make something up.
Their point guard is quick off the dribble and the way, um...
DAMN! What’s that one guy’s name? The black guy. Shoot. Who else is on that team. Someone's son. Someone's son who played at Georgetown. Allen Iverson? No, his illegitimate children probably aren't college-age yet. Who else went there; who else.... Ahhh, come up with something quick...
… Alonzo Mourning Jr. runs screens can trip-up defenses that don’t like playing a triangle-and-two.
WHEW! That was pretty good. Wait, Alonzo Mourning is still in the NBA. That cant be it. Hopefully she didn’t notice it. And thank goodness I played NBA Live with my roommate last week or else I never would have known that triangle-and-two stuff. I bet she’s impressed. She is smiling. Oh man, she so wants me. I definitely have to go gloat over in advertising. Joel's gonna flip when he finds out I'm gonna be hookin' up with (your name). OK, checklist for tonight: John Legend CD, wash my sheets, hide adult DVD’s, class up my fridge by replacing Natty Lite with Miller Lite - Ooh, good call, Frank, you handsome bastard. You are about to score. Remember to go to CVS too to get some protection. And this time go to the self-checkout lane; you blush like a nine-year old boy if a woman rings you up at the register when you have those. Act cool though. Act natural.
You - Well, that sounds good. (Gently touches arm.) Thanks Frank!
Frank’s, from Accounts Payable, Inner-Monologue – She touched my arm. SHE TOUCHED MY ARM! I’m marrying her. Just propose now. That’s clearly what she wants. I could use this keychain as a ring until I bought a diamond. She'd love the ingenuity and sentiment. It'd be one of those funny stories we could tell our grandchildren. I wonder what they'll look like. I hope they get her eyes, nose, ears, mouth, chin, calves, hands, fingernails and hair. But my eyebrows: I have great eyebrows. Wait - don't get ahead of yourself. There's plenty of time for proposals. Baby steps. Just ask her out. She wants you to ask her out. ASK HER OUT DAMMIT. Who asks an NCAA question if they don't want a little Frank-lovin'. And remember three months ago when she asked to borrow white-out? That was a sign! You're destined to be together. White-out! Come on! That's such a hint! Alright, do it. DO IT! Ask her out and don't say anything stupid.
No problemo... Later.
NO PROBLEMO? What is this, 1986? You might as well have just said "cool beans" and gotten it over with. She wanted you to sweep her off her feet and you ended the conversation without asking her out. What a pansy! It's all over for you now. Why don't you just get it over with and propose to J.J. Redick, you loser. You blew it again. Way to go.
Alright, now that you've ruined this, try to save some dignity for a later date proposal. You haven't completely killed your shot yet. Let's walk away like you own the place and, you know, save a little face.
(Frank runs into a file cabinet, spilling hundreds of papers on the ground.)

Anyway, that’s what’s likely to happen if you ask some guy his opinion on the tournament. He won’t know what he’s talking about and you’ll not only have a new stalker, but terrible brackets.

Come up with a clever team name for your entry
Anything that involves your last name, mascot of the college you attended, numbers, using a Z instead of an S (i.e. Boyz) or the words “fo shizzle” will not be tolerated.

Most importantly, ignore everything you’ve just read
I haven’t won a pool since 1994.

NCAA Tournament: Region Breakdown

East
First Impressions: How stacked is the East? Give it a heavy dose of Xanax, a television show and a creepy, sycophantic lawyer/lover and this region is Anna Nicole Smith circa 2002. I wrote that last year about this very same region, and it ended up not disappointing. This year, North Carolina is back atop the bracket, while Tennessee replaces Georgetown as the up-and-coming #2 seed that will challenge the Heels for the berth in San Antonio. Throw in a resurgent Louisville team, a poorly seeded Butler squad and a very quiet Notre Dame and this has the makings of a fun region. Oh, and you might have heard of the #12 seed here too; the George Mason Patriots. About this team people are saying, "yeah, but this isn't that George Mason of '06," as if at this point in '06 everyone was predicting that George Mason team was going to be making a Final Four run too.

Best 1st Round Game: #7 Butler vs. #10 South Alabama
As it usually is with these deep regions, the first round games aren't too interesting. As a fan, you kind of hope for relative chalk to set-up some interesting games later on in the bracket. This one is kind of interesting because most people think Butler was seeded too low and South Alabama was seeded too high. I guess that means Butler should win this one by a score of 168-9.

Best Upset Possibility: #11 St. Joseph's over #6 Oklahoma
Kelvin Sampson is no longer at Oklahoma, but his spirit could still be haunting the locker room.

Best Possible 2nd Round Game: #2 Tennessee vs. #7 Butler
A good majority of teams that make deep runs into the Tournament have at least one "escape" game on that road. I think this will be Tennessee's.

Worst Possible 2nd Round Game: #1 North Carolina vs. #9 Arkansas
When you get wiped off the court by a Georgia team playing its third game in 28 hours, chances are you aren't going to beat the #1 overall seed in the Tournament.

Early Final Four Prediction: Tennessee
A Carolina/Tennessee Regional Final would be fantastic.

Midwest
First Impressions: I think this is the most wide open region. Kansas has experienced little Tournament success with Bill Self, Georgetown is capable of beating, and losing, to a fair amount of teams in the field, Wisconsin is dangerous because they can actually bore opponents to death, Vanderbilt actually beat Georgetown in last year's Tournament before the refs decided to step in, USC and Kansas St. have players capable of taking over a game and wouldn't be ironic for Gonzaga to make the Final Four in the first year nobody expects anything from them since 1999? Anyone can emerge from the Midwest... Except Clemson. Because, come on.

Best 1st Round Game: #6 USC vs. #11 Kansas State
With so many local teams in the Tournament (Georgetown, George Mason, American), I'm worried one of those games is going to be on at the same time as this one, thus depriving the D.C. area the chance of seeing OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley in HD. (I'll still watch on my computer, but it won't be the same.) I'm also wondering how long the local CBS affiliate will stick with, say, the American game before switching to something else? I remember when Howard made it as a #16 seed a few years ago, they were pretty quick with the trigger when the game got out of hand; I hope it will be the same this time around.

Best Upset Possibility: #15 UMBC vs. #2 Georgetown
Here me out on this one: For those who don't know, UMBC stands for University of Maryland - Baltimore County. (Good to know at least one school in the U of M system got their team into the Big Dance.) From all accounts, they're a pretty solid squad. I watched a little of the second half of their conference tournament final and was impressed with the Terrier's ball movement and attacking defense. Anyway, here's my theory (a theory that, the more I think about, makes no sense): Because UMBC is located near D.C., the team has likely seen Georgetown play a lot; not just on national TV but on the local MASN broadcasts that are shown both in DC and Baltimore. As much as any opposing team in a different conference can be familiar, I think the Hoyas will be relatively familiar to UMBC. That might eliminate some of the fear factor involved in these types of games and could give UMBC a little boost. It'd be like, "hey, that's Roy Hibbert. He's big and tall. I know he disappears for long stretches of the game and gets into foul trouble. He's not so bad! I can take him." Yeah, that makes no sense.

Best Possible 2nd Round Game: #2 Georgetown vs. #10 Davidson
In their close loss to Maryland in the last NCAA Tournament, I remember Davidson running a sort of modified Princeton offense, very much like the one Georgetown does. There's a good chance I'm wrong on this, but I'm also thinking I saw it when Davidson played Carolina tough earlier in the year too. Anyway, I like watching that kind of basketball and I like watching Georgetown and Stephon Curry is pretty damn good; so this could be a good game for the purist in you.

Worst Possible 2nd Round Game: #1 Kansas vs. #9 Kent State
Kansas/UNLV would have been awesome if this were 1991 and Kansas/Kent State could have been cool if Antonio Gates were still ballin' for the Golden Flashes. But it's not and he's not, so we're left with a likely Jayhawk cakewalk.
(Note: Usually whichever game Wisconsin plays is a shoo-in for the "worst possible" slot, but since they're going to play the winner of Mayo/Beasley (doesn't that sound like a pharmaceutical company?), they get a pass this time. I really hate watching Wisconsin play; that's why I never move them far in my Tournament. I feel that if I do I'm willing boredom upon myself.)

Early Final Four Prediction: Kansas
If my team isn't in it, I'm always pulling for either Kansas or Georgetown. So, part of me is hoping those two won't meet-up in the Elite Eight. But the other part of me is threatening to kick the first part's ass because KU/Georgetown would be awesome. If ever there was a Tournament to hope for chalk at the end of the bracket, this is it.

South
First Impressions: Honestly, my first impressions was that there are a lot of schools that begin with "M" in this region.

Best 1st Round Game: #7 Miami (FL) vs. #10 St. Mary's
Odds are, you haven't seen either of these teams play.

Best Upset Possibility: #12 Temple over #5 Michigan State
Everyone, myself included, always picks Michigan State to advance a ways into the Tournament because they are such a well-coached, disciplined basketball team. Usually, they're right. But three times since 2002, Tom Izzo's clubs have lost in the first round. No knock on Izzo, mind you, but it happens more than you'd think.

Best Possible 2nd Round Game: #4 Pittsburgh vs. #5 Michigan State
On paper, this is the kind of game you get excited about...

Worst Possible 2nd Round Game: #4 Pittsburgh vs. #5 Michigan State
... Then you turn it on and realize MSU is really, really boring. Just because I have crazy respect for Tom Izzo doesn't mean I enjoy watching his teams play. Plus, Jamie Dixon looks like a Hyundai salesman. It creeps me out.

Early Final Four Prediction: Pittsburgh
Memphis can't shoot free throws and Texas is coached by Rick Barnes. Pitt was the next logical choice.

West
First Impressions: I'd say this was a cakewalk for UCLA, but the word "walk" implies the Bruins would have to exert some energy to win it. For real, the West has the worst #2 seed, #3 seed, #4 seed and #6 seed in the bracket.

Best 1st Round Game: #6 Purdue vs. #11 Baylor
Instead of spending 30 minutes talking about Virginia Tech yesterday, ESPN should have been focusing on how amazing a story the Baylor basketball team has been this year. Now, I'm not sure they deserved an at-large bid after collapsing down the stretch, but that they were even in a position to get one is a testament to the fantastic job Scott Drew has done in rebuilding a program devastated by the murder of a player by his teammate and the subsequent cover-up job by coaches.

Best Upset Possibility: #14 Georgia over #3 Xavier
What, you think they can't? Although, as my buddy Klinny, a Georgia alum, pointed out: The Bulldogs got the shaft from the NCAA in regards to scheduling. They probably should have gotten assigned to a Friday/Sunday pod due to their exhausting schedule this weekend, but I can understand that doing so might have been difficult. Still, if Georgia had to play on Thursday, did they really have to be playing in the first game of the day?!

Best Possible 2nd Round Game: #2 Duke vs. #7 West Virginia
At least let's hope so, as this game has the best chance of getting the dreaded 12:00 Saturday spot on CBS. For some reason, CBS schedules just one game for noon on the Tournament's first Saturday every year. More often than not, Duke gets that spot and subsequently plays in the most boring game imaginable that viewers are stuck with because there's no other game to switch to. I don't know why CBS does this; at one point during the day they have three games going on at once, which would make it easy to bump one of the pods up in the day to noon so we wouldn't have the possibility of getting stuck with a dog game. This wasn't a problem last year though, as the classic Ohio State/Xavier battle was the CBS noon game.

Worst Possible 2nd Round Game: #3 Xavier vs. #6 Purdue
I dozed off just writing abo-asdfjf;lsdfj;grdfkzml;ijdg.

Early Final Four Prediction: UCLA
This would be three straight Final Fours for UCLA, a pretty amazing feat that probably hasn't been done since Michigan State in '99, '00 and '01. It's under-the-radar though because while UCLA was going to back-to-back Final Fours, Florida was winning back-to-back Final Fours.

Instant Tournament Thoughts

* This is the first year in a while where I can remember having no major beefs with the selection committee. Every team they let in has a legitimate claim to be in the Tournament, the seedings (easily the toughest part of the whole deal) are pretty solid and they didn't let in Virginia Tech. Well done.

* The one minor complaint I have is that, like last year, the committee paired mid-majors against one another in first round games. In two 7/10 games, Butler plays South Alabma in the East while Gonzaga faces Davidson in the Midwest. In the West, #5 Drake faces #12 Western Kentucky. I really hate when the committee does this. Everyone loves talking about mid-majors vs. BCS schools; so why can't we see some of those matchups? Would it have killed the committee to put Villanova vs. Drake and Clemson vs. Western Kentucky?

* Tennessee might have a legit gripe that they were placed in North Carolina's region, despite the fact that the Vols were likely the top-rated #2 seed. But, Bruce Pearl should be pleased that his team stays close to home for the first two rounds (Birmingham) and doesn't have to travel far for the Regional in Charlotte. It won't be fun playing the Heels in their own backyard, but I think it's probably better to play them on the east coast rather than UCLA on the west coast. That being said, the East is stacked.

* It'd be interesting to know which team was bumped out by Georgia's victory in the SEC Tournament. My guess: Arizona State.

* Seth Greenberg's main gripe tonight was that Virginia Tech "played the schedule they gave us." Yes, and you lost to the schedule they gave you. I turned off the ESPN Bracketology special when Digger Phelps, Jay Bilas, Hubert Davis and Dick Vitale were all complaining that VT got "snubbed". At one point Bilas said, "at-large berths are for teams that have proved they can win: That's why Virginia Tech should be in." Um, Jay, Virginia Tech didn't beat anyone. They got close against UNC on a neutral site. Well, you know who ACTUALLY beat UNC on the road? Craptastic Maryland; and nobody's beating down the door to let the Terps into the Tourney.

* Holy crap, ESPN has spent the first 15 minutes of their Bracketology Special talking about Virginia Tech. This is actually unbelievable. They haven't talked about the actual Tournament teams once. What's so difficult about this? VT beat one team in the Tournament and that team is a #7 seed! How can anybody possibly think they belong in? Because they almost beat Carolina? I don't want to still be talking about this, but ESPN leaves me no other choice.
They just interviewed Seth Greenberg who whined like a five-year old girl about how his team played really well in their last two games. He sounded like one of these parents who thinks kids shouldn't ever have to experience losing because it hurts a child's feelings. Seth, I didn't realize the NCAA's purpose was to make players feel happy. Instead of relying on the committee to reward your team, why don't you get them to, you know, actually beat a good team.

* Bob Knight, whose work has been great so far on ESPN, keeps talking about expanding the Tournament to 128. Seth Greenberg, of course, agreed. Because none of them have any vested interest in increasing the number of teams. If there were 128, Greenberg could perhaps justify his ACC Coach of the Year award. As for Knight, he wants it expanded because his son would be coaching in it. Expanding the Tournament is the worst thing the NCAA could possibly do. It's a battle of attrition just to figure out who should be the 65th team in the field; can you imagine bubble teams that are barely above .500? Awful. Why does ESPN constantly pimp the opinions of coaches on this matter; of course they want the field expanded! It's in their best self-interest as coaches. It's like Congress voting itself a pay raise. Why wouldn't they want to make it easier for their coaching brethren to hang their hat on some watered-down achievement?

* At 7:24, ESPN finally started talking about the NCAA Tournament.

* Last year's National Finalists, Florida and Ohio State, both missed the Tournament. When's the last time that happened? I know Kansas in '89 was the last defending champion to be left out of the field of 64, so I'm venturing a guess that since the field expanded, this is the first time both finalists missed out the following year.
** Update: The Associated Press reports:

This is the first time the two finalists from the previous year have not made the tournament since 1980 when Michigan State and Indiana State did not qualify. Magic Johnson led Michigan State to 75-64 championship game win over Larry Bird and Indiana State in 1979.

Well, I guess we can close the book on that one. **

* I just remembered one of the main reasons I watch this ESPN special: The namedropping ability of Jay Bilas. Instead of analyzing teams, Bilas just rattles off their whole starting lineups and passes it off as insight. Listening to him speak after Bob Knight is like getting in a go-kart after riding in a Ferrari.

* Butler lost three games all season. Miami lost four games to teams with an RPI below 100 (and nine games overall). They are both #7 seeds.

* The "Tennessee got robbed" story is getting some play this evening, but I'm not seeing it. Kansas won their conference tournament, while Tennessee lost in the semis to a school that eventually lost to Georgia. That's pretty much the end of discussion for me. Tennessee is great and I might pick them to win the whole thing, but hopefully Bruce Pearl and his team won't buy into this complaining and will focus on the fact that, either way, they will have to beat some very good teams to cut down the nets in San Antonio.

* The NIT released its field. According to a story on ESPN.com, Florida and Ohio State received top seeds. The story continued:

The Big East contributed two of the other No. 1 seeds in Virginia Tech and Syracuse. Arizona State received the other top seed, in the bracket that contains Florida.

If only, ESPN.com. If only.

* For years everyone talked about the wink-wink matchups the committee would set-up in the first and second rounds. As these whispers became louder, the coincidental coach/protege or cross-state rival games largely disappeared. Well, they're back this year. The USC/Kansas State game - or Mayo/Beasley I, as it will be called - was actually predicted back in October by some people. And I refuse to believe that the Stanford/Cornell game was a coincidental matchup either.

* Wisconsin folks are complaining about the Badgers #3 seed. I guess they have a point that they won the Big Ten regular season and conference title, while Duke won neither in the ACC yet still nabbed a #2 seed. I'll contend that the Big Ten is mediocre as usual and Duke's #2 seed was a reward for the relative solidness of the ACC from top to bottom. (What I mean is, in every other conference there are gimmies: Oregon State in the Pac 10, Northwestern in the Big 10, Georgia Auburn in the SEC. In the ACC though, every game is difficult. The conference didn't deserve any more bids than the four they got, but those four teams played the toughest "easy" games of any schools in the Tournament.

* The love being shown the Pac 10 this year might be an instance of reverse East Coast bias. I'll be the first to admit ESPN and other MSM outlets certainly shower affection on the ACC and Big East, while virtually forgetting about the Pac 10. (This is partly because of the time change and partly because the Pac 10 doesn't have a deal with ESPN; which, as the NHL has shown, is the kiss of death coverage-wise.) But this year I think everyone is a bit too smitten with the Pac 10.
Washington State as a #4? Oregon as a #9? Arizona in at all? Let's take the last part first: The fools on the ESPN Bracketology special were ranting and raving about how the RPI is akin to hate speech and how the selection committee shouldn't use it. I disagree; I think the RPI is flawed, but it is a necessary tool to evaluate teams. My one problem with the rating is that schedule strength is such an important factor that, in some cases, a team is propped up by the singular fact that they lost to good teams. In my opinion, Arizona is one of those teams. Their #2 strength of schedule kept them high in the RPI despite an 18-14 record. I'm not arguing against Arizona - perhaps I was too strong when I questioned their placement - but, actually I don't know where I was going with this. Arizona has some OK wins and didn't really lose to anyone terrible. (They did lose to Virginia, but that was early in the season when UVA was playing well and the Wildcats were still finding their footing.)
As for Washington State; they're a fine team. It just always seems like they're overrated. And by always I mean this year and last. Oregon probably isn't a #9 seed, but who the hell cares. They're not going to beat Memphis even if they get by Mississippi State. (Note: The previous sentence virtually assures Oregon will beat Memphis.)

* This is a really, really good Tournament field. It will test my theory about the inaccurate perception of "wide-open" tourneys vs. tournaments with a couple of heavy favorites. More on that later in the week.

* P.S. All golfers are on one level and Tiger Woods is about nine levels above them. He is in the midst of the single-most dominant run in the history of sports; yet, somehow, it's looked at as routine for him. It sounds crazy, but Tiger is like Van Gogh in that he's not fully appreciated in his time. Oh, he's appreciated both financially and reverentially, but Tiger is so much better than most people realize. They think it's normal for him to win every time he tees it up. But it's not. Nobody has come even close to doing what Tiger is doing. Well, except for Seth Greenberg and his Virginia Tech basketball team, that is.

Monday: Region Breakdown
Tuesday: How To Fill Out Your NCAA Tournament Pool
Wednesday: More NCAA Tournament Thoughts
Thursday: Complete NCAA Tournament Preview & Predictions

It's Going To Be A Long Selection Sunday

Thanks to the surprising conference tournament runs of Illinois and Georgia, the selection committee is going to have a hell of a time coming up with a bracket today.
Here's why: Neither Illinois or Georgia will get an at-large bid to the Tournament. The only way either school can make it to the NCAAs is if they win their respective conference tourneys and earn an automatic berth. But because the SEC delayed their final to 3:30 PM because of Friday's weather-related delays, the selection committee won't know whether they have to include Georgia or Illinois in the field of 65 until about 5:30 PM, 30 minutes before CBS goes to air with its selection show.
The Big 10 is usually the only major conference that plays a Championship game which ends so late and, every now and then, they have a surrise team in the final that causes the committee to probably draw up two brackets. (Ohio State in '03, Iowa in '02 and Illinois in '99 are the only three teams to ever appear in a Big 10 Tournament final that didn't end up receiving an at-large berth.) But for two teams to be playing for a Tournament berth so late in the day on Sunday is unprecedented. Throwing two variables into the mix so late in the day really could screw things up. Here's hoping Georgia and Illinois come through.
On a side-note, what Georgia did today is one of the all-time great feats in conference tournament history. Playing, and winning, two games in one day is nothing short of awesome. The Bulldogs took it old school today. Everyone seemed aghast at the idea that either Georgia or Kentucky had to do this (particularly Georgia coach Dennis Felton, who ridiculously whined about the situation after his team beat Kentucky), but these players did this sort of thing all the time back in AAU ball or on the courts wherever they grew up. Sure, playing in the SEC is at a different level, but these are 18 and 19 year olds. They can take it. Here's hoping Georgia continues their amazing run and cuts down the nets at, somewhat hilariously, Georgia Tech.
Speaking of Techs, if Virginia Tech makes it to the NCAA Tournament, I'm going to scream. First, the ever-classy Seth Greenberg:

Alright Uncle Fester, first of all, the NCAA Tournament doesn't pick the best 65 teams. It picks the best 34 from those teams who don't win their conference tournaments. Second of all, your team has beaten nobody. That's great that you played well against North Carolina, but you lost. And it does matter that you lost, because moral victories are for third-graders. "Obviously, the only thing we didn't do is win the game." Man, that's a great quote. They should etch that in the wall of Virginia Tech's locker room. They could put it in the football facility also, but I'm guessing half the team wouldn't be able to read past "obviously".
Look, I know Greenberg has to lobby for his team, but bragging about a close loss isn't the best way to sell a team's Tournament worthiness. Of course, when your team doesn't have anything to sell their Tournament worthiness, I guess you take what you can get. Again; VT's best win came Friday against Miami. That's the only team they've beaten with an RPI above 65. They have losses to Penn State, Old Dominion and Richmond. They're not even close to being a Tournament team. And if you find yourself getting swayed by some idiot on TV today saying the Hokies should get an at-large berth, remember these numbers: Against the RPI's Top 150, Virginia Tech is 12-13.

Jay Bilas Is A Prick

You know it's March when Jay Bilas is on TV defending a mediocre major conference team and speaking with utter contempt towards Joe Lunardi. This is one of the main reasons I hate Bilas; he thinks because he played at Duke and has a law degree that his opinion is the only one worth listening to. Now, while I'm sure Bilas is a very smart guy, I'd probably go to him for legal advice before I would for basketball tips.
You might be surprised to know that Bilas' averaged just 8.4 points and 5.4 rebounds per game while at Duke. In the senior season he loves talking about so much ("you know, in my senior season at Duke, we went to the National Championship" - yeah, thanks Jay. I had forgotten that from the last time you mentioned it fifteen minutes ago), Bilas went for 6 and 4 per game. Even Shavlik Randolph posted better numbers than that! He also scored just four points in the National Championship loss to Louisville while the guy he was presumably guarding, Pervis Ellison, dropped 25 and 11 on him. So keep that in mind next time Bilas gets all high and mighty with his opinions.
You'd think somebody who had an average college career would be more accepting of others, yet Bilas has no time for mid-majors. He can barely hide his disgust for them. If it were up to Bilas, mid-majors would never be allowed on the same court as teams in BCS conferences. Anti-dentite bastard.
Come Tournament time, Bilas' most annoying trait is his defense of schools he thinks should be in. Jay seems to base his "teams in/teams out" criteria on what he wants to happen, not what will happen. Say what you will about Lunardi (I'm not the biggest fan), but at least he makes all his predictions with the caveat that they're based on what he thinks the selection committee will do.
Bilas just finished defending Arizona State, a thoroughly unimpressive team that finished their season 6-10. As Lunardi was explaining why Illinois State has a better tournament resume, Bilas was interrupting, rolling his eyes and treating Lunardi as if he wasn't worthy of sharing the same television screen as his great self. Bilas calls what the selection committee does, "not basketball, just numbers". Well, here's a basketball number, Jay. Arizona State is 6-10 in their last 16 games. That's not a Tournamentteam. Look, Lunardi wasn't saying that he thought Illinois State was the better team, he was saying the selection committee would think so. This didn't matter to Bilas, who was acting like a bully on a playground. A balding bully. Jerk.

ACC Season Recap

Player of the Year: Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina
It's sort of surprising that the the writers didn't give this one to Seth Greenberg.

Freshman of the Year: James Johnson, Wake Forest
PPG RPG BPG FG%
A 14.2 6.1 1.0 .464
B 14.6 8.1 1.3 .487
I think we can agree that, unequivocally, Player B has better stats than Player A. When you take into account that Player A was the third option on his team, while Player B was the focus of most opposing defenses, the value of Player B becomes even more evident. So, of course, Player A, Kyle Singler, won the award over Player B, Wake's James Johnson.

Coach of the Year: Anyone But Seth Greenberg
My thoughts on this are well-documented so instead of ranting about that again, I'll pass along an eyewitness account of how much of a moronic jerk Uncle Fester is. After beating Maryland in College Park this year, Greenberg skipped down the corridor yelling "f--- yea, f--- the turtles!" Good ol' Seth Greenberg, as classy as the institution he represents. (By the way, I would have gone with Frank Haith or Dino Gaudio for the award. If you want to stick with the "give it to a coach whose team is going to make the Tournament", Haith was your choice. If voters didn't care about that (and clearly they didn't), Gaudio deserved it the most for taking the youngest team in the conference, reeling from the death of their beloved coach, and turning them into a solid basketball team.
And, by the way, if VT loses to UNC today, they have no business being in the Tournament. Forget that they beat Miami yesterday and Miami will probably get in; screw that. The Hokies didn't win the game they needed to win (at Clemson) and still list "swept Maryland" as their grand achievement for the season. You know who else swept Maryland? Mid-major schools that begin with A, O and V. Look at their schedule; they beat no one and lost to a bunch of nobodys. They are the antithesis of a Tournament team. Beating Miami makes not an at-large berth.)

Anti-Coach of the Year: Sidney Lowe, North Carolina State
Guess who returned the most scoring and rebounding of any team in the ACC this year? Go ahead, guess! If you went with Lowe, you're right - and clearly versed in my subtle use of foreshadowing. The 'Pack had way too much talent to lose nine straight games to close the season. (Note: I'd have picked Gary Williams for this, but that'd indicate that he still gives a shit. I love me some Gary, but doesn't it feel like the fire is gone? Not the in-game fire; he'll always have that. I think he's lost the fire for all the other crap that comes with coaching like recruiting and

Surprise of the Year: DeMarcus Nelson, Duke
Granted, his true colors came out on senior night against UNC, but Nelson's transformation from an overrated liability to, frequently, the best player on the court this year was a stunner to me. At least five times this season I wondered to myself, "when did DeMarcus Nelson get good?" Or, more appropriately, "when did DeMarcus Nelson stop sucking?"
I still don't know if he was the conference's best defender though. If Jeff Teague had the ball with 30 seconds to go, I wouldn't particularly mind Nelson guarding him. Marcus Ginyard, James Mays, hell, even Teague himself; but that would stretch the boundaries of metaphysics and probably somehow involve a flux capacitor.

All-ACC Team
No changes from the media-selected team, except for having Greivis Vasquez on there instead of Tyler Hansbrough.

An Evening With Dickie V

On Saturday night, as the two top teams in the ACC were trading baskets with under six minutes to play, Dick Vitale said there was no place he'd rather be in the world than Cameron Indoor Stadium. Not with his wife of 40 years, or his children or his children's children, or even one of those seven-diamond chicks from Eliot Spitzer's preferred hooker service. Nope, Vitale wanted to be sitting high in the catwalk of an old, rundown gymnasium watching his beloved Blue Devils take on their arch-rivals from Chapel Hill. And I can't say I blame him. For on that night five days ago, there was no place I'd have rather been than sitting in front of the TV documenting it all... With a seven-diamond girl laying next to me, of course. So, without further adieu, I invite you to join me for my fifth annual Evening With Dickie V.

9:00 PM Dan Schulman opens the telecast by announcing that “the atmosphere here at Cameron speaks for itself”. What do you imagine the Cameron atmosphere says while speaking for itself? I bet it gets all holier-than-thou about its charity work, drops its SAT score into conversation and talks about getting up early to buy John Mayer concert tickets, all whilst drinking a wine spritzer.

9:02 PM Some chick sings the national anthem. How’d she do? Well, let’s just say she’s a Duke undergrad who sang like she looked. You do the math.

9:03 PM It appears Duke players lock their arms together during the National Anthem, presumably to keep each other upright if one decides to spontaneously flop.

9:06 PM According to Vitale, Hansbrough and UNC beat the “Duke Cameron Crazies” two years ago on J.J. Redick and Shelden Williams’ senior night. So we're naming our teams after their fans now? That's cool, I guess. I'm definitely looking forward to this fall when the Redskins face off against the Philadelphia Douchebags.

9:10 PM Singler has his hands all over Hansbrough while coming down with a rebound. He must have mistaken him for Jon Scheyer.

9:12 PM Vitale channels his inner-Dr. Seuss when he says of Ty Lawson, “he skates, creates, he innovates.” I've heard him use the same line when describing Tom Brady, except instead of "innovates" Vitale goes with “illegitimately procreates”.

9:13 PM Peyton and Eli Manning are sitting courtside. The elder Manning had trouble getting to Durham because of all the snow in the Midwest. Eli had no problem, as he rode to the big game on the coattails of his defense.

9:16 PM Vitale mentions that Duke is missing open looks because they’re not dribble-penetrating. I contend that they’re missing open looks because the ball isn’t going into the basket, but that’s why he’s on national television and I’m sitting on the couch eating leftover Chinese.

9:20 PM Vitale begins, “I’ll tell ya one thing…” Dick, as Nietzsche said, "one may sometimes tell a lie, but the grimace that accompanies it tells the truth."

9:22 PM Vitale just said he thinks the ACC is the third-best conference in the country. Dick, as Wesley from The Princess Bride said, "we are men of action. Lies do not become us."

9:23 PM At the start of the broadcast, ESPN showed the statistic that 112 of the last 124 meetings between Duke and Carolina have had one team ranked in the AP Top 10. Think about that for a minute; it makes you all the more appreciative that Duke hasn't won a Final Four game since 2001.

9:25 PM Ten minutes into the game and Duke is down 20-9. DeMarcus Nelson has zero points. On his senior night, Nelson is giving fans a treat by turning back the clock to his first three seasons and completely sucking.

9:28 PM Jon Scheyer flops like a soccer player. If When his basketball playing career fails, maybe he could go to Europe and play their beloved sport. They do have an NBDL for the Champions League, right?

9:32 PM Duke hasn’t scored in a long while. The male Cameron Crazies can relate.

9:34 PM Jason Williams is in the house; insurance underwriters for Cameron Indoor hold their breaths.

9:36 PM Vitale praises the spirit of Cameron and the “great, classy fans” who fill the building. (Note: The latter part of that statement will be important in about three minutes.)

9:39 PM Duke's great, classy fans in action. Watch the whole thing, it's hilarious. (Clip via Awful Announcing:

The best part about this (other than the repeated use of the word Speedo) is that the “offensive” shot of Speedo Guy doing the crotch-chop is clearly a replay; meaning that somebody in the truck recorded it and consciously cued it up for use on air. It wasn’t like the director accidentally cut to a live shot of Speedo Guy as he was pointing towards his junk, they willingly showed it and then somebody must have been all, "you realize what he did, right?" as the replay tech who cued up the clip slinks down into his chair. And by "replay tech" I mean Christian Laettner.

9:40 PM If sideline reporters were rated on a scale of, say, one-to-seven diamonds, how many diamonds would Erin Andrews get? I'd probably go with six, not because I don't think Erin Andrews is a seven, but because I wouldn't want to pigeonhole myself in case someone even better came along. Like Heather Locklear, circa 1987. (Once again, thanks to Awful Announcing for the pic.)

9:41 PM Vitale calls Hansbrough “an absolute monster” Seeing as how an Obama advisor was forced to resign last week after calling Hillary “a monster”, I’m hoping Vitale will experience the same fate. Either that or it will soon be revealed that Dickie V was Client #10.

9:45 PM After showing Demarcus Nelson’s parents in the crowd, Vitale talks for ten seconds about how they raised a great son.

9:45.10 PM As Vitale finishes, the camera cuts to Nelson jogging up the court. The "great son" promptly drops the f-bomb. Not that I blame him, mind you. If I was the leading scorer in California high school basketball history, was one of the top recruits in Duke history and then went 4-3 in my first three NCAA Tournaments at a school where winning four Tournament games is expected per season and also had zero points on my senior night, I’d be a little snippy too.

9:48 PM For the third time in 45 minutes, Vitale mentions that Paulus’ disappointing 2007 season was the result of injuries and “now he’s back, baby!” FYI: This season, Paulus is averaging fewer points, rebounds and assists than last year. Oh, and his shooting percentages are down too. Technically, I guess that means he’s “back”, as long as “back” refers to "back to the pit of mediocrity".

9:50 PM David McClure is called “Duke’s blue collar guy”, which makes sense since the median family income in McClure’s hometown (Ridgefield, CT) is $107,351; certainly a low enough amount to make him blue collar at Duke.

9:52 PM As the players head towards the locker room with UNC up seven, Vitale say, “I’ll tell ya, this first half can be summarized very simple: When your two star of stars – when you look at Nelson and Singler – when they go 1-10 – that’s the reason you’re down double digits. Dan, I can’t emphasize enough. When you shut down the two top scorers on a team – and they go 1-10 - It’s tough to win.” If Vitale wrote Cliff Notes, they’d probably run about 200 pages longer than the original.

10:01 PM Did you see the end of that UCLA game? A Bruin player heaved a near buzzer beater that went behind the basket, a clearly illegal move, as dictated by the rule that Rece Davis just read. Jay Bilas, however, thinks the basket should have counted because “while it went over the backboard, it came from the side.” As he was saying this ESPN was showing Rule 7, Section 1, Article 3 which directly contradicts Bilas' point by reading, “the ball shall be out of bounds when it passes over the backboard in any direction.” Dude, I bet lawyers in New York couldn’t wait to try a case againt Bilas when he was practicing law. He’d be all, “your honor, my client wasn’t drunk driving; his blood alcohol content was .12.” And the judge would say, “uh, Mr. Bilas, that means he was almost 50% over the legal limit.” And Bilas would be like, “sorry J.J.”

10:12 PM Erin Andrews said she discussed Duke's lack of poise with Greg Paulus, who explained his team's poor play by saying, “this is what happens in big games like this.” Spoken like a true J.J. Redick disciple.

10:13 PM Nelson finally gets on the board. He’s now third in scoring among former California high school basketball players playing in this game. (Carolina’s Deon Thompson and Quentin Thomas both come from Cali and have more points than Nelson’s two.)

10:15 PM “Duke is not getting the ball to the right people. They need to go to their best options!” Yeah, but Dick, Grant Hill graduated 14 years ago.

10:16 PM “I’ll tell ya, you can say what you want – Greg Paulus took a lot of criticism last year – how can you criticize a kid who plays as hard and competes as hard as he does. That’s just pure energy. That kid’s a winner. That kid can play for me any day of the week. He just comes to play.” It should be noted that Paulus, the “winner”, is 2-2 in NCAA Tournament play, with both losses coming in major upsets. He’d have fit in very well playing football at Notre Dame.

10:18 PM “Listen up Mr. Schulman, I think Tom O’Connor [head of the NCAA Tournament Selection Committee] has one of their toughest – NO, the toughest job of ANY committee!” Yeah, chairing the Senate Armed Services Committee is a breeze.

10:19 PM “Look at Zoubek. Look at Zoubekkkkk! They found a player!” In response to the first statement, no. To the second; they found a player? Zoubek was the #38 overall recruit in his senior class. “Finding” him was about as much of an achievement as getting Joey Lawrence to be on the next edition of The Surreal Life.

10:20 PM After UNC’s Wayne Ellington hit a three, Vitale says, “when I see the name Ellington I think of Duke – the father of jazz!” Is there anything that doesn't remind Vitale of Duke? When he gave away his daughter on her wedding day, Vitale probably whispered to her at the altar, "you look as beautiful as Shane Battier taking a charge on a cool winter's eve."

10:21 PM Kyle Singler dives on the floor unnecessarily. Vitale, of course, practically explodes with glee. “The Manning’s love this! The Manning’s love the hustle!” Eli, in particular, especially liked the play where Brian Zoubek dropped an easy interception of a pass, as it reminded him so much of his much-vaunted Super Bowl-winning drive.

10:23 PM As DeMarcus Nelson hits his first three-pointer of the game, Vitale says, “somebody got into the mind of Nelson.” It was probably the Ghost of NBDL Future.

10:25 PM The camera cuts to Matthew McConaughey sitting in the crowd. Vitale thinks to himself, “that’s what I love about these white Duke basketball players. I get older, they stay the same age.” (By the way, Brian Zoubek looks exactly like Ben Affleck’s character in Dazed.)

10:26 PM As Duke cuts the lead to four, Vitale begins, “listen up baby! If Duke wins this game then ---”, but before he can finish my DVR freezes for a few seconds and I end up missing the end of Vitale’s statement. We are kindred spiritis, me and my DVR.

10:28 PM Nelson misses a wide open look, a clear homage to J.J. Redick’s pro career.

10:29 PM Eight minutes into the half, Duke has zero team fouls. Tyler Hansbrough, who has gone to the free throw line more than any player in the country, has made zero trips to the stripe. I’d say the fix is in, but when refs fix games they usually give the appearance of neutrality.

10:30 PM Quentin Thomas writes poetry, Vitale tells us. Roy Williams expresses worry that Thomas will further emulate J.J. Redick by shooting 3-17 in the NCAA Tournament.

10:31 PM Wayne Ellington and Marcus Ginyard get crossed up, which causes Ellington to throw the ball into the stands. Vitale gives credit to DeMarcus Nelson’s defense on the play, which is sort of like praising me for saving the environment because I recycled my can of Diet Mountain Dew this morning.

10:33 PM Erin Andrews says she loves coming to Cameron Indoor Stadium. Well, of course she does. It’s the only place she visits all year where she doesn’t get hit on.

10:35 PM Dan Schulman speaks of Vitale’s excitement prior to the tip, saying, “we had to tie Dick to his chair before the game.” Good thing Mike Nifong isn’t still the Durham District Attorney; had he heard that he’d probably already have four felony kidnapping indictments against Schulman.

10:36 PM It’s really only a matter of time before Vitale sees an image of Coach K in his Cheerios.

10:39 PM Chris Duhon is in the crowd. A quick check of NBA.com reveals the Bulls have an off-night, hence Duhon’s availability. The Orlando Magic have a game tonight, but that really shouldn’t have precluded J.J. Redick from attending. I mean, it's not like anyone in Orlando would have missed him.

10:41 PM At the under eight timeout, the score is tied at 66. In a panic, Vitale starts calling superdelegates to make sure they'll back Duke in the event of a tie.

10:44 PM Duke takes their first lead since 3-2, sending Vitale into a five-second “oh baby” riff. At his home, Vitale’s throat surgeon starts brewing some coffee just in case.

10:46 PM “Scheyer is really a starter coming off the bench.” What? Look Dick, I work for the school system. I’ve had a lot of experience with semantics, so don’t try to lure me into some maze of circular logic.

10:47 PM On a breakaway, Gerald Henderson attempts a dunk but gets blocked… by the rim. As is his style, Henderson immediately throws an elbow towards the basket support. (I’d like to think Henderson’s missed dunk was due to the fact that he tucked his warm-up jacket into his shorts before the game. I’d say the Duke player looked like a dork, but that’d be a tad redundant. That being said, I love how Duke does their starting lineups without any fanfare. There’s no music, no lights, no screaming intros, just a simple reading of names. It’s so much better. And, for once, I’m not being sarcastic.)

10:50 PM The missed dunk, by the way, would have put Duke up by four. There was no criticism from Vitale for the completely blown play. But when Marcus Ginyard misses an easy layup on the other end, Vitale takes him to task for not “penetrating a little bit more”. Funny, that’s the same complaint of Greg Paulus’ girlfriend.

10:51 PM All during Duke’s comeback, Schulman and Vitale have been reliving it as if the Blue Devils were the first team in history to ever come back from a double-digit deficit. By my count, they’ve talked about the “unbelievable” comeback seven times so far, or roughly the same amount of times we've heard that DeMarcus Nelson was injured his first three years on campus.


10:53 PM Jon Scheyer’s mouth so big, Mick Jagger be like, “damn, Jon Scheyer’s got a big-ass mouth.”

10:53.05 PM Jon Scheyer’s mouth is so big he can lick his own ear.

10:53.10 PM Jon Scheyer’s mouth is so big that he brushes his teeth with a swimming pool brush. Alright, moving on...

10:55 PM Hansbrough pulls down a crazy offensive board and then gets the putback to put UNC up by two with 1:58 left. The basket gave Hansbrough the 2000 and 2001st points of his career. Despite Vitale's love for Psycho T, he made that call like he was doing the color commentary at the funeral of a puppy. I think I just heard a tear hit the microphone.

10:56 PM Duke hasn’t hit a FG in the last 4:41. DeMarcus Nelson is touched by his teammates' heartfelt tribute.

10:57 PM “This is their biggest possession of the night,” Vitale says with Duke down four and one minute left. The instant Vitale finishes his sentence, Gerald Henderson promptly has his pocket picked by Ty Lawson, who then runs down court and helps Carolina take a six-point lead. From the time Lawson stole the ball until the time Duke came back down court and missed a shot, Vitale was silent for 21 seconds. It was easily his longest stretch of silence of the night.

10:58 PM As Carolina goes up by eight, Dan Schulman begins tying Vitale back into his chair, fearing that the bald one will throw himself off the Cameron catwalk.

10:59 PM DeMarcus Nelson nicely sums up his career with an uncontested airball.

11:02 PM Duke loses, 76-68. Vitale tries to put on a happy face, talking about how the ACC Tournament provides a shot at redemption for the Blue Devils. Noticeably, he only mentions the ACCs and not the NCAAs because, like all of us, Vitale knows Duke doesn't have much of a chance this year of cutting down the nets. Still, Dickie V soldiers on. Next year will bring some new faces to Durham and Vitale will grab his dog-eared thesaurus to come up with new superlatives to describe them. For, you see, the inexorable march of time keeps the rosters changing at Duke. But Dickie V's love? That, my friends, will live forever.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

The greatest sports week of the year is upon us, and Chris's Sports Blog is ready. Check back daily for coverage of the ACC and NCAA Tournament, tips on how to fill out your bracket, previews of each region and prediction for the Big Dance. It will be a busy seven days, and here's a schedule of what you'll find here:

Tomorrow: An Evening With Dickie V
Friday: ACC Season Review/Tournament Preview
Sunday: Instant NCAA Tournament Thoughts
Monday: NCAA Tournament Region Breakdown
Tuesday: How To Fill Out Your NCAA Tournament Brackets
Wednesday: More Tournament Thoughts
Thursday: NCAA Tournament Preview

Screw Coach Of The Year, Seth Greenberg For Governor of New York President!

Yesterday, I wrote about the absurdity of Virginia Tech's Seth Greenberg winning the ACC Coach of the Year Award. I gave a bunch of reasons why Greenberg was undeserving of the award, but just discovered the ultimate one: Since 1972, there have been 37 ACC Coach of the Year Awards given. In 35 of those 37 years, the winner of the award was a coach who led his team to the NCAA Tournament. The two exceptions: Seth Greenberg in 2005 and 2008. (This assumes the Hokies won't make a run in the upcoming ACC Tournament and, come on, their coach is Seth Greenberg. Although with all the inexplicable love the media is showing Greenberg, who's to say the Selection Committee won't do the same.)
I really don't know what the media's fascination is with an overrated coach who takes advantage of easy conference schedules to earn mediocre records. This year, the Hokies were 9-7 with the easiest possible slate of ACC games. In '05, the Hokies went 8-8, with their only big win coming against Duke. I'm baffled; but not enough to not repeat this stat: Seth Greenberg is the only ACC Coach of the Year since 1972 to not lead his team to the NCAA Tournament... And he's done so twice in four years!
Now Greenberg is a multiple winner of the award, joining coaches like Dean Smith, Mike Krzyzewski and Norm Sloan - guys who have actually, you know, won something. Greenberg also has more ACC COY awards than coaches who have won National Championships (Roy Wiliams, Gary Williams, Jim Valvano) and been to Final Fours (Paul Hewitt, Bill Guthridge). As for Greenberg; last year his higher-seeded team barely won a 5/12 game and then lost to a mid-major in the second-round.
We all knew the ACC was compromising its integrity by allowing Virginia Tech into the conference. Little did we realize that they'd be turning once-prestigious awards into a sham too.

Seth Greenberg Lives Off Low Expectations

One day after nearly placing Greivis Vasquez on the All-ACC team, the Atlantic Coast Sports Media Association has made an even more baffling decision: Virginia Tech coach Seth Greenberg was today named ACC Coach of the Year. Even though I wrote yesterday that this probably would happen, I'm still dumbfounded by the decision. At least Vasquez's terrible play was masked by decent stats. Greenberg; he's got nothing going for him.
A big sports pet peeve of mine is when people get credit for doing something that appears impressive, but only is so because the person made it more difficult for themself. An example would be a centerfielder who makes a diving catch, but did so only because he initially misjudged the ball to start. Derek Jeter's highlight reel is filled with these plays; lunging stops that would be routine for most, but for players with no range (like Jeter) they become difficult-looking. This is what Greenberg did this year. Because his team lost to Penn State, Old Dominion and Richmond early in the season, everyone assumed they'd be bad in the ACC. With the bar set low, Greenberg's team easily jumped over it. (It's true, the Hokies were picked 10th in the league, so the bar was initially low. But Wake Forest and Miami were both thought to be worse; and each exceeded expectations too.)
It's not like VT should have been that bad to begin with. Everyone will make a big deal that VT lost the most points of any team in the ACC from last season, but they also returned two of their four leading scorers and two of their three leading rebounders.
With expectations lowered, Greenberg's team surprised many to go 9-7 in the ACC. That used to be a record that guaranteed an at-large berth in the NCAAs, but because the governor of Greenberg's state blackmailed the ACC into allowing VT into the conference, the conference schedule is now unbalanced, which leads to deceiving records. What used to be an impressive record (9-7) is no longer.
Consider: VT played the top-four teams in the ACC just once each. They played the bottom-four teams a total of seven times. They went 0-4 against the best, 5-2 against the worst. Also, in accruing their mediocre mark, the Hokies beat zero teams that will go to the NCAA Tournament. Their best win of the year was over Maryland; something that American, Ohio and Virginia Commonwealth can boast also. So, congratulations ACC schedule-maker, you deserve a share of this bogus award.
What a fucking joke.
Five other coaches were more deserving of this award. In order, they are Dino Gaudio (Wake Forest), Frank Haith (Miami), Mike Krzyzewski (Duke), Olive Purnell (Clemson) and Roy Williams (North Carolina). Greenberg gets rewarded for taking a decent team and taking them to the NIT. Haith and Purnell had the same talent but will make the NCAAs. Gaudio took over in the worst situation imaginable and led the youngest roster (by far) in the conference to a 7-9 record. As for Krzyzewski and Williams: They're good coaches. The difference between them and Greenberg is that they view the NITs as a disappointment. For Greenberg, it's a reason to celebrate.

Inconceivable!

It's taking me a little longer this year to document the evening I spent with Dickie V; odd, because I'm laid up on the couch this week and have plenty of time to do it. Don't fret though, it will be up before the ACC Tournament starts on Thursday.
Before I get to that and the ACC Season Review/Tournament Preview, two things happened today that blew my mind. Literally. Well, figuratively, but in a literal sense. First though, a preface:
If you're following the election, you know that Florida and Michigan won't have their delegates seated at the Democratic National Convention. This is due to the fact that the two states moved up their primaries to dates earlier than allowed by the DNC. The states were warned that if they proceeded with the early primaries, the votes would, essentially, not count. They did it anyway. Now that Clinton and Obama are neck-and-neck and those delegates actually matter, the two states are complaining about how their voters were disenfranchised and are threatening lawsuits and crap like that.
People are criticizing the DNC and Howard Dean (an easy target, mind you) and many other people associated with this decision. But you know whose not getting any flak? THE MORONS WHO DECIDED TO DEFY THE DNC AND HOLD THE PRIMARIES EARLY DESPITE KNOWING THAT DOING SO WOULD RENDER THE VOTE MEANINGLESS! How is nobody ripping on these people? On August 27 of last year, the DNC stripped Florida of its delegates. But they gave the state a 30-day window with which to reverse their decision. But, wrote The Washington Post:

Florida's state party chair, Karen L. Thurman (above left), showed no signs of backing down yesterday. The former congresswoman said she will consult with state Democrats but added that she expects all the presidential candidates to ignore the national party's edict and campaign vigorously in advance of the Sunshine State's primary.
"Whether you get a delegate or don't get a delegate, a vote is a vote," a defiant Thurman said. "That is what Floridians are going to say is important."

Um, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who read a situation as poorly as Thurman. It'd be like hitting on a woman as she stands next to her Ultimate Fighting Champion boyfriend or telling a dirty joke at a job interview. Seriously, I don't know what's more surprising: That anyone can be as stupid as Karen L. Thurman or that someone in a meaningful position who is so stupid is not getting criticized for said stupidity. It really is baffling to me. Everyone is complaining about the vote-stripping, but nobody seems to care that it was all entirely avoidable if not for the chest-puffing of a few morons.
Why did I bring this up? Well, mainly because it was eating at me all weekend. I remembered reading that article in August and thinking how stupid the whole thing was. But it also tied nicely into two other inexplicable happenings today:

1) UCLA received five first-place votes in the AP poll this week and seems to be a shoo-in for a #1 seed for the NCAAs (likely instead of Kansas). To which I say: WHAT? Did voters (and the selection committee) not watch UCLA's two games last week? You know, the two games that were fixed worse than a Russian election? The two home games (one against a team barely above .500) that they needed two of the most egregious calls of the season to win? How can voters (and the committee) treat those games as wins? When an important player gets hurt before the Tournament, the committee factors that into seeding, so why shouldn't these losses help Kansas jump UCLA for the #1? Anybody who watched those games knows that UCLA deserved to lose. I don't get it.

2) Only one team had two players among the top seven vote-getters for the ACC All-Conference team. It wasn't Duke, nor North Carolina. Nope. The only two that placed two players that highly was the abominable Maryland Terrapins. James Gist, deservedly, made the All-ACC Second Team (he received the 7th most votes in the conference). But somehow - and this is even more ridiculous than the UCLA thing - Greivis Vasquez was atop that same second-team. Inexplicably, he was nine votes away from making the first team. Did voters not watch Maryland this year?! I mean, they must not have, because the only way one could think Vasquez was the sixth-best player in the conference is if they only looked at stats. They wouldn't have seen the terrible shot selection, the crippling turnovers and the lack of leadership from the talented, but wildly-inconsistent guard. Defensively, Vasquez is non-existent. Seriously; Maryland would be better off playing with four. Vasquez gets driven on more than the Beltway. He's terrible. Off the top of my head, I can think of the following ACC players who were better than Vasquez this year: Gist, Wayne Ellington, Ty Lawson (even in limited time), A.D. Vassallo, Cliff Hammonds, James Johnson, K.C. Rivers, Jeff Teague, Kyle Singler and J.J. Hickson. And I'm sure I'm forgetting someone.

Links, Bath & Beyond

* Because the D.C. Raycom affiliate decided to show infomercials this afternoon instead of the ACC Game of the Week, I was forced to break out the rabbit ears and grab the Wake Forest/NC State game from the FOX affiliate in Baltimore. Through the snowy picture, I was able to see a great effort from freshman Jeff Teague and James Johnson, as the Deacs scored a 78-67 win to finish their conference season with a 7-9 record. Without a doubt, Dino Gaudio should be the ACC Coach of the Year. If Virginia Tech wins tomorrow, I fully expect Seth Greenberg to win the award though because his team recovered nicely from a 2-6 start. That the 2-6 start was largely due to Greenberg won't concern anyone. (I'll go into this more later this week in the ACC Season Review/Tournament Preview.)

* Chuck Klosterman looks at the difference between winning and losing in the NBA through the eyes of five Boston Celtic players who experienced last year's miserable season and this year's wildly successful one.

* The New York Times' Play magazine piece on the Steinbrenner brothers is an alright read, but not really worth your time as writer Jonathan Mahler doesn't break any new ground. However, his lede paragraph isutterly fantastic and should make any Yankees fan nervous:

Hank Steinbrenner was driving like he owned the place. “This thing’s got no pickup,” he said, gunning my midsize Hyundai down Steinbrenner Drive in Tampa, Fla. We had just finished lunch on a January afternoon at a Steinbrenner family favorite, an Italian restaurant called Iavarone’s, and were on our way back to his new office at Legends Field in my rental car, which Hank had insisted on driving. As we approached the ballpark, he steered the car up onto the curb, drove it on the main walkway, between the Yankees merchandise store and a small memorial park devoted to Yankee immortals, and came to a stop just a few feet from the tinted-glass door marked “Executive Offices.” “This is where I usually park,” Hank said, stepping out of the Hyundai and tossing me the keys.

That's gold, Jerry. Gold. It reminded me of this old Sports Illustrated cover from '93 featuring Hank's father:

I once read a story somewhere about how SI got Steinbrenner to agree to dressing up and posing on the horse and seem to remember it being a really good story, but I can't find anything about it on the internet.

* While I give Bill Simmons a hard time on this site (mostly about his complete lack of knowledge about college basketball), I have never said his stuff isn't often entertaining and highly readable. His piece from a few weeks ago on the NBA and New Orleans was not. Had I managed to get through more than one-quarter of it, I'm sure it would have been the worst thing I've read in a long while. Considering I sometimes read The Huffington Post, you can imagine just how bad the column is.
Hurricane Katrina was a tragedy and I sincerely hope the government, charities and businesses are still doing all they can to help the people affected by the hurricane and its aftermath. The fact that Katrina is completely off everyone's radar now (as is Iraq, for that matter) is a sad effect of our culture's infatuation with the "new" story. Everyone cares about tragedies until the next big story comes around. Then they're forgotten. I give the NBA and NFL a lot of credit for keeping New Orleans in the public consciousness.
That being said, it's ridiculous to have an NBA team in New Orleans. Utterly and completely ridiculous. The city can't support a franchise that plays 41 home games per year and won't be able to for the immediate future. The Hornets have one of the three best players in basketball and are the best story in the league, but nobody is going to the games. New Orleans is 27th out of 30 NBA teams in attendance. It's one thing to give charity, but it's another to be the charity, which is what the NBA is doing. They think that staying in New Orleans is "the right thing to do". I see where they're coming from, even if I don't understand the logic. (How does having a team nobody cares about help a city? I never understood all that talk about "the Saints healing the city" last year either. Other than being a diversion from reality, what did the Saints' success really do? Did it rebuild homes or put food on the table? When the Redskins win in December, does it make it warmer outside for a homeless guy in D.C. living on the freezing streets?)
Anyway, read this paragraph from the Simmons article and try not to get sick to your stomach:

That's the thing about life. You never know what's going to happen next. New Orleans was fine, and then it wasn't. Twenty-nine months after Katrina, the city remains in pain. You can feel that anguish everywhere you go, just like you can feel the love, the joy and the resiliency. The locals don't feel sorry for themselves anymore. Too much time has passed. They have to live their lives. They have to keep their heads up. They have to keep moving forward. And they're doing it without us.

New Orleans was fine, and then it wasn't. Thanks for the insight, d-bag. Also, one week after Simmons wrote this ode to New Orleans, he talked about the "tragedy" of the Sonics impending departure from Seattle. (I agree with him about that, by the way. David Stern is doing a disservice to the league if he allows them to leave.) He comes up with a lot of ways for Seattle to keep an NBA franchise without even touching on the most logical one: Seattle goes to Oklahoma City and New Orleans moves to Seattle (or vice-versa).

* Slate explores the ridiculousness of tonight's "do-over" game in the NBA.

* It's only March 8, but the best hip-hop record of the year has already been released. The third official mixtape from the Clipse, "We Got It For Cheap: Volume 3", is, in the words of Tim Gunn, a stunning achievement. The meticulous flow and gritty rhymes are set to beats that resonate through the speakers. (These fuller-sounding tracks always seem to suit Malice and Pusha-T's rapping better than the sparse production of the Neptunes.) Anyway, if you like hip-hop at all, download this album immediately. The best part: It's free. Get it here.
(Standout tracks: 20k Money Making Brothers on the Corner, Dey Know Yayo, Re Up Gang Intro)

Hold Up, Hold Up, Hold Up... What's This About A Bingo?

Yesterday I wrote about how great the Patriot League quarterfinals were. What I didn't know at the time was that the Bucknell/Navy triple overtime game was won on a 40-foot prayer at the buzzer. Awful Announcing, as usual, has the clip:

These Patriots Don't Cheat... Or Have Illegitimate Children

The four Patriot League quarterfinals games were played tonight at the homes of the four higher-seeded schools. The final scores:

(#1) American - 62
(#8) Holy Cross - 60

(#7) Bucknell - 87
(#2) Navy - 86
(Triple Overtime)

(#3) Colgate - 76
(#6) Lafayette - 74

(#5) Army - 64
(#4) Lehigh - 61
(Overtime)

Four games, four overtimes, a total of eight points separating the winners and losers, zero TV coverage. Sure, ESPN shows all the conference finals (which are great), but I'd love to be able to see some of these early-round small conference games somewhere on the 300 channels for which I pay Comcast.
For my money, the true March Madness occurs during these conference tournaments when teams are laying it all out for the right to play in the NCAA Tournament. There's something pure about it, from the tiny home gyms to the rowdy fans to the off-the-radar stars. Don't get me wrong, the Big Dance is great, but watching teams fight it out to get there is equally wonderful, as evidenced by that slate of Patriot League games this evening. John Feinstein probably went numb from the euphoria.

Nobody Puts Digger In A Corner

Digger Phelps gets his swerve on with a (quite comely) member of the KU Crimson Girls during ESPN's stop in Lawrence this past Saturday. It's pretty funny.

My favorite part comes 30 seconds in when the cheerleader does the pantomime lasso corral to Digger, who scoots over obediently. Like Seth Rogan in Knocked Up, the girl seems to only have one dancing move - the double-high-fisted forearm shimmy. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Anything at all.

via Awful Announcing

Maryland Is Not An NCAA Tournament Team

After their stunning collapse at home tonight against Clemson, Maryland drops to 18-12 overall and 8-7 in the ACC. They've beat one team with an RPI better than 65 and have three losses to teams with an RPI of 99 or worse. (Each of those losses came at home, by the way). The Terps are just 1-6 against the RPI Top 50 and an abysmal 6-10 against the RPI Top 100. And a season-closing win at Virginia next Sunday will do little to improve Maryland's middling RPI (which should be in the mid-60s after tonight's loss). Even worse, the Terps are now all but assured that they'll have to play on the first day of the ACC Tournament, thus facing the prospects of facing either Virginia (again) or N.C. State in the horrible expansion-caused opening round. Neither of those games would do anything for Maryland's Tournament resume.
Besides the Carolina win, the best thing Maryland has on said resume is their likely 9-7 conference mark. But a 9-7 ACC record isn't what it used to be. Expansion - cruel, cruel expansion - has watered down many ACC schedules and the 07/08 Terps are a prime example of this. Of the top four conference teams in terms of RPI, Maryland played just one in a home-and-home series. (They lost both games to Duke.) The Terps played the other three - North Carolina, Miami and Clemson - just once. On the other hand, Maryland played a combined seven games against the bottom four RPI teams in the league, going 6-1 in those games (assuming a win at Virginia next week.) That I even have to look that up makes me hate ACC expansion even more than I already did, which is saying a lot. I miss the perfect symmetry of the old eight-and-eight schedule so much. I loathe John Swofford and Mark Warner. But I digress.
At this point, it looks like Maryland will need a win in the ACC Quarterfinals (likely against Clemson or Virginia Tech) to have a shot at an at-large berth. Or at least that's the way it should be. Maybe Joe Lunardi will tell us otherwise, but could the Selection Committee really justify giving a slot to a team whose second-best win came at Wake Forest? Frankly, I don't think the Terps deserve a bid unless they make it to the ACC Finals. Clemson is a fine team and all, but a victory over them is hardly the thing NCAA Tournament berths are built on. They're freaking Clemson, for crap's sake.
Tonight was a de facto Tournament game for Maryland and they choked, same as they did two weeks ago at home against Virginia Tech. Plain and simple, they aren't Tournament-worthy unless they make a run in Charlotte.

Update (5:09 p.m.) -- ESPN.com's Joe Lunardi has Maryland as the 61st team in the field. Apparently, Mr. Lunardi likes hitting the sauce.

Glitter, Glisten, Gloss, Floss?

Now that Randy Moss is (presumably) out on the open market, what are the odds that Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato don't make a call or two to his agent to gauge his interest in cashing the biggest paycheck possible playing in Washington? The "we're going to be smart and not give out big contracts" talk from the 'Skins front office is nice and easy to make when there's nobody exciting on the market, but can Dinny really resist the allure of getting the most dominant receiver in the NFL? Hell, they couldn't resist the allure of Brandon Lloyd! For the newly-reformed big spenders, having Moss out in the open is like putting a mountain of coke in front Lindsay Lohan four days into a rehab session. I'm not saying they're going to get him, or that I'd necessarily advocate such a move, but you have to admit; as a Redskins fan, it'd be kind of fun to see Randy wearing the maroon and black.

* Also, check out this fantastic picture on Mr. Irrelevant that shows 'Skins CB Carlos Rogers posing with a guy in a t-shirt that says "Snyder Sucks". Great stuff. Afterwards, Rogers asked to see the camera but the dude in the t-shirt relented, figuring Rogers would just drop it.